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RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/22/2010 6:38:30 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

Maybe he saw her unease but didn't give a shit. Maybe she enjoys being the perpetual victim - I mean, c'mon, 20 years? The fact is, we don't know enough here to know what's going on.

But my answer to the question is that no, I wouldn't be afraid to tell E about something I hated doing. He values me and our relationship higher than the acts or the things we do together. If anything were truly an issue, I'd go to him with it and trust him to do what he thought best.

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** Owned by E **

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 21

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/22/2010 8:58:47 PM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

let me clear something up. in my post i said that they have been married for twenty years. What is happening now has only been for the last few years. anyway, i want to thank everyone for all of your input and let you all know that there is a happy ending. (i guess)

The moral of this story is to communicate. If she had done that from the start none of this would have happened. She told him how she felt and he became very angry at her. Seems the reason he was lending her out to other men was because He thought she wanted it. He saw her reading a book one night about a woman who was pimped out by her Dom and he saw how excited she was about it so he wanted to make her fantasies come true. Trouble was that it was not her fantasy, it was just that the book was so well written that she got into it. The whole thing is stupid and avoidable.

i am shaking my head as i write this.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 22

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/23/2010 5:02:10 AM

afkarr

Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

This all started over a book??? Jeesh. I've read the entire Stephanie Plum series, doesn't mean I want to have my vehicles blow up ( although I could probably handle a Ranger in my life, lol). Sounds like he needs to learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality, ( and buy her flowers and be really really nice for awhile) and she needs to learn to speak up.

I suppose all's well that ends well, relatively speaking.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 23

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/23/2010 5:35:54 AM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

That's a man for ya!

(in reply to afkarr)

Post #: 24

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/23/2010 7:18:09 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

This is a case study in long-married people who have no clue about communication. Do they ever talk? I think the wife needs help with her self-esteem. She is worried about losing his love when she should be concerned about being with someone who sees her as a person and is sensitive to her cues. Perhaps he is not worthy of her.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 25

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/23/2010 11:35:38 AM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

I would feel like a prostitute if my Dom used me this way.. but that is me..

(in reply to afkarr)

Post #: 26

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/23/2010 1:09:14 PM

vixenkneels

Posts: 94
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: LAKE OF THE OZARKS, MISSOURI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

Do any of you feel that way, that if you don't do what your partner wants you to that he.she will not love you or want you anymore?

this slave wouldn't expect our relationship to exist if she didn't do what He wants...and doing what He wants is what she signed up for.

I too wouldn't expect our relationship to exist if I didn't do what Master wants and I knew Him well before I accepted His collar. Sometimes the stars in ones eyes get in the way of reality, and the reality of the life of a 24/7-365 slave isn't always so "romantic".

_____________________________

I am your servant. I shall not be free. You will protect me; you will keep me safe; you will guard me. You will keep me sound; you will protect me from every demon. -- Ancient Egyptian woman's slave contract

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 27

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/23/2010 5:45:31 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I don't blame him for being angry - if i was a domly sort i would be angry too. She has so little faith in her dominant that she couldn't talk to him about something so important? And if she really thought she would loose his love and regard for telling the truth, well, that says a lot about what she thinks about their relationship. Doesn't trust him, doesn't think he really loves her, doesn't want to rock the boat.
Is she only there for the room and board?

(in reply to vixenkneels)

Post #: 28

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/24/2010 5:15:32 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Master expects me to be open and honest with him about everything. He wants to know my likes and dislikes. Doesn't mean He's going to change the way he does things though. There are things I really don't like at all and he's completely aware of them but they're still required of me.

I do them because they won't kill me physically, mentally or spiritually. The pros outweigh the cons.

There are times when I am afraid to tell him things but eventually I do tell him and he almost always knows when something is on my mind. We sit down and we talk about things and we work them out and if by telling him these things means our relationship won't work out then that's just how the ball rolls and I take that chance.

I'd rather speak and possibly lose a relationship than live in misery for the rest of my life.

(in reply to afkarr)

Post #: 29

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/24/2010 8:00:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I can't imagine him saying to me, "Go fuck my good buddy Joe" and not noticing that I was unhappy before it and after it and not asking me what the problem was. If there marriage has this little amount of communication and if he really doesn't give a damn about why she's obviously unhappy, then it's d.o.a.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 30

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 12:32:53 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

let me clear something up. in my post i said that they have been married for twenty years. What is happening now has only been for the last few years. anyway, i want to thank everyone for all of your input and let you all know that there is a happy ending. (i guess)

The moral of this story is to communicate. If she had done that from the start none of this would have happened. She told him how she felt and he became very angry at her. Seems the reason he was lending her out to other men was because He thought she wanted it. He saw her reading a book one night about a woman who was pimped out by her Dom and he saw how excited she was about it so he wanted to make her fantasies come true. Trouble was that it was not her fantasy, it was just that the book was so well written that she got into it. The whole thing is stupid and avoidable.

i am shaking my head as i write this.

