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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/13/2010 4:06:41 PM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

Here is an interesting read about how marriage is no longer a good deal for women. And it says finding a "financially secure" partner will become more and more difficult in the future...

After forty years of preferential treatment in schools and the job market, many women are now better-educated and make more money than men. These changes should surprise no one — especially not social science researchers. Those who work with the data know that there has been a profound shift in marriage itself and that marriage rates are declining. Many women are finding it difficult if not impossible to find a husband who is their financial, career, or social equal. With the decline in manufacturing jobs and their lack of higher education, many men don’t have the money or job prospects to marry. Yet much is being made of a new study by the Pew Research Center finding that the benefits of marriage are now greater for men than women.

Fry and Cohn used census data from 1970 and 2007 to compare U.S.-born married couples ages 30 to 44. They found that this cohort of Americans is the first in U.S. history to have more women than men with college degrees — college grads in 1970 were 64 percent men, 36 percent women; in 2007, 53.5 percent were women and 46.5 percent men. During the period of 1970 to 2007, women’s earnings grew 44 percent, while men’s only grew 6 percent (though men, on average, still make more money, women’s income gains are sharper and the disparity has narrowed). In 1970, only 4 percent of husbands were married to women earning more than they; in 2007, 22 percent were in that situation.

excerpt... rest of article at:
http://conservativedatingsite.com/blog/2010/02/marriage-is-a-better-deal-for-men-than-women/

*whew!* Good thing I got mine while the gettin' was good!!

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/13/2010 7:52:10 PM

Kaiel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It always gives Me a bit of a chuckle when someone comes around and starts a thread because they are unhappy about other people's preferences. It's especially good when the 'that's not what the lifestyle is about' bit comes up. Believe it or not, each person gets to decide what they want in a prospective match, and if that includes a certain level of financial security, so be it.

I happen to think it is rather prudent for anyone who is looking to find the person on the other side of the kneel to inquire about income. If we reversed the money issue and were talking about a s-type who stayed at home, the first thing people would be asking about would be can the Dominant financially support that. What about medical care, retirement, and personal expenses? It isn't all about play and the rest of life has to be looked at as well.

If a person out there is only interested in others within a certain income bracket because they have a certain financial status that they want to maintain, I say more power to them.

I like you!!! I couldn't have said it any better....

I was in a certain "bracket" before meeting My current sub/hubby... a pretty comfortable bracket, living comfortably, with good credit and free of any major debt... My expectation was that he (or anyone I had a relationship with) was also going to be in that "bracket" or above it (or atleast stable and self-sufficient).... it just so happens he was/is wayyyyyy above My "bracket"... just due to his career choice...

Bringing someone into your life should enhance it, not hinder it... that is just not financially... but emotionally as well. Money certainly is not My motivator or controller... but generally when a person states they are financially stable and are seeking someone that is... it means they have worked to be where they are and want someone that has as well...I feel I am that person... I earned My education, degrees, and job... I want someone that has done the same.

This topic could go on and on.... but, the truth of the matter is... We want what we want... every person is different.

But, I know for a fact... it's just as easy to fall for the guy with good looks, education, and money as it is to fall for the struggling, jobless, artist...

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/14/2010 12:48:54 AM

Taboogurl

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Lol my thing is this.....if your a sub and im your mistress why wouldnt you want to spoil me? does that mean......go out and by me a house or something no. But i do want my subs to spoil me and if i do need something why wouldnt they want to get it for me? But its not all about that at...so yea my 2cents...

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/15/2010 7:29:47 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna

I have had subs and slaves that have done things for me with money I didnt know you could even do,once someone had my subway card connected to his credit card so that if my balance went below $20 the card would adjust it back to $20,I never did eat at Subway alot but I thought it was a great thing to have available. I also got Regal Movie gift cards tucked in with flowers because I enjoy going to movies in my down time,does that make me a "gold digger"? But on the other half of the coin if I hand my sub the cable bill I expect it to get paid. But I DONT go out seeking things I am not interested in just to complain about them!

No, nobody said that making gestures weren't important, the real issue here is women who base their choices strictly on finances, not that finances are an issue, it's an expensive world, as we all know, and money comes in handy.

I'm not a sub, so I don't really give a shit, I don't have a dog in this fight, most of the women I talk to can take care of themselves, they don't need my for my money, they need me because they like me - if all they want is money, I write them off as a shallow, insecure bitch, that's all, and if they don't like that, tough fucking tits princess, you're quite welcome to call me a cheap bastard and go lay your irresistible charms on some other sucker.

Life has up's and downs too, if you're not in it for and with each other, somebody is just being used. I've clawed my way up from the bottom more than once, I don't owe you a damn thing.

< Message edited by xssve -- 2/15/2010 7:30:18 AM >

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 2:07:55 PM

jj292

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

I see the same facts you do but I don't draw the same conclusion.

