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Knighthunter862 -> who we are (1/12/2010 7:09:16 AM)
If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed?

Jeffff -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 7:16:17 AM)
50/50 Jeff

LadyPact -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 7:20:11 AM)
It's impossible to give you a specific answer to your question. The ability to succeed in such a case is going to vary on multiple factors. Absolutely all of them go back to the individuals involved. Can it succeed in some cases? Yes! There are quite a few folks out there where one spouse has introduced kink to the other and it's worked out fabulously. Some even stop being 'vanilla hubby' and find their inner Dom. In others, hubby turns out to be a service top and that works out as well. Add in those who really are just not kinky, but find alternate methods, such as poly situations where hubby consents to the wife having an additional person in her life in the Dominant role. There are also those who will find this is a huge area of incompatibility and the solution for them is to each seek partners who are more suited to their needs. There's no way to determine which is the most common scenario. It's up to the individuals and how it works for them.

AnnaOfAramis -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 7:22:13 AM)
Slim to none. Then again this is based on my own personal experience. It really depends on the man and what his personality is. Whether he is naturally dominant or somewhere leaning toward submissive. If he is Dominant it might be an easy transition for him to take more from his woman, however if he cannot easily discard the elements placed on him by society, then I believe it won't be successful. Many men who have been bred to believe that a woman should be treated a certain way will find it difficult to transition out of this thinking. Again there is exceptions to every rule, yet it has been my displeasure to witness many a relationship, some extremely long standing, that have failed because one party wanted more from the other.

KnightofMists -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 8:56:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? you ask a stupid question!.... there is no absolutes in a question like this..

breatheasone -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 8:57:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? i my personal case? ZERO. Which is why i sought out a D-type, here on collarme.

osf -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 9:42:03 AM)
i concur with the zip point of view, i have seen some try i once knew a couple where he was sub and he'd bring her to meetings and she was at best bored most of the time but only went along for him

sexysweets -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 9:45:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? That depends on what goals the submissive wife has and her expectations on reaching them...

ranja -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 2:07:23 PM)
We were successful

Wolf2Bear -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 2:24:58 PM)
depends on too many factors such as: - are both their wants/needs/desires/ fairly compatible - are their goals along the same line - are they both willing to explore outside their way of thinking - are they both willing to learn - what are their motives and are they in sync - toss in hundreds of other variables It all boils down to where both people see their relationship going and if they are willing to work to achieve those goals. Or it could be as Knight of Mists so eloquently stated.

AquaticSub -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 3:17:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? That's impossible to answer in general. I'd have to know the specifics of their relationship to even hope to give the odds.

littlewonder -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 6:34:36 PM)
50/50. Does he NEED the same things as her? There's no way for us to tell.

rockspider -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 10:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnnaOfAramis Again there is exceptions to every rule, yet it has been my displeasure to witness many a relationship, some extremely long standing, that have failed because one party wanted more from the other. Yeah, I have seen a lot of those too. Like a bigger house, bigger car, more overseas holidays, a maid or 3 and then they complain that the poor bastard works 16 hours a day, so they divorce him and take him for as much they can get and some alimony for good measure. [:'(]

PrimalConsonance -> RE: who we are (1/12/2010 10:43:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? In my opinion, not very good. Most likely this nilla person may or may not have some pre-conceived notion of what BDSM is about (maybe they have seen "Exit To Eden" (which really helped the BDSM community to become more mainstream...) or more seriously they may not have it in them to actually feel for what they are doing outside of playing a role or playing a game of some sort. And if they are not into it, then resentment will eventually set in and then it's downhill from there on a few counts. I would say 10% chance of survival from a cold start. Odds are, it will be stigmatized and end in disaster. I would also throw in there about a 3 - 5% chance that the hubby would end up being supportive and be there for her while he lets her do her thing and sits along side rooting her on the sidelines....yeah. Not good odds there either.

Focus50 -> RE: who we are (1/13/2010 1:47:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? I'd rate the long-term chances at around the zero mark.... A vanilla is not a Dom (or sub) just as a hetero is not gay or even a male is not a female. Short-term though, I'd think most otherwise happy hubby/wife combos will work on their relationship, particularly what may be lacking in one partner's needs being met. The Dominant psyche is about controlling your submissive partner - you can't learn or teach that; it comes with an individual's inbuilt hardwiring. A bit like being short when you'd rather be tall - you can't learn or teach that to others, either.... Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: who we are (1/13/2010 1:59:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? you ask a stupid question!.... there is no absolutes in a question like this.. Notwithstanding that there's no "absolute" in the OP's question, what qualifies his question (or anyone's, really) as being "stupid" beyond your own regular passive/aggressive mood swings? Perhaps a new signature line might be in order, too? [sm=poke.gif] Focus.

DesFIP -> RE: who we are (1/13/2010 4:31:14 AM)
No way to tell. He might be dominant, he might be sadistic but even if he is that doesn't mean he's dominant in the way she prefers or that their kink interests will match. She can't make him into the best dominant for her, she can only explain what she needs and encourage any attempts he makes in this field. And it helps if she doesn't keep telling him he doesn't do it right, but instead understands that to do these things will require a whole new mindset for someone who is not physically violent.

sunshinemiss -> RE: who we are (1/13/2010 6:03:26 AM)
You know these kinds of questions just don't have an answer. If you succeed, 100%, if you don't? Zero and then it doesn't matter. It's like throwing crabs back into the ocean which have washed ashore and are dying. You will never save all of them, but you will 100% save some of them. Does that make sense? Best, sunshine p.s. Focus, nice to see you again.

peppermint -> RE: who we are (1/13/2010 7:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 If a submissive wife wants her vaniila hubby to learn how to give her what she neeeds,What are the odds that will succceed? In my experience, not a chance in hell. And the wife risks being outed to her kids by the resentful hubby who thinks she is a perv.

AsmodaisSin -> RE: who we are (1/13/2010 7:22:45 AM)
We weren't married, but my last vanilla boyfriend tried. If anything else, he tried...and failed miserably. i wanted it to work more-than-anything then. i had just realized what i was. i was scared of the understanding of it, of the realization that there were plenty of people similar to me. He couldn't control me at all and i was TRYING to submit. It just didn't feel right at all. Perhaps if we had gotten married, he might have succeeded a little better, but in all honesty, i know in my heart that it would not have worked out. i wasn't made for him. i was made for Daddy.

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