RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak?

RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (Full Version)

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stella41b -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 6:48:51 AM)
It's all in the mind and knowing it, whether it applies to you yourself or to the other person, is the key to a successful, happy relationship.

osf -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 7:14:20 AM)
you could ask him " hey you son of a bitch are you a good master?", and if he throws you out on your ass he was a good master

littlewonder -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 5:11:09 PM)
When I am happy and content to be with him. It's that simple really. The extent of control really has nothing to do with it.

lucylucy -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 7:38:56 PM)
I generally go by this simple rule: if someone brings out my best and makes me feel good about who I am, he's good for me; if someone brings out my insecurities and makes me feel bad about who I am, he's not good for me. I imagine that if I made bad choices about who to be friends with and a man I was with kept me from seeing them, I would feel better about myself.

PrincessDonna -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 7:49:23 PM)
Perfect reason why communication is so very important.I have pointed out to some friends that there are people in their lives that just dump on them or call them when they need something,and how this person was brought up was that "being there" was being a good friend when in fact they were taking on all the other persons negative emotions and mingling them with their own and all it really took was someone outside looking in,that they knew cared about them pointing it out.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 8:14:29 PM)
God if my property followed this general advice, she would be back giving all her money bailing out her family, cleaning their homes, watching their kids, and then being told how worthless she is. My girl is cut off for a large portion of her family. They damn near sucked the spirit right out of her. My girl agreed to the process of Internal Enslavement almost two years ago. Everything is controlled. She is less anxious, less depressed, and has grown in many ways. She has taught herself several software programs to the point that she has become my assistant, and has a side business restoring old photos, or creating whatever you want from photoshop. All of it self taught at my command. Her self esteem is better than it has ever been, and all of this has been done with controlling everything in her life from small, to large. quote: ORIGINAL: Exploratorynfun If your being controlled to the point you can't be with family or freinds.... DEFINITELY A RED FLAG!!!! GET OUT NOW before it gets worse!!!!

InvisibleBlack -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 8:26:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight The kind of person that controls everything you do, you cannot see your family or friends... What behavior separates the two? How do you know which is which? Let's see if I put this into some sort of sensible response... One person's "control freak" is another person's "wonder Dom" so any particular action can be a positive or negative, depending on the dynamic and depending on what you and your partner want. If you want to be objectified and kept in a cage then someone who does that for/to you is your perfect Dom. If you can't stand those things, then your Dom is abusing you. How do you tell the difference? That's the big trick. It's especially tough to judge in BDSM relationships as many of the usual standards are out the window, so to speak. The way I see it, at the end of the day, how does the relationship make you feel about yourself? Are you being/becoming the person you want to be or someone you are comfortable with? If, at the end of a day together, you are miserable, anxious, riddled with doubt and feel worse off than you did in the morning - odds are that the relationship is not healthy. Some people need rigid lines and clear boundaries and strict control to feel safe and secure. Some people need freedom to operate under generally provided guideliness to feel good. Some people need to be seriously punished to feel grounded enough to be emotionally vulnerable. Some people need extreme catharsis. If during the relationship you are dependent on your partner for any sort of positive feedback, attention or reinforcement but you are growing increasingly unhappy with yourself it's a pretty good sign that you should *get out*. If during the relationship you feel good around your partner, look forward to being with them, and feel happy and secure in yourself (or happier and more secure if you're an unhappy and insecure person) then odds are you're in something good. I make it sound simple and it's not, really, but at some level people know. Generally, the fact that you have to ask is a pretty good indication that all is not well. [Edited: Typos.]

ForeverOwned -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 8:33:06 PM)
If you are with a Dominant and ytou have to ask how to tell a good one from a bad one, then in my opinion you are not with a good one.

osf -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 9:06:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned If you are with a Dominant and ytou have to ask how to tell a good one from a bad one, then in my opinion you are not with a good one. hmmmmmmm

lucylucy -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/24/2010 9:22:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned If you are with a Dominant and ytou have to ask how to tell a good one from a bad one, then in my opinion you are not with a good one. It's not always that simple, though. If you are emotionally unstable or have a history of bad judgment with significant others, you may rightfully question your ability to make these kinds of judgment calls.

NihilusZero -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 1:31:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf God if my property followed this general advice, she would be back giving all her money bailing out her family, cleaning their homes, watching their kids, and then being told how worthless she is. My girl is cut off for a large portion of her family. They damn near sucked the spirit right out of her. My girl agreed to the process of Internal Enslavement almost two years ago. Everything is controlled. She is less anxious, less depressed, and has grown in many ways. She has taught herself several software programs to the point that she has become my assistant, and has a side business restoring old photos, or creating whatever you want from photoshop. All of it self taught at my command. Her self esteem is better than it has ever been, and all of this has been done with controlling everything in her life from small, to large. Abuser!!!!! [:D]

osf -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 1:54:12 AM)
one way to tell would be to look in a mirror if you're not a good sub/slave you don't have a good dom/master because a good one wouldn't have you

lucylucy -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 6:17:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf one way to tell would be to look in a mirror if you're not a good sub/slave you don't have a good dom/master because a good one wouldn't have you Oooh, I like this! (but it requires a whole lotta accurate self-analysis)

AquaticSub -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 6:30:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lucylucy quote: ORIGINAL: osf one way to tell would be to look in a mirror if you're not a good sub/slave you don't have a good dom/master because a good one wouldn't have you Oooh, I like this! (but it requires a whole lotta accurate self-analysis) I don't. Plenty of good people have self-confidence issues and think they don't deserve X or any better than Y treatment. That is a great way to end up in an abusive relationship.

lucylucy -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 6:57:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: lucylucy quote: ORIGINAL: osf one way to tell would be to look in a mirror if you're not a good sub/slave you don't have a good dom/master because a good one wouldn't have you Oooh, I like this! (but it requires a whole lotta accurate self-analysis) I don't. Plenty of good people have self-confidence issues and think they don't deserve X or any better than Y treatment. That is a great way to end up in an abusive relationship. Exactly--which is why I said lots of ACCURATE self-analysis would be necessary.

AquaticSub -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 9:23:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lucylucy Exactly--which is why I said lots of ACCURATE self-analysis would be necessary. That's the trouble. I don't think accurate self-analysis is so easy to do and hence why I can't consider the above a good rule of thumb.

mstrslve4fun -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 5:24:59 PM)
This is my opinion only, but I don't think a good Master would try to segregate you from your loved ones. That is what an abuser does.

Dominasola -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/25/2010 6:37:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub I don't. Plenty of good people have self-confidence issues and think they don't deserve X or any better than Y treatment. That is a great way to end up in an abusive relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub That's the trouble. I don't think accurate self-analysis is so easy to do and hence why I can't consider the above a good rule of thumb. I agree with AquaticSub; a relationship can fail for no reason other than simple incompatibility, which can make an s-type with self-confidence issues perceive problems in a/a failed relationship to be his/her fault. I think it is rare for someone with low self-esteem to have the ability to analyze him/herself accurately.

petmonkey -> RE: How can you tell that you have a good Dom/Master v.s. a person that is a control freak? (1/26/2010 2:54:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet Some people in our lives are toxic. Most of the time it takes either years of professional help or someone from the outside looking in to finally uncover this and bring us to action. lovingpet quote: ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic some of us are gifted with a lack of common sense. Know Thyself. Before one pursues a Dom, attempt to discover and correct one's own toxic behavior. This can improve one's chances of seeing toxic behavior in others.

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