Just feeling lost (Full Version)

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joether -> Just feeling lost (1/5/2010 12:46:22 PM)

Its hard to understand the sensation of being lost. As an Eagle Scout, one assumes I would never get lost. In fact, the only time I was lost while hiking occured while on a night hike, over two mountains, through a swamp....during....a blizzard. It was a 'night run' for a group, and the weatherman said the night would be cold, windy, but no rain/snow. My current feeling 'lost' has nothing to do with orienteering.

Its a sensation I've felt at times, but never fully understood the sensation. After it happens a few times, I observed why it came and went. Its the concept of serving Another. When I was serving a Domme, things just seemed 'right', life seemed to progress, I could over come things in my path. I did not have the luxury of the internet, I had to find this stuff out on my own. Being observant, I did find it odd when three different Dommes, whom I loved, said on seperate moments "Your submission needs to serve in order to feel whole." I had thought that was what ever submissive got told, by a Domme. I was wrong. Submissives, like Dommes, do not fit in the 'one size fits all' category. Most submissives never feel the 'lost' sensation quite so deeply. Why, I dont know.

An so, here I am once more. Feeling that sensation. This time, I know what it is, for what little the knowledge helps. If and when I do find a Lady to serve, maybe my feeling of 'lost' will go away. And I can serve her deeply and passionately. I am curious if others have had this sensation, knowing, that your not complete without that other person. Or just advise. I just don't want to be with a Domme because I want to stop feeling lost. It has to be something greater then just myself. I simply hate being selfish

I survived that cold and winter night after I was lost. I stop, looked around, and decided that to keep walking, will make me even more lost. I knew, that since I was with others on this insane night run, someone would be walking on the actual trail sooner or later. I made a shelter, created a fire with flint & steel, and kept a three-blast pattern with my whistle (the sign that someone needs help). An hour later, friends found me, about 150 feet off the trail and got me back on it.



Lockit -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/5/2010 2:56:41 PM)

Wow... very interesting post! What's more intersting is your profile and journal because added with the post... wow... you really show a lot about yourself! I really can't say more than that at the moment. That was the best read on a profile I have seen in a very long while.

What depth...



LadyAngelika -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/5/2010 3:26:05 PM)

quote:

I just don't want to be with a Domme because I want to stop feeling lost. It has to be something greater then just myself.


That is a very healthy attitude. I've always believed that someone doesn't complete us. We need to be first a whole person, and when we meet another whole person, we have something extra in our life, something greater. Having been single for over a year as I don't want to be with just any man neither, I also have sometimes a feeling of being lost. Might not be exactly manifest itself the same way that you do, but I do in my own way.

- LA



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/5/2010 4:43:57 PM)

As zen as it may be to say, sometimes one of the important parts of the journey is to sit and experience the unknowing. That's what We called being lost... and many people, including Masters and such, feel it. Don't give up. It will pass.

Master Fire



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/5/2010 11:10:42 PM)

It takes a great deal of courage and self knowledge to admit that you are not whole. I do not know what religion you are or are not, but there is a book by Raven Kaldera called "The Ordeal Path" that is worth reading if only because it talks about service and how being in service can be used to unify and integrate multiple levels of yourself. You might find some interesting directions to think about from there; I certainly did. In any case, I wish you light on your path, whatever it may be, and my very best wishes on finding what you seek. 



EbonyWood -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/5/2010 11:27:04 PM)

I think everyone here would feel lost at some point.

I actually don't think it's a bad thing to experience this.
 
You would know the feeling of being in a forest and losing your bearings. There is a sense of panic sure, but also an exhilaration, a surge of adrenalin.
 
This a 'pure' sensation, caused, for once, by the absence of others, as distinct from being caused by the influence of others. So you are on your own, your survival skills, literally can be tested.
 
It doesn't feel 'right' and is unpleasant, but when it passes your ability to assess what IS right, is that much stronger, and you are that much more prepared for the next adventure.



CarrieO -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/6/2010 6:06:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: joether

I am curious if others have had this sensation, knowing, that your not complete without that other person. Or just advise. I just don't want to be with a Domme because I want to stop feeling lost. It has to be something greater then just myself. I simply hate being selfish



To be totally honest, no...I haven't felt I wasn't complete without another person. I can feel empathy for your situation but it's not something I can relate to. 
It's not that I'm cold-blooded or anti-social...I just have learned (and am still learning) to not base my life on "later",  "what if", "when I meet..." or anything that would require me to get lost in a person or situation.  Maybe that means I'm too independent (and not interdependent enough as a good friend recently told me) but I know I can't be everything for a person and therefore I don't expect them to be everything for me. 

EbonyWood put it perfectly... "This a 'pure' sensation, caused, for once, by the absence of others, as distinct from being caused by the influence of others. So you are on your own, your survival skills, literally can be tested." Many people are afraid to spend time alone with only their own mind and thoughts as a guiding arrow.  I see it as exciting and challenging. 

The flip side of this is the Unibomber type person who isn't socialized because he chose to withdrawl completely from people and reality.  You need to find a happy medium...one that allows you to experience the feeling of independence (I'm not digging the word "lost" as I prefer to see this period of life or aspect of who you are as a positive) while also leaving room for the growth of interdependence, if that's what you need.

Be patient and spend the time with yourself not so much in search but in reflection.  The more you learn about who you are, the more you can offer of your self to another...should that be your choice. 
If I could make a suggestion...maybe you could use this time and energy to be of service (not in a bdsm/lifestyle way, mind you) to others which could lead to a deeper fulfillment instead of the selfishness you wish to avoid.

