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KneelforAnne -> RE: What do you count as experience? (1/18/2010 8:15:44 PM)
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~FR~
Hello DS & All!
"... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion?"
Real, face to face time. Being together in person, experiencing the sights, sounds and sensations.
"Does online count for anything?"
Yes. Research, background and contemplation for future events. The same with reading BDSM books--the research based kind. The fantasy kind of stories also, in a way. It does not count toward experience, in my opinion.
"Attending play parties?"
Again, research. It only counts as experience if you're participating in some sort of action at the party.
"Studying the lifestyle online?"
Background information.
"How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?"
Then they had a break between two relationships, where -presumably- they had some experience.
For me personally I have experienced things such as fireplay, flogging, cupping and so forth. I would NOT say that I am experienced in them.
To me the difference is that I have spent only short amounts of time...more of a "Do I like this?" kind of thing, rather than a "Yes, please! That's my favorite!" type of thing.
Flexibility, understanding and the connection means more to me than whatever so-called experience someone has had.
I would have someone that has little experience that I feel a connection with, that has an interest in this lifestyle, rather than someone who had 10-12-15 years of experience and had no spark with me.
In some ways, I think I would rather have a "newbie" so that we could learn together. (In other ways, I realize this could be a bad thing! Lol!)
I think it was Agirl that said it doesn't matter how much experience someone has--they have not experienced ME yet. That is important. Each person responds differently, to different things.
Also, if they have learned to do something wrong, or in an irresponsible/dangerous way--then what good is it?
In regards to the two situations you mentioned:
If the couple does not spend time in the public/semi public lifestyle events, then it stands to reason that no one in your area would have heard from them. For me, I have been to play parties to meet people and experience new sensations, but when I find a partner--If I find one, lol--I'm not sure I would play in public or at parties. Perhaps initially, to make sure that the one I am with is safe...but once that is established...probably not in public.
As for the guy... is it plausible that he has been around the lifestyle for 10 years? If he doesn't seem to know the basics, perhaps it's because whatever that "basic" was didn't interest him at the time. Or perhaps he's lying. I think only time will tell.
Here are my questions on this subject, if you please:
Does it count if it isn't your kink?
For instance, I was at a play party and was politely asked to get someone a drink. I did so, not because I was at all submissive to that person, but because I didn't object to doing so. Did I just have an experience "serving" someone?
Another time, another party I was eating something and a sub male got up and got me a napkin and a fork. He politely, with kind words handed them to me and sat back down. I'm pretty sure he mistook me for a dominant female, but didn't want to embarrass him (or myself, really) by saying anything. Did I experience someone "serving" me?
~anne
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