An (almost) first time anal question

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

An (almost) first time anal question

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> An (almost) first time anal question

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

An (almost) first time anal question - 1/3/2010 8:34:44 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

Hi there, and thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to respond to this. I am in a new D/s flavored relationship with a wonderful man, and thus far, we are having an absolute blast. Our kinks are very similar, and we enjoy trying new things with each other that perhaps one of us loves but the other simply has never tried. Everything has been great.
However, one of the things that my sir has always adored is anal sex. Because I was anally raped years ago, and the experience was highly traumatic and painful, any sort of ass play has been a hard limit for me. As things have progressed, I have decided that this phobia is something I would like to overcome. My sir has been very understanding, and even slightly hesitant with me on the subject, as he does not want me to do something for him that may emotionally hurt me, but after much talking and realizing I want to do this for myself, he has agreed.
We will be starting slow, getting me used to even being touched there first, of course. And during, we will be using a LOT of lube. I'm not worried about that part.
I am curious to ask, especially from the female subs...if anal is something you engage in, what advice would you give to someone who has only a terrible experience with it? Do you enjoy it? How badly (if at all) did it hurt the first time? If there is any advice that can be given on ways to relax or make it less scary, I'd really appreciate it.

Post #: 1

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/3/2010 8:39:37 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Hi there, and thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to respond to this. I am in a new D/s flavored relationship with a wonderful man, and thus

this jumped off my screen and slapped me in the face, i fucking approve of your choice of the word

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 2

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/3/2010 8:50:36 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FetishRose
I am curious to ask, especially from the female subs...if anal is something you engage in, what advice would you give to someone who has only a terrible experience with it? Do you enjoy it? How badly (if at all) did it hurt the first time? If there is any advice that can be given on ways to relax or make it less scary, I'd really appreciate it.

Be patient and forgiving of yourself. You don't need to get all the way there on your first try. Maybe just one finger while you are riding him, maybe you need to stop when he is partway in. As long as you keep taking baby-steps forward, you'll get there eventually.

For me... I enjoy it and I don't at the same time. I enjoy knowing that he likes it and it can be physically pleasurable for me at the same time. I do him in the rear while using a toy on the front.

I won't lie though... it did hurt the first time. And it first hurts during the first push in. I just try to relax and tell him when I'm ready for him to push through. Once he's in, he caresses me, praises me until I'm ready to continue and then we have our fun.

Best of luck to you!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 3

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/3/2010 8:53:32 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Be patient and forgiving of yourself. You don't need to get all the way there on your first try. Maybe just one finger while you are riding him, maybe you need to stop when he is partway in. As long as you keep taking baby-steps forward, you'll get there eventually.

For me... I enjoy it and I don't at the same time. I enjoy knowing that he likes it and it can be physically pleasurable for me at the same time. I do him in the rear while using a toy on the front.

I won't lie though... it did hurt the first time. And it first hurts during the first push in. I just try to relax and tell him when I'm ready for him to push through. Once he's in, he caresses me, praises me until I'm ready to continue and then we have our fun.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, Aqua. He has assured me time and again that we will be moving SLOW and that I can stop it whenever I need to. I am profounding grateful for that, haha!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 4

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/3/2010 9:02:45 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Given the traumatic past regarding anal sex, and you are already moving at the proper snail's pace, I think you are doing everything you can. Personally, I enjoy it a lot and it doesn't cause me any discomfort.

What will typically relax you in a stressful situation? If you take your time and move very, very slowly, as in he doesn't go beyond touching you there until you start to feel comfortable with it, then the same with the next step and so on, when you finally get to penetration, you should already be more relaxed about it.

To be clear, this isn't a "phobia" for you. A phobia is an irrational fear without basis. I have a phobia about bees. I'm not allergic, have only been stung once in my life. No reason for the fear, but it is a fear and it is a crippling one. I have been known to trap one in a room and then go knocking on neighbor's doors to have them kill it and it MUST be flushed, can't throw it in the trash. Totally irrational, right? Your issues with anal sex are not irrational at all. You have a very good reason for not wanting to participate in the activity. It brings back painful and traumatic memories.

