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When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 5:51:27 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I have as many of U/us grown weary of those that appear daily with gripes about game players or players or fakes, etc etc---IMHO, it continues to show humanities lack of patience for what it wants and the unwillingness to realize all things take time--
 
but that is not what I wish to discuss---I want to talk of the community---the incredible bond between our secret lives---and what happens often "behind the scenes"--there is a community-- one dedicated to knowledge, safety and protection--example: recently a young woman came to Me, in a quandry--( this is not to be a venue for judgement of her actions---)--she was seeking more of the "life" in a vanilla life that had  its challenges--she met a game player--who said all the things she needed to hear----but all the wrong things for her, her life and the life he was pretending to know---she came to Me for advice--shift your focus half way round the world---to One who I felt knew a particular lifestyle better than I, who could guide and counsel, be tender yet real---they chatted, she listened--she almost IMHO became a statistic--an email from her yesterday shows that she and her husband are working hard to overcome their issues---the spark that drove them still remains--she now has two connections for safety, advice and wisdom--My heart is warmed--
 
This isn't a place to gain kudos, its an attempt to say, as in life there are game players and game changers--I prefer to be a game changer--and I could at this moment reach out to 100 or more who are as well--because of the bond of community. Whether here on-line or in real life with "life" friends,  I feel a deep sense of community--an acceptance--a home--and an outlet for My need to change the game, one "player" at a time. So behind the whiners, lets remember there are hundreds more who simply want to be...
 

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 5:57:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think we should all hope to have a circle of friends and loved ones that we can count on to help and give perspective in our lives.  There's no reason it should be any different in this sub-culture. 

However, I see far too often protection = coddling and enabling, I see far too often supposedly "strong NOT DOORMAT" subs who have absolutely no sense of responsibility for themselves, and supposedly "strong experienced doms" who go through subs like water as they can't face their own issues.

Life really isn't much different on this side of the bdsm line than it is on the other.

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 6:16:09 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		We see over and over again, people struggling with honesty, integrity, truthfulness.  Where are the classes on Relationship 101?  It seems much worse, I guess (?) in the lifestyle because there is a commitment to open yourself and give up parts of yourself that you hold close. 

But most of the issues we see day after day ad naseum are the same relationship issues that vanilla people struggle with.  sigh.

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 6:23:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

We see over and over again, people struggling with honesty, integrity, truthfulness.  Where are the classes on Relationship 101?  It seems much worse, I guess (?) in the lifestyle because there is a commitment to open yourself and give up parts of yourself that you hold close. 

It just seems worse because people are doing it on a much more conscious and needy level, usually after their first marriage/serious relationship breaks apart, thus causing them to feel things more intensly.

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 9:22:55 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		I've found that my friends, vanilla or otherwise, tend to come to me with their relationship problems. I admit I am no guru at fixing or helping them out, but I listen closely enough, and give as much help as I can. I don't know why they come to me, but they do. Yes though, seeing it all work out in the end is one of the best feelings on Earth IMO.

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 11:42:03 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		I think back to when i was first introduced to the BDSM community...before the Internet.  I felt i had found a home.  Having found a home didn't automatically answer all my questions, hinder my doubts or lessen my frustrations.  If anything, it only added to them as i settled in. Most often, i would ask questions until i got answers that i could understand.  There are the times out of frustration, my actions got the better of me...(and believe me, i redefined the term bitch at those moments).  It was also during these moments that some of the wisest and most understanding people came to my aid.  Had it not been for them, i have to think i would not have stayed in this community.  They gave meaning to the term community.  They continued to make the community that port in the storm for all who entered.  And in turn, it made everyone strive to be their best and to assist those who were faltering along the way.  They never complained about the wanna be's and ground feeders that came through.  Those people rarely lasted.  Their imminent needs could not be met in a community stemming from self-awareness.  They were quickly exposed for who they were.  They were also the ones that jumped at any opportunity to find fault…they thrived on the negative. When negativity  wasn't found, they left in search of it.

IMHO, the Internet changed all of this.  The concept of finding "home" went out the window.  Many dawned their thick skin to simply survive.  How sad that those who have the most to offer are often times overshadowed by the verbosity of those who simply wish to come in, cause havoc and leave.   In a desire to be heard are *we* missing out on listening?  Is it easier to verbally attack someone rather than take the time to hear what they are really asking?  Does a person’s self worth lessen if they dispense well meaning advice to someone that turns out not to be sincere?  Not IMO, but it speaks volumes if the reverse is true.

< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 3/23/2006 11:43:05 AM >

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 12:49:06 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

but that is not what I wish to discuss---I want to talk of the community---the incredible bond between our secret lives---and what happens often "behind the scenes"--there is a community-- one dedicated to knowledge, safety and protection--example: recently a young woman came to Me, in a quandry--( this is not to be a venue for judgement of her actions---)--she was seeking more of the "life" in a vanilla life that had its challenges--she met a game player--who said all the things she needed to hear----but all the wrong things for her, her life and the life he was pretending to know---she came to Me for advice--shift your focus half way round the world---to One who I felt knew a particular lifestyle better than I, who could guide and counsel, be tender yet real---they chatted, she listened--she almost IMHO became a statistic--an email from her yesterday shows that she and her husband are working hard to overcome their issues---the spark that drove them still remains--she now has two connections for safety, advice and wisdom--My heart is warmed--


This sounds like kinky "Never Never Land". Apparently you aren't suffering through the politics that most other scenes are, from big ones like TES and Black Rose to the smaller ones. Even in my neighborhood, things have gotten so political Sir and I are considering whether continuing in our Lifestyle Organization is actually enhancing or detracting from our life together. 

You know, I prefer to be a 'game changer' too, but considering that I've been publically humiliated, disrespected and ignored simply on the basis that the Tops on the Board of my organization find me inconvenient because I expect the to actually do what we put them there to, I've run out of fight. It becomes tiring to have to remind people, in real life no less, that while I may be a submissive, I am submissive only to One person. And he owns the collar I wear to prove that.

I'm just really disgusted and tired of watching people who are very insecure use and abuse others in order to make themselves feel powerful. It's really fairly disgusting to watch.

Kassie


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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 2:14:41 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		ohhh Kassie, a very good point, I too suffered ar the hands of the "testosterone triangle" as I lovingly called it as did a set of friends here---so I do feel the pain, I however simply work around them---their ways aren't Mine, but I don't let them stop Me from My life--and it's funny I have found better real communities through here---but I travel, so when I'm in Atlanta I have friends there and I will see MistressofGA when I go this summer--when I hit Seattle in April, we have a whole group to meet and see and when I was in Vegas last year- I connected with a group there---I don't let it discourage Me, but it is hard when your local group is uhm diametrically opposed to your lifestyle and is not accepting---

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 2:18:18 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

This sounds like kinky "Never Never Land". Apparently you aren't suffering through the politics that most other scenes are, from big ones like TES and Black Rose to the smaller ones. Even in my neighborhood, things have gotten so political Sir and I are considering whether continuing in our Lifestyle Organization is actually enhancing or detracting from our life together. 

You know, I prefer to be a 'game changer' too, but considering that I've been publically humiliated, disrespected and ignored simply on the basis that the Tops on the Board of my organization find me inconvenient because I expect the to actually do what we put them there to, I've run out of fight. It becomes tiring to have to remind people, in real life no less, that while I may be a submissive, I am submissive only to One person. And he owns the collar I wear to prove that.

I'm just really disgusted and tired of watching people who are very insecure use and abuse others in order to make themselves feel powerful. It's really fairly disgusting to watch.

Kassie



Yeah..........what she said.  Ditto ditto and ditto again.

While I have seen the kinds of "community" behaviors as mentioned in the OP....quite frankly, in my community, it isn't enough.  In fact, it's really the exception that makes the rule from my perspective.  But I guess one can always hope............

Blessed be,
Harmony
Proud Slave of Pyro

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 10:25:43 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
when I hit Seattle in April, we have a whole group to meet and see

And should time and desire permit a trip north to my lovely city, you know you have a willing tour guide.

Cin

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/23/2006 10:37:50 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
However, I see far too often protection = coddling and enabling,


Very true, but as you know, there is a way to lend a supportive hand without enabling. In fact, one of the things I have learned through BDSM is when not to submit to someone's wishes, just because I felt the need the serve. Often my behaviour in those moments was very enabling.

quote:

Life really isn't much different on this side of the bdsm line than it is on the other.


