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The Transition... - 3/21/2006 3:42:52 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		So, generally, when I am talking to a dom, it begins quite vanilla.  We talk about life, likes, current events, etc.  We tease and banter, all very light-hearted. 

If the relationship is going to move forward into more than a friendship, then, eventually, we explore our thoughts and/or compatibility for a future d/s relationship.  E-mails, chat, phone...

At a certain point, the domly one feels a certain level of trust or interest or...submissiveness (?) from me...and begins to exert some level of control. 

Even though I 'know' this person I have been talking with is a dominant...and even though we have discussed certain activities he claims to enjoy, and even after he has made clear to me his sadistic tendencies, (if he is) I am always surprised (and often excited...)  to see the change from the funny, sweet and tender to the erm...more strict and dominant persona..

Submissives;  Anyone else surprised when this happens?  I mean....they do tell us they are dom(me)s. 

Dominants, how do you know when it is time to show that side of you?  Is it easy to make this transition, or is it more a shot in the dark? 

Any other thoughts on this subject very welcome, as I suspect I have more questions on this subject than I can articulate even to myself...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Transition... - 3/21/2006 4:10:58 PM   
nslut4whtmaster


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		No, i am not surprised at all when that happens -- the transition. It is to be expected at some point but what i sometimes have found alarming is when that transition begins to extend in restricting me before they even know if W/we will be compatible at all.

peace and respect,
ns

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Transition... - 3/21/2006 4:17:48 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Nicely timed.... this just happened very recently with me. One point just nice friendly chit chat, moving along nicely.... then the sudden stop of fingers on keyboard realising I was, naturaly and without thinking going to 'direct her'.... noticing that her demeanor and my own had just changed... both responding to the other and that the D/s dynamic was beginning to spark between us..... And that I had to decide whether I wanted to go with the flow of this or wether I wanted to pull back on those reins and slow things down.

Decision... action... instant responce.... and the pleased grin of someone who just saw the first real sign that the other person just might be that other side of the same coin that is looked for.

As for if it is easy to make that transition? With the right girl, it is easier than NOT making it. When the dynamic starts to kick in of its own accord then there is definatly something worth exploring further.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: The Transition... - 3/21/2006 4:18:56 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
Upon reflection, I will have to concede that, while I believe I am quite a good conversationalist, I don't have much of a stomach for ignoring 'the pink elephant in the kitchen', as they say. For the first time on the phone, I will engage in pleasantries for a little while before getting into more depthful discussion, and eventually to addressing the mutual interest which brought us together in the first place.

It doesn't mean we have to unfurl everything through four hours of telephonic intercourse in one evening, or swap gratuitous detail about our prurient interests like we're exchanging Pokémon cards—but I do like to get to the point and have a basic sense of where it might be going. I simply refuse to walk on eggshells around someone or something due to some silly preconception of rule or universal leather standard dictating what is decent when.


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Transition... - 3/21/2006 4:35:15 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:




At a certain point, the domly one feels a certain level of trust or interest or...submissiveness (?) from me...and begins to exert some level of control. 


Submissives;  Anyone else surprised when this happens?  I mean....they do tell us they are dom(me)s. 



Went I met Himself, I was with my male bottom and the first question Himself asked me was if I were really a Domme. Now, at this time I had been doing nothing but top for several years, albeit from a strictly sadistic stance, for myself and in service to the needs of the bottoms with whom I played, but I told him I was not a Domme just serving a need for someone who knew what I was, but wanted me to top him anyway. He was quiet for a moment and said.. that's the most submissive thing I've ever heard and he told me to send the bottom out of the room so he could speak privately with me.  I fell in love with him in that instant. For seeing past all the walls, all the layers and knowing, clearly, what I was almost immediately. To say it hit me like a ton of bricks would be a gross understatement.

We spoke until 4 AM that first day. The next day, he told my bottom that he was going to collar me and to get used to the idea, because once I belonged to him, I wasn't going to be available anymore.. which really upset the bottom who then came to me and said.. 'choose.' I told him not to put me in that position and he repeated that I had to choose. The fact that Himself and I have been together almost 10 years now is a clear indication of my choice. So, almost from the first moment we met, Himself took the control and I couldn't stop him.. and I didn't want to, either.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Transition... - 3/21/2006 5:41:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I find it better when they are still being sweet and charming and funny and yet still get the ds authority dynamic flowing.

I'm finally very comfortable in my skin as the "intense harsh dominant" but I was talking to the local partner last night about how I REALLY want to learn how to just be me, relaxing and laughing like I do, and still get that dynamic flowing.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 7:03:12 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		NS...even though I know (mentally) that it will happen...it still takes me by surprise.  If someone tries to dominate you before that dynamic is forged...perhaps he/she still has a lot to learn about domination. Yes, Raven, that is exactly what I had in mind...kind of a subconscious transition, I suppose...thank you for sharing! Amayos,  I very much respect your posts and appreciate your position on this.  It wasn't meant to be a statement on when you begin exploring your interests with a potential partner.  Everyone goes at a different pace, and I do understand that. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned how slowly I tend to take things.   I was more interested in the change in dynamic from 'friends' or 'potential partners' to the power exchange or d/s relationship.  (although, I may not have been very clear in my post as this is just something I am coming to terms with and learning about) Any thoughts? BitaTruble...that is beautiful.  Thank you so much! Lucky, I agree.  And I personally couldn't allow myself to be with someone who doesn't have a sense of playfulness and wonder in their life. (been there...got the t-shirt...very expensive t-shirt!)  I can't say it doesn't surprise me though when their dominance first shows itself, and when I have certain automatic responses to it...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 7:28:01 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		With my Master, there was no waiting to see his dominant side.  He is a dominant man, period.  Pretty much anyone who speaks with him will see that.  This doesn't mean he began "instructing" me from the first conversation, but my heart submitted to him from day one (as much as i tried to deny that).

