RE: An (almost) first time anal question

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antipode -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/4/2010 12:14:24 PM)
quote: any sort of ass play has been a hard limit for me. Rape is violent, traumatic and painful, that has nothing to do with being assraped, or raped in any other way. You need to mentally divorce the two. Rape is violence, nothing to do with sex. I had a girlfriend, back in New York, who was abducted, assaulted and assraped (amongst others) during our relationship (they "did" two girls that night - the other was a virgin, she eventually committed suicide). I supported her as much as a man can, after her ordeal, saw to it she got therapy, and she eventually, one day, asked me to take her anally, she wanted to try. And we did, and everything was fine. As I said, you were raped, that is violence. Nothing to do with your partner, divorce the two, concentrate on that - dealing with the rape is your responsibility, and it actually, if I want to be ruthless, should not in any way impact him.

drtygrl -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/4/2010 1:06:44 PM)
I completely understand where you're coming from and some great information has been posted. I would recommend starting off alone and working up to the point where you can masturbate comfortably. Butt plugs are a great toy to use, and having at least one orgasm before you being inserting anything also helps. Once you are comfortable with it by yourself and it is not terrifying or painful you should move on to the gradual inclusion of your partner. Hopefully you can work up to the point where you enjoy anal sex (it does have some great orgasms) but it takes work and won't happen over night

NyDaddysGirl -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/4/2010 4:41:32 PM)
I'm sorry. I had the same first experience as you. Some things that have helped me are relaxing completely, lots of forplay, lube and being in control of the penetration along with being super turned on. It seems the more turned on I am, the more receptive I am. One position that works well for me is to back myself up to him, but as stated above, he has to remain perfectly still until I'm at a place I can let go and have him take over. There are times I still can't relax enough to be able to tolerate it but most of the time that's not a problem and I actually enjoy it at times. There are many good suggestions posted and I hope you find something that works well for you.

FetishRose -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/4/2010 4:55:38 PM)
Thank you all for the lovely advice and the encouragement [:D] I really do appreciate it. We started with just some touching in the area, and I was able to (eventually) relax enough that I didn't feel I was about to explode....so hopefully, with time and a LOT of patience, we will make this happen!

Healed -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/4/2010 9:30:56 PM)
Being emotionally relaxed is obviously very important, but unless I missed it no one has really gotten to the dirty details of physical relaxation. I'm a fan of anal sex and it absolutely doesn't have to be painful, not even on your first try. The key to relaxing your anus is to bear down like you're having a bowel movement (icky but I found this little tidbit infinitely helpful in my explorations.) Try using just a finger (your own) and take note of the tenseness and slackening as you flex those muscles. The default position of the sphincter is closed, which means that even a finger can be ouchy if you don't figure out how to relax it.

ranja -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/5/2010 1:24:12 PM)
i think that advice about wearing plugs all day and all night is unrealistic, but if you are going to take it... i would suggest buying plugs with vents in for the gas... you can get awful cramp with a fart lodged and a plug up your butt... also re-apply lube regularly or you might find the thing stuck and really painful to remove... It took us years before we were proper ready for anal penetration... at first everytime he stimulated me there with only a finger no matter how much i liked it, after a while i would feel that i would have to go for a poo... or it would start burning... or the feeling would simply be too much. It was not until i took ownership of the whole bumsex chapter and became assertive as to how i wanted to go about this that we made proper headway with it... i have a range of dildos the smallest not bigger than a finger and the largest a soft dong the size of His cock and i asked Him if He would please pleasure my bum in such a way that He could see my pushing back and wanting more... i was on all fours over the bean bag. He started with an erotic spanking until my butt started shuddering... the whole 'breaking in' took maybe 45 minutes all together... He never took His clothes off. He was sat on a little stool so He had a good view and excellent reach. He used plenty of lube and He was extremely careful and confident. Only when i was enjoying the biggest of the dildos did i ask Him to please touch my pussy too and i had an earth shattering orgasm riding this big dildo with my ass. relaxing is of course the trick and if you absolutely know that he will do exactly and immediately what you tell him to at first: ... stop is stop... and out slowly is out slowly... then deeper slowly... then deeper and faster is what you eventually might end up enjoying a whole lot, i sure did in my opinion, it is easiest to start with, if the receiver of anal sex is totally incharge of the situation so the giver knows exactly what to do to and how fast to go. i also think at first it is easiest with dildos because a man can be way more in control of them than themselves and they don't falter either. once you have properly been initiated he might take total control of the activity. i want to add that my Husband prefers to use a condom for anal sex because it is not a clean hole (even after an enema) and a man can get nasty infections by penetrating the butt. Also never have anal- and then vaginal sex without either taking the condom off or washing first... otherwise you might get awful yeast infections.

