First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (Full Version)

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subseeking09 -> First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 2:37:35 AM)

Just had a very interesting, one-sided IM chat with a Mistress from this site.

Couple back and forth emails went very nice on CM and both wanted to do a little chatting. Having yahoo we started the conversation where she asked me what I do for a living and for pictures. Not having any on my new computer I offered up my social networking site which had a bunch. The first thing she said was 'oh, you like Obama'?

Oh shit. Politics this early can't be good. Lets just through in religion and abortion while we're at it. Without adieu, she started typing like her keyboard was on fire. I maybe got one line trying to change the subject to her 30 (which was all attacks on my opinions). I was chill while this was going on - i mean theres probably a good person I just haven't met yet. Then she started attacking my job and tied that to politics! As submissive as I am, I wasn't there to be chastised by someone that knows nothing about me and told her how we've said nothing constructive yet and how is this helping to get to know one another.

To which she responded - "well clearly were not going to work out because I feel like you're attacking me when i'm being honest. And a want full control."

My question is this - being submissive does that mean that a Mistress expects to be able to control the mind to the point of saying whom one can vote for, what option to have - or do some women become Domme's thinking it will overcome some insecurity they have within them ?

Thanks for the Female/Domme/Mistress POV and appreciate the feedback




LadyEllen -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 3:25:55 AM)

You wanted to chat in order to get to know one another better. Sounds like the chat achieved its aim.

If you are not looking for a lady that wants such control then that is your desire and as such it is not "incorrect". IMO you should have more success looking for a lady that is seeking an actual real live human male with his own personality, interests and ideas anyway.

Better luck next time.

E



LadyAngelika -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 4:33:31 AM)

I think your chat was actually very successful as you managed to identify early on the incompatibility between you and this woman.

quote:

being submissive does that mean that a Mistress expects to be able to control the mind to the point of saying whom one can vote for


Not necessarily. There isn't just one model of Domme. At some point, if you are patient and respectful, you'll meet one that is a right match for you.

- LA



Lucienne -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 5:56:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subseeking09

My question is this - being submissive does that mean that a Mistress expects to be able to control the mind to the point of saying whom one can vote for, what option to have - or do some women become Domme's thinking it will overcome some insecurity they have within them ?


That's not a proper either/or frame. One could not expect to control the vote of one's sub and still be motivated by overcoming insecurity.

Switchy perspective here. I'm not interested in a blank slate sub. I prefer to spend time with people who share my values. People who share my values tend to punch a D ticket. In terms of me submitting to a man, the degree of shared values is more important, as I consider a man who voted for Bush in 04 to be unworthy of intimate authority over me. In terms of me dominating, well... the sort of person who would go on a long impromptu rant about Obama destroying the country is the sort of person who summons my inner sadist. I've never actually dealt with one in person (in a bdsm context) and if I ever did, I'd probably charge them for the pleasure. Because they're republicans, and it's only right.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 6:44:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subseeking09

My question is this - being submissive does that mean that a Mistress expects to be able to control the mind to the point of saying whom one can vote for, what option to have -


Some do. If this doesn't work for you, then use it as a weeding tool (as you just did!).

quote:

or do some women become Domme's thinking it will overcome some insecurity they have within them ?


Of course some do... same reason why some men become Dominants. Insecure people can put on a number of bravado faces.

However, just because the Dominant wants control over voting doesn't mean they're insecure.

Master Fire



QueenRah -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 7:12:18 AM)

Yeah, you weeded out a tweaked one, alan, dear. You can't control how conversations on the other end are going to go, you can only control how you respond to them. Personally, I feel that if someone is going to run a full-on rant about anything, regardless of what stage of acquaintance in which we are, I'd quietly step out of the room, shut and lock the door, and put up a big sign, reading: "Here, thar be monsters." (or just block sender)

If you check out my profile, you'll see that my politics, spiritual beliefs, and many other aspects of my life are very clearly stated - not just in my checklist. I don't know if clarifying your position, perspective and pursuits would work for you, but it seems to have helped my mail traffic, quite a bit.

