RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 11:16:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveHIS Anyway, slaveHIS thanks Each of You who have taken the time to respond. she is planning on doing a topic on slave etiquette at one of the meetings down the road. What's the point? You're just going to tell people if they don't do things your way that they are being rude. Somehow you and your master have decided you've got better sense and know what's best for everyone. You've had lots of people give a huge variety of response here and pretty much not taking any of them into consideration. Go along your way, certain in your rightness, we'll manage on our own rude ways.

slavejali -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 12:57:07 PM)
quote: Original Quote: Wolfspet Even when I address my physician as Dr, he addresses me as Mrs. XXXX, the respect runs both ways. Well see, putting that into a BDSM scenario, I would see being called a slave as respectful from someone within our community, its a recognition of my place within it. (Btw I have no passionate attachment to this topic, its just I really dont understand what the big deal is over saying a title or whatever) quote: Original Quote: Wolfspet ....not to the pompous arrogant "How dare you not call me Sir" types. I would just see that as people having different personalities and wouldnt feel one way or the other about that. quote: Original Post: JohnWarren May I point out all those titles are earned. Would you call a 10 year old, who demanded the title, "Doctor" in anything but a condescending way? Usually when I encounter someone like a self-proclaimed "Grandmaster Jim" I just call him Jim. I can hear you on titles being earned, but I guess my point was, even though someone has a title it doesnt really amount to their being "good at what they do"..a lot of the time...the titles just refer to the position they hold. My only reference point for someone being called Grand Master would be within martial arts. If i ran across one of those I would definately call him Grand Master....but I'm taking you out of context....He earned that title grin. * * Well really, my opinion on this subject doesnt really matter at all, Master has told me to call people whatever it is they desire to be called, so thats what I do. Every now and then though I might slip in a Sir or a Maam and I hope when I do people wont jump down my throat, or think badly of me, but take it for what it is me being unconsiously respectful of the roles within the BDSM community and my personality that tends to be attracted to formality.

feastie -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 5:00:49 PM)
It's no more of a hypocrisy than to refer and defer to someone that doesn't deserve it. That is, in fact, the real hypocrisy. In my work, I am either making a customer feel his needs are being addressed efficiently and well or I am eliciting good service from a vendor. Good manners goes a long way toward accomplishing those goals. But the terms mean something inherently different in the context of the lifestyle...and in that regard, based on personal experience, it will be earned from me and not given because it's demanded based on egotism or beliefs based in fantasy. I am never rude to anyone, but I will make up my own mind whether an honorific is deserved based on that person's behavior. Anyone can hang a title on his name, it's much more difficult to deserve it.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 5:18:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce While someone may be "Master" to one person, that's in that relationship, with that person. It doesn't extend outward to the rest of the world. And I don't get why some submissives get so rabidly defensive and territorial when another submissive addresses their master as "Sir." Is it really their place to determine how someone else is to address their owner? I think not. Exactly my point...It denotes a relationship that is NOT there. You don't go around calling any woman your mother's age Mom. Why should I care if someone calls my dominant Master? Because that sub is assuming they have an equal relationship to that person as I do. Would you be happy if any woman coming along felt she could call your husband, her husband? That is the level of importance that word has for me. Some people may not mind...but some of us do. Cin

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 5:56:24 PM)
So let me get this straight, during work it's alright to show courtesy because they're putting money in your pockets but not in the lifestyle because they aren't? So do you think that good manners in the lifestyle won't take you along way? Someone has to earn your courtesy to them? Let me guess, you have this list thats as long as your arm as to the criterea determining who should or should not "deserve" your courtesy BUT you think the minute you meet someone, they should show you all sorts of courtesies. Right? Interesting.

IronBear -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 6:52:11 PM)
If you treat all you meet with exemploary manners you can more easly be forgiven the occasional faux pas. <<VWEG fopllowed by evil chuckle>> If you are realy adroit with your manners and social skill you can easily turn the tables on an obnoxious Dominant and have him looking a complete fool whilst you will be complemented for your skills in avoiding a nasty sitution....

ImpGrrl -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 7:42:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CERCKL actually at this point I am trying to get Mine to figure out what to call Me in 'vanilla' situations...since she is uncomfortable calling Me by My first name and refuses to "Refuses"?

