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RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/11/2010 5:09:27 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

Just curious, when your first D/s relationship ended. How and why?

The underlying reason why it ended was because he was not an honest man.

quote:


And more so, what did you do after?


I took ownership of myself back.

quote:


Did you feel lost?


At first, yes.  Lost, stunned, etc. Mostly because of the way in which he ended it.  But that didn't last very long once I took myself back.

quote:


Did you wait a long time before getting involved in this type of relationship again? Did you try vanilla and then get bored and go back?


No, I didn't go vanilla.  I went out with a couple of men but they were not relationships.

quote:


What did you do with yourself and how did you find something that worked better for you?


I continued moving forward with my life and got to know the person I was becoming.  I became very happy in my single life.  When I met the man who now owns me, I stepped very carefully into it and made a promise to myself to not compromise who I am again.  I would not enter into another relationship without knowing him and understanding how we would fit together, if we would fit together.  Sexyred1 said exactly what my sentiments were (and still are):  I will not stay in a situation that is not good for me on all levels.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to sweetboundesire)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/11/2010 6:40:46 PM   
babygurlangel


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		When me and my ex husband split up the first time I went vanilla with some BDSM play then went back to the ex then went vanilla again. Then got back with the ex as a vanilla couple and have since left him for good this time.. yeah it took awhile to learn the lesson. I have since been out just looking and have found a few people to play with and right now I prefer it its the first time I have been single long enough to actually discover its what I needed. I needed to be able to get out there and meet all sorts of different people. I am talking to a few Men one Dom the other not just being friends and seeing where they lead. Don't know if I can be vanilla again or not and feel satisfied but I think the best things is to find the one that belongs and you can fit the other stuff in. Just my opinion tho.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/11/2010 6:49:07 PM   
sweetboundesire


Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		ha! i don't think i can go back to vanilla either. if a man doesn't have it in him to tie me up, hurt me and bring me to tears, as well as eat pussy and what not, I can't be satisfied. I really have crossed over into the land of no return!

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/11/2010 8:13:43 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire
Just curious, when your first D/s relationship ended. How and why?


My first D/s relationship ended when i finally accepted the fact that i didn't respect her.  She had a lot of self-destructive behaviors that i didn't agree with (she drank too much and used too many recreational drugs).  i tried to help her to see the problem, but she would always use the "I'm the Domme, so don't tell me what to do" line.  When i finally realized that she wasn't going to change, then i accepted that it was up to me to make a change.  So i moved on.

(in reply to sweetboundesire)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/11/2010 11:20:51 PM   
sexysweets


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/4/2010
Status: offline 		If you love someone it does not make it harder to get over because it was a D/s dynamic involved... when a relationship you worked for and value ends it hurts and you have to grieve... no matter what label you want to put on it

(in reply to sweetboundesire)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 12:54:48 AM   
sophiesback


Posts: 4039
Joined: 11/4/2009
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Really as long as you don't become a psycho stalker of the guy or slit your wrists, whatever you do to get over it is ok and natural.


However; when the other party ends it and ends up being the stalker, it is even more strange and scary

_____________________________

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30 Fluffy points

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 2:50:57 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		...it never happened,, we are togheter for years,, if it woud happen,, damn  it would be hard on me,, i would feel LOST ,,,,
I have a real issue with trust,,, and dont know if i ever could go as far again  as i did go with Him,,,

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 4:35:37 AM   
sweetriver


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/5/2010
Status: offline 		my first M/s relationship ended right after Christmas. It was mutual decision, that i needed to find something that would better suit my emotional needs. We are still friends and i respect the hell out of Him.

In a way, to me, it is harder to leave a relationship when there is nothing you can point to and say "He did this wrong." or "He lied/cheated/was abusive" . When the only thing wrong with the relationship is that there isn't enough of it, it is damned hard to walk away.

What am i doing to get over it? i am taking my time, not jumping into anything. If i need someone to hold me or spank me or anything like that, i have Dominant friends who will do that for me with no string attached, so there isn't that driving desire to find Someone just to fill those needs. i can look around and see what my options are.

i decided right after the release to not meet anyone new in January. This is going to make me take the time to get to know people before deciding anything. i'm sure it is frustrating as hell for the ones i am talking to, but i think that when i do choose who to kneel to next, i will have made the best choice possible, thinking with my brain instead of my crotch, lol.



_____________________________

Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served. 
But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered
 in a spirit of joy. -- Gandhi

(in reply to elleX)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 5:55:01 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I see this no difference then a regular relationship.  When its over its over you move on with your life.  Go through the usual steps being sad blah blah blah...