Unless of course the only reason to get married is to increase the household income. The other reasons for getting married - affection, mutual support, having someone to grow old with, being able to rely on someone, etc. are still there.

Not so sure about that anymore. At least not in America. The US has the highest divorce rate in the world...by far. More than half the marriages that occur today will end in divorce or separation. In many other societies, divorce rates arnt nearly as high. So the question is, what is so different about American society for relationships to fail so often? It is just my opinion that many Americans (men and women) view marriage more as a business transaction than a life-long commitment of love and well-being. People treat a date like a job interview. The same exact topics are discussed. Education, job history, where you live.. we even view friends as "references."

Image you are on a date with someone. And this someone has a good personality. They make you laugh, they have good stories, they are positive and upbeat. You share a lot of things in common. But this person also tells you he/she is unemployed for whatever reason. And you come to find out they havnt really took good care of their money. In other words they are practically broke. Are you likely to go on a second date with this person? In most societies, the answer to this scenario would be a strong yes. In most societies finding a partner you can spend the rest of your life with and have a family is the priority. In America...Im not so sure. I think if you asked Americans this question, a majority would likely dump this person.

My point is..Americans for some reason judge people based on their net worth instead of their character. A person who is a lawyer, a doctor, has a high-paying job, or owns a business are people who are all considered to be successful. A person who is layed off, forced to live with family, or struggling financially is considered a loser. Look at the way we make fun of people who live in trailers, shop at Wal-Mart, work in fast-food, or wear non-designer clothes. We are a materialistic society that likes to overspend and live beyond our means. We are obsessed with money and status. And it's my opinion that mentality is what is tearing us all apart. Socially, politically, and economically.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 2:29:10 PM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292

Image you are on a date with someone. And this someone has a good personality. They make you laugh, they have good stories, they are positive and upbeat. You share a lot of things in common. But this person also tells you he/she is unemployed for whatever reason. And you come to find out they havnt really took good care of their money. In other words they are practically broke. Are you likely to go on a second date with this person? In most societies, the answer to this scenario would be a strong yes. In most societies finding a partner you can spend the rest of your life with and have a family is the priority. In America...Im not so sure. I think if you asked Americans this question, a majority would likely dump this person.

And your evidence for the bolded part of your post is...?

Your theory made me laugh because you so seem to fit the traditional cliche of an American-'America can't possibly be the same as everywhere else! No sir! Even when we're talking about our negative points we are still automatically going to be different to the rest of humanity...'

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 6:18:41 PM

thornhappy

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People who marry in their low-20s and younger make up 77% of divorces. Folks here tend to marry too young and for the wrong reasons.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 6:19:54 PM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

People who marry in their low-20s and younger make up 77% of divorces. Folks here tend to marry too young and for the wrong reasons.

That may well be true-it was the blanket statements about 'most societies' which got me...

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 6:46:08 PM

Smutmonger

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When I see people insisting on "finacial security" from someone they want to get involved with-but seem on shaky financial ground themselves-the word "leech" comes most easily to mind.

Be sure to measure up to your own requirements. And not just because what what resides between your legs.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 8:00:23 PM

jj292

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

People who marry in their low-20s and younger make up 77% of divorces. Folks here tend to marry too young and for the wrong reasons.

That may well be true-it was the blanket statements about 'most societies' which got me...

You are missing the point. My point is that people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. Women DO tend to be interested in money and security. Men DO tend to be too interested in physical attraction. And if you let those preferences run your life, the statistics say your relationship is doomed to fail. Physical attraction can fade. The person you marry can gain weight and grow older. Income can change/end at any time. If these things occupy the foundation of your relationships, what happens when that foundation is gone? The whole thing comes tumbling down.

And my point also is that Americans tend to be obsessed with money and materialism. And if you ask people in other countries about Americans and materialism, they will agree 150%. No question about that.

I admit that Im looking at this from a cynical point of view. Perhaps it is just through my life experiences that I feel most humans are basically only out for themselves. My parents were divorced when I was 9 years old....and it wasnt a good divorce. I've had friends who have gone through horrible relationships...even abusive ones. In all these cases, I have noticed a trend, the relationships seem to fail based on selfish reasons by one or both partners.

If money is important to you...then go marry that brain surgeon. You will never have to worry about money again. But don't try to blame anyone else but yourself when the fairy tale wedding and expensive honeymoon is over and you finally figure out that you can't stand the son of a bitch.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 8:06:47 PM

sensualwordz

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and how about this scenerio
a dwn on his luck dom but come to find out he has been down on his luck most of his adult life, tells you how much he wants to come to you stay with you so he can seek work then find a place of his own

lucky you spot manipulation as its happening, but in a case like this I want my dom to be financially able to take care of himself before he starts looking for my help

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 8:13:49 PM

Smutmonger

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Or we have this one. A 24/7 wannabe slave comes to a site like this-looking to pay her way on her back. The well off Top is wise enough to test her resolve,and finds her totally lacking in any self respect or intent to obedience,accountability,or integrity.

