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Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 10:19:51 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Libby and I were talking last night about people we'd known in the scene and the topic came around to a single conclusion.  Every single person we've met who has followed a simple process and stuck with it has found a partner.  We thought about some of the most extreme examples we could think of which included folks with just about every handicap one could name, including one guy with such a case of aspergers syndorme that several groups came under pressure to exclude him and a overweight, short guy whose dentation strongly resembled a fence after a hurricane.  They all made it; they all found partners.

What did they do?

They became active in local groups, some in formal posts, others simply became the "joe to go to" when work needed to be done.  They didn't limit themselves to one group or mode.  Some were even active in online places like CollarMe.

They all projected a positive attitude.  They didn't sulk and complain.  This doesn't mean they sat in the corner and didn't do anything.  In my memory, both the asperger guy and the guy with the dental problems stood out as occasional pains-in-the-neck with proposed projects and ideas, but the projects and ideas, workable or not, were postitive things intended to help the group.  They didn't complain about being alone or try to get fights going between supposed cliques.  They were enjoyable to be around.

They mixed with everyone.  If one of this group of eventual success stories was a male dom, he didn't limit his circle to female submissives but was friends with other guys, both dom and sub, and women of every orientation.   And, associated with this they weren't "constantly on the hunt."  They came to events to help and to have a good time rather than seeing each as "maybe this time."  Now that might have been in their heads but they didn't project the least hint of if.

Most of all they stuck to it.  Day after day, month after month, and even year after year.   Sometimes it took a long time and there was an occasional near miss.  But eventually, every single on of them ended up in a long term relationship and a number of them married.

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 10:26:36 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		Amen, Brother John, amen!  Preach on!

Get out from behind the computer screen and get your happy behind active and involved in your local scene.

Don't have a local group?

Travel to a few that you can get to.  See how they operate, emulate what you like, discard the rest, then START your own group!  *grins... it's what I did...*

Anyone can sit on their ass and bitch and moan on a computer screen, but that doesn't meet people.  As I posted in another thread here... network, Network, NETWORK! 

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to JohnWarren)
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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 10:30:21 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Always nice to see the nice stories on here. I see alot of post where people expect over night miracles. I'm a Dom, submt to me. I'm a submissive, dominate me. Scary sometimes.


Thanks for the great read Mr Warren. Makes this one feel better.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 10:32:05 AM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		Its easy to see how that sort of behavior would help someone find a partner...but maintaining a relationship, I think, is a whole other ball of wax.

Im glad you posted your thoughts though since there are oh-so-many threads about "how do I find a Dom" and "how do I find a sub", etc.

My partner and I both maintain that the moment we found eachother came when neither of us were looking for a partner, but when were just out to have a good time with friends.

< Message edited by IndigoDadesi -- 3/24/2006 10:33:23 AM >

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 10:34:08 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		BINGO is a fabulous way to meet a partner. It might take a while to get the right combination to win but the chances are high and it's fun!

Be positive
Invest in the local community with your service (applies to D-types and S-types)
Never
Get away from the computer as your primary source of meeting people
Obligate yourself to meeting various types of people within your community




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Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 10:47:24 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Libby and I were talking last night about people we'd known in the scene and the topic came around to a single conclusion.  Every single person we've met who has followed a simple process and stuck with it has found a partner.  We thought about some of the most extreme examples we could think of which included folks with just about every handicap one could name, including one guy with such a case of aspergers syndorme that several groups came under pressure to exclude him and a overweight, short guy whose dentation strongly resembled a fence after a hurricane.  They all made it; they all found partners.


That reminds me of someone I used to know , and all I can say is that if he found a partner, then anyone can.



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---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 11:06:03 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		John,
GREAT POST!
Let's see - Time, Persistence, Positive Attitude.

Good not just for the lifestyle, but for life!

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 11:07:32 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I only know of a few people (that I know "real time") who actually met online and the relationship worked. For these, what DID make it work was that they spent "real time" in groups and also getting to know each other "real time". As human beings, we all need a support system. Online, we can get an emotional support system, but, in reality, a system that is both physical and emotional is better. If you can find one that feeds your spirit, too, that's ideal.

I know of a slave who does an excellent presentation about how to serve when there's no one to serve. It's a great presentation, basically about volunteerism. Masters can do this as well, by volunteering to Master (lead) various activities, especially in their local groups.

Fire

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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 11:09:48 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well said as always John and Libby, I'd like to add as well that just because one is a ying to a yang, it doesn't mean you're right for Me or that I am right for you--and submissives, you aren't someone's property until there is a agreement between you and your Dominant.

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Mistress Hathor


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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 11:26:34 AM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		It was 10 years after the first time that my Master and I met that we ended up together.  We have been together for a year and a half.  Granted we are seeking another to add to our home.  We know that time is the key to finding her.

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/24/2006 11:39:01 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
I know of a slave who does an excellent presentation about how to serve when there's no one to serve. It's a great presentation, basically about volunteerism. Masters can do this as well, by volunteering to Master (lead) various activities, especially in their local groups.


