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to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 3:23:00 AM   
boundgirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline 		tell me sisters please.....can it be that a subbie can love her One......but still long to serve another Dominant. i find myself in such a dilemma...emotional ties bind me to my Master, but i have the desire to serve another........as well. tell me has this happened to you....help me please...
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 4:24:28 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		It is very possible!

A wise man (my father) once told me 'You will love many in your life.' back when I was a judgemental teenager and everything was black and white.

The older I get, the more shades of grey I seem to see.  Perhaps experience sharpens your senses?

There can be so many reasons why you feel drawn to serve this other person.  It could be that he is just a good 'fit' for who you are.  Possibly you are seeking something your Master either can't or won't give.  Or perhaps you are avoiding some issues in your relationship by focusing on another. (or any combination of the above)

Even though it's very possible to have feelings and desires for another, be careful.  You are exploring dangerous territory with possibilities both exciting and troubling.  Be very sure of what you want before you make any irreversable choices.

Good luck!

~Christina

(in reply to boundgirl)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 5:24:51 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Your dilema is nothing new, it happens every day in both the lifestyle and in the Vanilla world. It's called human nature. The challenge in front of you, however, is great. First off, you must do some real soul searching and weigh the pros and cons, should you persue the "other."  Can he truly make you happy? Are you happy now? Is this just a passing fancy? Are you willing to lose the person you are with with the potential of never being with the one you are now wanting to be with? Many, many, questions that only you can answer and I dare say that you must be willing to openly communicate with both parties, which may cause emotional harm as well to one of you?  Tough call Hon, with no easy answers, but still, a very common problem.

Good luck, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 5:56:44 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		very nicely stated Kev, and very good advice---its the "candy store" mentality---hmm I'm happy with the carmel jelly belly's but damn the red hots just look "hot and yummy"---its human nature BUT it needs deeper examination--IMHO, the candy isn't always dandier--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 6:09:10 AM   
jennalynn


Posts: 67
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: boundgirl

tell me sisters please.....can it be that a subbie can love her One......but still long to serve another Dominant. i find myself in such a dilemma...emotional ties bind me to my Master, but i have the desire to serve another........as well. tell me has this happened to you....help me please...


It is more common than you may think.  Though it never happened to me it happened to a very good friend of mine.

she decided in the end it was best to stay with the One she loved.

Just don't act in a hurried manner, really think about every angle before making a mistake you may wish you had never done. 

Like another poster said......... the candy is not always sweeter!

Good luck!!
jenna

(in reply to boundgirl)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 6:12:16 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My first question is:  Have you told both of them your full feelings and experiences that you are having right now?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to boundgirl)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 6:19:26 AM   
Heinz


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline 		My advice:::::::::::
Talk about it.

_____________________________

Heinz, from Holland (Europe)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 10:03:14 AM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		It is very possible to have feelings for more than One - to want to serve more than one. How that gets resolved will depend on you, and the Others involved. I concur with what has been said here. Be open and honest in how you feel. Be open to what your One feels. Perhaps you are poly and perhaps you are not. Perhaps, in your case, it is possible to serve both, one on a more limited basis and with the permission of your One, and perhaps it will not be possible.
 
Lots of people go through this. As we evolve in the lifestyle, clarify what we want and need, we get glimpses into deeper parts of our desires, our core being. Tends to be why communication is so very important. Good Luck!  Tessa

(in reply to Heinz)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 12:31:32 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: boundgirl

tell me sisters please.....can it be that a subbie can love her One......but still long to serve another Dominant. i find myself in such a dilemma...emotional ties bind me to my Master, but i have the desire to serve another........as well. tell me has this happened to you....help me please...


i think Erich Fromm stated it very nicely in his book "The Art of Loving" - in that love is not an emotion - it is a decision. Emotions are changeable and fickle, decisions are based on choice and wisdom, hopefully.

Whenever a choice is made it is to the elimination of other choices. At least that's how it works for me. The world is full of all possibilities and options, but apparently W/we, as humans, are only afforded the opportunities to participate in so many of them at a time. Before accepting my Master's collar, i allowed myself much time to consider my options.

