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BitaTruble -> RE: Exploring My Dominance (1/11/2010 6:10:48 AM)
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If you are interested in SM, start off learning human anatomy. Learn where the major organs are (kidney's, liver etc.) and use common sense when playing in those areas. A hard whap across the butt with a wood paddle isn't going to do the same thing to the body as a hard whap in the kidney area. Repeatedly striking the thighs over and over is not the same as repeated striking of the spine so knowing the body is a good first step to avoid *mistakes* that may lead to consequences for you and a potential play partner which neither of you really want to pay.
You really will need to decide what you are looking for: a human target to indulge SM or a service oriented play partner with whom you can indulge your fondest D/s fantasies and turn them into realities. Maybe you want a combination of those two things or something else all together. Do you want to lead in all areas? Some areas? Do you like to micromanage or are you more laid back and reactive as opposed to pro-active. Do you want occasional and/or part-time or are you looking for something that has the potential to lead to a lifetime partnership? Try making a list of your 'must haves' in a partner and another list of 'never gonna accept that' and use that to cull out those who won't fit into *your* life or style.
Who you are and the path you want to take, regardless of what that path may be, will be attractive to some people and will make others turn away. That's okay. If everyone was a fit for everyone else, finding partners would be the easy.
I'd suggest that no matter what path you want to take, start off with baby steps. (They still get you places!) Infusing humor can inhance play or distract from it depending on the energy of the mood and the moment so if you allow the *here and now* to be one of your guidelines when you get down to brass tacks you might find more success than trying to force things which aren't coming naturally to you because of circumstance.
Be realistic in your expectations starting with the fact that all humans are imperfect so flaws are going to become apparent in time and then decide if you can live with the flaws of a particular person or not. Try to be as honest as you can (transparency goes both ways) so that potential partners can consent with knowledge to the *real* you rather than some mask you wear for the purpose of finding someone, anyone, who is willing to kneel for you.
Deciding what kind of partner you want will require that you take a long look in the mirror to see if you are the sort of person who attracts the sort of submissive that you seek. If you are happy with *you* and present that as authentically as possible, then your odds will increase on maintaining a relationship with someone else who is happy with *you.*
Once you do find someone who is willing to hand over the reigns of their life or even just some of their time to you, then you will need to step up to the plate and actually lead. Whether it's leading the scene in a play session or leading someone on a life-long journey, you are the one who will be in charge and that's a heavy responsibility to bear. Be prepared as best you can by knowing you, knowing your partner and knowing where you want to go. You don't need to stride so boldly forward in your path that you leave your partner behind, so as you walk forward, turn around every now and then to make sure that your partner is still following you, still on the same page and still interested in what you want from their service and/or submission. That means keeping the lines of communication open and doing so in such a way that your partner will not fear speaking to you on subjects which may cause them concern or consternation. Those sorts of things will pop up every now and then, but they don't have to be deal breakers especially if you pay attention and are observant of what's happening in your relationship.
In the end, have some fun exploring - exploring you, your partner, different scenes, and different toys (if you are into that). You are only going to be limited by your own imagination (and things like gravity.. heheh) so consider the world your oyster, get out your shucker and have at it. Some of the stuff will be bad.. for you, your partner or your relationship and that's okay.. just chuck those.. but I promise, as you open some of those oysters up, you will find some pearls as well and they make all that shucking worthwhile.
Good luck to you!
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