I hope that your man knows just how lucky he is that you are willing to overcome this for him, and you are lucky that he is patient about it as well. Again, I can't repeat the "go slow" mantra enough. It's obvious that you already trust this man enough to share this with him which is wonderful. By always going at YOUR pace, even though you already trust him, it will reinforce the fact that he isn't the one who hurt you in the past and that it's ok when two people want to do it together instead of some brute forcing it on you.

This could take months, don't rush it and don't get frustrated if you have to back up a step here and there. You might even need to "table" the issue for a little bit and then come back to it later. It's all ok. When you are ready, with time and his patience and love, you will get there. You might even find that you can really enjoy it. The only thing that will make it less "scary" is knowing that he is going to stop and back up whenever you say. Might seem weird, but once you are comfortable about that, it will be easier to move forward.

Good luck.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 5

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/3/2010 9:44:15 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FetishRose

However, one of the things that my sir has always adored is anal sex. Because I was anally raped years ago, and the experience was highly traumatic and painful, any sort of ass play has been a hard limit for me. As things have progressed, I have decided that this phobia is something I would like to overcome. My sir has been very understanding, and even slightly hesitant with me on the subject, as he does not want me to do something for him that may emotionally hurt me, but after much talking and realizing I want to do this for myself, he has agreed.

I am curious to ask, especially from the female subs...if anal is something you engage in, what advice would you give to someone who has only a terrible experience with it? Do you enjoy it? How badly (if at all) did it hurt the first time? If there is any advice that can be given on ways to relax or make it less scary, I'd really appreciate it.

I know the trauma you speak of Rose.
Because I was so eager to please and serve, I really wanted anal to be an expereince I enjoyed or at least, it wasn't traumatic like it had been.

I sort of made up my mind it was gonna be a good thing.

The first dom who used my ass, "took it" with double dipping and no lube and it was incredibly awesome. IN fact, it was easy for me to orgasm by it.

Sir now does the same but he is not as rough and still I need to lube when double dipped. I am still a bit out of breath when the cock head "breaks through" but have no pain.

I think it is like women who say labor is extremely painful and others who claim it is not.

Always communicate your fears and reactions...a protective dom needs that.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 6

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 12:37:32 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

i never had a terrible experience, but for me, it still took quite a while to enjoy anal, and i'm not entirely sure why.

i think a big thing is doing as you're saying, taking it slow and being happy *wherever* you wind up on a given night, even if that's just a finger or two. You don't have to go all the way every single time, or even at all. If you're feeling violated and in pain, it's very hard to stop the protective instinct against that sensation. The best thing is to stop while things still feel good, and while you're having a positive experience - which means you'll be ready to go even farther the next time.

Ultimately the best thing for me was to have a partner who was excited to work with me and did so without caring how far we got during a given session, which took off a lot of the pressure and allowed me to enjoy the experience that much more. And once you find what you can connect with that you enjoy, it becomes even more fun.

Good luck,
julie

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 7

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 12:42:34 AM

EbonyWood

Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i think a big thing

...doesn't make it any easier?

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 8

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 12:47:28 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i think a big thing

...doesn't make it any easier?

*cough*

*blinks*

Um, i have no response to that. Hee hee!

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 1/4/2010 12:48:29 AM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to EbonyWood)

Post #: 9

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 12:59:52 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: FetishRose
I am curious to ask, especially from the female subs...if anal is something you engage in, what advice would you give to someone who has only a terrible experience with it? Do you enjoy it? How badly (if at all) did it hurt the first time? If there is any advice that can be given on ways to relax or make it less scary, I'd really appreciate it.

Be patient and forgiving of yourself. You don't need to get all the way there on your first try. Maybe just one finger while you are riding him, maybe you need to stop when he is partway in. As long as you keep taking baby-steps forward, you'll get there eventually.

For me... I enjoy it and I don't at the same time. I enjoy knowing that he likes it and it can be physically pleasurable for me at the same time. I do him in the rear while using a toy on the front.

I won't lie though... it did hurt the first time. And it first hurts during the first push in. I just try to relax and tell him when I'm ready for him to push through. Once he's in, he caresses me, praises me until I'm ready to continue and then we have our fun.

Best of luck to you!

What she said.

Hell, on the first time, maybe not even penetration, just outside play, gentle massaging, still lots of lube and a good manicure for him first (no one likes sharp things in their exit).

