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ORIGINAL: JBGolden

So, I know that it was mentioned that going down on a submissive woman isn't being dominant and I know I made a joke about it somewhere (CROMINANTS UNITE) but I only have to ask this:

If I have my sub on the bed with her hands tied behind her back and her legs tied behind her leg as she's gagged and I'm giving her repeated orgasms with my tongue... is that not being dominant?

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ORIGINAL: windchymes

This doesn't have anything to do with D/s, s&m, M/s or any other combination of letters.  Some men, vanilla and kinky, just don't like to eat pussy.  Your guy is using the D/s relationship as a cop out, a handy reason or a lame excuse. 

Eating pussy is NOT a "vanilla act".  Many d-types LOVE to eat pussy, as well as lots of d-type women love to suck cock.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

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ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

NihilusZero,
I like a clear understanding. I believe being a Dominant means making things "very clear". I was told something then another. I was lead to believe it was attainable. Now I find out late in the game, it's not. it's not only important to me but I feel lied to. He wasn't clear, he wasn't honest. If i would have known eating pussy was not a part of our dynamic, I cannot fully say i would still be his submissive.

Well, it seems what you were told was vague enough that he could conceivably hold it over your head indefinitely, just waiting for you to keep acting well enough to hope you've been a sufficiently good girl to receive it.

So...while the way he phrased it doesn't quite directly qualify as lying, that's because he put it in a way where he could claim that loophole.

So, at this point, just be honest. "My desire to have cunnilingus as part of a relationship, your lack of interest in it, and my feeling that you misled me as to how likely it would be for it to happen are all factors that are leading me to think that I will not be able to stay comfortably in this relationship, thereby compromising my ability to serve you as I'd like to."

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ORIGINAL: xssve

Well, a lot of it is in the approach - if a sub thought swabbing the Lilly wasn't domly, I'd just snarl: "spread your fucking legs bitch, I'm gonna eat that pussy, and you're going to take it!"

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ORIGINAL: luckylover4u
Id agree that it sounds like he just lied to you to keep you around. What shocks me is he still wont do it even though you have expressed how you enjoy it and desired it from the start its not like you just randomly threw it in there one day. I mean even the guys who don't truly love oral will still do it every now and again.

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ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

I haven't seen the obvious question in a quick read: is he bi-?

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ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

I love to eat pussy.  I may be the only gal in this thread so far who's admitted to that.  I love the taste, the smell, her squeals and wiggling from me doing it, the warm tinglies it gives me when I'm doing it.  Who says there're no sensory pleasures to giving it?  hehe


I just don't understand the squeamishness of guys who won't do it when they love to get their cocks sucked.  I mean, geez, it's not roadkill...........

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ORIGINAL: DomImus

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ORIGINAL: luckylover4u
Id agree that it sounds like he just lied to you to keep you around. What shocks me is he still wont do it even though you have expressed how you enjoy it and desired it from the start its not like you just randomly threw it in there one day. I mean even the guys who don't truly love oral will still do it every now and again.

Blow jobs... I can take or leave them. 1.) I'd much rather fuck. 2.) There are good blow jobs and bad blow jobs. No blow job is better than a bad one. Anyway, I would not enjoy a blow job if I knew the woman administering it did not care to give them. Maybe women view this differently.

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ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

this question is for any D/s relationship with strong s&m tendancies.
for me, some vanilla in a D/s relationship is needed. very much so. I want to see my Dominant is all encompassing in fulfilling my needs, submissive and sexual. I cannot divide that man in half. So I want to know for all you sub ladies out there how many of you get this desire fulfilled. For me, being eaten is very important. It means a lot. Its a compliment. Huge. I know it's a vanilla act. My Dominant wont do it and i am struggling with that. Ive tried in every submissive way to express it's importance to me. He can give it anyway and under any condition and I look and smell good. I'm not deformed. lol yet this is making me feel insecure because he won't go there. He says it's not part of our interaction. To quote: "As I've explained, the dynamic of D/s, for me, reveals itself in different ways sexually. We are not vanilla sexually. We are vanilla outside of the room." In every way else he pleases me but at this point i am very hurt. I don't know how to go on...for me it's not complete unless i get this sometimes...I don't feel cared for. Or appreciated. i don't think i'm asking for a lot...i'm so lost....so i just got to know if what i desire, beyond, whips and paddles and ropes is normal for anyone else.....

