|
sincityprincess -> RE: Differentiating between fantasy & reality (1/3/2010 9:03:27 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
If you met one of those guys who ordered all women around it is possible you might think he was your ideal dominant but probably you would think he was just an asshole.
That is quite possible...but a man doesn't have to try to order me around in order for me to consider him an asshole.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Your problem is that you want to bypass the beginning stages of a relationship and get immediately to what happens after you know each other very well. And that's not possible.
I can see why you might think that--but that's not exactly what I am trying to do. What I am trying to do is to find out from people who are either dominants with some of these qualities, or other submissives who might also be interested in someone with these qualities, to find out what would be a good way to find such a person or if the general consensus would be whether or not he exists.
And do please tell the men who email & IM me that it isn't possible to bypass the early stages of a relationship when they expect me to plan my relocation to Duluth, MN after only a couple of times chatting.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The men who are holding back sadistically and you believe they are therefore wusses? It's quite possible they are capable of heavier play with someone once they know she can take a heavier level of play.
I don't think if a man holds back sadistically it makes him a wuss. If he tells me his "ideal" night of domination consists of drawing me a bubble bath and lightly tugging on my hair as he washes it and then "forces" me to submit to hours of being orally pleasured by him--well, let's just suffice it to say he is not the right man for me. And I don't "play" with people casually the way some people do--I am not into BDSM "play" outside of a sexual relationship and I don't have sex without at least some possibility of a long-term relationship developing out of it--so I really try to narrow things down before getting into something that isn't going to go anywhere.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
because they've all met people who say they are heavy bottoms
I never said I was a heavy bottom. Are you calling me fat??
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
More than that, by comparing every new date to people you knew well after a several year long relationship, none of them can possibly compare. And you telling them that this isn't how your old master used to do it is a major turnoff.
I am not necessarily comparing potential new mates to my old one per se, except from the standpoint of trying to learn from past experiences and making checklists of things that I did or did not enjoy about past relationships. And I have had more than one BDSM experience that I base what I am looking for. I have had 3 different relationships of various degrees of ownership, plus many friends in D/s & M/s relationships which each have different qualities that I have learned things from.
I would never compare a new master to an old one. First of all, I am no rocket scientist, but it is my strong opinion that few dominants (or very many non-dominants for that matter) would stick around long enough to try to prove me wrong if I were ever to tell them, "My last Master did it THIS way..." Second of all, I never said that I was unsatisfied with certain men because they were different from my ex...I am unsatisfied with them because they are just not what I am looking for.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Don't look for what you used to have. If that was what you needed, you would still be in that relationship and you aren't. Look for someone you like as a friend and have some chemistry with. And accept that this man may well not be into micromanagement, that instead he wants to delegate different things to you than your ex did. Or do you really want someone watching you clean and complain when you do the colored clothes before the whites? Or that you didn't chop the garlic fine enough for the stew?
I don't want what I used to have. In fact, most of what I want is different from what I used to have. It is an amalgam of traits from several people--some of whom I've been in involved with and some just people I've met at parties or munches. I agree with you that it is better to have some chemistry with someone before trying to have a relationship with them; but I strongly believe that I will have more chemistry with a man whose Dominant style is one which I enjoy being submissive towards.
As far as how strictly or strongly he wants to control me--it never occurred to me to care about that. I would naturally presume that he would do this however it pleased him to do so. The only comment I made about how he dominates me is that I do ultimately hope to be in a TPE relationship but that I don't consider a man telling me not to wear panties under my dress to be TPE. Believe it or not, there are men out there who think they are the first ones to think of this and that it is quite scandalous.
I actually have been in relationships where I was told exactly how to do the laundry, down to being watched over my shoulder to make sure that each shirt was hung military style and facing the same direction...I've also been with someone who really, really, enjoyed doing laundry and made me promise to let him do it all. I have to say both relationships have great memories for me and neither of them because of anything to do with the laundry.
|
|
|
|
