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Getting Started - 1/16/2010 1:06:30 PM   
goober


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		Hi everyone. I've been dipping in and out of this site for a few years after originally realising what I want, but have been very dismayed by the amount of fakes there simply are.

Anyway, long story short, I'm new, mentally ready, and don't want to waste the time of any submissive who would be sharing her time with me. So I'm looking for advice on how to get started with Dom training - the physical sides. I'm interested in the physical elements, and don't want to punish a submissive, only to leave her with what could be a long-term scare/blemish due to a mishap of mine. I would guess that it would be rare, but I want to know what I'm doing.

Should I be asking a willing local sub for help, or a Dom, or rather a couple? Should I be going to clubs to meet, greet and ask? Or, is there a secretive college course I don't know about?! :)

Thanks for any input
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 1:23:57 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		The best way to learn is hands-on and to learn from someone you'll need to get out in the scene (whether public or private) and meet folks.  Today it's really easy to find the public scene using google and sites like this.  I'm usre someone can point you to something within driving distance of Birmingham...  find an experienced top that is good at something you'd like to learn and then just ask them.  If they can't or don't wish to teach you, then hey may well know someone who can and will.

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Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 1:26:16 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Well it depends a lot on what you are interested in.

The three general types of BDSM activities are:
1. Embarrsement, 2. Sensation, and 3. Control.

Sensation (i.e. various forms of pain) tend to be the most likely thing to damage a sub.     For those purposes, I suggest you never do anything significantly worse to a sub than you have done before.  First time, do it to yourself.   Second time do it to a  sub not much harder than you did to yourself.  Third time do it a bit harder, etc. etc. until you begin to get concerned.  NEVER give more pain then you are willing to give - even if the sub is begging for more.

You can also take classes  - be sure to ask questions.  First Aid classes are also a good idea.

(in reply to goober)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 1:32:37 PM   
goober


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks, I just want to add after re-re-reading what I jotted down, I'm not some newbie who thinks a BDSM relationship is just about whacking the heck out of someone. The physical aspects are the ones I feel least confident about.

And yes, a first aid class actually sounds like a great idea.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 2:31:01 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Well it depends a lot on what you are interested in.

The three general types of BDSM activities are:
1. Embarrsement, 2. Sensation, and 3. Control.

Sensation (i.e. various forms of pain) tend to be the most likely thing to damage a sub.     For those purposes, I suggest you never do anything significantly worse to a sub than you have done before.  First time, do it to yourself.   Second time do it to a  sub not much harder than you did to yourself.  Third time do it a bit harder, etc. etc. until you begin to get concerned.  NEVER give more pain then you are willing to give - even if the sub is begging for more.

You can also take classes  - be sure to ask questions.  First Aid classes are also a good idea.


I'd want to add 4. Family (as in Leather and or Poly.)

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 5:41:59 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		You can look into your local community - munches and demonstrations and the like.  If you're a social sort, you should be able to make connections and start your hands-on learning.  

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 5:56:43 PM   
goober


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replies everyone! After hitting up Google, it would seem I live in perhaps one of the kinkiest parts of England, with a regular munch, a bsdm fayre, and other activities! I think sites like this kill the real social aspect, so I'm going to get myself out there and say hello face to face!

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 8:10:23 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I think sites like this kill the real social aspect, so I'm going to get myself out there and say hello face to face!

While you are welcome to your opinion, there are a several active threads that dispel the notion that people on "sites like this" aren't social with each other and don't meet in real life. 


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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Getting Started - 1/16/2010 8:51:16 PM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goober

Hi everyone. I've been dipping in and out of this site for a few years after originally realising what I want, but have been very dismayed by the amount of fakes there simply are.

Anyway, long story short, I'm new, mentally ready, and don't want to waste the time of any submissive who would be sharing her time with me. So I'm looking for advice on how to get started with Dom training - the physical sides. I'm interested in the physical elements, and don't want to punish a submissive, only to leave her with what could be a long-term scare/blemish due to a mishap of mine. I would guess that it would be rare, but I want to know what I'm doing.

Should I be asking a willing local sub for help, or a Dom, or rather a couple? Should I be going to clubs to meet, greet and ask? Or, is there a secretive college course I don't know about?! :)

Thanks for any input


People tend to learn from more than just one method, so this being the case you may find that demonstrations at group functions (hands-on), combined with books, videos, and other forms of stimulus will give you a broader picture.  Going slow with the hands-on approach like you've been doing is good.  It takes time, patience and practice to feel confident at anything one wants to do right.   Some physical activities are not so hard as others, spanking for instance as opposed to more advanced forms of play such as shibari/suspension rope work. 

I saw in a later post that you are in UK, and I seem to remember a group of knot enthusiasts located in UK that all they do is work on tying knots as a hobby.  Not really BDSM, but certainly something to be gained from this, that can be applied to rope working for sure...Knot Tyres some something like that.  But being around those with experience and picking up things from them.  Don't be afraid to ask after a scene (I would refrain from asking while they are in scene, proper etiquette), and most likely they will be happy to offer some information that will be useful. 

You definitely have chosen the right path of being confident before moving on, and I'm sure you'll pick up those things that interest you and as you seek to find a comfort zone where you can proceed, you'll soon be progressing quickly.  You may always feel that there is something more to learn and that is a good way to approach it.  The main thing I think of dealing with safety, is with all issues like this in any capacity:  always respect the danger and be prepared.  And of course never get complacent or underestimate the inherent dangers of the play we all do.  From what I've read so far, you won't ever find yourself in that place...Good luck!



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(in reply to goober)
Profile   Post #: 9
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