RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - advice for next time please!

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/8/2010 9:13:55 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subseeking09

Just had a very interesting, one-sided IM chat with a Mistress from this site.

Couple back and forth emails went very nice on CM and both wanted to do a little chatting. Having yahoo we started the conversation where she asked me what I do for a living and for pictures. Not having any on my new computer I offered up my social networking site which had a bunch. The first thing she said was 'oh, you like Obama'?

Oh shit. Politics this early can't be good. Lets just through in religion and abortion while we're at it. Without adieu, she started typing like her keyboard was on fire. I maybe got one line trying to change the subject to her 30 (which was all attacks on my opinions). I was chill while this was going on - i mean theres probably a good person I just haven't met yet. Then she started attacking my job and tied that to politics! As submissive as I am, I wasn't there to be chastised by someone that knows nothing about me and told her how we've said nothing constructive yet and how is this helping to get to know one another.

To which she responded - "well clearly were not going to work out because I feel like you're attacking me when i'm being honest. And a want full control."

My question is this - being submissive does that mean that a Mistress expects to be able to control the mind to the point of saying whom one can vote for, what option to have - or do some women become Domme's thinking it will overcome some insecurity they have within them ?

Thanks for the Female/Domme/Mistress POV and appreciate the feedback

I am sorry, did a miss something? I do not remember seeing where you gifted her with your submission and it was accepted? Whatever this insignificant little twit wants is irrelevent. At this point, the only thing she is entitled is common courtesy and manners, something that she herself seems unable to to extend. I would consider a few more emails before you rush off to IM chats.
If someone can't respect that, then they are not worth your time, much less your submission.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to subseeking09)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 12:12:44 AM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Greetings,

In my profile I write:

"My partner and I are both liberal minded and identify with left philosophies. We believe climate warming, peak oil, shifting eco-systems, habitat destruction, etc. are all realities of our present day society. If you do not know what these things are, you should look them up. I am seeking a long term commitment and this means acceptance of, or belief in, environmental stewardship and sustainable living."

It is my belief that anyone that I want to incorporate into our life (as opposed to just casual play) will have to get along with our beliefs. We volunteer with the NDP every election (both provincial and federal) and would expect anyone in our household to do the same. As our voting is by secret ballot we, of course, could not be sure of a submissive's vote but we would hope and push for him/her to vote the way we think is best.

Now, all of this being said, does not mean that I am about to lose my cool on someone because they are a big fan of Stephen Harper. I would probably tell them that we should change the subject to something less volatile and propose we become only friends. Being right-wing is a deal breaker in my books as far as a potential submissive goes but it does not preclude being friends with someone if they are able to accept that we will simply not agree on this topic.

As others have suggested to the OP I will chime in, use these things as a litmus test. I would not shy away from subjects that might be controversial but rather delve into them with potential partners to find out if someone is a good match - right, left, center, or null.

Best of luck,
Wickad

(in reply to Acer49)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 2:20:35 AM

marine87

Posts: 27
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

I dont know if this is a stupid question or not but is it such a crime in the BDSM world to have more Conservative view's? I'm mostly just asking why it seems like the majority here are liberal Democrats maybe its different on the Masters forum? My intent is not to get edgy with anyone here just curious. I voted for Obama for long term reasons, least its looking like I made a good choice and his recent book reinforced my views after voting for him.

Thanks,

Daniel

(in reply to Wickad)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 4:32:57 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marine87

I dont know if this is a stupid question or not but is it such a crime in the BDSM world to have more Conservative view's? I'm mostly just asking why it seems like the majority here are liberal Democrats maybe its different on the Masters forum?

Hello Daniel...

It's not a crime to hold more conservative views. In fact, if you take a walk down to the Politics and Religion forum you'll find there are many who identify as conservative. If you're asking do more women on the Ask a Mistress forum label themselves as liberal Democrats as opposed to those on other forums, say men on the Ask a Master board, I would suggest you start a thread in the apporiate forum on the subject...could be fun.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to marine87)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 11:21:58 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckywannabe

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Distressing, but think of this as early damage control!

I used to say "no Republicans" in my profile (Copying my pal DesertRat) but now I just have political stuff in my hard limit list.

What's wrong with Republicans?

There is a huge difference between a person realizing that they don't tend to get along with a certain group and therefore not interested in a person from said group as a partner and saying there is something wrong with them.

I tend to not get along with Republicans. Nothing wrong with them - we just tend to disagree on a lot of things that are important to me. So I'd be much less likely to consider one as a partner because I don't feel like having those debates all the time.

To the OP: There was actually a thread a year or so back on the topic of making your sub/slave vote as you see fit. Some people, on both sides of the kneel, agreed and others didn't. I feel it violates the entire purpose of one person, one vote and gives Val an extra "edge" over others that I can not, morally, give him. He only has control over me. Others felt very differently, ranging from honestly not caring how they voted to trusting him with their life so they trust him with their vote too.

That said... I'm with the others. You wanted to get to know her better and you did. It sounds like she wants someone who agrees with her on politics. You don't. You won't get along.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/9/2010 11:22:33 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to cuckywannabe)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 12:31:27 PM

QueenRah

Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah

To all,

Y'all keep in mind, Peon is taking a bit of the piss. He's talking *British* Republicans.

I'm sayin' nuttin . . .