Don't be afraid to say 'stop' either. Never, ever be afraid to say 'stop'. It is your body and you'll know when you're ready for penetration, or for how much depth/width, or how fast, or 'pull out', or 'just don't move for a minute'.

The trick truly is to relax, which, the first few times, is not as easy as it sounds. But, listen to your body and trust it. It'll tell you what you need to do. Slow and steady... Not just good for turtles and rabbits.

I'm guessing he has experience with this as well, and that's a very good thing. He'll know the difference between the good "oooch... oof..." and the bad "OW FUCK!"

It's good you've talked with eachother about this at length, it seems. So many seem afraid of discussing such a thing. I figure, if you're willing to have someone put something up your backside, discussing it is far less intimate than actually doing it.

Again though, don't go faster than your body and your brain tell you to. Listen to yourself and don't push yourself too far just to make him happy. One step at a time will make him overjoyed, believe me.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 10

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 1:01:16 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FetishRose

If there is any advice that can be given on ways to relax or make it less scary, I'd really appreciate it.

I have been where you are. And you can be proud of yourself for wanting to do this for you. Hopefully you know what you need for reassurance... do you need him murmering in your ear? Do you need him telling you how proud he is of you? Are there any words from the attack that he needs to avoid? Is there anything else that you can think of that should NOT happen (whether it's lighting, music, scent, whatever).

One thing that I would highly recommend is that you "take charge" of the action. What I mean by that is, you need to be the active one and he needs to be the passive one. Lay on your side facing away from him. Reach back and hold his penis by the base, and then wiggle backwards until he is just at your opening. Push back against him just a tiny bit, so he is snug to you. When you feel ready, still holding onto him, push back a tiny bit more. Keep doing this, taking your time. The important thing is that you push back, and that he does NOT push forward. He really, really needs to hold still.

Also, I would recommend you do this sooner rather than later. The longer you think about it, the longer your anxieties have time to increase.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 11

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 2:41:52 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FetishRose

If there is any advice that can be given on ways to relax or make it less scary, I'd really appreciate it.

I'll simply copy/paste a post made to another thread on the topic:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Honestly, the biggest problem (for those who aren't into the "hurts so good" thing) is usually the initial stages of anal because your bottom simply isn't ready. The solution to that, is to TRAIN your bottom... after doing so, you'll be able to focus on the enjoyment of your use, and not stress about the "pain" of it all.

To do this, simply choose a day or night (or both) training schedule. If by night, then simply lube up and insert one of the "Night" use butt-plugs below, then slip on your undies so it doesn't slip out while sleeping; obviously graduating to larger plugs over time. Notice the ones for "Night" use below are uniform in width all the way up the plug, so you can't really form a good grip on them like you can the one for "Day" use. The advantage to the "Night" use plugs is they are shaped more like a cock, which will help train your bottom for that INITIAL insertion. The one for "Day" use, however, will accustom your bottom to being filled, and thus, will help following insertion.

Additionally, too many will wear a butt plug (no matter the size) for just a short time. That is NOT training your bottom. Wear the "Day" ones ALL DAY... wear the "Night" ones ALL NIGHT... or mix things up. Then, after your bottom is accustomed to the LARGER plugs, then add a lubed dildo to the mix (i.e., fuck your own bottom) while masturbating; ideally with something like a Hitachi Magic Wand, or your favorite vibrator... whichever works best for producing an orgasm. Doing this will allow you to MENTALLY associate PLEASURE (not pain) with anal. Where the mind goes, the flesh will follow... and soon, you'll find you're orgasming from anal.

I'm sure some are thinking "NO WAY?!!" to all this... but all I can say (from experience) is... it not only WORKS, but it is sooooooooooooooooooo worth it!!!