There was a transition, however, in which his intensity grew.  This seems to have paralleled the transition i myself had, in which i began to submit more deeply.  Or likely he led that, transparently...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 7:30:30 AM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		Boy do I know that feeling of suprise  :) ... for me, I had started seeing a Dominant this time last year...and for the first couple of months, everything was good between us, but he just didn't seem Dominant ~enough~...so we kept our friendship and started seeing other people. After a couple of months of seeing others, he and I went on a road trip - shopping for something *I don't even remember what* we couldn't find locally. On the way down, I had to stop for gas, and pulled into the first station I could find...which turned out to be in a not-so-good-section of town, with some not-so-savory people hanging around the front of the station - which had bars on the window and the whole 9 yards. I started to get out of the car, and he just looked at me...and in ~that~ voice told me to get back into the car. And instinctively, I was doing what I was told. I sat in the car, thinking about what had just happened...that natural assertion of Dominance and the corresponding desire to do what I was told...I was in shock as I didn't think he had been capable of inspiring that level of non-questioning submission. Suprised he could take it that deep that quickly. Suprised I responded so quickly. Suprised at the new facet of the relationship that we had discovered. He later said that he knew I was ready to go there and had been waiting for me to get into the place where I could go there. The rest, as they say, has been history :)
 

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 7:43:48 AM   
BrianSenior


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		This is somthing I have to watch with Myself. I tend to, with My personal speech, attain control. I do not request, or ask for personal things or actions, but as far as conversation goes I am oftenly in control. When I feel the submission in thier words, if it interests Me to do so, I wil test little things to see if there can be a relationship. It is a natural change. ~BK~ 

(in reply to starymists)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 9:12:58 AM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for this thread blushe.

i need to learn enough about them to know they are capable of the control and i am safe following them. If a Dom trys to control me too quickly i do rebel. i like to participate in the first decision "agree to be controlled". The change is occuring more gradually in my present Relationship, but i believe it's because W/we are both quite new to all of this. And yes it is a wonderful thing to see the progress, the letting go, the evolvement.


_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 11:20:40 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		The more they give the more I take. It does not feel like a conscious decision when it happens, it just sort of flows

(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 12:37:44 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		imagine:you have to sit around all nite-long ,not being able,to be yourself,
not being able,to intimately  relate ever, to someone;
ever....=limbo,or you're being killed.

usually: i can assume they are one or the other ;
assuming everyone has potential, to be
top,or bottom,
or
i loose interest fast,rather ,than meander,
and ,if they don't act like a top;eventually
i get sick of the life-time-conversation .

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 3/22/2006 12:39:39 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Transition... - 3/22/2006 7:09:10 PM   
SimplyV


Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline 		Since I'm a switch, I'll answer this from both sides.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Submissives; Anyone else surprised when this happens? I mean....they do tell us they are dom(me)s.


In the past, I've talked to many Doms and some I had that "surprise" factor with and some I didn't. I do much better when I don't have that surprise, but it comes as a natural progression of the relationship.

There are a few Doms that I got to trust to the point of play that did "surprise" me. But it wasn't a good surprise. Up until play, they were loving, caring, trustworthy.. then suddenly they flipped. It was liking watching some kind of horror movie where you watch as the person becomes possessed by the devil or something. They became a complete other person. There was nothing left of the person I initially trusted. Seriously felt like they had two personalities or MPD.

I do better and feel more comfortable with people who are consistant in their domliness (or lack there of) where it is fully integrated into their personality and way of being. And the relationship just grows from that basis.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
Dominants, how do you know when it is time to show that side of you? Is it easy to make this transition, or is it more a shot in the dark?


I'd have to say that I agree with BrianSenior on this.. for me.. it just happens. Through talking, conversations, just being around the person.. I tend to end up in control (or submissive depending on the connection, but usually in control). I don't actively seek out to control the other person. It just happens or it doesn't.

I do find myself from time to time holding back, as I can get rather demanding fast if the connection is strong. Or sometimes when I feel that a better lesson would be learned by letting the sub make his own mistakes rather than me stepping in and instructing him.

For me, there really isn't much "transition" I guess.. its either there or its not. From time to time I "stern" in my voice, but I prefer to have them be obediant whether I'm cooing instructions or yelling them.

I have had experience with subs who want things that are out of my normal comfort zone, to which I do tend to shift to a role for that scene. But those are competely consentual agreed upon, and set up in advance sessions. I have to get myself into a different mindset for those, and find them very elating yet emotionally exhausting.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Transition... - 3/25/2006 3:12:55 PM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		To me there is nothing more annoying than a so called Dom who attempts to take control before you even know if you are compatible. How can I fully submit to someone I don't know.. someone who didn't even take the time to know me?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Transition... - 3/25/2006 4:36:39 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		Is it really much different from a vanilla dating relationship which starts off socially but, if the chemistry is right, hits a turning point at which one of the participants injects an element of "passion," for lack of a better term? Doesn't seem surprising at all to me.

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 16
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