And a dom need not lead all the time.  Currently, I'm helping out at our local library a couple of hours a day.  My job consists solely of putting back into the stacks the clients return.  Sometimes, it's good to do simple mindless work.  It clears the soul.

A mix can be good too.  Before the election last week, I was on the volunteer staff of a city council candidate.  Some days I was stuffing envelopes and on other days I was computer crunching polling and demographic data so I could tell her what groups to go to and what they were most interested in.

There is so much out there that needs to be done

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 4:47:07 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Great post. I agree with Mercnbeth, the formula you prescribed of time, persistence, positive Attitude and patience works for any thing you are trying to accomplish. Be it a vanilla or bdsm relationship or reaching your highest aspirations.
I spent 6 years searching before I found my pair. During that time I went to various activities, play parties, munch education groups and always pitched in somehow. In the end I met them here on collarme. We got together because the Dom half of a Dom/Domme couple really peed me off. So you never know. Keep trying it will eventually pays off.

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Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 5:01:19 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		How true John. Having been frustrated before, due to some not so great experiences, I always came back eventually with a positive atitude of thinking it WILL happen in time. I think we all have our highs and lows, but in the end, persistence pays off, whether it be meeting on-line or in person, everyone has a match, or matches (weg) out there. Nice post.

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Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 6:44:35 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		John and Libby,
Wonderful post! Thank you for reminding us of how simple and FUN this is really supposed to be. I am going through a very difficult time right now and your words have helped me. Thank you.

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 6:45:54 AM   
Clothespingirl


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks,  John, that's a very useful and inspiring post.  I'm extremely new to all this and going through all the usual emotions.  It's helpful to be able to come here and find out that they are usual emotions, and that other folks have lived through it, too.

I just emailed my local group and volunteered to help with next week's party.  You're right, it's the best way to meet everybody eventually in a fairly relaxed way.

_____________________________

"Cheeky bitch"

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 7:48:22 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I think too many of us are so focused on finding a partner that we forget to just live life.  Great surprises often happen when you are out enjoying what is around you.  It scares me when I see females open a profile on Monday, proclaim on Wednesday they have found their Master, and then they are back Friday  with that didn't work lets try again. 

I wasn't looking when I found my little one.  I was just doing my thing and enjoying myself.  You can't express to people enough to relax and just enjoy the things around them.  You will meet others and be noticed, eventually leading to the very thing your pulling your hair out to find.

K

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 8:10:37 AM   
Clothespingirl


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

It scares me when I see females open a profile on Monday, proclaim on Wednesday they have found their Master, and then they are back Friday  with that didn't work lets try again. 


Ummm, yeah, I pretty much just did that.   Well, live and learn!

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 8:53:01 AM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		Thank You, John.
Perhaps there's some hope for me yet, then, lol
Actually.. right now i'm so very much enjoying getting active in my local scene, meeting people ranging from absolutely no experience but who are just curious to Dominants and submissives alike with decades in the lifestyle.
It's so wonderful to make friends who share my interests and who I can talk about the lifestyle with.
Perhaps one day that right Dominant will come along.
If not... i'm still blessed to be part of the community, able to explore and learn with friends.

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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 10:12:58 AM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		Dear John and Libby:

Thanks for the positive and encouraging post.  i've also noticed, over the years, that it's almost always those that have a positive outlook on life, see the bright side of things, and  those who think about and do for others, often times before doing for themselves, are the happiest and most content people i know.  They are also the most successful, in their private and professional lives.  The old song.."laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone" comes to mind here, as well. 

Over the years i've gone to a few BlackRose functions,  to the Crucible and some private parties, but tonight i'm attending my first local munch, and i'm so excited, not because i "might" find a partner.  It seems like a great way to make some friends in an area where i don't really know anyone other than family.  i'm also hoping they'll eventually have some kind of "busy" work i can help with, just to stay involved.

Thanks again for y'alls encouragement...

Happy Weekend :)
jimini



_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





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RE: Eventual Success - 3/25/2006 10:22:12 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I think a big thing single people need to do is not complain about it constantly, so much that it really becomes what people identify them as.  If you complain so much about your single status that women refer to you later as "the cranky single guy" or the "depressed lonely guy" you can guarantee women aren't pondering your fun, go-lucky qualities and considering whether or not to give a date a try.

Submissive men especially become martyrs and spend almost their entire online time posting about how they got screwed over, are totally depressed and lonely, have been single forever or are never given "a chance" by femdoms.  This is the same as the single guy in the group of friends that just mopes and complains to his friends instead of getting off his ass and either improving his life or actively trying to find new friends.

If you are single and a majority of your "free time" is spend complaining about single, you're probably walking around with a big grumpy demeanor and a "poor me" attitude, sour look on your face and women won't go near that with a ten foot pole. You need be smiling, enjoying life, experiencing life and have something women want.

Akasha


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