Urr...you're not takin' the p or you're *not* talking Brit politics? Hem. I suppose I could have/should have said, "I *believe* Peon is blah, blah, blah." After all, I'm a psychic, not a mind reader! Or, pray tell, did I misuse the term?

Inquiring minds, et cetera...

Ah...on second read, I see that Peon was not the originator of the question. Leaving the rest in, just 'a'cause.

< Message edited by QueenRah -- 1/9/2010 12:34:20 PM >

_____________________________

Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 6:32:33 PM

subseeking09

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

Yes this is one that I will not return back to. Once it ended (more liked crashed into a brick wall) I blocked her on IM. Maybe it was the moment, a spark that ignited her off, but like so many said first impressions are important. Looking down the road as a sub, being bound means that I have to fully trust that person which I could not foresee myself doing. The goal of the IM which we often don't want were achieved.

Mainly wanted to seek out advice on if theres something constructive I could do in a situation like this before it ended in the fiery fire ball that it did! I don't mind my republican friends and the conversation can be lively, healthy and fun & I think a republican Mistress might actually be fun :D

Some of the things she was saying was crazy for me. Its when they stray to far from the center, thats when its like 'yup, my refrigerator is running, gotta go catch it'.

(in reply to QueenRah)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 6:50:12 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subseeking09

Yes this is one that I will not return back to. Once it ended (more liked crashed into a brick wall) I blocked her on IM. Maybe it was the moment, a spark that ignited her off, but like so many said first impressions are important. Looking down the road as a sub, being bound means that I have to fully trust that person which I could not foresee myself doing. The goal of the IM which we often don't want were achieved.

Mainly wanted to seek out advice on if theres something constructive I could do in a situation like this before it ended in the fiery fire ball that it did! I don't mind my republican friends and the conversation can be lively, healthy and fun & I think a republican Mistress might actually be fun :D

Some of the things she was saying was crazy for me. Its when they stray to far from the center, thats when its like 'yup, my refrigerator is running, gotta go catch it'.

In the situation you described, it seems as though there would have been no way of reigning her in and redirecting the conversation. About all you can do for the future, is ask someone if they have very strong political views that might be counter to yours. My experience has been that most don't go off on some lunatic rant. However, many people are very strong in their political views, and if they are opposed to yours, and you feel strongly about yours, isn't it easier to simply find someone where you agree or they don't feel so strongly that they will constantly be telling you how wrong you are for your beliefs?

As for "future trust," I don't mean to make light of the situation (ok, so maybe I do), but I would say it was a pretty good bet that with her "Obama" would NOT be a good safeword.

(in reply to subseeking09)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/9/2010 10:45:22 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Until you have two people who accept each other as people then terms such as submissive, Mistress, domme and slave aren't worth a hill of beans.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to subseeking09)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/10/2010 4:20:58 AM

MistressTonya2u

Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline

I think that chat accomplished a lot.. you managed to identify the incompatibility between you two.
I am not particularly political.
However, if I was intrested in a long term relationship, politics and religion are going to come up at some point. If W/we are too far apart in our views, (or non views) it is not likely to work out between U/us.

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/10/2010 9:51:13 AM

homedespot

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subseeking09

My question is this - being submissive does that mean that a Mistress expects to be able to control the mind to the point of saying whom one can vote for, what option to have - or do some women become Domme's thinking it will overcome some insecurity they have within them ?

I agree with the posters that say that this was a win for you, to quickly identify a woman that won't work for you.

As for the voting questions.

I control My slaves vote, what color car he drives, what make and model, what is in his bank accounts, where he works, if he works, when and how he sees his (adult) children and every other single aspect of his life...luckily for him, I believe that he should drive a cool, fast car, that his liking his job is valuable to Me, that his working outside our home is good for his mental health, that his (adult) children are important and should have a great relationship for with their dad and so-forth. In-other-words we're compatible. he is more conservative than I, politically speaking, but we are sufficiently alike that if I exert My control over him in that way it isn't a bitter misery.

I think you need to define, for yourself, what a submissive is and isn't. For ME a submissive is a person who gets to make those choices for themselves, and FOR ME a slave doesn't...again slave and I are compatible in our world-view. This doesn't make it your world view, or anyone else's. Find someone that you are so closely aligned with that when they order you to vote for someone you can know you made absolutely the right decision with both your vote and your heart.

J.

(in reply to subseeking09)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: First IM conversation started bad ended worse - adv... - 1/12/2010 6:09:42 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

subseeking ...

As you explore further, you will discover there are all types of Dominant Ladies ... just like in vanilla life.

Some prominently identify preferences, such as politics and religion ... some don't ... and some don't care; or have different preferences in other areas of life. The key is finding someone compatible; just as you would in vanilla dating. Conversation should flow naturally ... don't try to "manage" it. If there is connection ... it will work.

There is no one size fits all Domme. And a D/s relationship is still a relationship ... it is defined by the people involved, to their style, tastes and preferences. And no two relationships are exactly alike.

If the Lady shared your political views ... you would have no trouble submitting to "Her Control" over your vote ... assuming she even thought that was important ... would you? In fact, i bet it wouldn't even be an issue ....

The chat you reference in your post was highly successful ... you and the Lady identified basic incompatibility. Just as you would in vanilla life. So simply move on ... and learn about others.

There are a number of bright, intelligent, fun Ladies here ... you just have to meet them and get to know them. If you do, i think you will find your search to be an exciting, growing experience.

(in reply to homedespot)

Profile

Post #: 32