It is, for me. The couples I've met through munches and parties tend to be more communicative, more open-minded, more supportive of each other than most of the non-D/s couples I know. Knowing them has taught me a lot about what i want in my own life, and I am indeed a happier person than before I ventured into the community here.

Yes, many of the issues are exactly the same, and no, I don't think people into D/s are inherently better people...but there seems to be an emphasis on communication and self-awareness that leads to better lives and happier relationships.

(Exceptions do apply, naturally.)

Cin

< Message edited by Vancouver_cinful -- 3/23/2006 10:38:51 PM >

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quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 5:44:02 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
It is, for me. The couples I've met through munches and parties tend to be more communicative, more open-minded, more supportive of each other than most of the non-D/s couples I know. Knowing them has taught me a lot about what i want in my own life, and I am indeed a happier person than before I ventured into the community here.

I think that's more a function of being in the right place at the right time than anything.  It's GOOD of course, but I don't think it has anything to do with Ds or bdsm.
quote:


Yes, many of the issues are exactly the same, and no, I don't think people into D/s are inherently better people...but there seems to be an emphasis on communication and self-awareness that leads to better lives and happier relationships.

(Exceptions do apply, naturally.)

Cin

Given the number of threads we get that talk about how communication has broken down, how many non-self aware people, and how many people talk about NOT having happier or better lives just on this site alone shows that we (as a sub-culture) aren't better off in any way than any other culture.

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 7:08:34 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		There is a couple of thoughts here.. 


I have to love the term testosterone Triangle. It’s not just the ladies who get caught up in it and may suffer. There are also many guys who get caught in it and due to financial circumstances and commitments are caught and cant move..  Perhaps it is easier for a male who is prepared to fight harder and dirtier then those over testosterone loaded, gum flapping, chest beating, micro-penile submissive posting as Men and Dominants. I was usually able to Dome the pseudo Doms easily after I have removed all their safety zones and toys from their sand pit. If  I’d know you lot than I’d have asked for you to back me up and collar the lads after I broke them…… I used to believe that those people who find me scary and are uncomfortable when I’m around was due to them knowing I may be carrying. I discovered via a couple of professional friends, it is because these guys know I  can see through their façade and they fear I’ll take away their image…… << RWL>> The greater power is in the knowing and the opposition knowing that you know but nay knowing what and when you’ll expose them..  (What an excellent mind fuck)….  


On a totally unrelated matter, have y’all noticed that we have a largish influx of newish people posting recently.. Now on some occasions it has seemed that these newer ones are almost lining up to support each other’s posts. It this safety in numbers like minnows suddenly released into the shark pool of CM? or are a couple multi listing with different nicks or something ? I’m waiting and watching to see haw many stay the distance… Seems that one or two have blasted in with a fanfare which would make old Gabriel envious and left with tail between their legs when they sampled the caustic whit of CM.. I usually check profiles of folk I am posting to and surprise, surprise, some even don’t display a profile….


Ahhh the days and nights in CM may be filled with venom and shit or sometimes with cheese cake and coffee or martinis, but never ever boring.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/24/2006 7:09:43 AM >

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 7:46:46 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
---but I travel, so when I'm in Atlanta I have friends there and I will see MistressofGA when I go this summer--


You ought to let us know when you head to Atlanta, Columbia is about 3-1/2 hours East and I get to Atlanta frequently.  Would love to meet and say "Hi".  Maybe over dinner, or at a function at 1763.... *grin*

YIK,
- Geoff

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 9:42:47 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
 but it is hard when your local group is uhm diametrically opposed to your lifestyle and is not accepting---


MH, Ma'am. I can relate to this. The local group here, I finally got around to meeting .....I don't know if are  exactly non accepting as far as yours is.... but they sure are flip to outsiders. I was there as a guest to another. And I have never felt so out of place, and intruding, as I did there. I did as was expected of me, tried to keep a smile on my face... and finally looked at my host and said... gotta go!. I know I was the newbie... funny how I knew alot there as far as finding out I use to work with about 6 of them. But after the hey how you been, long time no see , hows the kids.. etc.. it was pure cold shoulder.  And this was from ones I have seen as early as earlier in the day at the store. Strange the way they can go from friendly to complete strangers in this enviroment.

