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ruthiexxxx -> the joy of pain (1/13/2010 10:51:54 PM)
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it feels strange to be back here. i haven't used the Forums since my early days in BDSM although i am involved on CM every day. looking back i realise just how naiive i was then as a newbie...and how nervous at entering a world that i had longed for and hidden from all my life. with the wisdom of hindsight i recall that i took some horrendous risks, and sometimes paid a price for them. i'm sure i pissed off a number of Doms and Masters as i blundered erratically through many identities: sub, subby brat, slave, cumslut, painslut, lil girl....but i hope i gave some joy too.
although i shall never stop learning on this wonderful journey i now feel content. my wonderful Dom is going to marry me, in another identity i am a busy Dungeon Mistress, and i have time to continue my research into the technology of pain.
although i had been a woodcarver for many years i found i had a LOT to learn about 'toy' making. i learned the hard way how enormous are the stresses on materials during heavy BDSM play...that anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong eventually, and must be guarded against in good design and construction techniques.
i love pain. i love to give it at the limit of a sub's capacity, i love to take it at the limit of my capacity (and maybe a little beyond!) and i love to make the instruments which create it.
yes, i was very scared when i began this journey....but i am SO glad that i did! :-)
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