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RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 7:54:35 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

If in fact it is stated in the submissive's profile that all initial contacts should be directed at his/her Dominant/Owner, then yes, it is rude if one fails to do that. Period.

And let's hope the sub makes it known in their profile Who their Dominant is, so that contact can be made.

How true.
Some subs just are never satisfied and will get away with and play whatever games they can begind their Domiant's back.
But then again I have in the past, when scening with other couples, more often than not had another dominant want to communicate with me and not with my owner. The reason is obvious; psychologically an already owned slave or sub is more attractive than one running around single.

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(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 21

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:01:47 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

At social, Master really doesn't mind if someone approaches me first. He knows that I can handle myself and don't need to hide behind his coattails. He also accepts that it's not always immediately obvious who is collared and who is together with whom. (Most socials are in vanilla settings) The exception would be if someone didn't take "no" for an answer. Then he would take umbrage.

As for online, 99% of what gets sent to me is drivel. Why would I waste Master's time by having to drudge through that?

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(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 22

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:02:01 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

psychologically an already owned slave or sub is more attractive than one running around single.

Do you think so?

I tend to think that ownership denotes that the sub has found a dynamic that works well for them already, whereas one who is 'running around' is still searching for the right fit-that doesn't make them less attractive in my eyes.

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Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 23

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:19:47 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I respect myself, so I do not email people against their wishes. If I am in my dynamic and someone emails me profile uninvited then I do not respond to that person, they can either email my dom or stick it.

In real life we are all adults, and if someone is involved in some high protocol situation in which they can't talk to other people... go them! I wouldn't be attracted to interacting with people that live that ways anyhow... nothing against it, people should live the way they like, it is just doubtful that we would have much in common

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(in reply to angeldmort)

Post #: 24

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:24:18 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

psychologically an already owned slave or sub is more attractive than one running around single.

Do you think so?

I tend to think that ownership denotes that the sub has found a dynamic that works well for them already, whereas one who is 'running around' is still searching for the right fit-that doesn't make them less attractive in my eyes.

There is that surface psychology that you speak of but I think it goes deeper. Many dominants see poaching as powerful.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 25

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:29:30 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

psychologically an already owned slave or sub is more attractive than one running around single.

Do you think so?

I tend to think that ownership denotes that the sub has found a dynamic that works well for them already, whereas one who is 'running around' is still searching for the right fit-that doesn't make them less attractive in my eyes.

There is that surface psychology that you speak of but I think it goes deeper. Many dominants see poaching as powerful.

But wouldn't having to resort to piking someone else's sub/slave imply desperation? My initial reaction to the idea is a complete recoil...

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 26

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:31:05 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

If I am aware (because all too often I haven't a clue who belongs to who...) and IF I give a damn (if the dominant involved is someone I rather care if I offend or not) I would of course ask them prior to communicating with their property.

Just yesterday, I realized how much I was enjoying the writings of a specific slave. I have some sort of clue as to the dynamic the slave is involved in, have some respect for the person that owns, and would not want to put either party in an uncomfortable position. So, rather than writing the slave, I wrote the owner. The owner can chose whether or not to share my kudos with their property.

On the other hand, there are slaves on here, that I never gave a thought to writing because I didn't get the vibe that they had an owner that would be concerned. I am always aware that the slave may or may not chose to share what I write with their owner. To think otherwise would be foolish.

I would NEVER contact an s-type that I knew was owned or in a relationship, in a manner that I would imagine to be viewed as anything other than friendly! Just not my style at all.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to angeldmort)

Post #: 27

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 9:11:47 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...Now, ideally, if this is true, (please let me know if I misunderstood) the proper response from the submissive should be in the nature of "Thank you, but you should refer to my Dominant first."...

it has been this slave's experience that the "proper response from the submissive" depends on the dominant/submissive partner in question and how their individual dynamic is structured with regards to protocol. there are no "One-Size-Fits-All" submissives, slaves, dominants, masters or rules.

(in reply to angeldmort)

Post #: 28

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 9:34:00 AM

HimNbabygirl

Posts: 645
Joined: 11/4/2009
From: Knoxville, TN and Somewhere, WV
Status: offline

In our relationship, i am free to communicate with anyone online in an open forum such as this. Any private conversations with submissives are allowed, but with any Dominants, i am to inform them politely that i need Masters permission first. As to protocol at functions in real life, i'm honestly not sure as we have not had that opportunity yet. At times, i would rather just delete some of the obvious trolls messages, but He requires i send them all to Him, so i do.

His baby girl
member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's
10 fluffy points
<edited for spelling error>

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 29

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 10:05:30 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

At most of the munchs I am aware of, ones status is not necessarily known, so assuming you cannot approach a collared sub in a casual environment like a munch is not going to be useful. You have no real way of knowing, since not all collars are around the neck, and those things worn around ones neck do not automatically mean someone is collared, or even submissive.