Best luck!

QueenRah



LadyHibiscus -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 8:00:34 AM)

Distressing, but think of this as early damage control!

I used to say "no Republicans" in my profile (Copying my pal DesertRat) but now I just have political stuff in my hard limit list.



cuckywannabe -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 10:15:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Distressing, but think of this as early damage control!

I used to say "no Republicans" in my profile (Copying my pal DesertRat) but now I just have political stuff in my hard limit list.

What's wrong with Republicans?



PeonForHer -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 10:25:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckywannabeWhat's wrong with Republicans?



That's a very good question, cucky.  I've never been able to figure it out, either.



DVsFox -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 10:43:11 AM)

We Republicans are teh evils~!

:-p

Regards,
DV's Fox



subseeking09 -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 10:59:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah

Personally, I feel that if someone is going to run a full-on rant about anything, regardless of what stage of acquaintance in which we are, I'd quietly step out of the room, shut and lock the door, and put up a big sign, reading: "Here, thar be monsters." (or just block sender)

QueenRah


That is a funny line!

And you hit the nail on the head that it was a full on rant - I mean she came out of the gates going 200mph!At first when I tried to change the course of the conversation it went nowhere. Maybe she just needs to cool off. I kid you not; walked away from the computer to grab a coke, a little snack, little twinkle, 5 mins later still going strong [:-]

Politics was fine - I can respect someone that doesn't share the same belief system as me (isn't that how a site like this exist?) Doesn't really bother me one bit. But when the ONLY two things she knew about me: work & whom I voted for and successfully attacked both of those. Line in the sand. I said something like "I went to college, earned a degree and plan on using it".

From now on all new conversation are soley going to be how I would like to serve and what toys do you have! [:D]



marine87 -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 12:07:59 PM)

If one were to say they were Libertarian, would they be neutral in that situation. I thought it was illegal to "force" someone to vote for a specific party in America?



joether -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 2:22:47 PM)

Actually, Marine87, it *is* illegal. As to which law its found under, you would need to ask a lawyer. Otherwise, corporations could tell their peons "vote for this person, or else be pink slipped next quarter".

Generally, I will keep politics out of a conversation, unless it coems up. Even then, I'll still test the waters. If it can be a good, honest, and mature conversation, that's fine. If one person goes 0-ballasitic in 1.4 nanoseconds, then I just 'safeword'. I think anyone that's been in the USA for the past few years, can understand, there's been very heated 'discussions', and almost near violence. So, if the person starts foaming at the mouth, talking rapid-fire, and each set of words, more thoughtless then the previous....its time to change the conversation to something else. Like basket weaving, or Gardening, or double layerd, golden cake with vanilla frosting (mmmmm....cake...).

Subseeking09,

Maybe it is for the best, that you do not proceed further with that person. They could be insecure, or need to lash out at a percieved enemy due to some issue in the person's life. Maybe the Mistress will calm down, think on what happen, and apologize. That would be the adult and mature thing to do. If I was in your shoes, and she did, I would most likely forgive, and say we now know a topic that should be handled with a bit more patience.

You could even consider taking the high ground. Contact her. Say something like "hey, about the other day. We went down a conversational path to quickly. Maybe in the future, we should tread with patience, and know the other has some passions on the subject. I'm sorry, that I did not see this conversation until it was to late. I should have said, 'hey, I need to deal with a neighbor for a minute or two'". Because in that minute or two, could have had her cool down, and give her some time to think. Because maybe, right now, she is upset at how the conversation went, and feels you would not respect her as a Domme, given that episode. If she starts in again, full tilt, then simple end the conversation.




SweetPoosy -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 2:43:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckywannabeWhat's wrong with Republicans?