ImpGrrl -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 7:48:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali I really dont get what the problem is with calling Dominants Sir or Maam or Master or Mistress...if its just like the doctor thing..as a respect for the roles within our lifestyle though...its not saying about the quality of one they are being..its just a recognition of their stance if you like...its kinda nice [:)] Because to some of us, there is no "stance" within all of this except what people agree upon between thmselves.

Evanesce -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 8:10:37 PM)
quote: Why should I care if someone calls my dominant Master? Because that sub is assuming they have an equal relationship to that person as I do. So you perceive it as a threat to your position. But I didn't say "Master." I said "...when another submissive addresses their master as 'Sir.'" A lot of people call my Master, "Sir." One other slave calls Him "Master." It's not my place to tell them otherwise, and I really don't care what they call Him. If He disapproves, He'll let them know.

slavejali -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 9:33:01 PM)
quote: Original Quote: Vancouver_cinful Why should I care if someone calls my dominant Master? Because that sub is assuming they have an equal relationship to that person as I do. There are about 50 people I know of that call my Master, Master...I'm just the one that gets to live with him and serve him and be closest to him. It makes me feel proud....but to be fair to this topic...I'm the only one that calls him that within a D/s sense..He is a martial arts Master grin Maybe cuz I have beeen around all different kinds of Masters for a very long time, Ive just got a different take on it. It's not an ownership thing to me personally, its just the recognition of his way of being in the world.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 10:04:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce quote: Why should I care if someone calls my dominant Master? Because that sub is assuming they have an equal relationship to that person as I do. So you perceive it as a threat to your position. But I didn't say "Master." I said "...when another submissive addresses their master as 'Sir.'" A threat to my position...nope. An arrogant assumption, yes. It creates a false imtimacy and I deplore insincerity. I apologize, you did say Sir, and I read it wrong. But it doesn't change my stance. Perhaps, if I were in the south where it was common to address men as Sir then no, I wouldn't have an issue. Otherwise, it's just another show of unsolicited submission. Cin

MadamShy -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 10:15:38 PM)
what I own calls me Kashna which is Gorean Red Savage for Mistress submissives in a BDSM setting I prefur Ma'am or Madam, out or BDSM setting Madam or Shy or Madam Shy all Dominates Madam or Shy or Madam Shy all vanilla call Me Madam or Shy or Madam Shy

BitaTruble -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 11:03:59 PM)
Himself only has rules for what I call him. What anyone else calls him is fine as long as they don't call him late for dinner. He's from the Bronx and I'm quite sure he's been called damn near everything and nothing phases him. ::chuckles:: Celeste

Lordandmaster -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/26/2006 11:07:15 PM)
Yeah, I grew up in the Bronx too (Are you talkin' to me?), and I know exactly what you mean.

CanadianGuy -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/27/2006 1:55:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveHIS would you prefer to be called Sir or your given name if attending meetings or social gatherings that include munches and play parties? Good topic, thanks for asking it. I don't attend munches or parties, but from what I hear, the etiquette is usually "keep it casual, polite, and non-threatening". I wouldn't object to being called "sir" by a submissive I didn't know, but I would never expect that, especially in a casual setting like a munch. Also, if I was with my submissive at such an event, and someone we didn't know spoke to her by saying "slave", then I would be less than pleased. I don't think people should get too offended if someone calls them something they don't want to be called. Simply ask them to address you differently, and go from there. My submissive refers to be as "master" or "daddy" depending on her mood. Occasionally she also says sir when she's being punished or is desperate to feel my control. I like them all. In fact, at times she calls me by my first name, and unless I've asked her to address me differently at the time, that's not a problem. It is my name, after all. :)

Darkfall -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/27/2006 2:14:21 AM)
Hi, slavejali, First, thanks for the welcome. As for my preference of not having a title attached to me by someone who isn't...err...attached to me, it's just a preference thing. I won't bite someone's head off for using a formal designation, it just doesn't strike me as necessary. For me, until there's some kind of formal connection, it seems strange to be assigning a title of respect to someone unknown. I do see your point, though. I suppose the problem is that I find people who use formal titles with everyone tend to do it everywhere, even in places where it seems inappropriate. Dinner at the parent's place probably isn't the best place for all the scene rules to be applied, but that doesn't stop some people - so I guess I get a little tense when someone is going nuts with it laughs. For the most part, unless it's in the right context, just normal references to my person feels more "correct" - but, as I said, it's a personal preference for everyone. Every group of people has their own individual style, even inside the same genre. By the way, I love your hair...It wouldn't look very good on me, but it looks very good on you. I'm a sucker for that kind of hair style, it seems. But, I digress...or regress...or something wink. ...Paul

slavejali -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/27/2006 4:23:40 AM)
Why thanks God Sir, I love my hair too grin (You're never gonna live down that name now) lol

SirLordTrainer -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/27/2006 4:55:42 AM)
While I do appreciate good manners, I dont expect nor want to hear Sir in every sentence. My girl calls Me Master and to some Im called Sir T. And to a few others Ive known over the years both online and off, know Me as Metallic or MM.

