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My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/21/2006 6:08:52 PM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		has expressed an interest in reading my orders from my cyber dom and insuring I follow through. Should I accept this, which would make me very happy, or wonder if he isn't up to something else? He knows how much I want this. And there are times he tries, but with him I know there are no consequences and that he isn't really getting anything out of it, so I don't push the issue. This is the first that he's made it clear he wants to know exactly what I'm doing online. On the surface it sounds wonderful, like maybe he is seeking a way to learn. I just wish I knew whether or not to treat his request seriously.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/21/2006 6:19:54 PM   
jennalynn


Posts: 67
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		you may not like my answer...

i think you need to be honest and upfront with him.  He is with you in your realtime world and it appears you have a commitment with him. 

Do you want to risk losing him?

Just my advice... jenna

(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/21/2006 7:20:07 PM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		how much more honest can I get? He knows I play online, and follow another man's orders. What he is saying now is that he wants to read the orders, and participate, I'm just not sure he's serious. If he's not serious, it could harm our relationship, and I don't want that.

(in reply to jennalynn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/21/2006 7:30:16 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		What makes you think he is not serious?  Why would he request this?  Are you maybe afraid that he is okay with the situation now, but actually reading the exact conversations would be upsetting?

(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/21/2006 8:35:30 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like your vanilla boyfriend isn't as vanilla as you might think he is.  It's entirely possible that he's not been "getting anything out of it" because he's unsure what to do.  It's also possible that, because he's unsure, maybe he thinks by reading and enforcing your cyber dominant's "orders," he may learn what he needs to do in order to be your dominant himself.
 
I could, of course, be completely wrong about it, but the only way you're going to know for sure is to let the man read the orders and see what happens.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/21/2006 11:22:54 PM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		Is so glad i don't have to try to balance a nilla and a Master. Girlie, you're a braver woman than i, lol. If i were in your shoes, however, since he is making the request, i would let him in and allow him to participate.
If he is trying to find a way to learn, this will most likely help a great deal. If learning to dominate isn't his goal here, there still may be an added dimension to the relationship.

_____________________________

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it."

"Forget love...i'd rather fall in chocolate."


(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/22/2006 1:02:19 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

has expressed an interest in reading my orders from my cyber dom and insuring I follow through. Should I accept this, which would make me very happy, or wonder if he isn't up to something else? He knows how much I want this. And there are times he tries, but with him I know there are no consequences and that he isn't really getting anything out of it, so I don't push the issue. This is the first that he's made it clear he wants to know exactly what I'm doing online. On the surface it sounds wonderful, like maybe he is seeking a way to learn. I just wish I knew whether or not to treat his request seriously.
   Honestly, there is very little about open communication which is, ultimately 'bad.' If the situation turns out that it is something which comes between you, it's better to know it now.. and it may very well enhance what you already have together. If he's asking, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he truly wants to know.. even if it's to satisfy his own thoughts that it's something which with he wants to deal or face in your daily lives. Give him the chance to make his own choices as you've made yours.  Best of luck to you both!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/22/2006 11:02:32 AM   
BanginPapa


Posts: 88
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

Sounds to me like your vanilla boyfriend isn't as vanilla as you might think he is.  It's entirely possible that he's not been "getting anything out of it" because he's unsure what to do.  It's also possible that, because he's unsure, maybe he thinks by reading and enforcing your cyber dominant's "orders," he may learn what he needs to do in order to be your dominant himself.
 
I could, of course, be completely wrong about it, but the only way you're going to know for sure is to let the man read the orders and see what happens.


It could also be that he may be a submissive himself seeking a secondary, insular position

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/23/2006 9:54:45 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

how much more honest can I get? He knows I play online, and follow another man's orders. What he is saying now is that he wants to read the orders, and participate, I'm just not sure he's serious. If he's not serious, it could harm our relationship, and I don't want that.


Curious, intriqued.  It seem's you have essentially left him already mentally because you are online playing around with others.  So, even if he were not serious and just wanted to know what you were up to, how could it harm your relationship?
Is he going to leave?  Don't you think he is going to eventually leave anyway if he doesn't get what he desires out of the relationship?  Just as you already are doing to him?  Or are you afraid it would harm your relationship with the cyber dude?

I've always thought it was much better to have someone to lie beside each night than a monitor.  If he wants to learn, why not let him?  That's a lot more giving than many are in relationships.


(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/23/2006 11:16:21 AM   
SirCurt


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		slaveladyj? you should at least give it a shot..who knows it may be just the prod he needs to become not so vanilla and do you really want a vt relationship to endanger your rt life?

just my 2 cents hun
Sir Curt

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/23/2006 6:22:39 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		You could always ask him if he has any ulterior motives.  If he says he honestly doesn't and you don't get any weird vibes from him, proceed.  Vanilla doesn't necessarily mean he's not becoming interested.  My husband/master was vanilla when I met him.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/23/2006 7:04:32 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		at least you have a boy friend...geez..bitch, bitch, bitch.
I need a girlfriend to Dis....and  post about...LOL...how bout U?

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/23/2006 7:47:16 PM   
LordJ


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/28/2004
From: central valley, ca
Status: offline 		I'd give it a try, but start slow. minor things small tasks and assignments

_____________________________

the strong may survive, but the smart avoid

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/23/2006 8:32:00 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		If there is nothing being hidden here,then why should there be an issue of his reading your orders?...be well...tempting

(in reply to LordJ)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My Vanilla Boyfriend - 3/24/2006 5:08:31 AM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone. You know, I am giving it a try, but when it comes to it, he rather turns away, he thinks he ready, but I'm thinking he's not.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 15
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