Seeing you posting here do you plan on dumping your Dom because he doesn't eat pussy? 

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to sweetriver)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 6:08:25 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sophiesback

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Really as long as you don't become a psycho stalker of the guy or slit your wrists, whatever you do to get over it is ok and natural.


However; when the other party ends it and ends up being the stalker, it is even more strange and scary


Well, yes that would be a very horrible and scary thing, but in the case of the OP it isn't likely that situation will come up.

(in reply to sophiesback)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 6:29:15 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


quote:

ORIGINAL: sophiesback

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Really as long as you don't become a psycho stalker of the guy or slit your wrists, whatever you do to get over it is ok and natural.


However; when the other party ends it and ends up being the stalker, it is even more strange and scary


Well, yes that would be a very horrible and scary thing, but in the case of the OP it isn't likely that situation will come up.

Some of those stories sound like the makings of a  Lifetime movie

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/12/2010 11:59:01 PM   
sophiesback


Posts: 4039
Joined: 11/4/2009
From: Illinois
Status: offline 		i've no intentions of selling my life story to Lifetime. They can't afford me

_____________________________

CM's Resident Goof
30 Fluffy points

(in reply to divi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/13/2010 2:16:50 AM   
sweetriver


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/5/2010
Status: offline 		i almost forgot, one thing i did to help me move on was to start writing an 'owners manual'...

Writing it helped me figure out what i was looking for and defined my needs. It has sections on limits, physical considerations, emotional considerations, what i like and don't in play, limits, etc. It is much easier to send a file like that than try to write it out over and over. It also works as a basis for discussion.





_____________________________

Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served. 
But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered
 in a spirit of joy. -- Gandhi

(in reply to sophiesback)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/13/2010 8:30:27 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My first D/s relationship was rather intense, and while I grieved it there was a sense that it just really helped me define what it was that I really wanted in a relationship.

I think that all relationships are different and feel different. It also takes time to put in perspective what a relationship means to you when it ends, because while it may seem like the end of the world at the time, it usually is just a new and exciting beginning...

The longest relationship I have had in this lifestyle was with a dominant man that I am still friends with, have romantic feelings for, and if life is kinder and gentler to us we may one day give it another chance. Either way I am happy with me and my life that I have built for myself. That is a priceless feeling.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sweetboundesire)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/13/2010 6:52:15 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My first D/s relationship was rather intense, and while I grieved it there was a sense that it just really helped me define what it was that I really wanted in a relationship.

I think that all relationships are different and feel different. It also takes time to put in perspective what a relationship means to you when it ends, because while it may seem like the end of the world at the time, it usually is just a new and exciting beginning...

The longest relationship I have had in this lifestyle was with a dominant man that I am still friends with, have romantic feelings for, and if life is kinder and gentler to us we may one day give it another chance. Either way I am happy with me and my life that I have built for myself. That is a priceless feeling.



I completely relate to what I bolded above.  The end of my last relationship turned into the beginning of an exciting exploration of myself, and what I discovered was pretty damn cool.  This had me coming into my current relationship as a much different person, and totally at peace with myself.  Good for you for finding this place. :)


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/13/2010 6:57:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I completely relate to what I bolded above. The end of my last relationship turned into the beginning of an exciting exploration of myself, and what I discovered was pretty damn cool. This had me coming into my current relationship as a much different person, and totally at peace with myself. Good for you for finding this place. :)


You know, turning 40 really was the beginning of my life in so many ways... and talking to other women my age they often feel the same way... my son is an adult, I have no one to answer to anymore, I go where I want when I want, and everything seems just easier to me now. I am pretty good at dominating my own life


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: for subs...when you move on from your Dominant/Master - 1/13/2010 8:09:03 PM   
sweetboundesire


Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: divi

I see this no difference then a regular relationship.  When its over its over you move on with your life.  Go through the usual steps being sad blah blah blah...

Seeing you posting here do you plan on dumping your Dom because he doesn't eat pussy? 


thanks for the laugh...i don't know yet and it's not the whole part of the equation for me. there is more to it than just this....and more than i feel like spending the time to explain...i imagine anyone here can understand that. sometimes it's a number of things and there is just that tip of the ice berg that rears it's ugly head above all the rest...makes you deal with what must be dealt with. and then you figure yourself out better....you move on or you dont but in the end you discover and learn and grow and that is what is important. Whether you do that with your Dominant or not, what matters is you grow, you learn. At least for me it is. It's also important for me to never end things in a childish manner. This is a partnership of such extremes, with such a great amount of trust. For me, and for my asperations, i always hope to achieve a grateful good bye if not a good bye with friendship.

(in reply to divi)
Profile   Post #: 37
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