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Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:08:47 PM   
MisstressDalia


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2010
Status: offline 		 
First sorry Redwood Girl I stole some of your lines, but it helps me to write mine.
Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well.
Ids like your expert advise, but first, some background.
I’ve been with my honey for almost a 3 years, 1/2 year was kink(I was total Vanilla) and Ill brag and say he was pretty darn,  amazing slave but I did not understand him, but due to my upbringing I felt angry and we stopped, so he got turned off on that aspect of our relationship, 
Now  he said he is done , he was playing behind my back, now as I explored this Mistress side of me, I feel I want to be a  Mistress, it complement my strong personality, but in real life I am submissive, so being a Mistress will fulfill my desires to be pleased in that role, vs. who I am in my vanilla life a pleaser, and while I am at it if him and I feel we can start over it will be great if not I will go on and find another  love, but I want to try it with him first.
Here is what I did,
I took instruction classes from a local Master, but it will not do me good, if I do not get the insight on how to act and actually do it.
I asked him if he can help me practice (my Honey) and he said OK.
We have not done it yet, I am afraid if I do not do good he will never be convince of me being a Mistress.
He said to me he does not want to contribute to this cause because he thinks I am wonderful the way I am, but he is going and looking for a Mistress now.
I would love to have him in my life, I love him dearly.

I moved out from our apartment, and I go visit him now.
He can not come to my place due to other issues, so to see him or for us to be together in private it has to be in his place.
THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH . my gratitued to you all, PLEASE HELPPPPPPPPPPP ME.


PLEASE LADIES HELPPPPPPPPPP
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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:23:46 PM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline 		Dearheart, you can't even spell Mistress. Just... stop. That's my advice. 

(in reply to MisstressDalia)
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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:28:07 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

If you are turning to dominance and S&M out of desperation, out of fear, and as a last resort to "save" your relationship, you are building a foundation for it that is unstable. How will your partner ever see you in a position of power if he knows you are doing it out of fear he will leave you?

Address your relationship issues first.  If he cares so little for you that his solution is to "see someone else" (even though you don't want him to), you need to decide how you feel about this person.

Akasha


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(in reply to MisstressDalia)
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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:29:15 PM   
Mistresskittyy


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		I will say I agree with you on that

< Message edited by Mistresskittyy -- 1/20/2010 1:31:34 PM >

(in reply to Lucienne)
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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:31:18 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		 It sounds to me like he wants out and no label will change that.

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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:36:10 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with AAkasha! You really cannot save a relationship that has fallen apart by becoming dominant even if you have some feelings of dominance somewhere. You are still trying to please. You are trying to save something with a man who has given up and looked elsewhere and who knows you are trying harder because of him. Not only all this, but you mentioned stopping some things because of anger. What is that about?

You needed the assistance of another poster... without their permission, used something from things they said and now wish to get some dominant instruction using others with their permission of course. This seems a pattern. If you can't do it yourself, use someone elses something or other and copy it to get the deed done.

I don't mean to be cruel, but please... you need to find what is inside you and bring that forth rather than doing it for someone for all the wrong reasons or seeking to copy or mimic others.

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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 1:48:47 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Sometimes love means letting go.


If you love him, let him go so you can work on yourself, and he can seek his own bliss.

You had your chance with him, and its gone. You are not owed another chance.

You have left him physically, now make a break emotionally. He has.

Leave it. 

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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 2:32:51 PM   
MisstressDalia


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advise, but I know he loves me very much, and that is why I will try to make it work, I am not doing it for him, a year ago I thought of doing it for him, but now I am in it, if he is or he is not, I tasted the pleasure of being obeid and worshiped, and I will find another life, so if he is not on board when I have developed my talant as a Mistress Iwill find others who will kiss my feet for what I offer. 

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 2:35:30 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		So if you are in it and he loves you so much... why is he looking around and playing around and not sure if he can believe you or not? Order him over... bend him over and show him whatcha got. Simple... done deal. Why waste time with us?

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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 2:35:34 PM   
MisstressDalia


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2010
Status: offline 		No I am not, I am starting to discover and explore my deep desire to become a Mistress, I always wished I was a man and now I know why, becuse of the power they have over women, now it is my turn to be a powerful woman in my own right.
Thanks for your kind advice.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 2:39:50 PM   
MisstressDalia


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/20/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry if  you think being here is a  wast of time, I want to learn the right way, and I want to get from the experts you, you can tell me to drag him, but if I do not know how to drag in the BD sense of word, it will not work, and this is what I wanted your guidence on how to do it.
Thanks again

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 3:22:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hon, is English your first language?

In all truthfulness, even though you protest to the contrary, I very much get the impression that you *are* doing it for him.  Right down to making sure that he is your demo doll for learning with the person who is instructing you.

If you want to pursue this, and it *doesn't* have anything to do with getting the relationship back, why not do that?  It's quite possible that he will never see you as Dominant due to your people pleasing nature.  There's nothing wrong with that type of personality, but to him, the two don't meet up.  That's why he was seeking behind your back, even though you were making the best attempt.  You may love him, but from what you've written here, he wants something, someone, different in the Dominant role that will inspire his submission.  While I'm sure you are a nice person, your fledgling style of Domination doesn't work for him, even if the two of you love each other. 

By the way, being a female Dominant has very little to do with wanting to be a man.  It has to do with being all woman.  I wouldn't want to be a man if I had all of the power in the world.


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(in reply to MisstressDalia)
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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/20/2010 4:15:56 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		OP,

Please correct me if I 've misread what you've posted. But, what I gather is this: You're "honey" has cheated on you, by playing with someone else, thus betraying your trust; he's practically (if not actually) coerced you into a role so counter to your upbringing it made you so uncomfortable you became angry; and he's advised you that he's on the hunt for someone else to satisfy his kink, because you just don't seem to qualify. Hm. What's not perfect about this situation?

Old, but true, cliché: There are plenty of fish in the sea (and not all of them stink!)

QR

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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/21/2010 12:50:34 PM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Some people have dislexia. Some people have "fat fingers." Some people didn't take typing class back in high school. Some people let their thoughts run away from them. Some people have arthritis. Some people have poor heat. Any of those things can make a person miss a letter or two.

Some people live in glass houses. Her spelling isn't atrocious and she came here asking her community for assistance with a legitimate issue. Please don't be unkind, just because you can.

Thanks.

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Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/21/2010 9:11:55 PM   
Ladynslave


Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline 		Well, you said yourself that if you must explore the mistress role with someone else you will.  He's turned off to you in the mistress role and you give the impression that you really don't know how to go about it anyway.  So, it's probably false hope that keeps you going back to him hoping to try to turn him back into your sub.  Until you are comfortable in that role, there is not a chance in hell that he will see you that way and becoming comfortable in the role doesn't guarantee he ever will.  So, if you want to explore, do it on your own or with another sub.  There are plenty of books that will give you ideas as to how to incorporate this into your life.  My favorite book was the Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance.  That may not be the one that inspires you, it just worked for me.  

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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

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RE: Vanilla in a predicmate - 1/22/2010 6:32:05 AM   
QueenRah


Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		I think I'm going to have to soften my "hard limits!"

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenRah

OP,

Please correct me if I 've misread what you've posted. But, what I gather is this: Your "honey" has cheated on you...

QR


Corrected. Will have to look into why I can edit some posts and not others, so I don't look nearly so unable to follow my own rules!

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Life's too short to drink cheap booze!

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Profile   Post #: 16
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