Ladynslave -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/6/2010 12:58:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick One thing that I would highly recommend is that you "take charge" of the action. What I mean by that is, you need to be the active one and he needs to be the passive one. Lay on your side facing away from him. Reach back and hold his penis by the base, and then wiggle backwards until he is just at your opening. Push back against him just a tiny bit, so he is snug to you. When you feel ready, still holding onto him, push back a tiny bit more. Keep doing this, taking your time. The important thing is that you push back, and that he does NOT push forward. He really, really needs to hold still. Great advice for actual anal sex and I know the OP asked for advice from other slaves, but as a woman, I have issues with this as well so I thought I would throw in my two cents. As you have issues with even being touched in the general region, I would start with some touching of yourself and holding or guiding his hand when he touches you at first, while masturbating is when I found it easiest to relax. Once you can handle that, move on to his (or yours if you can reach, I can't but I'm not as flexible as I used to be) fingers during vaginal penetration. Things fit a whole lot different then. Then, start either adding fingers or buying progressively larger toys until you find you are able to take the same circumference or larger than his penis. And no, I don't mean for this all to happen in one day, I am expressing it in terms of months. I cannot say this loud enough so pardon the shout, DO NOT USE DESENSITIZING LUBES. You have pain receptors there for a reason, there is the chance of tearing if you don't work from small to large. Also, I find that if you push as he tries to enter, it's easier to keep from tensing up. Sounds gross I know, but works as the muscles have to move in different directions to tense versus trying to expel. I have pain on the initial entry. If it's mild, I can make him stop (even in bf/gf role) where he is until I am ready for him to keep going (perfect with the above quote so you can control the stop and go.) If it's severe, I find that if he withdraws and waits until I am ready, I can try again with much less pain. Basically, for you to overcome this, you are going to have to control the whole thing until you are comfortable enough to give back the control of this particular act to him. And bless the man that is willing to work this much to get there. Best of luck to you. If done well, it can be a very enjoyable experience.

kushiels -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/6/2010 1:34:41 PM)
As we're lesbians, I've never taken an actual dick up my bum, but we do like assplay. We started with small plugs, and a very thin anal vibraty toy (about as thick as a slender finger). I felt squeamish about my partners finger in there--more so than I would have felt about a penis I think--hard to explain why. And for me, it always makes me feel like I'm about to poo--friends have told me I just have to get used to that feeling, lol. So far it hasn't ever hurt--we use lube and frequently a condom over anything that goes in the anus, b/c of how easy it is to clean up that way. I really enjoy it, and I really applaud you for being willing to work your way into it--says so much about how much you trust your guy! I echo the others in encouraging you to keep it very slow, and, in this area, to allow yourself to take charge, so that you can be more relaxed, etc. Good luck to you!

lucylucy -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/7/2010 12:20:07 PM)
I absolutely LOVE anal sex. My best orgasms come from anal sex. If I had to choose between vaginal and anal, I would choose anal every time. In other words, yes, I enjoy it immensely! Yes, it hurt the first time and the initial entry always hurts. Lube helps. The other thing that helps a lot for me is clitoral stimulation while he's entering me. If he's playing with my clit, or I am, or if we're using a vibrator, the initial entry is super intense but not painful. (I never did any kind of preparation with butt plugs or anything like that, but I suppose that could help you get used to the feeling of entry). Good luck. It sounds like you have a supportive and understanding partner, so chances are you will have a mindblowingly good experience.

Aswad -> RE: An (almost) first time anal question (1/7/2010 10:04:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FetishRose Thanks, Aqua. He has assured me time and again that we will be moving SLOW and that I can stop it whenever I need to. I am profounding grateful for that, haha! If possible, it is better to set small goals that you are sure you can reach. Keep the option of saying 'stop', but try to make plans so that you don't need it. With aversions and phobias, one step back weighs more heavily than two steps forward. Having to stop, or having an unwelcome experience, can make it harder. Therefore, try to plan so that you are sure to succeed. Touching, single finger, whatever you think you can handle without difficulties. Stick with it until you are comfortable before planning another step. In this way, you don't go too far in one go, and you don't end up feeling like you have backed out of it, either. Work it up slowly. And last, but not least, know that you will overcome the bad experience you had in the past. Health, al-Aswad.

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