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What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 10:17:15 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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Hi folks...

as some are aware about due to cmail I am currently involved with a potential Ltr who is gorgeous in many aspects and it seems we are quite compatible...however...one aspect which annoys me is...that he goes to church weekly (well, that itself does not annoy me

) what does annoy me is that IF we decide to move on that then once I would be living with him that I would have to join him to church every week

Now, he knows he pushes a button there and I tried pretty much all my options, it seems there would be no easy way to get out of it...well, as someone replied to me "it's getting obvious you will go to church one way or another"...so there seems to be no way to get out of it, actually...

...however, whilst church is by far not my favourite activity (so to speak) I do know that I can tolerate it as in my previous work in children's home the catholic stuff was part of it and there I had to go to church every time I was at work on sundays with the kids so it is not new to me...neither to go...nor to pretend to happily go there...(which seems to be necessary to pretend being happy to go with him there if I would be going with him, if I don't want to face consequences when we would get back home, if I would dare to make his service miserable in his opinion

).

Now my question is, did any of you had situations where you had to do something (in particular non-sexual on this thread!!!) on a regular basis where you did do it just for the sake of doing it...or as my involvement puts it "to keep up appearances you will attend with me."

So it is not about church or not church...that is not my question...it's just that this is "my" example...and whilst in general I do believe as such (just consider church as boring and unneccessary, but thats my view) I am sure I will learn to tolerate it on a awkward regular basis...

But I was just wondering if others faced situations where they had to adapt to things they did not like doing on a regular basis (not just a one off) but learned to adapt to it...successfully or not...

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 11:41:46 AM

abrattyprincess

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i have some very serious issues with church in general so i can sympathize with you. i will never be able to go to church consistently on a weekly, regular basis. i've tried, i have a desire to, but i will never be able to deal with it. i can go on occasion and i have already attended women's study groups that took place in a home or something like that. perhaps you could negotiate and agree in the middle that you attend maybe every other week or maybe just get involved in something other than a sunday morning sermon/worship ritual? i don't really know your personal reasons about not wanting to go to church or whatever but maybe even offering to bake for certain activities or gatherings the church may be doing would help him to know you are supportive of him but just cannot always physically be there.

i know you said it wasn't specifically about going or not going to church but if this were my situation and it was insisted i go to church every Sunday i'd have to leave the relationship. that is how strongly i feel about my situation. i'm not saying i couldn't work into it eventually but certainly not anytime soon.

good luck!!! :)

~bratty

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(in reply to Phoenixpower)

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 11:47:26 AM

DesFIP

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To me, religion is something major. I couldn't accept being forced to join in his religion if I didn't share it.

However, we just got satellite tv. I've never had it before and never wanted it. He's watching every playoff game, not just the one his team is in. I watched the Jets game happily because I grew up in Queens back in the day when the Jets played at Shea and because of the Jets' association with Joe Namath. (I'm a huge Joe Willie groupie).

Then I watched the Eagles lose to the Cowboys because he's a Eagle fan being from Philly. But now he's watching the Pats lose to the Ravens. I don't care about either team except why the announcers aren't wearing heavier outfits as I know Foxborough can't be above 20. And then there's another game at 5:00. He made a pointed comment about me deserting him, but really, how much football can one woman be forced to watch? And then after asking me for lunch, he grumbled about missing the Ravens make another touchdown while eating it. I don't care about football. When my son played I went to the games but that wasn't for the love of the sport but the love of my kid!

Thankfully he doesn't like basketball or hockey and is so so about baseball. But having to watch football every weekend from September through January from now on is a very scary prospect.

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 12:14:34 PM

Phoenixpower

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I can feel for you DesFIP...at home it was my mum actually who loved to watch football and apart from that my family always enjoyed to watch the tour de france every bloody time it came on tv and all their skiing stuff...I was fine to watch ski jumping and got really interested into it and enjoy to see some parts of it e.g. during olympics...however on the level my parents used to watch it it was a pain and I feel so much better since I moved out (yes, I did not have to sit there physically to watch it, however, alternative options were a fair bit limited considering how that stuff came all the time)..

abrattyprincess:

regarding church for me it is really just the boredom fact...so nothing major. I simply can imagine the sunday morning spend much better with staying in bed and sleeping long then to getting up for....church...

now, he isn't the same belief I was pushed into it as a small kid, which might make it easier to tolerate his church, however I just think it is plain boring.

And for him it is not about pushing me into his faith DesFIP....he says, I don't have to believe (even when I do in general) however for him his slave has to join him full stop!

Maybe I am lucky and he lets me read the collarme boards on my mobile phone whilst being with him in church, if we get serious

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 1/10/2010 12:16:25 PM >

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 1:28:05 PM

ShaharThorne

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From: Somewhere in TX
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I am not committed to watching football. I am rather one of those who listen to it. I am more of a college football gal (yes, I wept when the Longhorns lost to Alabama).