Personally, I assume that it is OK t approach anyone, and it is then the sub or slave's responsability to say "I am sorry, I am not allowed to talk to someone new without My Master/Mistress/Dom/Owner's permission. They are right over there if you would like to ask them." For one thing, I am not approaching with the intent of aquiring service, though a sub or slave cant know that any mre than I can know they are collared and owned.

Fox's rules are that he is alowed to speak with anyone he wants on CM or FL, but if they want the conversation to move to IMs or anything else they need my permission to do so. And THEY have to ask for it, he cannot do it by proxy. Those who want to just simple converse have no problem with it, those who had ulterior motives wil not. Unike some, though, this rule includes dominant and submissive conversation partners. I know from experience that someone presenting themselves as submissive at first can switch their side during a conversation later, and often a submissive wil be hunting for additions to a family rather than just for conversation. I trust Fox to uphold his own rules, rather than assume there will be any understood code of conduct from others.

DV

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(in reply to HimNbabygirl)

Post #: 30

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 10:13:03 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
What I mean is, I get plenty of messages from dominants who have a comment or question about someone I said here on the forums. They message me and probably never even look at my profile. They aren't out to steal me or invade Val's turf. Getting one's panties in a twist over that seems pretty silly to me when all one has to do is politely go "Hey, no offense but my owner and I prefer that you get permission before talking to me".

Now, if a person knows that this rule is in place and disrespects it anyway, then it's exactly the same as any other attempt to disrespect or belittle the relationship. I don't see it as particularly sacred.

10 points.

It's not really rude, it's a gamble on the part of the sender. The receiver never needs to read the message.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 1/13/2010 10:53:02 AM >

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(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 31

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 10:44:49 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
psychologically an already owned slave or sub is more attractive than one running around single.

Do you think so?

I tend to think that ownership denotes that the sub has found a dynamic that works well for them already, whereas one who is 'running around' is still searching for the right fit-that doesn't make them less attractive in my eyes.

There is that surface psychology that you speak of but I think it goes deeper. Many dominants see poaching as powerful.

I think for some this is a valid statement. I feel the "psychological attraction" in poaching is the province of an immature mind, however, and not a universal standard.

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Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 32

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 6:40:09 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I don't go to munches and the like, so that's not an issue for us. Contacting me here, however, really depends on the nature of the contact. My profile clearly states I am owned, yet I still receive emails from prospective dominant men. I typically just ignore them. However, there are no rules for me in place about friendly conversation, particularly from someone I know from these message boards. He reads my email when he wishes and if there's something that concerns him, he'll ask me about it. So far there has not been.

There will always be goofs who try to poach. It's up to the potential poachee (or said poachee's owner) to determine how to handle that. Absolutely those who attempt to poach are rude and disrespectful. But I mostly just shrug it off and go about my business. There are far more interesting things for me to focus on.

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(in reply to angeldmort)

Post #: 33

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 7:53:23 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

psychologically an already owned slave or sub is more attractive than one running around single.

Do you think so?

I tend to think that ownership denotes that the sub has found a dynamic that works well for them already, whereas one who is 'running around' is still searching for the right fit-that doesn't make them less attractive in my eyes.

There is that surface psychology that you speak of but I think it goes deeper. Many dominants see poaching as powerful.

That might explain why, when I was with Sir, certain Ds would just not stop repeatedly approaching.....necessitating the Block & Delete. As far as I was concerned, it made Them look desperate. Goddess knows, there are plenty of subs out there looking.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 34

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 8:23:08 PM

JonnieBoy

Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angeldmort

I understand that everything is dependent on people agreeing to the unwritten code of ethics and mores

Unwritten being the key word here ... there seem to be at least many versions of the "code" you mention as there have kinksters been born and in just as many languages, for that reason :

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

It is TOTALLY not my responsibility to figure out someone else's dynamic.

What she said.

Pirate

(in reply to angeldmort)

Post #: 35

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/13/2010 9:59:28 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

My subs know what is expected of them and what to politly do if approached. If a sub does not know what to do that sub has not been well prepared by it's Dominant. It is my opinion if a Dominant approaches a sub knowing it is owned without asking it's Dominant's permission the approaching Dominant is rude and disrespectful of both the sub and it's Dominant. Politely ignoring a rude person works in all social situations. Of course none of this applies if your in a restaurant or club. Then vanilla rules apply.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 36

RE: respect question:contacting someone's slave - 1/14/2010 4:11:19 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

angeldmort,

I have not read the reply of other's but I am gonna guess the response of most is - - - that it depends on the relationship.

That response doesnt help me at all.

I am going to approach anyone I feel like unless their profile tells me to contact the dominant first. Then I probably won't contact them. Why? Their relationship is too dependent (in my mind) and I don't want to deal with it.

I have the occasional dom who sticks his head in with "hi, how are you."
That's it.

I really do enjoy the banter of just writing and giving an occasional jester as I feel like it. If I am told to snip it, ok. If I get more in return, cool beans. It's hard to tell on sites like this who is willing to take the time or even be real.

(in reply to angeldmort)

Post #: 37

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