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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 5:25:12 PM

MistressDREAD

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quote:

Dance astho nobodys watchin

Imma Watchin~~~ giggles.....

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 5:43:19 PM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
So, i must say, someone did say something, it was just a little thing about a BBQ and family...and i think i felt it...it being the sense of polyamory. I think i just kinda got to feel it a bit..there was an insight there for me...so thanks..i cant remember who exactly it was...but anyways..for that moment I could forget the million and one reasons why i think Polyamary cant work in my mind..and yeah..i touched it a bit.

*g* Maybe it was just that metal grill brush I mentioned... but seriously, my pleasure. I am glad my words gave you a taste. I have flirted with poly for many years, but only recently have entered a committed poly relationship. For the most part my relationships have all been monogamous. Over the past year, I have struggled to change some of the residual monogamous thought patterns so that my relationship with my Lord and alandra can be healthy and strong. The biggest thing that I have come to realize is that I cannot measure my Lord's love and commitment to me based on how he interacts with others. I can only base it on how he interacts with me; his interactions with others does not threaten our relationship.

quote:

I havent had much luck with the female Dominant thing. No matter how much i respect a woman, I just cant feel them as dominant, cant experience them as dominant, Ive never in my life felt dominated by a woman. So im back to being perplexed and knowing that no amount of explaining to me is going to open that door of insight up, and no amount of justifications, or scenarios or whatevers..but god I'd love to feel it...not in myself..but Id love just one time to actually feel and experience being Dominated by a woman.....i want to know what it feels like..i want to know if it exists...damnit is this making any sense?

Do you mean in an intimate relationship or in a scene? For myself, I have no interest in being dominated by a woman in an intimate relationship. I have been dominated by women my entire life. My mother's family is full of women with dominant personalities. A dominant woman just makes me feel like a child again and I have no desire to feel like a child in my intimate relationship. In the context of a scene... it might be interesting to try one day.

quote:

2. Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?

Too many things to name. I'm a scientist at heart... I want to understand just about anything that crosses my path. It annoys some people, but as my tag line says "question the answers". For some things though, experience is the best teacher.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 7:38:14 PM

Sensualips

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quote:

I cannot measure my Lord's love and commitment to me based on how he interacts with others. I can only base it on how he interacts with me; his interactions with others does not threaten our relationship.

I think anyone considering and involved in poly relationships should repeat this over and over until it is internalized. I am still repeating. :)

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 7:53:28 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

quote:

I cannot measure my Lord's love and commitment to me based on how he interacts with others. I can only base it on how he interacts with me; his interactions with others does not threaten our relationship.

I think anyone considering and involved in poly relationships should repeat this over and over until it is internalized. I am still repeating. :)

i am smiling. Master has taught me the exact same thing, nearly word for word.

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 8:14:10 PM

Submotive

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Greetings jali,
i am one to jump into things straightaway as well. No watching from the seats for me. So, i jumped into a poly situation. It was with a Master and His alpha slave, which meant i was to submit to both, if He desired. What i learned from that is that i enjoy submitting to a woman but don't wish to be sexual with one. For me erotic and sexual are somewhat different. i found submitting to a Domme very erotic but not sexual, if that makes any sense to anyone but me.

my experience has been that women transmit a different type of Dominant energy than men and so for me it's really 2 different experiences. In regard to the poly situation, i also learned some incredible lessons. i don't like poly - i'm too selfish - i want Him or Her all to myself and don't want to have to share His/Her affections with someone else.

i don't know that it's always necessary to experience EVERYTHING to know whether it's for us or not. Attempting to experience something W/we can't relate to would be a waste of time for me. It's like forcing myself to experience something i really have no interest in - just because it exists.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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RE: Experimentation - 3/22/2006 3:13:20 AM

slavejali

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Sorry for taking so long to get back to this, have had a busy day..and I would just like to to thank everyone for their thoughtful replies, I've really enjoyed reading them.

quote:

Original Quote: Quivver
I could read or listen, and as it went I would be busy painting a mental picture of what the *it* that day happend to be,

Yes..and after that, I try to assess what it would really be like...i guess when it boils down to it, its the power of suggestion hey Sir.

quote:

Original Quote: IronBear
Thus lass were you and your Master to visit us for a BBQ or a meal and a pleasant evening, and we had our quota of slaves you would see the operating and how things work..

You know something I'd so love to experience seeing a Gorean Lifestyle in action, we might take you up on that one day *grin*

quote:

Original Quote: LuckyAlbatross
Intellectually I understand what they are, what they mean and that they DO work very well for some people.

Same here, sometimes I get in these moods though when the intellectual understanding just isn't enough....but as the Buddhists say "This too shall pass" grin

quote:

Original Quote: Sensualips
Jali, are you bisexual? Forgive the forwardness of that question, but I think it may relate. And if you do consider yourself bisexual, is it more of the bi-tolerant I-can-get-into-it-in-the-right-situation way or in the romantic-love type of way. Do you think you could sexual activity with a woman...or do think you could enjoy snuggling on the couch and holding hands with a woman? Or both or neither?

For many dominance seems to be tied in with sexual chemistry and sometimes romantic love feelings as well. If that is the case for you, and you are not "fully" bisexual, then it makes sense to me that you can not experience/understand female dominance.