Once i accepted His collar, the decision was made, the agreements were sealed and, although, yes there are many other options still available and, upon investigation could be very enticing, the fact is i chose the One i'm with. Now it is a question of my own integrity. Did i agree to monogamy or not? If yes, then i belong to Him, body, mind and soul, and Him only.

May i ask you, boundgirl, how do you define love?

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to boundgirl)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 3:46:07 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hi for me it is not possible to even think of having any desire to serve another.  It is possible i guess.  You best course of action is to talk to the Master you are emotionled tied too and tell him of this feeling.  That i think is the best course of action.

Good luck

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 5:31:55 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..I agree with all who have posted back to you on here.There are many variables to consider..What is your relationship with your Master,is there something missing that you feel needs to be filled?Is your relationship monogomous with that agreement in force?Is this just a case of the grass is greener?How will this affect your relationship with your Master? Has there been communication with this other Dom without your Masters knowledge?Would your Master be open to poly?...Yep so many questions...So little answers..Questions you need to answer to yourself and then make a decision and live with the consequences whatever they may be...be well...Tempting

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 5:46:47 PM   
kiale


Posts: 23
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		You may want to read a good book on relatoinships...The Essential Slut (don't be put off by the topic) it actually just highlights how to love as many people as you want, be that none, one or many more than one, and to have the relationships you would like with them--be that just friends, friends with perks...submissive/Master, partners...

Kiale

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 5:54:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiale

You may want to read a good book on relatoinships...The Essential Slut (don't be put off by the topic) it actually just highlights how to love as many people as you want, be that none, one or many more than one, and to have the relationships you would like with them--be that just friends, friends with perks...submissive/Master, partners...

Kiale

Do you mean The Ethical Slut? Or is there another book out there?


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kiale)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 5:56:57 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		If you're in the dilemma, I'd say that's proof that it can happen.

Good luck.  It can't be an easy situation, but as long as you are honest--with yourself and the two other people involved--you will come out OK.

quote:

ORIGINAL: boundgirl

tell me sisters please.....can it be that a subbie can love her One......but still long to serve another Dominant. i find myself in such a dilemma...emotional ties bind me to my Master, but i have the desire to serve another........as well.

(in reply to boundgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/21/2006 9:12:31 PM   
boundgirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline 		oh my, so many wonderful answers to my question, thankYou all so much....and all of them useful, The other i wish to serve
knows of my Master..........my Master however knows nothing of the other.......i have thought about telling Him of my feelings for the other but i am scared at what may happen. i know what is lacking in my D/s relationship now....i have so much love to give and it is not being returned and so i am feeling ...alone.....Master knows how i feel and after three yrs together i seem to always leave Him feeling sad. the other however is a firm and strict Dominant but an affectionate man, and a caring man as well and not afraid to say how he feels...and i like that.....if i could have both.......then perfect.

but i dont think i can do it ...its so hard ,so very hard and i am in despair. i know what i am to my Master.we do not live together and He keeps me at a distance(all very business like).....why is that i cannot ask for my release ....? why cant i tell Him of my feelings for another?....i know ..there is no easy answers i was just hopeing for one........

thankYou all so much.......boundgirl

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/22/2006 12:11:15 AM   
kiale


Posts: 23
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		Brain fart, thank you for the catch, Ethical Slut it is.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/22/2006 4:58:43 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you can't be honest with your master about something this important then it means there's serious issues in that relationship.

It also means you likely aren't ready to get into any other relationships.

I think you're not at all seriously thinking about the repercussions of your actions- you're just swept up in getting so much attention.

