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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 5:43:53 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: redangel
. If you aren't sure where a local group might be, you can type bdsm groups + (your area) into any search engine and read what's offered.
Good luck,
angel

One good source for that information is also www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 7:31:50 AM

Real0ne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shygirldesires

hi cheesehead! :)

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 9:30:18 AM

incognitoinmass

Posts: 428
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: Massachusetts
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quote:

I am a blank slate. I am what you want me to be. I am without desire. I am completed only by your desire. I am nothing without the welts and bruises you give me. I am without self esteem and will let you humiliate me in front of friends and strangers. I am without self respect and will let you treat me like a toilet. I am without sexual orientation and will service whomever you wish. I am without ego and fear and will let your sadism prey upon me. I am without shame and will do your housework. I am without dignity and you may dress me up like a girl.

I am none of these things.

i read your forum question and then this in your profile...... read Clauida Varrin's book Erotic Surrender. Then decide what part of BDSM you want the D/s the BSM...i am a cumslutcockwhore and to find a Dom who dioes want to beat the shit out of me thinking i will cum with that and never use me as i desire to please them...its TOUGH.

female dommes are either arrogant, sadists or into extrme humiliation...cuase they hate men .... i know...looking for a domme is as hard to find as a dom who allows me my Master's will in who i am...a cumslut

just my opinion...as i still seek out a domme or another subgirl who is "real" not just wanting to show her body off...cause that is how she gets off.

shycumslutDB

I cannot attest to your feelings on the matter but let me expand on the reasons behind the journal entry you copied.

My own domme/sub experience is extremely limited. It consists entirely of what I have now learned to characterize as 'topping from the bottom' bedroom encounters. My partner was a good sport and played along but was not as enthusiastic as I might have wanted. I came to collarme.com hoping to meet some one who would not need my prompting to play the domme role in the bedroom or dungeon.

However, having now spent some time corresponding with dommes and reviewing hundreds of profiles as well as visiting the message boards I find that I just do not understand how anyone, let alone me, could desire to do some of things dommes seemed to be demanding from prospective male subs. I'm a live and let live guy, but I was getting frustrated that, while I wanted to experience bdsm from the sub's perspective in 'scenes', I am not otherwise the submissive sort.  So where does that leave me? If you read through my entire journal I think you can get some sense of my frustrations.

The more I learn the more I appreciate the appeal of the domme/sub dynamic. I confess that I did not entirely understand my desires when I first decided to pursue them. I have had some very nice dialogues with dommes who have gently tried to nudge me towards the realization that I may be a domme who just enjoys topping from the bottom occasionally. Maybe so. Perhaps I'm a plain vanilla guy who has a 'kink' or a 'fetish.' as some others have suggested.

That is also the reason I asked for some direction in this BDSM for Dummies thread.

Thanks to everyone who has pointed me towards websites, message boards, and books.

[edited to include quote]

< Message edited by incognitoinmass -- 3/22/2006 9:33:16 AM >

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 9:43:46 AM

proudsub

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

I'm a live and let live guy, but I was getting frustrated that, while I wanted to experience bdsm from the sub's perspective in 'scenes', I am not otherwise the submissive sort. So where does that leave me?

Seems to me that leaves you seeking a pro Domme for sceneing or someone who is only looking for a "bottom". JMHO

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 12:44:09 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
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quote:

ORIGINAL: incognitoinmass
However, having now spent some time corresponding with dommes and reviewing hundreds of profiles as well as visiting the message boards I find that I just do not understand how anyone, let alone me, could desire to do some of things dommes seemed to be demanding from prospective male subs. I'm a live and let live guy, but I was getting frustrated that, while I wanted to experience bdsm from the sub's perspective in 'scenes', I am not otherwise the submissive sort. So where does that leave me? If you read through my entire journal I think you can get some sense of my frustrations.

The more I learn the more I appreciate the appeal of the domme/sub dynamic. I confess that I did not entirely understand my desires when I first decided to pursue them. I have had some very nice dialogues with dommes who have gently tried to nudge me towards the realization that I may be a domme who just enjoys topping from the bottom occasionally. Maybe so. Perhaps I'm a plain vanilla guy who has a 'kink' or a 'fetish.' as some others have suggested.

therein is just another problem with bdsm as a whole. everyone sets standards for what they feel a certain entity should be and talk among themselves. the most fun dommes i have ever been with never read 1 word about what it was to be a domme. based on others standards. unfortunately most people get a paper punch and punch a hole of a certain design in a piece of paper and expect that another fits into that whole with little room for margin. i can relate to your frustration.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 12:58:54 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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greetings,
ya:i'm incognito ,in massachusetts ,too,
but ,try being ,'incogno' ., and, walk ,into a gay book store;asking, for the
s and m- vol.1 and 2
see ya!(see you there)

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 3:52:50 PM

fiddlegirl

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If anyone is looking for a book about the "old guard", what you need is "The Leatherman's Handbook" by Larry Townsend.

There is a lot of information on technique and etiquette, as well as several very hot fiction stories. Keep in mind that it's written for a gay male audience.

And keep in mind that it's not very politically correct - there is no discussion of safewords or negotiating limits - the take home message for bottoms is to do what you're told and don't be a crybaby.

Being a big believer in safewords and negotiation, I wouldn't recommend using this book as a manual, but I do recommend it as an authentic introduction to the old guard, if that's what you want to learn about.

Fiddlegirl

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 4:56:12 PM

WikedUncle

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John's still being modest. Most of the classics have been listed here, his included...not to mention another of his works, "Safe, Sane, Consensual and Fun." That may be more of a playbook for someone who has got a bit of experience, but I'm very fond of it.

Now, for you online lot. Aside from meeting groups in your area, and observing the advice already given, try this. Click your ruby slippers together three times and repeat "there is no old guard." To be more exact, there isn't if you're under 70 and het. Get over the mythology and learn to enjoy the real life. You too can discover how to use your superior knowledge to expose snerts and fakers.

<Still looking for anyone who remembers Uncle Cuddles>

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 5:11:07 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

I'm a live and let live guy, but I was getting frustrated that, while I wanted to experience bdsm from the sub's perspective in 'scenes', I am not otherwise the submissive sort. So where does that leave me?

Seems to me that leaves you seeking a pro Domme for sceneing or someone who is only looking for a "bottom". JMHO

This sounds reasonable........and although some will disagree or sneer, there is nothing wrong with either of those if that is what you are.

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 5:23:39 PM

MasterBuckeye

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Joined: 9/2/2005
From: OHIO
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You could also do a google search for ebooks too. Google is a great resource to locate materials that you are ISO.

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RE: BDSM for Dummies - 3/22/2006 7:12:27 PM

Whiterabbit0117

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Joined: 3/15/2006
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For a real begginner getting much out of books is difficult because you don't have a frame of reference. While much of what has been recommended is very good, there is a lot out there that is total BS.

At your earliest opportunity get real life. Go to a weekend event they are held all over the country. Events like Beat Me in St. Louis which is next month give you an opportunity to see real people actually play. It also lets you go to classes taught be some of the leaders in the areas you are interested in, ask questions, and learn. You will learn more in a weekend than a month of reading. You will learn you are intersted in things you don't even know exist. You will probably also find some things that sound good, but don't do it for you in real life.

If you can't make a weekend, try to find a local group. Google BDSM (name of nearest large town), you may be surprised what is in your backyard.

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