As for church, I am UU and don't have a church around me. When I do visit Lizard, I try to attend a sermon, but being the I follow a more paganistic path (mixture of religions really) as long as the message is about love for fellow men, I am happy.

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 2:40:08 PM

afterforever

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From: Belfast, NI
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'Nilla ex made me go to church with him every week. Full on, Catholic, burn-in-hell sermons, stares like I'm the three-eyed Whore of Babylon for not going up for communion, have to stay an hour extra so 'nilla ex can confess to having pre-marital sex, church. Which is fine if you like that, I never would have dreamed of asking him to stay home with me, but it definitely wasn't for me. One of the reasons he is ex.

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 3:06:29 PM

frazzle

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Get your facts right. unless you are catholic, going up for communion isnt an option.

The sermons are not usually burn in hell types. Confession takes about 3 mins and you dont go and confess something you planned to go straight back outside and redo.

(in reply to afterforever)

Post #: 7

RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 3:27:20 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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I am catholic

on paper

which is what put me off a lot from church, as our priest never found an end in his service... which is why he did hit a button with it big time....It's not like that I would be unable to do it....its just that the rebell comes out of me in that respect...

When I was 14 I left religious education at school as I had enough from that teacher as she considered it as being fun to pick upon me all the time a la I should have so and so much knowledge about it as I a from such a catholic village blablabla...

Hello? We were actually 5 or 6 from her supposedly catholic village why picking up on me?

So at half term I had enough, as I had turned 14 and therefore was entitled to sign myself off religious education (don't know if that is in every country like that but in Germany that's how it is) which she was not happy about *lol*

So in that second term in that year she could pick upon whomever she desired I was in town eating burger or going home earlier if it as in the 6th hour of the day...

So her behaviour did not improve my likes of church either, neither did the fact that I had to attend church and several other catholic services at work within childrens village (some don't practice it much, the one I was in did it quite a lot which is why I declined my manager position after I qualified as I did not fancy to live up to this ethos on such an intense level).

HOWEVER as I said, he is not catholic and belongs to a different church instead...so it might be easier to get that hour time wasted each week if we would decide that I would be going to serve him.

He knows my view and knows that it is not personal against him or his belief...just something where my "id" fights against it...as my "id" prefers to just stay in bed if we would face that situation....and yes...I tried all possible options to get out of it such as suggesting I could attend my church whilst he visits his (guess he wasn't foolish enough to believe that one), he might loose his car keys when it is time for us to go (where he suggested to walk the several miles to there instead and to ensure to wake me up every future week early enough that we will be there on time with walking there until the key mystery would be solved) and whatever other ways I tried inclusive that he might not enjoy it when I would be there with him with a rather grumpy face...(hence my comment in opening title that according to him I would then face consequences at home).

So it is getting obvious...that rule can't be pushed

So I am prepared that if I would become his slave that that would be as it is...enduring an hour church per week...to keep up appearances

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 1/10/2010 3:36:04 PM >

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 8

RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 4:02:39 PM

afterforever

Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

Get your facts right. unless you are catholic, going up for communion isnt an option.

The sermons are not usually burn in hell types. Confession takes about 3 mins and you dont go and confess something you planned to go straight back outside and redo.

I didn't mean to offend you, I was only stating my own experience. I know the rules on going up for communion, I know confession only takes a few minutes but there was always a queue in his church, and I don't consider my ex to be a particularly good catholic, hence the reoffending. I don't think all catholics do that by any means. And to be fair there were only a few sermons on hell but they put me off quite a bit, hence why I mentioned them.

I am also aware that I had and still have a negative viewpoint on organised religion going into it, due to having to watch bullets being picked out of people's knees on a weekly basis thanks to a religious civil war, which very likely colours my perceptions of church.

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 9

RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 4:08:23 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Watching baseball with him. I hate sports but I really do try to take an interest. I try to learn what I can but in the end...I just can't get into it. He knows this though and I think he just kinda finds it humorous.

The only advice I can give you about church is to maybe try to take something away from it that may be spiritual to you? Just because it may not be your religion does not mean you can't still learn something from it.

(in reply to afterforever)

Post #: 10

RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 4:08:42 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Can you bring an Ipod and listen to podcasts or books while he's listening to the sermon? I'd try to negotiate for that.
At the least, I would agree to try this for three months and then see if it's something you can continue or not. But he would have to accept your decision about listening to his religion and whether or not it was something you could continue to commit to doing. However, being an avowed cynic, I will be very surprised if in six months he isn't pressuring you to convert.

