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RE: whims - 1/9/2010 7:20:18 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		totally depends what it is, how well I know the person, what the other things that I need to do are.

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'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to sirsholly)
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RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:04:32 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

First of all, I know this probably sounds nit-picky, but this word has been bugging me for a long time: "subbie" sounds so condescending.  It sounds as bad as "Dommie" would.  Now that that's out of the way.....



Not to hijack the thread, but I agree. I think it would sound affectionate if someone I was in a relationship with said it, but as a blanket term for all submissives, I don't like it.

osf, you say you use the term affectionately, but since you don't know me, I doubt you really feel any affection for me, so that claim rings false.

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(in reply to sweetsub1957)
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RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:20:16 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

First of all, I know this probably sounds nit-picky, but this word has been bugging me for a long time: "subbie" sounds so condescending.  It sounds as bad as "Dommie" would.  Now that that's out of the way.....



Not to hijack the thread, but I agree. I think it would sound affectionate if someone I was in a relationship with said it, but as a blanket term for all submissives, I don't like it.

osf, you say you use the term affectionately, but since you don't know me, I doubt you really feel any affection for me, so that claim rings false.


i use it affectionately because i really really enjoy female submissives

but let me ask you, if a female were to use the term would you be as offended and i have heard them use it before

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:33:01 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
but let me ask you, if a female were to use the term would you be as offended and i have heard them use it before


I don't know about Lucy, but I would be just as offended. It is condescending whether a man or woman says it. The only person I would not be offended by is my Lord. Otherwise, I am not a 'subbie' to anyone.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:33:50 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy


quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

First of all, I know this probably sounds nit-picky, but this word has been bugging me for a long time: "subbie" sounds so condescending.  It sounds as bad as "Dommie" would.  Now that that's out of the way.....



Not to hijack the thread, but I agree. I think it would sound affectionate if someone I was in a relationship with said it, but as a blanket term for all submissives, I don't like it.


<<<does all out best to hijack the stoopid thing.

Subbie is condescending and could be constituted as demeaning. Your suggestion, Oaf, that we use Dommie in the same way is suggesting we stoop to the same level.

Now that you have been made aware of this, are you too lazy to type the additional 4 letters for Submissive?


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(in reply to lucylucy)
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RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:42:18 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		is it condescension as meant or perceived

if a lil old lady called you dear and meant it affectionately would you be offended?


lets have a vote,, sub/s or subbie/s


< Message edited by osf -- 1/9/2010 8:43:09 AM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:54:43 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

is it condescension as meant or perceived

if a lil old lady called you dear and meant it affectionately would you be offended?


lets have a vote,, sub/s or subbie/s




It's definitely perceived by many that the term used by other than someone that is significant to them will find it condescending. But... Regardless of how it is perceived... the intention can minimize the hurt feelings when one's intentions are shared to the one that was offend. However... from someone that has or should have some basic social understanding of lifestyle sensitivities.... the intention will hold less value and one offended will find such a person to be found lacking of character. and you... I find lacking and you continue to show it repeatedly on these forums.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to osf)
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RE: whims - 1/9/2010 8:57:07 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
lets have a vote,, sub/s or subbie/s



Subs is an inoffensive term where as you can see on this thread that many find subbies patronising, fo you really need a vote?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:01:08 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i don't consider myself part of a bdsm lifestyle just someone that lives

and i already asked for a vote, i can use sub if it's less offensive, i'm not caught up on words or terms, i've never even referred to myself as MASTER

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:05:00 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't consider myself part of a bdsm lifestyle just someone that lives

and i already asked for a vote, i can use sub if it's less offensive, i'm not caught up on words or terms, i've never even referred to myself as MASTER



What you are apart of is irrelevant...what you call yourself is irrelevant... Poor excuses of one that is lacking!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:09:22 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		let's let it go

it's disruptive

you don't call me names and i won't call you names

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:12:34 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

let's let it go

it's disruptive

you don't call me names and i won't call you names



call me what you will... it has no meaning from someone I find lacking...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:14:12 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Ok ok boys, I think thats probably enough now points have been made. I hope Osf you have decided to use the term subbie sparingly.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:14:12 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		osf, this is not directed specifically at you, it is just my opinion of the word "subbies" in general.

Calling someone a "subbie" to me is not affectionate, it's just a sign of a fundamental lack of respect for others. It is a casual disregard of their self-identity, and disparaging at best.

It also is a bit infantile. It makes me think of a man who still wants his Mommy, to be honest.


_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:14:56 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...lets have a vote,, sub/s or subbie/s...


is it strictly one or the other or can one write in a third option?

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:15:02 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		you insist on going on and then disparage me

i'm at a loss

ok tell you what you keep on and ill just let it pass hopefully you'll tire of it

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:16:19 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
Calling someone a "subbie" to me is not affectionate, it's just a sign of a fundamental lack of respect for others. It is a casual disregard of their self-identity, and disparaging at best.


I think when you know that person then it changes because you know the intention behind it, when its a stranger the go to response is patronised. I use the term subby to friends, normally when I am being overly cute or whatever but never with offense meant. I also personally don't think it shows a lack of respect or casual disregard, however I dont use it generally because I know people who do feel that way about it.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:18:56 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

you insist on going on and then disparage me

i'm at a loss

ok tell you what you keep on and ill just let it pass hopefully you'll tire of it



You disparge yourself... I but only shine a light!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:19:10 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
Calling someone a "subbie" to me is not affectionate, it's just a sign of a fundamental lack of respect for others. It is a casual disregard of their self-identity, and disparaging at best.


I think when you know that person then it changes because you know the intention behind it, when its a stranger the go to response is patronised. I use the term subby to friends, normally when I am being overly cute or whatever but never with offense meant. I also personally don't think it shows a lack of respect or casual disregard, however I dont use it generally because I know people who do feel that way about it.

i absolutely agree, thank you. It is contextual. i'm referring when it is used by someone who doesn't know the other individual(s) involved and it is directed in a casual manner at strangers. And most of my experience has been that those people have been really disregarding the others involved - perhaps if i'd met or seen more who mean it affectionately my opinion would be different.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: whims - 1/9/2010 9:21:01 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

osf, this is not directed specifically at you, it is just my opinion of the word "subbies" in general.

Calling someone a "subbie" to me is not affectionate, it's just a sign of a fundamental lack of respect for others. It is a casual disregard of their self-identity, and disparaging at best.

It also is a bit infantile. It makes me think of a man who still wants his Mommy, to be honest.



I agree. I hate the term no matter who uses it, men or women. If someone thinks it is a sign of affection from THEIR partner, nice for them. For me, no man I would be with would be calling me subbie. If someone has that in their profile, or writes me with it, I immediately turn off.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/9/2010 9:22:35 AM >

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 40
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