Regardless, I wish you the best as you travel this path. 




joether -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/6/2010 9:17:50 AM)

Would just like to thank:
Lockit

Lady Angelika

Master Fire

Alexandra Lynch

Ebonywood

Carrie O

I was hoping to get some insight and thoughts on something that has been bothering me for a while. And I got some thoughts to ponder for a while. Thank you!



LadyPact -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/6/2010 9:59:59 AM)

I don't know if this applies, but it sounds very similar to Me.

When I first got clip, he had some experience with the play aspect of things.  What he didn't have a lot of information on was D/s dynamics.  There were a lot of hours spent on multiple occasions that I went over what various concepts were to Me and how they were implemented.  More or less, the way I viewed how these things were applied.  Often, we'd talk about structure, authority, etc and how that worked for each person within the dynamic.  

It was during that time, when we were going over certain terms and such that, on one occasion, we were discussing the concept of ownership.  Why I thought some submissives felt and in fact yearned for feeling owned and some common themes of which that were based on My prior experiences with others.  Some of it was about similar background, but mostly it was explaining My theories that have held true with My experiences in connecting with submissives over the years.

I tend to think that was clip's "lightbulb" moment in identifying his own inner self with submission.  Have you ever had someone describe or explain to you something that you felt so deeply in yourself that you think no one else could possibly know?  Something about you that you never knew how to convey to another person and yet, there someone was expressing exactly what you have felt inside all of your life, and finally put words to?  It is a moment of revelation for some.  The first time that someone else honestly understands what has been inside you all along.  I will never forget the look on his face when that happened for him.  I knew I had touched him in a place no one had ever found in him before.

To make a long story short (well, I probably failed at that), I tend to relate to your story here in the same way.  Not that he was especially lost, but until that time, no one had really found him either.  I think, in part, that is some of what led to him wearing My collar.  It's part of what made him want to belong to Me, at the very least.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and giving Me the opportunity to revisit that particular memory.



Lockit -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/6/2010 10:29:48 AM)

I used to address this in my profile and man, did I get a lot of emails from submissive's saying that I did understand them. It isn't that I understand all men or all submissive's, because I don't! lol But that yearning to belong... to be a part of something outside yourself and to go to the places of submission/love/whatever are a big part of who you are. Finding someone that understands you in it all... is major!

I think everyone wants to be understood... even us dominant types. lol When you find that understanding or someone who can see you... you are going to have a response!

I think the problem is when we need that so badly that we get hungry and soon the hunger is the focus rather than domiance or submission. I try not to go there. I can want something without it being a hunger to have so much that I will do too much stupid! Can I? Oh sure... but for the most part not out of hunger but out of seeing something close that looks to be what I seek.

It's all about balance and we all can get off balance at some point. We just have to get back on and it's best to do so as quickly as we can! lol



LPslittleclip -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/8/2010 1:21:43 AM)

i understand the sensation of being lost from the standpoint of bdsm. as my Mistress has said i didn't know that i was lost or that the aspect of belonging was missing in my life until it was explained to me by my Mistress. as long as i can remember i have waned to belong .. to groups or clubs boy scouts and sports teams and school groups. i enjoyed them for the camaraderie but it wasn't until my Mistress had explained what a collar is and represent as far as ownership that i knew it was what i had been looking for for so Long and had not found. now there has been some bumps in the road of this new journey but it has been such a joy and has helped me to become a more complete person than i was before.
i did not start out in bdsm to find a Mistress i was only looking for a play partner as i had only recently discovered the lifestyle, but o What a fantastic voyage it has been to go from a play bottom to collared polysub. i never knew what was missing but having found it it has become a solid part of me.



joether -> RE: Just feeling lost (1/8/2010 1:49:19 AM)

I hate to sound like a philsophical submissive...

Humans by nature, are a verty social species. They need interaction and activity together, in order to advance. While most other creatures do not need the sort of interaction homo sapiens need, they get by here and there. For us humans, we have advanced through the thousands of years of our existance, each, alittle more interactive then before. The last hundred years, has seen the most interactiveness (the last decade being the trump decade). We exist in groups, and those groups we identify with. Some groups are against other groups, and some groups, have no effect on others. But yet, if you ask someone, what groups they belong to, gives an insight to their individual personality. Likewise, within BDSM, there are groups, that do identify the individual. Some like pony play, those that are sissies, heavy bondage, and even painting one's house (an ex domme's favorite task). While you may not like these groups, you do not have to belong to them.

Trying to tie in the original topic, of feeling lost. Its the non-connection. I'm not talking about bondage, collars, or even SM sessions. When a Domme talks to me, to the effect my mind simply goes to subspace, that's when I'm not lost anymore. Its sometimes, not even directly tied to BDSM. Its tone, word, and moment, wrapped together. But when I went, and cleaned up a former Domme's house while she was away visiting family (and annoyed she had to clean the house when she got back for a big party). What do you think her reaction was, upon opening the door, and not seeing a household in chaos? Us subs dont have to use words, to have the effect....but usually takes more work.

Now Lockit, discribes having a hunger to satify. I have heard this same feeling before, but dubbed it 'Sub-Fitting' or 'Domme-Fitting'. You REALLY want to do something (torture the slave), but, because of reasons, you cant. And a warning to you subs, who figure out when a Domme is Domme-Fitting; it can be a double edge sword, full of lots of painful moments (but very pleasent and enjoyable for her...).



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