Fortunately,he is able to see below the superficial..and writes her off as just another freeloader.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualwordz

and how about this scenerio
a dwn on his luck dom but come to find out he has been down on his luck most of his adult life, tells you how much he wants to come to you stay with you so he can seek work then find a place of his own

lucky you spot manipulation as its happening, but in a case like this I want my dom to be financially able to take care of himself before he starts looking for my help

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/19/2010 10:16:39 PM

armbindergeek

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
Look guy, if you don't want to do it, then don't, and just get over it. Some people like to be fucked in the butt, but I don't, does that make me wrong? No.

Yep,pretty much is my feeling here.

Yes, OP, there are selfish and lazy and greedy people all over, on both sides of the kneel, vanilla, kinky and otherwise.
(I swore I wrote this before)
The only thing more common than lazy people looking for a free ride are people complaining about it.

So very true.

On topic, I personally believe that both sides have some interesting points, like the historical social roles of the sexes. Men bearing the bulk of the financial burden was the prevailing philosophy in most societies all the way up until the 20th century, and is still common today. Trying to separate financial dominance from other forms of dominance is tricky business with a lot of different ways it can resolve for different people.

So reiterating to the OP what has already been said, just because you don't like it, it doesn't make it wrong. But you're certainly not wrong yourself, it just means you have to eliminate a larger pool of people.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 5:26:19 AM

sensualwordz

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quote:

Or we have this one. A 24/7 wannabe slave comes to a site like this-looking to pay her way on her back. The well off Top is wise enough to test her resolve,and finds her totally lacking in any self respect or intent to obedience,accountability,or integrity.

Fortunately,he is able to see below the superficial..and writes her off as just another freeloader.

and where did you get that from my post?

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 7:19:23 AM

jj292

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That's the thing...its never the woman that is a freeloader...its only the men.

Its the one gender stereotype women dont want to go away. The one where the man provides for the woman. He provides the safety net. Women dont want it to go the other way around. If it is the woman that provides the safety net, then then man is a leech.

Women who prioritize the man's net worth in a relationship consider it a "preference" no different than when someone prefers someone tall or short. They dont view themselves as a gold digger.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 7:27:39 AM

xssve

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Financially stable is one thing, it's pretty much expected in this world - what the OP is about is one of those eternal rants, i.e., female doms who expect their slaves to support them financially - this means the converse of your observation sensualword - i.e., would you be attracted to a dom who demanded that you support him financially?

I'm sure there are such doms, it's just not the norm as it seems to be with dominas, though clearly there are pleasant exceptions.

It's a touchy issue obviously, and many women still expect the whole courtship routine, although the underlying economics have changed - it still has romantic value, I'm not putting it down.

It may just be that I got my values from my parents generation: growing up in the depression, none of them were ever looking for a free ride, they all worked, they didn't abuse credit, they lived within their means and frugal didn't mean "cheap", and they still seemed to manage to make it all romantic.

Since then, image has played an increasingly larger role, but if you ask me, it's mostly Narcissism - practical is good, but Narcissists make miserable company, in my experience, and you just can't count on them.

If you can afford it, and want some high maintainence arm candy, knock yourself out, it's a free country, but if you think you have it coming to you, think again.

Originally, the OP was about the opposite, it's high maintainence dominas demanding that men support them financially while being treated, uh, ungraciously.

How realistic is that, really?

Shit I know the real thing, East Coast Ivy League Brahmins who can rough it with the best of them, I'm not impressed with the petit Bourgeoisie version. Part of the whole "breeding" thing is showing some class in adversity.

< Message edited by xssve -- 2/20/2010 7:36:06 AM >

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 7:29:18 AM

Smutmonger

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I had to add that in, since I just despise double standards. Especially in days of so called "gender equality."

You want all of the rights-you get all of the responsibility that comes with it as well. That includes paying your own way-there is no such thing as a free lunch.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 7:45:39 AM

xssve

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Seriously, it's about expectations - the OP has mimbo written all over him- if you're expecting rocket science, you're in for a big dissapointment, he's a work in progress at best. If you're wanting wealthy, mature, responsible, submissives to take care of you financially because you're the shit, you're fishing in the wrong river, it's not his bad, it's yours.

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 7:48:51 AM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Seriously, it's about expectations - the OP has mimbo written all over him- if you're expecting rocket science, you're in for a big dissapointment, he's a work in progress at best. If you're wanting wealthy, mature, responsible, submissives to take care of you financially because you're the shit, you're fishing in the wrong river, it's not his bad, it's yours.

I personally am not looking for that, but if people are, and they find it, how are they fishing in the wrong river?!?

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RE: "Financially Secure" - 2/20/2010 7:51:51 AM

Smutmonger

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Wierd. Why would I want a woman to take care of me? I'd feel like a child.

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