Day Use
http://www.amazon.com/California-Exotics-COLT-Anal-Trainer/dp/B001TK3GHE/ref=pd_sbs_hpc_1

Night Use
http://www.amazon.com/Size-Matters-Products-Ease-In-Dilator/dp/B001VRHE78

Wet Platinum Lube
http://www.amazon.com/Wet-Platinum-Lubricant-16-4-Packaging/dp/B0006GT996/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1261858806&sr=1-3

*Note: For those who get constipated frequently, that in itself could be the cause of the pain. A warm enema (of mild soap and water, or just water... not mineral oil) prior to bedtime to clear things out will help SIGNIFICANTLY as well. Not a deep enema (so remain upright)... just used for flushing things out.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 1/4/2010 2:44:42 AM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 12

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 5:45:07 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Wear the "Day" ones ALL DAY... wear the "Night" ones ALL NIGHT

This needs a huge caveat. I don't care WHAT you used for lubricant, one application of lube then leave it for hours and hours isn't going to be good. The rectum's job is to absorb moisture, and that means you have to stop, remove the toy, and relube fairly often. Or it may stick to the walls of your tender insides.

I personally don't see any value at all in wearing a device around over time. You're not trying to condition that sphincter to hanging open 24/7, you want to condition your brain to not tense up when you do engage in play down there.

As BoiJen said a while back, with enough patience and lube you can back a semi into a mailbox. That's pretty true with anal sex. That sphincter, on itrs own, with no training, regularly relaxes enough to allow the exit of stuff. Keep that in mind - your rear regularly opens the doors wide enough to allow a cock.

It's best to try this a little after you have had a really good orgasm. I usually recommend getting a pile of pillows or a footstool to drape your body over. Let yourself go completely and totally limp, relax every fiber. Let the pillows or footstool support your body - no tension in your arms or legs supporting yourself.

Your partner now needs nice warm lube and patience. First, play with the area by massaging, stroking, etc. all outside, with no attempt to penetrate. Talk sexy stuff if that helps you relax and get into it. Your partner can see and feel how tensed up you are there, and can help remind you to relax, take a deep breath. When things are relaxed, then he can (with lots of warm lube!) start gently applying inward pressure a bit. You can use both hands to keep up the massage and just gentle inward pressure.

Once things are relaxed, then he can get in position, and tease the area with his cock head. If you tense up at this point, he continues the massage action and talking to you, reminding you to relax, and you consciously keep relaxing all of you. Then he can place the wel-lubed head right on the rose and apply gentle pressure, then release, not trying to penetrate, just coaxing. Usually this all on its own is enough that the gateway opens gradually allowing entry.

When things are open and relaxed enough, YOU tell him you're ready for more. When he goes all the way in, if you tense up, then both of you hold still and talk and work on relaxing. At this point, how shouldn't be moving, except for his hands stroking you and his voice talking sexy to you. When you have relaxed enough, then you control the movement. Once you get things in motion and it starts feeling good, you are good for whatever action you both wish.

Eventually you get to a point where you know confidently that the activity is fun and you quit tensing up and fighting it. But until that happens, a little "anal courtship" works wonders.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 13

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 6:24:09 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

I enjoy anal sex more than regular sex. Now unlike regular sex you do not have a this must hurt the first time thing, nor is there any guarantees that it will not hurt the second time or the third. The reason why anal sex might hurt his because it strains musculature, nomenclature you must train to relax. The anus is after all made as a one way street. Even now after been having anal sex for ten years it sometimes hurt doing it.

Now what you need for it not to hurt is allot of lube and patience. If the man just stab his penis into the anal with no preparation, unless the owner of that anal is damaged so the musculature is to loose, it will hurt. But if he takes the time to take it slow, get you to relax and go further only when you are ready, then it need not hurt at all.

Now my first time as a fumbling teenager with an equally fumbling teenager Dom it hurt so bad we could not complete the sex. But it was still a nice experience for it was my first time with the love of my life. My advice to you would be to take it slow, create a cozy romantic mood and just try to distance yourself from what happened to you and be there in the moment with your Sir, respect the boundaries of your body and mind and you will be fine. Good luck.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 14

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 6:52:09 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Wear the "Day" ones ALL DAY... wear the "Night" ones ALL NIGHT

This needs a huge caveat. I don't care WHAT you used for lubricant, one application of lube then leave it for hours and hours isn't going to be good. The rectum's job is to absorb moisture, and that means you have to stop, remove the toy, and relube fairly often. Or it may stick to the walls of your tender insides.

I personally don't see any value at all in wearing a device around over time. You're not trying to condition that sphincter to hanging open 24/7, you want to condition your brain to not tense up when you do engage in play down there.