That's a very good question, cucky.  I've never been able to figure it out, either.
[sm=dunno.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif]



AlexandraLynch -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 3:02:03 PM)

What's wrong with Republicans? Depends on the Republican, and when. And what issue. My household in general is politically active in a generally progressive direction. I'll ask about political sympathies early on, just as I will ask about religious bent, because it would be a shame all round to get friendly and interested with someone, and have them offended if conservatively Christian by my altar (I am pagan) or feel assaulted when one of the dominants in the household refers to an especially stinking shit as, "working on show prep for Rush Limbaugh" with a laugh. Much better that we have religiously tolerant liberal subs, and let the conservative subs go work with the conservative dominants. 



QueenRah -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 5:52:56 PM)

To all,

Y'all keep in mind, Peon is taking a bit of the piss. He's talking *British* Republicans. As I don't know enough about British politics, I couldn't tell anyone on either side of the bridgeless gap what's wrong, nor what's right, with them.

As to returning to convo with Crazy B**** Domme, SubSeeking, I can't tell you what to do, but I'll reiterate my recommendation: Run away! Run away! People don't lie about who they are. They may say or write words, initially, that can misdirect; but, she told you *exactly* what she was about. When people are nice enough to erect red flags for you, it may be wise to heed them.

Alexandra, I get a kick out of your family pic. You look so sweet and nice and not at all kinky or pagan. Little do the neighbors know, eh? [;)]




PeonForHer -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 6:58:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah

To all,

Y'all keep in mind, Peon is taking a bit of the piss. He's talking *British* Republicans.  [;)]



I'm sayin' nuttin . . . [;)]



Ladynslave -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 8:22:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subseeking09

From now on all new conversation are soley going to be how I would like to serve and what toys do you have! [:D]


I wouldn't really recommend this approach for a first time email.  Now modify it to how you can serve her and leave her to ask about your toys or bring up her own and you are better off.

But as to your original post...  Chalk that one up to dodging a bullet.  That's a pretty good rant.  I can't imagine being that impassioned about anything with someone I have yet to meet in person.  Hell, I don't think even my fantasies would take that long to explain, not that I would share them on a first im.  No, we don't all expect that our subs will like the same people as we do in politics or religion.  I feel that I got lucky with my first sub in that we both have zero interest in either.  I don't expect the same from my second sub.  I do expect that he not try to change my views or slave's views nor expect me to try to change his.



SthrnCom4t -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 8:23:20 PM)

Lots of good advice above.

I'll just reiterate that people can *think* they are a lot of things (sub, slave, Master, Mistress, Dominant, intelligent, funny, etc), but in the end, if *I* don't have that same perspective, we probably aren't compatible. I'm not saying either of us is right/wrong....just that obviously, we have a *gap*. I think it's good to find this out sooner rather than later before there's any emotional investment or presumed expectation.

When I was single, one of my favorite sayings was, "NEXT!" :)



LafayetteLady -> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please! (1/8/2010 8:45:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: joether

Subseeking09,

You could even consider taking the high ground. Contact her. Say something like "hey, about the other day. We went down a conversational path to quickly. Maybe in the future, we should tread with patience, and know the other has some passions on the subject. I'm sorry, that I did not see this conversation until it was to late. I should have said, 'hey, I need to deal with a neighbor for a minute or two'". Because in that minute or two, could have had her cool down, and give her some time to think. Because maybe, right now, she is upset at how the conversation went, and feels you would not respect her as a Domme, given that episode. If she starts in again, full tilt, then simple end the conversation.




Why on earth would he want to contact her again? It's pretty clear they aren't going to be compatible so there isn't any point. If she went off for that long just from finding out he voted for Obama, what else might they have to "tread with patience" about?

In the initial "getting to know you" stages that aren't even in person, there is no reason to try to "make it work." Those conversations are for the purpose of finding out you are not compatible. Maybe she IS upset about how the conversation went and worried that he wouldn't respect her as a domme, after that episode. Then again, she should be upset by her behavior and he shouldn't respect her as a domme for it.




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