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ORIGINAL: Acer49

Some people believe that sex is part of D/s dynamic, while others believe that sex is part of the man /women dynamic and totally separate. This is an individual choice; there is no right or wrong, just preference. Am I to understand that you do not engage in sexual activities at all, or just this particular one? If there is no sexual activity, then his statement “Not part of the dynamic” would be believable.

However, if it is just that he is incapable of engaging in oral sex with you, and then it could many things. He could have an issue with you, he could be being selfish or he may be self conscious about his lack of experience in this area and may not wish to be seen as inept in your presence. He may view it as a submissive act and being the dominant, is having a problem processing this.

You initially said that you were lead to believe that oral may be “attainable”, but then later you were told it was not part of the dynamic. I have serious concerns about this statement. I do not believe that if it is not part of the dynamic now, it never was. This being the case, it appears either you totally misunderstood what your partner said the first time or your partner was less than candid with you.

I am curious why you would allow some ones lack of desire for oral sex effect your self esteem? Why would you not see it is “His loss” At no time should anyone allow another person to determine their self worth, and if you are doing this, then you have a more serious problem then simply getting a sexual desire met.

I could understand your statement about not wanting to be someone who does not engage in oral sex if it were the only way that you could achieve sexual gratification. But from all of you statements about this man, it seems that he has done quite a bit for you and you are quite satisfied with everything other than this one area. Part of being in a relationship is about compromise. Part of being an adult is realizing we don’t always get everything we want and we learn what things are truly important in life.

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ORIGINAL: girlygurl

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ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire for future reference this will obviously be asked at the first meeting!

I appreciate you making sure that your needs will be met, but this made me laugh. Just having a visual moment of you having a nice dinner with someone, sipping on some wine, looking over the candles on the table and saying, "You better like eating pussy buddy, or I'm outta here."

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ORIGINAL: Hotch

That's unfortunate.  I have a feeling if he LIKED going down, he would.  He's using the D/s aspect of the relationship as an excuse to avoid an act he doesn't want to do.  Framing the relationship the way you have, sort of puts you between a rock and a hard place.  Personally I love the taste and smell of a woman and don't see how doing something that I enjoy so much is acting submissive.  To the contrary, I'm eating pussy if I have to tie my girl up to do it.

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ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

DomImus. yup..that's how he says it...not our dynamic. Our relationship is non-monogomous..he has women he does that with..so he says...those are the vanilla relationships he has. I am the only one he uses and abuses. From what i am told, eating me is not something he considers part of our dynamic. Its definitely left me a lot to consider.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Perhaps he is not good at it and if he goes down on you, he will suffer embarrassment when you start to laugh at him!  Or at the very least when you say "no really it's okay if you don't" and you will mean it.

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

The op is from Wisconsin.  I have cum across alot of stanky snatch from my northern home state.  I believe that many Packer gals utilize string cheese as a tampon.  Leaving a rather nasty overall and devastating end result  on the ol' snatcharooo.

Wisconsin is an odd place.  Small factoid. Did you know that in Appleton, Wi that magazine publishers such as Glamour and Cosmo simply recirculate issues from the period of '77 through '82 and pass them off as new? It's all in the fashion and the hair styles.

The land where the ground and time froze.....(and pussies smell like poo.)

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Woah....hey, I'm from Wisconsin and let me tell you my vagina is perfectly packaged! Lol. And a good number of the girls I've gone down on were lovely as well....some were transplants from other states/countries...but the majority were corn fed midwest born and raised women. They were fuckin hawt too....lol who in the hell have you been eating out?