Oh, dont worry about asking me anything, I'm pretty much an open book. I can say from experience I'm not bisexual. Ive been involved in threesomes and things and even though it was hot, it wasnt really the woman turning me on, it was the idea of performing for your partner or something. I was a little confused over this issue for awhile, after I left my first marriage, ....cuz he had introduced me to all of that and at the time I thought all men were big meanies so a personal protection thingy and the opportunity afforded itself, i did live with a woman for about 6 months, the sex lasted about 6 weeks, after that I just sat down one day and said "I really cant do this, its like im fucking myself." I probably didnt say fucking as I hardly actually ever cuss. That was my personal revelation of my hetrosexuality *grin* hehe..so I can see what your getting at there.

And what you said about because I dont really have a connection to women sexually and so that may be the reason I cant really see them in a dominant position....that is kinda making sense to me. I could live with that.

Thanks so much for your thoughts~!

quote:

Original Quote: SlipStreme
How it is they can possibly want to be that which they are, putting themselves second to the one they serve.............When I bottom, I still feel as if I am my Top's equal.

Just had a little thought on that to share with you. I have very intense feelings of submission and slavery towards Master, I dont think I have ever felt I was second to Him though, He always feels like my equal...I hate to use a cliche but I'm gonna *grin* ..if you know the yin yang symbol....its just very powerful opposites coming together, unified or something to make a whole, yet both are whole in themselves. (end of cliche).

..

I dont know how long posts can be, so Im gonna finish this one..and start a new one.

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RE: Experimentation - 3/22/2006 3:46:10 AM

slavejali

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quote:

Original Quote: Driver1969
"The hurt from this was somewhat more intense cos of three not two being involved yet the problems existed between two. "

"I can honestly say my last six months have been a huge learning curve and that all three of us have learnt very positively resultantly. "

There is a little saying I heard years ago, odd numbers are not good for families, so maybe if polyamory was to work, there would have to be an even number of people.

I'm sorry you and yours had to go through that experience but glad you are all seeing it as a growing experience which can be a hard thing when your hurting.

quote:

Original Quote: Lashra
I think if you were to meet the *right* Domme you would discover for yourself first hand what female dominance really is.

I would be so thrilled with that...yet if Sensualips philosophy is correct about the "no sexaul connection so never gonna be able to feel it" i doubt it will ever happen. (Can I pout on here? lol)

quote:

Original Quote: BitaTruble
My sexuality is a separate issue from my slavery.

I think my sexuality is really entwined in my slavery. Like I can do community service and love it, I can be helpful to people and love it...but it doesnt give me feelings of slavery...rather, I think im pretty dominant on those areas. Would like to talk further about that sometime.

quote:

Original Quote: kyraofMists
Maybe it was just that metal grill brush I mentioned...

Coulda been *grin* but seriously, thanks

quote:

The biggest thing that I have come to realize is that I cannot measure my Lord's love and commitment to me based on how he interacts with others. I can only base it on how he interacts with me; his interactions with others does not threaten our relationship.

That musta been one heck of a learning curve, I can only imagine.

quote:

Do you mean in an intimate relationship or in a scene?

If I was to ever experience it, it would have to be a scene (not interested in a relationship with anyone but Master)...and I dont know how successful that would be as I'm very good at standing back and not investing my real self in uncertain situations, so I dont know if my personality would ever let itself go enough to allow a casual person to come close enough to me. I dont really know, I'm just playing with thoughts, I suppose that situation could happen if Master had preprepared me, got me into a position of openess to the situation or whatever...(ponder ponder )

Ok posting this one so its not too long..thanks all~

< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/22/2006 3:48:54 AM >

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RE: Experimentation - 3/22/2006 3:58:20 AM

redangel

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If there is no hierarchy other then the top person it will be chaotic. If one is bi and the other isn't you will have issues also. Jealousy isn't something that many people can turn off. Being open minded doesn't mean you won't get jealous or the other person won't either. Know who you are and what you want before jumping into an arrangement like poly. If one of you will serve more then the other make sure you lay out as much of the relationship as possible. Brining a third into an existing relationship is fine once the primary relationship has weathered it's honeymoon period, usually 3 or more YEARS not months. Too many collars are given because people "get along" or "have fun" with each other. That in itself doesn't mean a poly relationship will work. Really think and discuss the relationship factors before going the poly route.
good luck,
angel-- been there, got the t-shirt

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RE: Experimentation - 3/22/2006 4:01:56 AM

slavejali

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quote:

Original Quote: Submotive
i don't know that it's always necessary to experience EVERYTHING to know whether it's for us or not. Attempting to experience something W/we can't relate to would be a waste of time for me. It's like forcing myself to experience something i really have no interest in - just because it exists.

So true...sexuality and domination and submission and the whole dynamics and every little bit of the process fascinates me though..so when people are experiencing something I havent ...I kinda just get this *niggle* inside me....questions arise....I kind tilt my head and think "hrmmm...whats that about?" ..if i focus on it long enough, it frustrates me just "not knowing, not understanding." Its nothing I'm going to live or die over though *grin*

< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/22/2006 4:06:09 AM >

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