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Mentoring - 1/14/2010 5:29:31 PM   
Knighthunter862


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/30/2009
Status: offline 		Aside from the same side of the kneel as some would put it.What would the idea guidelines be for mentoring another?
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RE: Mentoring - 1/14/2010 5:33:01 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		it's a great deal of time to mentor

i don't do it

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RE: Mentoring - 1/14/2010 5:40:54 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862

Aside from the same side of the kneel as some would put it.What would the idea guidelines be for mentoring another?



I don't know that there is idea guidelines. But I do know that if I was to mentor someone it would be more about helping them gain as many varied opinions on particular issue they and I see as being important as possible and let them decide for themselves what is right for them. I can show them my way... but it is not "THE" way or likely even their way.

fact is... I am not one that is big on this idea of mentorship... I just prefer to be friends and be supportative where I can.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Mentoring - 1/14/2010 5:46:30 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		The mentor/friend I have is a Dom who is there for questions and discussions about BDSM and D/s related topics.  There's NO sex and no play.  The only way anything remotely resembling play comes into the picture is if he wants to teach me something new, but it's more talk than action. 

We respect each other as equals and he thinks it's funny I call him my mentor because he says he gets just as much insight from me.  We're friends and friends talk. It just so happens we like to talk about the same subjects.

I'd love to find a Domme that I could have this type of interaction with...as a teacher and someone I can relate to in regards to a woman's viewpoint but for now I'll stick with my big buddy D.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 1/14/2010 5:47:10 PM >

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RE: Mentoring - 1/14/2010 6:41:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862

Aside from the same side of the kneel as some would put it.What would the idea guidelines be for mentoring another?


I mentor people, not in this lifestyle, but to give them ideas about what they want to do with their educational base, how they want to proceed in the future because of my own background.

1. First I must have lived through whatever issue the person I am mentoring wants to accomplish.
2. I must have successfully have accomplished the thing I am helping someone with. Maybe not the first time I tried it, but eventually.
3. I must care about the individual I am mentoring in some professional or personal capacity.
4. I must not become personally invested in their progress toward a goal. In other words there is no agenda on my part that they succeed.
5. Mentoring does not mean doing something for another, it means being a sounding board or a go-to person for advice.
6. I encourage the people I mentor to talk to as many people as possible to gain ideas and socially network to attain their goals.

Those are just a few of the guidelines I have toward mentoring people. I am sure there are many more.

I do not think I would ever seek a mentor in this lifestyle. I would not mentor another in it either... but I do not think I could ever view myself as a relationship expert.


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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Mentoring - 1/15/2010 2:25:44 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862

What would the idea guidelines be for mentoring another?


The "idea" for most is to pretend to be "mentoring" another to supposedly help them, while at the same time, having them regularly suck your cock and clean your house;  because... cough, cough, cough... those are such complicated things that one could never figure those things out for themselves without the help of a "mentor".  Mostly, the whole "mentoring" thing is a scam and just a vehicle to get into someone's pants.   However, for those on the "same side of the kneel", it could be helpful to have another to turn to just to bounce things off of... though forums such as this can provide a similar (if not better, as you'd receive many points of view) vehicle for such things.  YMMV





< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 1/15/2010 2:28:33 AM >

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RE: Mentoring - 1/15/2010 7:36:20 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

The mentor/friend I have is a Dom who is there for questions and discussions about BDSM and D/s related topics.  There's NO sex and no play.  The only way anything remotely resembling play comes into the picture is if he wants to teach me something new, but it's more talk than action. 
This also what I believe. I also believe that the mentor and mentoree need to be in same the same community because local knowledge is important. ie: A local D asks to meet with the "s", but the local mentor knows that he's put two subs in the hospital and one sub has sued him in court.

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RE: Mentoring - 1/15/2010 10:01:35 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Mostly, the whole "mentoring" thing is a scam and just a vehicle to get into someone's pants.


Which is why a mentor should not have a vested interest in the success or failure of who they are mentoring, because it becomes about their agenda and not the person they are purporting to mentor.




_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Mentoring - 1/15/2010 10:23:16 AM   
Shiroka


Posts: 51
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		I beleive if the mentoring is in a perspective of someone entering the world of munches on their wn,mentorship is a good idea so the person understands the protocal.

As far as mentorship in being a sub/slave, for me it's a little of a grey area. Not all subs/slaves will be in the same relationship.In which too many things would varry in what is expected of each sub/slave, therefore I feel mentorship could get a little complicated. There are just too many variances.

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RE: Mentoring - 1/15/2010 10:39:22 AM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		OP:
I mentor 2 young ppl in my BDSM community..an 18 yr old sub female and a 20 yr old sub male..They came to me and asked about this..
Their concept of it came from a fetlife group called MENTORS..
and within in that there are 'guidelines" and discussions..
 
I see my role as a sounding board...teacher...catalyst..protector..idea person
They have come to me with various questions...I have talked to potential D's who have contacted them( including the imfamous" I can get you into film scam")...
We go for dinner and I offer support and ideas.
I have attended first time events with them.
 
Mainly I believe I am there to offer a been around the block  perspective and ideas for COMMUNICATION...and to ESTEEM and empower for their highest good..
IT is my wish that they go forward into the community with more knowledge and confidence.
 
I see that some ppl use the mentor role as a ruse for training which is fukking.
They could be shot with a ball of shit and hung for stinking.

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 1/15/2010 10:40:34 AM >

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RE: Mentoring - 1/16/2010 6:55:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The question really does apply to both sides of the kneel.  I absolutely agree that, if you are looking for a mentor, look for those who are the same gender and role orientation as you.  It eliminates so much potential crap and helps to ensure that there isn't any confusion or ulterior motives going on.  Also, I tell people not to look for just one mentor, but several.  Not everyone's skill or experience level is going to be the same in all areas.

Some general guidelines:

1.  Find someone who is already accomplished at what you want to learn.  (The side note on this one is see that person actually doing it.  NOT just something you read on a message board.)  This goes for both skills and dynamic status.

2.  Find someone who currently participates, not someone who was doing it over a decade ago.

3.  Find someone local who can help with hands on instruction.  I know a lot of people who have mentors in other locations, but that doesn't work for Me.  If I'm teaching or learning a skill, I want to be right there

4.  Find someone who can instruct at higher than the 101 level.  In other words, find someone who can teach more than just the basics.  (Since we're on the sub side......)  For example, if you're looking at learning high protocol dinner service, don't look for someone who has just participated in one or two events.  Find the person who has successfully planned and run several of these type events over the years and make them your go to person.

5.  Find someone who you would consider good friendship potential. 


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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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