As BoiJen said a while back, with enough patience and lube you can back a semi into a mailbox. That's pretty true with anal sex. That sphincter, on itrs own, with no training, regularly relaxes enough to allow the exit of stuff. Keep that in mind - your rear regularly opens the doors wide enough to allow a cock.

It's best to try this a little after you have had a really good orgasm. I usually recommend getting a pile of pillows or a footstool to drape your body over. Let yourself go completely and totally limp, relax every fiber. Let the pillows or footstool support your body - no tension in your arms or legs supporting yourself.

Your partner now needs nice warm lube and patience. First, play with the area by massaging, stroking, etc. all outside, with no attempt to penetrate. Talk sexy stuff if that helps you relax and get into it. Your partner can see and feel how tensed up you are there, and can help remind you to relax, take a deep breath. When things are relaxed, then he can (with lots of warm lube!) start gently applying inward pressure a bit. You can use both hands to keep up the massage and just gentle inward pressure.

Once things are relaxed, then he can get in position, and tease the area with his cock head. If you tense up at this point, he continues the massage action and talking to you, reminding you to relax, and you consciously keep relaxing all of you. Then he can place the wel-lubed head right on the rose and apply gentle pressure, then release, not trying to penetrate, just coaxing. Usually this all on its own is enough that the gateway opens gradually allowing entry.

When things are open and relaxed enough, YOU tell him you're ready for more. When he goes all the way in, if you tense up, then both of you hold still and talk and work on relaxing. At this point, how shouldn't be moving, except for his hands stroking you and his voice talking sexy to you. When you have relaxed enough, then you control the movement. Once you get things in motion and it starts feeling good, you are good for whatever action you both wish.

Eventually you get to a point where you know confidently that the activity is fun and you quit tensing up and fighting it. But until that happens, a little "anal courtship" works wonders.

Damn, did it suddenly get HOT in here?

I'm going to print this & read it everyday!

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 15

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 7:12:53 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Interjection ~

I did a quick 'Evelyn Wood' pass through the thread and didn't see this suggested - my apologies if it was.

A passive/aggressive way to experience anal is to have the man seated in an armless chair and have the woman sit down on his cock at her own pace/speed. You can find examples of the position by looking up either the 'cowboy' or 'reverse cowboy' experience. The self inflicted submission to the sensation may add to the experience, and could help in getting over the prior trauma.

Although beth points out that the act of squatting is more likely to generate muscle tension and be counter to the prior concepts of good advice to be 'relaxed'.

Have FUN!

(in reply to VirginPotty)

Post #: 16

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 8:13:03 AM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

A few other suggestions as this is a bridge I just crossed. I had nothing as traumatic as your experience, and I am sorry to hear that you were assaulted, that is terrible. In a much smaller way, my anal experience before Master was drunken "assholes" "OOPSing" yeah right. Certainly was not pleasant at all and gave me some significant fear on the subject.

Like others said, Master had no set agenda and still doesn't. Sometimes, my body just doesn't want to relax in the way it needs to to make it comfortable for us both. I will tell you though, rubbing my clit during any part of anal play completely changes the sensation, in a very positive way. usually we play like this with me on all fours, and Him behind me, so that makes it easier to do this. Also a looong warm up time, often of us in spooning position, with my ass pressed against Him, and I can rub on Him as I like. Finally, for all the toys and His cock, lots of lube and a condom over whatever it is going in. Even His fingers, as any rough nail or anything can be uncomfortable, and for the toys, it makes cleaning up everything a lot easier, something I am squeamish about...

Best wishes!

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 10:02:25 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Merc,

The "cowboy" position for anal sex can be unbelievably awesome, mainly because once penetration is complete, it is very easy to get the right friction on the clitoris making it doubly pleasurable. As beth mentioned though the muscle tension could be a huge problem, especially for someone who needs to have a lot of control over the penetration part. Attempting to maintain that "hover" to keep the penis from going in too far can become difficult. That position is one of my very favorites, not so much for the man (apparently I get a little too excited and things end too quickly, oops), but I don't think it is good for someone who is trying to overcome some serious issues. Once they overcome them though, I would definately say everyone needs to try that one!

