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RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/13/2010 4:28:24 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Red, I am surprised at your reply here. She was replying to SailingBum's nasty comment. She was attacked for her weight with no provocation. Yours or SailingBum's weight preferences have no bearing on the OP's question and it was rude.

I suppose I disagree, with both you and julia, though I'll only quote from your post.

I used to weigh a lot more than I do now. I dramatically changed my diet and started going to the gym regularly. My body changed. However, I have many more years of habit doing unhealthy things, rather than healthy things. I need a partner in my life who will reinforce my new patterns, not my old patterns. I absolutely see this as a self-control issue, and a question of life prioritization, because that is what it is, for me.

Weight has nothing to do with who I respect, admire, or have as a friend.

More importantly, I think both of you zinged in to the "fat issue," instead of looking at how the OP handled the remark. She assumed (incorrectly I believe) that SailingBum must be looking, because of his attitude. That struck me as a red flag, about her, and that was why I recommended DesFIP's post.

Finally, Julia, there have been many female subs who have said they would not have an overweight dom, both in posts, and on their profiles. Perhaps even more on point to the concerns you raise, there have been threads -- and it appears in many many female profiles -- that female subs only want a dom who is tall. That's something I've noticed, because, as a friend of mine once put it, I'm on the "tall end of short." And while I can tighten my core, or put a bit more muscle on my chest, I'm never going to grow taller. In fact, I got an email just a few days ago that said real women would never want a "midget" like me.

Don't forget there's been a steady increase in male anorexia patients for several years now. Men are developing more and more body image issues, society-wide. So the "shame" thing Julia talks about is by no means limited to women. Yay!

I'll be offline until at least Sunday night, so this is my last post for a while. I hope it clarified where I was coming from.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sexyred1)

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Post #: 41

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/13/2010 7:53:56 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I used to weigh a lot more than I do now. I dramatically changed my diet and started going to the gym regularly. My body changed. However, I have many more years of habit doing unhealthy things, rather than healthy things. I need a partner in my life who will reinforce my new patterns, not my old patterns.

Some people are slightly overweight even though they try extremely hard to follow everything they are supposed to do. Some people are thin even though they eat like trolls... weight does not always demonstrate what people put in their pie holes. If you stated "I want to be with someone who eats the same diet I do", well I could understand that, but instead you target their weight as the absolute indicator that they do not eat correctly or exercise... looks can be utterly deceiving...

quote:

Finally, Julia, there have been many female subs who have said they would not have an overweight dom, both in posts, and on their profiles. Perhaps even more on point to the concerns you raise, there have been threads -- and it appears in many many female profiles -- that female subs only want a dom who is tall. That's something I've noticed, because, as a friend of mine once put it, I'm on the "tall end of short." And while I can tighten my core, or put a bit more muscle on my chest, I'm never going to grow taller. In fact, I got an email just a few days ago that said real women would never want a "midget" like me.

It is one thing to have a preference, it is another to ridicule others that do not fit in one's idea of what they seek as being out of control or lacking in moral fiber. And that woman that sent you that email... well she sucks. Fuck her.

quote:

So the "shame" thing Julia talks about is by no means limited to women. Yay!

It is far more prevalent to shame women on the basis of what they look like than it is men. Not that men have NO pressure to conform, but women have far more....

quote:

I'll be offline until at least Sunday night, so this is my last post for a while. I hope it clarified where I was coming from.

Enjoy yourself, and have a happy Valentine's Day

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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Post #: 42

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/13/2010 8:31:43 AM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

Oh, I can top that for vile. Some of the things that have been written to me.

I am reminded of a kid's film if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

The block button is a great feature on here.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

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Post #: 43

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/13/2010 9:20:16 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Red, I am surprised at your reply here. She was replying to SailingBum's nasty comment. She was attacked for her weight with no provocation. Yours or SailingBum's weight preferences have no bearing on the OP's question and it was rude.

More importantly, I think both of you zinged in to the "fat issue," instead of looking at how the OP handled the remark. She assumed (incorrectly I believe) that SailingBum must be looking, because of his attitude. That struck me as a red flag, about her, and that was why I recommended DesFIP's post.

Perhaps I misunderstood. I thought SailingBum's comment was about a person who had sent him that message, not the OP. The fact that he clarified that he didn't respond to the message with his thoughts about her weight suggests to me that he was not talking about the OP, because putting those thoughts on this thread would be the same as responding to her via cmail. So I didn't think he was calling out the OP on her weight.

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Post #: 44

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/15/2010 7:25:01 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Red, I am surprised at your reply here. She was replying to SailingBum's nasty comment. She was attacked for her weight with no provocation. Yours or SailingBum's weight preferences have no bearing on the OP's question and it was rude.

More importantly, I think both of you zinged in to the "fat issue," instead of looking at how the OP handled the remark. She assumed (incorrectly I believe) that SailingBum must be looking, because of his attitude. That struck me as a red flag, about her, and that was why I recommended DesFIP's post.

Perhaps I misunderstood. I thought SailingBum's comment was about a person who had sent him that message, not the OP. The fact that he clarified that he didn't respond to the message with his thoughts about her weight suggests to me that he was not talking about the OP, because putting those thoughts on this thread would be the same as responding to her via cmail. So I didn't think he was calling out the OP on her weight.

That is correct is was about someone who sent me a email. Which I did NOT reply to. I respond to the threads not looking for a hookup.

I really dont see what the big deal is... Basically all I said was get some control over your eating choices... ya know just maybe exercise a tad. That would make a person more desirable. BTW the person that emailed me was looking for "advice". I bite my tongue and did not reply.

But ya know what I prolly should have after all they did ask for my opinion. As my Dad used to say "you might not like the answer to your question"

Motown BadOne

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Post #: 45

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/15/2010 9:39:35 PM

Tslaveboy

Posts: 211
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline

Networking. It's all about networking.

When I first started I knew one Dominatrix. She introduced me to more Dominatrices and they in turn introduced me to other Dominatrices. Now I have an extensive network of Dommes I've worked with and have become friends with.

So I suggest going to social events, getting yourself known and soon enough you'll have plenty of offers from Daddy Doms. Then you just pick and choose.

(in reply to SailingBum)

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Post #: 46

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/15/2010 10:34:14 PM

CelticNightmare

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline

I talk with someone online for a maximum of a month and a half. That's about as patient as I get. If we can't meet for coffee in a safe public place to see if we might get along by then-I write it off.

And girls-if he won't take you home to where he sleeps-or wants you to call his cell phone only at odd hours-he's married.

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Post #: 47

RE: Best ways to meet others - 2/17/2010 6:15:53 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tslaveboy
When I first started I knew one Dominatrix. She introduced me to more Dominatrices and they in turn introduced me to other Dominatrices. Now I have an extensive network of Dommes I've worked with and have become friends with.

So, you have a matrix of Dominatrices?

RedMagic and SailingBum, I also misunderstood his comment as being directed at the OP, and assumed he was speaking hypothetically about the e-mail. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, but I tend to think poorly of people who attack others verbally or in writing for not meeting their standards, since it's easy to politely turn them down (and block if they persist). I'm a size 5, and well within the "normal" BMI. I've still had a few men randomly tell me, both in person and on the Internet, that they wouldn't date me or find me attractive unless I gained or lost over 35 pounds. Either of those would be very unhealthy for me, and completely unrealistic. I hadn't asked any of the men in question out, or expressed any interest in them in the first place, so I thought it was particularly pointless.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 2/17/2010 6:17:21 PM >

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Post #: 48