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Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 9:08:26 AM

ImaSubMale

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/18/2010
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Let's say you have a slave/sub, who doesn't have anything wrong with him, but he's really submissive to pain, but he suggest you don't use any "pysical punishments" as a way to discipline him, would you accept it?

If so, how would you punish him then?

Or let's say you have a slave/sub, who told you he was a masochist, as a way of you not punishing him with physical pain, but he really wasn't, and you found out?

I'm new to this style, and was curious.

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 9:17:45 AM

MistressEllen444

Posts: 109
Joined: 7/21/2007
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Sub males have a way of quicky letting you know what they want. I have found that men are more direct with their expectations. Things stated that are not true or they are unsure about get cleared up quickly.
I cannot tell you how many men approach as a domestic because it is listed on my profile only to be useless at it completely when they find out they will not have any penis play included (at least not until they prove themselves over time).
If you say you love pain then you will respond to any physical attention hoping to please and increase that attention. If you say you hate it, well, a good flogging will discover your true nature quickly too.
Playing games with a Domme is stupid, and a sure way to get ignored on all levels. There are too few to risk being manipulative, don't you think?
Oh, and men have that little physical "indicator" that is rarely wrong about their interests.

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 9:24:53 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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I'm not a Domme, but I'll take a crack.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaSubMale

Let's say you have a slave/sub, who doesn't have anything wrong with him, but he's really submissive to pain, but he suggest you don't use any "pysical punishments" as a way to discipline him, would you accept it?

I'd be willing to listen to anyone, but not very inclined to listen to my sub about punishments. A punishment is something that the sub doesn't want - that's the idea. Determinig a suitable punishment is difficult enough, and if the sub wants to play games with that, it gets really tough.

quote:

Or let's say you have a slave/sub, who told you he was a masochist, as a way of you not punishing him with physical pain, but he really wasn't, and you found out?

First off, any sub who stated that he/she was a masochist would get it put to the test. And not in once-in-a-blue-moon , but daily or weekly.

Second, any sub playing games and lying to me would either get a helluva punishment, or more likely, would be dropped like a hot potato.

OP, in all instances, it is far better to be up front about your likes, dislikes, and hard limits rather than try to figure out how to fool a D type into giving you what you want.

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 9:30:15 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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Firstly, the title of your thread is all wrong. If you still have the opportunity to change it, I would recommend that you find a more appropriate title. I thought this thread was going to be discussion on titles.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaSubMale

Let's say you have a slave/sub, who doesn't have anything wrong with him, but he's really submissive to pain, but he suggest you don't use any "pysical punishments" as a way to discipline him, would you accept it?

If so, how would you punish him then?

I wouldn't. I'm not into "punishment" but rather erotic play within the cadre of a female-led relationship between two mature and self-disciplined adults. I use S&M games for erotic pleasure so if he likes pain and we were compatible on other levels, we'd have a whole lot of fun.

quote:

Or let's say you have a slave/sub, who told you he was a masochist, as a way of you not punishing him with physical pain, but he really wasn't, and you found out?

I would hope that I found this out before we got in too deep into a relationship. Of course, there is the question of deception. There is a difference between someone lying to you to get what they want and someone who discovers facets of themselves while experiencing things. I don't fault them for the latter.

quote:

I'm new to this style, and was curious.

Good! Welcome to Collarme. I hope you find what you are looking for.

- LA

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 9:35:41 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I agree with Steven.

For the record, My boy is a masochist. I don't punish him with physical pain. The S/m that is a part of our activities is for fun because we enjoy it. A punishment is not to be enjoyed. It's supposed to be something that corrects an issue or behavior. It's not supposed to be 'fun' and I can promise you that, when I administer one, fun is the last thing that it is.

I've punished My boy twice in two and a half years. I can say with absolute certainty he would rather not have another one.

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 10:43:07 AM

ImaSubMale

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Joined: 1/18/2010
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I can't edit the title, but thanks, to those of you, who replied to the thread..

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 11:48:01 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaSubMale

Let's say you have a slave/sub, who doesn't have anything wrong with him, but he's really submissive to pain, but he suggest you don't use any "pysical punishments" as a way to discipline him, would you accept it?

If so, how would you punish him then?

Or let's say you have a slave/sub, who told you he was a masochist, as a way of you not punishing him with physical pain, but he really wasn't, and you found out?

I'm new to this style, and was curious.

I wouldn't be with a masochist in the first place- that's just not my thing. So I can't speak to your second scenario except to say that this is exactly why you need to be honest. If my slaveboy had misrepresented himself as a masochist, I would never have been interested in him.

Your first scenario: I don't have a reward/punishment dynamic with my slave. Its just not necessary, and again, I'd never have been interested in him if it was. But he's my slave, so I do reserve the right.

So you see if you'd presented yourself as you postulate in your OP, I'd have never given you the time of day to begin with in either case.

Honesty is imperative, if you want to find a partner whose needs and desires mesh well with your own. Deceit is wrong because you'll waste your and others' time with it. And why would you want to be with a partner who thinks you're someone else? You want to be appreciated and adored for who you really are, right? So be honest, right from the start. If you're so new that you're not really sure where you fall, on the spectrum: just be honest about that too, so that you can find a partner who will appreciate that about you as well, and be able to respond appropriately.

Explore, and have FUN!

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/23/2010 10:12:52 PM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImaSubMale

Let's say you have a slave/sub, who doesn't have anything wrong with him, but he's really submissive to pain, but he suggest you don't use any "pysical punishments" as a way to discipline him, would you accept it?

If so, how would you punish him then?

Or let's say you have a slave/sub, who told you he was a masochist, as a way of you not punishing him with physical pain, but he really wasn't, and you found out?

I don't manage my relationships with others on what 'they' say, rather, I observe and make my own decisions.

I'll concur with previous posters that punishment and funishment are two different things. My boy consciously chooses to follow My lead. I observe his reactions to certain activities and while I do have great interest in his perception of things we do, that doesn't completely steer the ship for next time.

My profile says I'm a sadist, so anyone approaching me should best have an interest in what I mean by that.

re: Accepting the submissive's suggestion for punishment - No, submissives do not get to 'choose' their punishment.
re: How would I punish a submissive for which 'pain' would not be a determent? There are many psychological aspects to power exchange...physicality is just one aspect.
re: A submissive who intentionally lies in order to Top from the bottom - I'd show him to the door without hesitation.

OP..you ask these questions as if you want to preemptively influence a FemDom's decision...which would mean you are not being honest in your feelings, but trying to steer and manipulate the ship. Who do you want to drive? What would be your motivation for attempting to derail the power exchange?

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'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/24/2010 6:37:49 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I know a sub who is a masochist who used to earn punishments pretty regularly. While a punishment session hurt more than an average one, and was not as enjoyable for her, it still didn't deter her behavior. It was only when new things were added, like being tied to a chair and left alone with her tears for a set time after her punishment, that it started to sink in that it was truly a punishment and not just extended play. (Nothing like not being able to wipe your own snot away to make one feel more humble.)

Your sub may have been trying to tell you that physical punishment would not be as effective. There are no end of ways to punish if you have a good imagination. : )

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RE: Mistress/Domme/FemDom - 1/24/2010 9:24:56 AM

thetammyjo

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I very very very, did I mention very, rarely use pain as any from of punishment because I'm a sadist.

I don't want to risk damaging the types interactions that I enjoy by coupling them with punishment.

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