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 4:33:34 PM

SweetPoosy

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Frazzle, Afterforever doesn't live in the US, she lives in Belfast, a whole 'nother world when it comes to the church and its hold on people's lives. As a recovering Catholic who occasionally has to go to mass for weddings and funerals, I can heartily concur that there is nothing so uncomfortable as being the ONLY person in your pew, or your section who DIDN'T go to communion.

Believe me, at my MIL and SIL's funerals (only five weeks apart), my husband and I were subjected to the most unbelieveable looks as we politely stood aside for others to go up to communion. His was a very prominent Irish-Catholic family in Detroit, hence the strength of the disapproval!

Phoenix, having said all of that, I am curious as to what church your potential Dom attends. It make a world of difference as to what I would counsel. If he goes to a Congregational church, I'd say, go and enjoy it. If he's a hell-fire and brimstone Southern Baptist...run...run like the wind! (I have a LONG history of Southern Baptist Ministers on my Dad's side!)

In some parts of the US, the church functions as almost a sort of social club, in addition to being a place of worship. To get along in a small town atmosphere, it's almost necessary to belong to a church community. Here where I live, a Jewish man from NYC converted to Catholicism back in the 60's, so he would fit into the community which was strongly Hispanic Catholic.

If he lives in a larger city, then it's just his personal choice to go. And there's the rub...personal choice. Religion is such a personal choice, I think that's why many of us have a hard time with anyone forcing someone to attend church against their inclinations. As for me, when I have to attend, I try to meditate on what message Christ would be bringing today, and how it would differ from what he was trying to get across to a bunch of baby souls way back when.

Hope this helps!

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/10/2010 7:48:22 PM

JonnieBoy

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From: Cymru
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPoosy
I can heartily concur that there is nothing so uncomfortable as being the ONLY person in your pew, or your section who DIDN'T go to communion.

I've been in a few catholic worships (I've been in a lot of other religions worships too) ... I can see exactly what you're saying.
Me being me, I couldn't give a shit if people are disrespectful enough to dead eye you if you don't kneel down (I can't if you remember, not that I would anyway) or look down their noses because you're not of the same faith when trying to stick to the rules and shake your hand. I do think it's a great idea that you get a gargle of plonk though, just not fair that I didn't and it seemed they were too skint to afford more than one cupfull amongst them.
This is, of course, entirely based on my own experience, but I've never come across such blatant hypocracy against a faith whilst under the pretence of upholding its doctrine displayed by any other belief system.

P.S. ... (to afterforever ) just as well I wasn't in front of you in the queue ... you'd have been there a damned long time waiting for me to confess to everything their god considers a sin !

Pirate

< Message edited by JonnieBoy -- 1/10/2010 7:50:21 PM >

(in reply to SweetPoosy)

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/11/2010 9:00:43 AM

LanceHughes

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Religion is a deal-breaker with me. My profile says: "Militant Atheist. Religious/spiritual need not apply."

Now, I realize your OP says "just a example," but if you're uncomfortable at the prospect, you'll be misirable when you go for LTR being proposed.

It appears potentetial Dom wants you by his side so that the fiction of a vanilla husband/wife can be maintained. Are you yourself comfortable with the lie? Maybe join the choir - lots of aetheists hide in the choir, or (as suggested) be in the undercroft "always" too busy to be upstairs.

If this is a requirement of the Dom and it appears it a soft limit for you, YOU have to decide how soft/hard a limit it is for YOU.
Can you think "It's only x hours and outways all the other advantages."?????

From your tone, I'll guess not.

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/11/2010 9:21:34 AM

Wolf2Bear

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I have always placed my spiritual practices and worshiping outside of all D/s relationships I have and will enter into. For myself, my spirituality is highly personal and place that same concept on whom I am involved with. That is one area which no person will be given consent to have authority over.

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RE: What weekly rule do you dislike to do... - 1/11/2010 11:10:16 AM

LaTigresse

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I cannot think of any regular thing I have done for a relationship that I hated. I pretty much dig in my heels and do what I feel I need to do. I will do one timers, things I don't really want to do, but knowing it will really please someone I care about, I do it. Just nothing like that on a schedule or regularly. Then again, I have managed to upset a few people because of that very thing. "No, we are NOT going to spend Christmas at your fathers! You can if you want, but I am staying home/doing what I want to do." That sort of thing.

I would never convert to someone's religioun or become a member of a church for a significant other. I remember offending someone's grandmother over that very issue about 20 years ago... I have an intense dislike for most organized religiouns that has only gotten stronger over the years. To compromise my own beliefs is something I would never do. On the other hand.........I would NEVER demand a s type believe as I do. If she went to a church, I would never try to stop her. She would not be allowed to sway my beliefs either. She would know going into the relationship my feelings. I am not going to change just to make her more comfortable with them.

I can see how a slave or submissive would really struggle with this sort of thing. Especially religioun.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/11/2010 11:12:38 AM >

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