To answer your initial question, I would not hold back talking about my feelings because of a worry that 'he wouldn't love me anymore'. The sooner something is put out there the faster the matter will be resolved. It is my experience that problems don't go away when not talked about. Those little fuckers are persistent and the only way to keep them from popping up over and over is to face them down----together.
If speaking my thoughts made him not love me, or care for me, then I would view that as a huge incompatibility.

It appears that they both made assumptions without discussing them. I hope they can recover from this and learn how to communicate better.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 31

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 12:42:52 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I would not be in that situation. I do not engage in sharing or being shared, therefore the first time that was suggested, I would remind him of that. If he kept asking, I would show him the door.

And I agree with AnimusRex (like who wouldn't), if she keeps doing something she does not want to do, she is volunteering.

(in reply to afkarr)

Post #: 32

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 2:42:28 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Yes.....I have all sorts of irrational thoughts about things. I don't have any evidence for them , but I still feel them. It'd be totally irrational for me to think M wouldn't care for me if I don't behave in certain ways...but I still get gremlin-like niggles about it.

I have to admit that it'd be nothing short of a miracle if someone as selfish as me could hide my feelings for years........ maybe a week or two and even then he'd know *something's up*.

I can imagine doing something for years and years and not liking it ....but not hiding that I don't like it , no. If I'm quite prepared to do something whether I like it or not , what's the point in pretending I like it?.

agirl

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 33

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 2:50:39 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I can imagine doing something for years and years and not liking it ....but not hiding that I don't like it , no. If I'm quite prepared to do something whether I like it or not , what's the point in pretending I like it?.

isn't the case that sometimes you have to suck it up and perform anyway even though you may never come to accept what you're doing?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 34

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 3:12:01 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

I can imagine doing something for years and years and not liking it ....but not hiding that I don't like it , no. If I'm quite prepared to do something whether I like it or not , what's the point in pretending I like it?.

isn't the case that sometimes you have to suck it up and perform anyway even though you may never come to accept what you're doing?

I always accept it .......I haven't a single problem doing what he asks.........but I'm unlikely to be able to hide that I don't like it . That's never been much of an issue.

agirl

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 35

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 3:31:35 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I always accept it .......I haven't a single problem doing what he asks.........but I'm unlikely to be able to hide that I don't like it . That's never been much of an issue.

not liking it would add to the flavor lololol

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 36

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/25/2010 6:39:34 PM

itsmeinLV

Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

I do feel that way at times but not to that extreme. If someone is doing something they are not enjoying for another person then that is unhealthy and I wouldn't keep quiet about it, but that only goes so far. If s/he is so dependent on that relationship, then that is their choice.

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 37

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 1/26/2010 7:42:00 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I agree with osf where he asked if there aren't cases when one sucks it up and performs even though one never comes to accept what they are doing. I would just change "accept" to "embrace". I have done things that I have accepted because it was my Master's will but I never embraced them. Someone else made a comment about how doing something like that basically becomes volunteering for it. There is a difference between doing something that you don't enjoy at all for someone else's pleasure and volunteering for the job.

In my mind the greatest gifts involve self sacrifice. If I were never to sacrifice or to do things which were difficult for me for my Master then I would not consider myself truly submissive. Anyone can submit if the situation is always easy for them. It is when you have the self control to do something that you really rather would not for the sake of your partner that you show the true dynamic of handing your power over to them.

I think that's exactly what the friend first mentioned in the OP did. Sadly, she felt that she could not communicate her feelings - yet she learned in the long run just how important that was. It is easier for some to communicate openly than for others, and for a variety of reasons, but I think that the way that everything played out is a good reminder to us all to make sure that the lines of communication in our relationships always stay open.

_____________________________

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 38

RE: We, have a friend who likes to give his sub - 2/2/2010 11:16:00 PM

bifunlady

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/18/2009
Status: offline

I do this and much more. I have and regularly go way beyond what has only been hinted at here. Some of the things I am asked to do at times hurt me dearly. But in the end I see this as goals to achieve to be a better slave for my master.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 39

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