Drifa,

I've noticed you say often that anal is good to try "after" an orgasm, as well as others saying it. I have to tell you that once I orgasm, it would be impossible to get anything in there. Everything shuts down. So I guess the timing can be different for everyone. I mention this because if the OP is like me and tries to orgasm first, things will go downhill from that point, and I wouldn't want her to think that it just wasn't going to work. Perhaps once they get to the point where some penetration is possible, whether fingers or small toys, they should experiment to see which method works better for them, pre or post orgasm.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 18

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 10:19:38 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Wear the "Day" ones ALL DAY... wear the "Night" ones ALL NIGHT

This needs a huge caveat. I don't care WHAT you used for lubricant, one application of lube then leave it for hours and hours isn't going to be good. The rectum's job is to absorb moisture, and that means you have to stop, remove the toy, and relube fairly often. Or it may stick to the walls of your tender insides.

Certainly I can appreciate your view, but with the lube suggested in my pioir post, and given it's a "plug" (i.e., not a dildo creating friction), all day (and to be blunt, several day) wearing has NEVER been an issue; not ever. Your mileage may vary.

quote:

I personally don't see any value at all in wearing a device around over time. You're not trying to condition that sphincter to hanging open 24/7, you want to condition your brain to not tense up when you do engage in play down there.

I disagree. It's both, really. Not only conditioning the sphincter/colon, but the brain... hence the use of toys (i.e., where YOU, not someone else, are in control) at first, then in the later stages where the person is adding a dildo (anally) to the mix and masturbating to orgasm, which associates pleasure with anal for the mental/emotional component; the "brain" portion you'd mentioned above.

quote:

That sphincter, on itrs own, with no training, regularly relaxes enough to allow the exit of stuff. Keep that in mind - your rear regularly opens the doors wide enough to allow a cock.

True... but exiting (natural) and entering (unnatural) are two different things... ones that I've found (as have others) require both a mental/emotional and physical component; all of which were addressed in my prior post by using a plug, dildo, vibrator, etc.

quote:

Your partner now needs nice warm lube and patience. First, play with the area by massaging, stroking, etc. all outside, with no attempt to penetrate. Talk sexy stuff if that helps you relax and get into it. Your partner can see and feel how tensed up you are there, and can help remind you to relax, take a deep breath. When things are relaxed, then he can (with lots of warm lube!) start gently applying inward pressure a bit. You can use both hands to keep up the massage and just gentle inward pressure.

This is another area where we differ... i.e., introducing a "partner" to the mix so early. We've found this is best left to the LAST stage/step... after the plug stage, and after being able to achieve orgasm while using a dildo anally. Again, in the initial stages, YOU (not a partner) are in control... that in itself removes much of the fear and anxiety. Additionally, for some, while getting past the sphincter is just ONE hurdle... it's the forward/back motion that brings another set of hurdles. So once more, this is the reason I've posted it's best to be able to do this ON YOUR OWN (with a dildo) before introducing a "partner" to the mix. I'm certainly NOT stating the method you decribed doesn't work... we've simply found that method frequently requires a "warm up" prior to "use", where the method I've described tends not to, and allows for the immediate use (with lube, of course) of the sub/slave's bottom; which is FAR more pleasurable/desirable for those on the Toppy side of the slash.

NOTE: To the OP... one very important TIP I forgot to mention. When inserting something into the bottom... REMEMBER TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND BREATHE OUT SLOWLY!!! You'll notice when breathing out, the sphincter (for whatever reason) naturally RELAXES. This breathing method significantly helps in the initial "insertion" stage.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 1/4/2010 10:22:26 AM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 19

RE: An (almost) first time anal question - 1/4/2010 10:24:47 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I did have a bad experience with anal before, it was nothing like yours just a bad expereince. Master likes it so i decided to try it again. I told him of my experience and he went slow massaging, small but plugs, anal beads thing like that. Yes it did hurt the first time but once he was past the muscle iy did not hurt anymore. For me the intial insertation always is a little painful, but is worth it.

A position we found works well is the spoon position with my knees to my chest, it seems less painful that way. We use LOTS of lube and he just puts it in a little then when i am ready i push back againest him, so he lets me set the pace until he is in then he takes over. It is something i never though i would enjoy iwas doing it mostly for his pleasure now i enjoy it.

Just go slow and you might find that you like it.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> An (almost) first time anal question

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094