SimplyV -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/27/2006 6:36:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful A threat to my position...nope. An arrogant assumption, yes. It creates a false imtimacy and I deplore insincerity. I apologize, you did say Sir, and I read it wrong. But it doesn't change my stance. Perhaps, if I were in the south where it was common to address men as Sir then no, I wouldn't have an issue. Otherwise, it's just another show of unsolicited submission. Cin I agree with you on the "denotation of relationship" in calling someone else "Master" or "Mistress" which isn't your Dominant. I also equate it to some woman calling my husband "husband" or my boyfriend "boyfriend".. and to me it would be the same as someone (not my sibling) calling my mother "Mom" or my father "Dad".. I don't see it as a threat to my position, but more of a distasteful assumption of a relationship dynamic that is non-existant with them. I call my Doctor "Doctor" because thats what he is to me. My doctor. Some body else's Dominant is not anything to me but a friend or aquaintance. I won't even call them Sir.. Unless of course they dropped their wallet or something.. and I don't remember their name.. so I call after them "SIR.. Hey Sir.. you forgot your wallet" It tends to go over better than "Hey YOU" or "Dude come back here" I also don't want some one calling my sub/slave by their position to me. Because they choose that position in relation to me.. does not mean that that is all they are or that anyone else has the right to call them that. They have a name, just ask them. I am originally from the north and no one calls someone else "Sir" or "Maam" unless its the sales clerk, your waiter, older person that you don't know their name, or some such equivalent. To me, Sir or Maam is reserved for those people who you really don't care what their name is or you can't remember it.. but you want to be polite. Here in Texas.. everyone calls everyone it. Its part of the culture here, so I don't get "offended" as if its an act of submission, but I also won't call someone "Sir" on demand either. I will ask their name and call them that in a BDSM setting. I don't mind or take offense to Gorean trained people who call me "Mistress" either.. as that is their training, though I usually quickly ask them to call me by my name. I have had some refuse to, stating that it would displease their Master, and its just not that big of deal for a short lived interaction. I do insist on calling people by their names or fake names or call signs.. whenever possible. If they say my name is "Master Bob", I'll reply "Nice to meet you Bob" if they take offense thats their choice, but they'll soon find I'm heading to talk to anyone else. V

Jayxkes -> RE: How Do You Wished to be Addressed (3/27/2006 7:14:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveHIS slaveHIS wishes to thank Each of You who tookYour time to address this post. It is slaveHis' feelings that a liberty was taken by the moderater of our group to call Master (Capt Craig) by his given name in the email, as did Master. Familiarity even in the email setting by subs or slaves NOT KNOWING any Master that well is improper. slaveHIS refers to Master (Capt Craig) by Master even in the privacy of our home. It is only in events involving family members that we each refer to the other by our given names. (That, I hope, is mutually understood by all here.) But, for THOSE slaves and subs who do NOT know any master well), they should refrain from calling that Master by His or Her given name. No matter how long the length of time they have known this particular master, even if their master is lenient and gives an okay. The master called by the given name may not like it because it shows lack of respect. Anyway, slaveHIS thanks Each of You who have taken the time to respond. she is planning on doing a topic on slave etiquette at one of the meetings down the road. It appears to me that it you and craig who are at fault here. It certainly looks like the accepted form within the group is for moderators at least to use names rather than honorifics. ergo you both are showing considerable disrespect to that group. if someone eles's sub calls Craig by his name, how does he think he will enforce his rule? Does he imagine any self respecting dominant will allow him to dole out punishments? Or will he simply refuse to communicate with anyone who doesn't abide by his rules? That could lead to a lonely life! I tend to agree with what someone else said, he sounds very insecure and is trying to force rules on others as a way to make him feel dominant. I really would like to see him try at the clubs, events and parties I frequent, he'd learn the error of his ways very fast! Bottom line is just because he calls himself a dominant, does not give him the right to decide what others do.

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