Until you can be honest with your master, you're essentially cheating on him.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 3/22/2006 4:59:27 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to boundgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/22/2006 8:35:25 AM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: boundgirl

oh my, so many wonderful answers to my question, thankYou all so much....and all of them useful, The other i wish to serve
knows of my Master..........my Master however knows nothing of the other.......i have thought about telling Him of my feelings for the other but i am scared at what may happen. i know what is lacking in my D/s relationship now....i have so much love to give and it is not being returned and so i am feeling ...alone.....Master knows how i feel and after three yrs together i seem to always leave Him feeling sad. the other however is a firm and strict Dominant but an affectionate man, and a caring man as well and not afraid to say how he feels...and i like that.....if i could have both.......then perfect.

but i dont think i can do it ...its so hard ,so very hard and i am in despair. i know what i am to my Master.we do not live together and He keeps me at a distance(all very business like).....why is that i cannot ask for my release ....? why cant i tell Him of my feelings for another?....i know ..there is no easy answers i was just hopeing for one........

thankYou all so much.......boundgirl


BDSM is based on honest, open communication. If you can not trust your partner, be it a Dom or a sub, your relationship is doomed.
 
I tend to think of relationships like a house. When you build a house, everything is shiney and new. But weather happens. And wear and tear happens. And the paint starts to chip. And finger prints get on the walls. And the appliances need to be repaired and things need to be cleaned and dusted. If you stick your head in the sand and fail to see where the maintance needs to be done, the house falls into disrepair. If you continue to ignore it, the house, which was once beautiful is now inhabitable. Often times, we do this in our relationships. Things need to be talked about and we don't. Things need to be addressed and aren't. The more you hide, the more your Master will start to sense a wall building. And eventually, if it continues, the relationship will break down.
 
It is easy to believe that by being honest, bad things will happen. It is equally possible that by talking about what needs aren't being met, you will be giving your Master an opportunity to grow into relationship with you and step into a deeper relationship. Or you may find he would be OK with you having another to serve or you may find that you aren't as compatable as you thought you were. Even if you find you aren't compatable, all you are doing is finding something out that will become painfully obvious as time goes on.
 
It isn't an easy situation, so I wish you luck, and if you ever want to chat, I'm around *hugs*
 
~Tessa~

(in reply to boundgirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/22/2006 9:00:06 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: boundgirl

The other i wish to serve knows of my Master..........my Master however knows nothing of the other.......why is that i cannot ask for my release ....? why cant i tell Him of my feelings for another?....i know ..there is no easy answers i was just hopeing for one........

thankYou all so much.......boundgirl


this slave tried real hard to "walk a mile in your mocasins" before responding to this and as hard as that was and after giving THAT her best shot, this is the best advice she can come up with for you:
 
the easy answer to your questions as to why you can't bring yourself to act right is that you are dishonest, scared and selfish.  You have already "cheated" on your Master in your heart and mind and on your relationship with Him by involving another(even if it is only for negotiation) without your Master's knowledge or consent.
 
it seems that what YOU want is the most important thing to you---fine and dandy, but if you aren't being honest with your Master about it and prepared to accept the reality of what that might entail(your release), then not only are you dishonest, scared and selfish, but immature.
 
this slave would encourage you to speak with your Master HONESTLY and respectfully, (adult to adult), beg for release, spend some time getting your emotional shit together and don't get yourself involved in any serious commitments until you are good and ready for the responsibility that relationship commitments entail.
 
Who knows, maybe your Master is into poly and would encourage your relationship with another Master?  Somehow, this slave doubts it...
 
Good Luck!!!

(in reply to boundgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: to love One......but adore another...? - 3/22/2006 4:40:10 PM   
boundgirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline 		beth hello , thankyou for your message, im sure it is so very easy to be critical of others if you are in a good D/s relationship..........tell me...does Your Master tell you He loves You...........does He show you affection and caring.........does He tell you that You are wonderful and His one and only?..if He does.....your a lucky girl....i have tried for three yrs to have those things and words in my D/s life.......communication..yes of course i have spoken to Master about it..all of it........but....to deaf ears it seems......and while i do love Him.........its tearing me up inside and i must do something about it....hence......the new D.
 
to hurt His feelings is something that i do not want to do.........so being selfish...or greedy..........i dont think so......just trying to make the best of a bad situation...i do hope this never happens to You beth.......but if it does......i will be here to listen..............but not JUDGE you
boundgirl

_____________________________

boundgirl

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
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