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How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/18/2010 10:45:31 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		I've been talking with my Master about trying blindfolds for the first time. Now this is super scary for me and a huge step seeing as how blindfolds are/were one of my hard limits. I've asked him if we can think about trying them. I know he wants to make it more sensual and "okay" for me the first time but I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to make me calmer about the whole thing. I know I asked for it and a part of me is raring to go, but at the same time I'm super nervous about how I'll react to the whole thing. 
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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/18/2010 11:15:00 PM   
plushiecat


Posts: 109
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		What about trying some lace or gauzy material first?  That way you still can have the sensation of your eyes covered, and even partial vision blockage, or dimmed.  

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/18/2010 11:18:04 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
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Status: offline 		Maybe start with him holding one hand over your eyes while the other is doing yummy things that he knows you like? 

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/18/2010 11:41:33 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriouswitch

How to push a Hardlimit?



Alcohol. 



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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 4:38:52 AM   
badlilthang


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Status: offline 		all good advice except the alcohol one...why? Because even though some sensations seem to get numbed out wih alcohol - inhibitions/no inhibitions also run wild - so a small panic attack while sober might be expanded a LOT under the influence of alcohol...s...gaze was a very good idea...you get the sensation of a blindfold - but can still see..His hand is also good - you know/love/trust those and the Owner of those hands....(i hope! :-)


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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 4:46:36 AM   
Elizabeth666


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Status: offline 		This may sound stupid, but have you thought of using a blindfold by yourself? Just to get used to it, so you have an idea of what it's like and how you may react.

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 4:50:37 AM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		You do it, not him, while watching tv. So you have the blindfold and you put it up over your eyes. Next time you tie it around your head loosely. But you have the control to say enough, it needs to come off now.

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 6:36:39 AM   
mistoferin


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Status: offline 		In my opinion, hard limits are things that shouldn't be pushed. They should be reserved for things that you will not consider today, tomorrow or ever. Not just things you haven't tried or are scared of. This doesn't sound like a "hard" limit thing though.

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 7:47:10 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

In my opinion, hard limits are things that shouldn't be pushed. They should be reserved for things that you will not consider today, tomorrow or ever. Not just things you haven't tried or are scared of.
I agree. My hard limits are things that I consider morally wrong or that I think would do physical or psychological damage. If someone pushed on those, the relationship would be over.

I would consider what the OP is talking about as a soft limit.

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 7:51:58 AM   
peppermint


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

In my opinion, hard limits are things that shouldn't be pushed. They should be reserved for things that you will not consider today, tomorrow or ever. Not just things you haven't tried or are scared of.
I agree. My hard limits are things that I consider morally wrong or that I think would do physical or psychological damage. If someone pushed on those, the relationship would be over.

I would consider what the OP is talking about as a soft limit.


My hard limits don't even get talked about being pushed.  If they were, this relationship would be at the garbage dump. 

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 8:19:07 AM   
dorrmatt


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Status: offline 		trust is how you push a hard limit. its the only way i know of, and have success.

good luck

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 8:28:01 AM   
xxblushesxx


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From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

In my opinion, hard limits are things that shouldn't be pushed. They should be reserved for things that you will not consider today, tomorrow or ever. Not just things you haven't tried or are scared of. This doesn't sound like a "hard" limit thing though.


This is what I was going to say. What you are describing is a soft limit. Soft limits are things you may not *want* to try, or are afraid to try...but may also be exciting as well.

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 10:39:08 AM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
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Status: offline 		just have no pain and enjoy the romantic side of darkness. use soft things like feathers and silk. let your hands be kept free so if you freak out you can touch him or grab his hand to show him youre scared. have him be romantic soft and sensual.


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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 10:39:21 AM   
LillyoftheVally


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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

In my opinion, hard limits are things that shouldn't be pushed. They should be reserved for things that you will not consider today, tomorrow or ever. Not just things you haven't tried or are scared of. This doesn't sound like a "hard" limit thing though.


This is what I was going to say. What you are describing is a soft limit. Soft limits are things you may not *want* to try, or are afraid to try...but may also be exciting as well.



I agree with both sentiments.

But to the OP, you have some great advice here, but first step in trying one of them is asking yourself what it is that scares you about blindfolds? Once you know that you know which direction to take it in, i it constriction around your head? Is it lack of control? Is it being unable to see? Take it from there, good luck

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 10:41:12 AM   
GYPSYMAMBO


Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		OP:
FOR ME:
 
a HARD limit is that..it is NOT to be pushed....
 
GM

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 11:06:01 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

work through why its so scary for you. if youve been with youre Master long enough to trust him then really its down to why youre spooked by the idea.

i would suggest that you ask to have youre hands free and that you are allowed to pull the blind fold off if you need to. having the control over the situation to start with might help. but if you try really hard not to pull it off, knowing that you can at any time you may be able to break through youre own panic barrier.

in the end its not that scary at all, i love it - but trust has to be part of it.

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 11:45:10 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with others it sounds like a soft limit. Master knows my soft limits and he knows how far to push them and when. My hard limits are mostly set in stone. They are not to be pushed. If they were that would mean he does not respect me because he knows those thing would cause me emotional or physical distress. He would not care about that though.

That being said i think to start with his hand over your eyes is a good idea. Ypu can progres from there. Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/19/2010 12:06:08 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang

all good advice except the alcohol one...why? Because even though some sensations seem to get numbed out wih alcohol - inhibitions/no inhibitions also run wild - so a small panic attack while sober might be expanded a LOT under the influence of alcohol...s...gaze was a very good idea...you get the sensation of a blindfold - but can still see..His hand is also good - you know/love/trust those and the Owner of those hands....(i hope! :-)



Did you not see the "wink" () in my post?  This means it was meant as a JOKE!!!



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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/21/2010 11:43:21 AM   
badlilthang


Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		duh me....i missed the joke part here..*LOL*...may i blame my blonde hair, please? *blush*

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriouswitch

How to push a Hardlimit?



Alcohol. 




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RE: How to push a Hardlimit? - 1/21/2010 12:05:12 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		To be fair, what one would consider a hard limit may not be for most.  Sometimes our ideas on these change with time and what was once a hard limit becomes a soft one.  Each person has a reason for their limits and only by getting to the bottom of that, or having a huge amount of trust in your partner (or a combination) can you get past them.

Along with the other suggestions you might want to think about something like a sheer scarf.  You would still be able to see a fuzzy outline of things.  As others have said you could start the process on your own.  Refocus your senses and concentrate on the sounds that you hear, run your fingers along your own skin, etc.  The other senses have a tendency to heighten so a pleasant touch can become even more so.  Think of those things instead of your lack of sight.  I often keep my eyes closed during my sessions just to mock that sensory deprivation and to be more completely in the moment.


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