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Training issue's. - 1/12/2010 10:46:40 PM

domsheldon

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/3/2009
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I recently came out to the pittsburgh area for some training. I wanted to be able to see things from the side of a sub since I have am a Dom, long story.

I have a slight issue however, no matter what I can not find the Mistress attractive, there for I can not get it up for her. I have tried everything short of pills, I do not have erectile disfuction, because I can get it up easily for anyone else, but it is just her, I can not even become aroused by Domming her, Not really sure what else to try, anyone have some advice, she is a much older woman then me. I am 21 she is 43, so it is not a matter of emotion.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/12/2010 10:51:44 PM

VampiresLair

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That isnt a training issue. You are simply a bad match. If you cant find her attractive enough to get it up, then you shouldnt be together. You cannot force sexual attraction. You can make yourself hard by self-manipulation, but theres no guarantee that it will stick around when you are playing with her if the attraction is so low that you have no desire for her. Sometimes, you just have to admit defeat and realize that just because you want a situation to work doesnt mean it will.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/12/2010 10:52:32 PM

babygurlangel

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Well, the thing is that sometimes you just can't become aroused if you aren't attracted.. Not much you can do in that regard I mean you can't change her looks. I don't really have any advice you can use to fix your problem. but thought I would at least give my two cents worth.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/12/2010 10:57:08 PM

breatheasone

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I'm going to have to go with most of what was said on this thread You started about something similar. Perhaps if you reread that thread if would help you now.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2937013/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#2937013

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/12/2010 11:48:21 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domsheldon

I recently came out to the pittsburgh area for some training. I wanted to be able to see things from the side of a sub since I have am a Dom, long story.

I have a slight issue however, no matter what I can not find the Mistress attractive, there for I can not get it up for her. I have tried everything short of pills, I do not have erectile disfuction, because I can get it up easily for anyone else, but it is just her, I can not even become aroused by Domming her, Not really sure what else to try, anyone have some advice, she is a much older woman then me. I am 21 she is 43, so it is not a matter of emotion.

Is this the same woman that was going to "break" you if you couldn't get your act together a month ago? If it is, I have to say that in all liklihood, it might have something to do with that.

Add to that you saying that you actually identify as dominant, not submissive, it would be like asking you to get it up for a guy when you are heterosexual. None of the right "stuff" is in place.

I am curious though. You are a heterosexual male being "trained" by a dominant female in submission. I see you are now listing yourself as a "switch," but in the past you identified as a dominant and even now you are seeking a submissive, not another switch or possible domme. Men and women become aroused very differently. The reason I'm saying all this is that while I can understand you wanting to understand some of the submissive feelings and actions (although I don't necessarily agree), the sexual aspects are not likely to ever be comparable.

The fact that you aren't able to get it up for her is a key way that men and women are different. Men can't fake an erection, but even if the woman isn't aroused, there are "artificial" lubricants available to make the act possible.

If this is the same "mistres" as a month ago, I'm also worried that your inability to get an erection won't bode well with the woman who was going to "break" you.

I wish I could offer you some advice on how to get it up for her. But other than closing your eyes and imagining the hottest chick you can think of, I don't know what to tell you. Other than to reiterate all the advice given to you on the other thread, which apparently you ignored anyway.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 2:16:55 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domsheldon

I recently came out to the pittsburgh area for some training. I wanted to be able to see things from the side of a sub since I have am a Dom, long story.

I have a slight issue however, no matter what I can not find the Mistress attractive, there for I can not get it up for her. I have tried everything short of pills, I do not have erectile disfuction, because I can get it up easily for anyone else, but it is just her, I can not even become aroused by Domming her, Not really sure what else to try, anyone have some advice, she is a much older woman then me. I am 21 she is 43, so it is not a matter of emotion.

Perhaps if you just decide which hat actually fits YOU best and stick with that...?

Of course, making decisions is kinda what's expected of Dom/mes - so there's a clue to finding your true self, first....

Focus.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 3:03:17 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
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My Master, a long time ago, had submissive experiences. Needless to say He chose the Dominant side of His personality, but everynow and again, He needs another kind of release and bottoms to me. Knowing that He had a real understanding of what He is doing to me because He has experienced it first hand, enabled me to be able to trust Him quicker in the beginning. It can help a new Dom to sub once or twice, to be able to appreciate what it is that they are inflicting on their s type, but...and this is important....you will not have the same mental experience as that s type because, as humans, we all feel and experience differently.

i think what you are asking, is for a magic formula that will enable you to be what you think you should be for this Mistress with whom you are obviously not compatible. i don't know if you are not compatible because of looks, age, or just because you are not that kind of Dominant that can appreciate what it is you are being given. If the latter is the case, there is nothing wrong with that, i suspect there are more Dominants who have never subbed than those who have... Listen to your gut feeling, only that will tell you what you really need. Ignore the advice here, or take it, but help you to help yourself and do something about it.

gabrielle x

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 6:32:12 AM

xxblushesxx

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Face it...you're just not that into her...

Seriously though, either something or someone gets you hard or they don't. It's time to find another.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 7:06:36 AM

masterlink65

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is she training to how to fuck? i dont understand

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 7:51:28 AM

pompeii

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Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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When I was in my twenties and thirties, I have said that you get an erection no matter what you thought of the woman. You could hate her; she could be your boss; she could be a size 10 with warts; she could be anything but your mom, sis, or a kid and you'd get hard.

But now in my forties, the 10-inch brain does exert a little control over the 8 inch little brother such that I actually have to somewhat like the woman I'm with to get him to fully extend to his glory.

So, point is, it's not at all unusual, in your forties, for your brain to actually control whether or not you get an erection. Consider it part of growing up. I did.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 3:22:53 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

When I was in my twenties and thirties, I have said that you get an erection no matter what you thought of the woman. You could hate her; she could be your boss; she could be a size 10 with warts; she could be anything but your mom, sis, or a kid and you'd get hard.

But now in my forties, the 10-inch brain does exert a little control over the 8 inch little brother such that I actually have to somewhat like the woman I'm with to get him to fully extend to his glory.

So, point is, it's not at all unusual, in your forties, for your brain to actually control whether or not you get an erection. Consider it part of growing up. I did.

The OP is 21.

My experience is the opposite of this. When I was younger I was attracted to a much narrower target audience. As I grew older that target audience grew larger as I found myself attracted to a wider range of women. If she wasn't in whatever target audience was in play at the time then little brother wasn't interested. My brain has always controlled whether I get an erection or not.

Except in math class in 8th grade when I had to go to the board to do some heavy ciphering.

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RE: Training issue's. - 1/13/2010 3:43:04 PM

LafayetteLady

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