I knew it was time to go when a Dom I had never met, (I found he from Wilmington) grabbed a hold of me by my hair and demmanded this one to kneel. Well ok my defensive went into over drive and I rared on him. At this point... I was ready to leave... LOL The Dom I was with, was embarrassed with me.. for not doing as directed and raring on this other one. This happened just last weekend. So, I'm sure I won't be welcomed back... and will happily agree with them at this point.. LOL

I know there are other groups.. Wilmington, Fayetteville.... places over 50 miles from here.. and i'm willing to travel.. but if the other group are like this one... I'll stick to staying home again for awhile...


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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 9:50:12 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
---but I travel, so when I'm in Atlanta I have friends there and I will see MistressofGA when I go this summer--


You ought to let us know when you head to Atlanta, Columbia is about 3-1/2 hours East and I get to Atlanta frequently.  Would love to meet and say "Hi".  Maybe over dinner, or at a function at 1763.... *grin*

YIK,
- Geoff


I will! I love 1763!

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 10:12:49 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		As aways IB, you hit the proverbial nail on the head---when people know you know they aren't real, they feel threatened, that happens in vanilla life too---I had that very issue in the last two days, some WC Dom has decided to attack Men and My "sissy boy" as he called My boy for My ways--puhleez--so no matter where we go in life, we meet the "players"--but like the players on here, they fall by the wayside fairly quickly--I like you and others here, just simply keep pushing forward--for THAT is what I believe the world is about--
 
here's a Fosters to you.
 
 
 

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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 10:13:53 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
when I hit Seattle in April, we have a whole group to meet and see

And should time and desire permit a trip north to my lovely city, you know you have a willing tour guide.

Cin



Ahh and that W/we will!

_____________________________

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Mistress Hathor


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RE: When the Game isn't...Behind the Scenes - 3/24/2006 12:26:25 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
 but it is hard when your local group is uhm diametrically opposed to your lifestyle and is not accepting---


MH, Ma'am. I can relate to this. The local group here, I finally got around to meeting .....I don't know if are  exactly non accepting as far as yours is.... but they sure are flip to outsiders. I was there as a guest to another. And I have never felt so out of place, and intruding, as I did there. I did as was expected of me, tried to keep a smile on my face... and finally looked at my host and said... gotta go!. I know I was the newbie... funny how I knew alot there as far as finding out I use to work with about 6 of them. But after the hey how you been, long time no see , hows the kids.. etc.. it was pure cold shoulder.  And this was from ones I have seen as early as earlier in the day at the store. Strange the way they can go from friendly to complete strangers in this enviroment.

I knew it was time to go when a Dom I had never met, (I found he from Wilmington) grabbed a hold of me by my hair and demmanded this one to kneel. Well ok my defensive went into over drive and I rared on him. At this point... I was ready to leave... LOL The Dom I was with, was embarrassed with me.. for not doing as directed and raring on this other one. This happened just last weekend. So, I'm sure I won't be welcomed back... and will happily agree with them at this point.. LOL

I know there are other groups.. Wilmington, Fayetteville.... places over 50 miles from here.. and i'm willing to travel.. but if the other group are like this one... I'll stick to staying home again for awhile...



I must admit that this surprised me, but only because in the approximately three years that I have been going to munches and so on, I have never had that happen to me nor seen it happen to anyone.  Oh yes, I have at times been approached, hit on, and so on (in typically a vanilla way of approaching someone), as have many, but not in this kind of chat room format that you described.  I can say with the utmost certainty that at the various munches I have attended in my area, were a "dom" to grab someone like that and make those kinds of demands in the way you described, he would be laughed at and the submissive applauded for letting him have it.  However, maybe that is just the way it is in the Chicago area, where I am from, since I haven't been to any lifestyle events anywhere else.

Try another group, true.  I may be a bit jaded right now with behaviors in my community, but I have still nonetheless made some good friends and met some very good people.  If you can keep out of the politics and the other typical stuff that goes on in any group of people or community by those determined to wreak havoc and draw attention to themselves -- then you can have a good time and meet some good people.  I started attending to meet submissives AND dominants, men AND women, and NOT with the intention of a meat market or finding a partner....and that IS possible.

Blessed be,
Harmony
Proud Slave of Pyro

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