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Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 11:25:26 AM

Exploratorynfun

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
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I have always been submissive in nature, had dreams of being controlled but never found a man into the lifestyle. I am recently with a long term boyfriend who is dominate and has experience. I recently told him of my fantasy and feelings of wanting to be sub 24/7. Problem is that I am not doing very well. I guess because I have always needed to maintain control because of family obligations and such I am having a hard time letting go of the control. I definitely want to but I don't think I am taking him seriously and he is taking training me slowly. Anyone have advice????

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 11:54:38 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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letting go of the control is (oddly) the hardest part. that little impatient voice wanting him to train you faster, do things the way you want them according to youre fantasy and so on.....,

advice, remind youreself that he is in the driving seat and each time you question him in youre head youre undermining the whole thing and wrecking it for both of you.

just let go. take a deep breath, remember who is boss and let him do his thing. it gets easier.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 11:58:35 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Exploratorynfun

I have always been submissive in nature, had dreams of being controlled but never found a man into the lifestyle. I am recently with a long term boyfriend who is dominate and has experience. I recently told him of my fantasy and feelings of wanting to be sub 24/7. Problem is that I am not doing very well. I guess because I have always needed to maintain control because of family obligations and such I am having a hard time letting go of the control. I definitely want to but I don't think I am taking him seriously and he is taking training me slowly. Anyone have advice????

He could try adding one new thing on top of another as you adjust...

For example, if you guys have a rule dynamic, he could add one new rule at a time until it becomes habit for you...

Once the habit is deeply established it becomes second nature...

When I talk to my last dominant on the phone and he gets a certain tone in his voice, I still react to that, and I have to remind myself... he is not my daddy anymore... so it goes deep into the brain.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 12:14:30 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
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My friends and family are important to me too. I talked to Him about this, and now I just ask permission for anything I want to do with them before I commit. You will always have obligations to family, and shirking them would cause you personal distress. I'm sure your master would not want that, so communicating with him about it and establishing rules like "ask permission" allows his dominance and at the same time, addresses your needs.

And of course I understand the training piece too, but it's important to remember the more things you're trained to do, the more you have to maintain. The training experience can be thrilling and exciting, but the day to day keeping up with what you learned can sometimes be tedious, especially if you're adjusting to many rules at once. One thing at a time makes it much easier to ingrain as second nature I think...

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 12:30:10 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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For me feelings of submission are very much connected to trust. You say it is a long term boyfriend, do you trust him? Really trust him? Letting go of your control when you are with him means you'll have to trust him with everything...can you do this? Maybe if you think of things from this angle you may see something that has been holding you back.

Other things that may help besides some introspection is your bf being a bit more forceful because you did say you don't always take him seriously. If he were more forceful and firm you'd possibly feel more inspired to submit and therefore give up the control that you want to give to him. Maybe you require a bit more force to give him what you both desire. It's often a dance to figure out what works best for who to get to a comfortable place in your relationship where both of you are happy.

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 12:48:16 PM

Exploratorynfun

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
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I just want to Thank everyone for their replies to my post. I do trust him a 100% and plan on taking everyones advice into consideration. Any other advice is always welcomed.

(in reply to lizi)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 12:52:19 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

Anyone have advice????

it has been this slave's observation that folks tend to experience submission differently, according to their own unique perspective. it is far from a universal experience. for example, this slave has never felt submissive, yet there are folks here who report they definitely feel it.

sometimes folk discover that their fantasies are better kept as fantasy than reality.

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/22/2010 6:48:53 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

Anyone have advice????

Keep at it.

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/23/2010 12:36:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Unfortunately allowing him to set the pace is part of submission.
What you can do is share with him how you feel. So he's only giving you light spankings and you feel that you can handle something heavier. Say exactly this to him and then let him decide how fast to progress.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/23/2010 6:28:43 PM

hisdarlinsweetie

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
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I completely understand the family obligation thing. I've been a divorced, single mom for the last 7 years. I rule my home and kids...except now... That's the hard thing when you finally find yourself in a relationship where you can be who you really are after not being in that situation for so long. There is no way for me to ask permission for every interaction with my kids before it happens. I am under His control because He wants me to be a good parent, head of house, housekeeper, responsible adult, etc (as do I). There are times when I fantasize about being a 24 slave who does nothing except what He directly commands, but that's not reality. Keep in your head that D/s reality is different than D/s fantasy. At least for Sir and I it is.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Question on being Sub... New to Lifestyle - 1/24/2010 10:16:44 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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Deciding to take on the submissive role in a relationship isn't like throwing switch, or just adding water. It takes time to re-adjust your patterns and what you've been taught by society. It really just takes time, patience and communication. Keep at it.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

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