Masochism 101: For Dummies.

Masochism 101: For Dummies. (Full Version)

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ItsAProcess -> Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 2:34:47 PM)
First thing: Do you believe it is possible to teach masochism to someone whom is not naturally a masochist. Specifically to someone who wants to learn, but has a naturally low pain tolerance. And if you do happen to believe it's possible. How would you go about doing it? In my experience I've never quite run into this situation before. Generally the girls who wanted to do S&M play were already either experienced masochists or had the inclination.. and those who did not want to do it, had no knowledge or inclination naturally. But, the girl I'm currently holding under my palm is curious and wants to learn it, experience it, know it.. however, as stated above, she has a low pain tolerance and no experience with masochism. So, here I am, seeking advice.

sexyred1 -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 2:39:19 PM)
From a sub who is not a masochist, my best advice is to do whatever you are going to do to her when she is highly aroused, the more aroused the better. That is what worked for me. There are degrees of course....

LadyPact -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 2:39:59 PM)
In My opinion, you can indeed increase a person's pain tolerance over time, however, you can not get that person to process pain in the same way as a masochist. The same can be said for the other side. You can teach someone the mechanics of topping, and they may even become very good at it, but administering pain doesn't do the same thing for them as it would a sadist.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 2:43:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess First thing: Do you believe it is possible to teach masochism to someone whom is not naturally a masochist. Specifically to someone who wants to learn, but has a naturally low pain tolerance. You can build pain tolerance yeah, but whether you can build masochism in someone who is not masochistic is a totally different thing quote: And if you do happen to believe it's possible. How would you go about doing it? The way you do a lot of things, you build it gradually and slowly push rather than slamming right into it straight away. quote: But, the girl I'm currently holding under my palm is curious and wants to learn it, experience it, know it.. however, as stated above, she has a low pain tolerance and no experience with masochism. Think about it in a different way, if you dont like chocolate icecream you can't be taught to like it, you can be taught the mechanics of eating loads of it but that doesnt mean you will like it. The same is true here, if your partner really doesn't like pain gets no enjoyment out of it then she wont become a masochist by you teaching her how to take more pain, however there are a million different reasons why people enjoy pain, the pleasure of pushing yourself, the pleasure of doing something for a sadistic partner, the pleasure of bruises reminding you of a great night etc etc

Aileen1968 -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 2:43:27 PM)
I think you can teach someone to manage the pain, but I don't think you can teach them to get off on it.

KnightofMists -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 3:33:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess First thing: Do you believe it is possible to teach masochism to someone whom is not naturally a masochist. Specifically to someone who wants to learn, but has a naturally low pain tolerance. And if you do happen to believe it's possible. How would you go about doing it? In my experience I've never quite run into this situation before. Generally the girls who wanted to do S&M play were already either experienced masochists or had the inclination.. and those who did not want to do it, had no knowledge or inclination naturally. But, the girl I'm currently holding under my palm is curious and wants to learn it, experience it, know it.. however, as stated above, she has a low pain tolerance and no experience with masochism. So, here I am, seeking advice. First... Low Pain Tolerance is irrelevant to determining Masochism..... In otherwords.... having High Pain Tolerance doesn't make a person any more a Masochist than a person with Low Pain Tolerance. A Masochist will enjoy Pain.... the Pain Tolerance is more like a description of a person's appetite. Some are small eaters some are big eaters, some are picky eaters and some will eat anything... but in the end.. they all will eat! Secondly, You can't teach a person to be a Masocist if they are not inherently a masocist person to start with. But a person can be taught to endure pain! In other words... you can broaden their appetite. However, this will never occur successfully over time unless they have the internal motivation to do so and not because brave Dom says so! It might be as one ventures into SM that the curious might discover they enjoy Pain. But remember.... not all food taste the same nor does pain.

ItsAProcess -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 3:37:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess First thing: Do you believe it is possible to teach masochism to someone whom is not naturally a masochist. Specifically to someone who wants to learn, but has a naturally low pain tolerance. And if you do happen to believe it's possible. How would you go about doing it? In my experience I've never quite run into this situation before. Generally the girls who wanted to do S&M play were already either experienced masochists or had the inclination.. and those who did not want to do it, had no knowledge or inclination naturally. But, the girl I'm currently holding under my palm is curious and wants to learn it, experience it, know it.. however, as stated above, she has a low pain tolerance and no experience with masochism. So, here I am, seeking advice. First... Low Pain Tolerance is irrelevant to determining Masochism..... In otherwords.... having High Pain Tolerance doesn't make a person any more a Masochist than a person with Low Pain Tolerance. A Masochist will enjoy Pain.... the Pain Tolerance is more like a description of a person's appetite. Some are small eaters some are big eaters, some are picky eaters and some will eat anything... but in the end.. they all will eat! Secondly, You can't teach a person to be a Masocist if they are not inherently a masocist person to start with. But a person can be taught to endure pain! In other words... you can broaden their appetite. However, this will never occur successfully over time unless they have the internal motivation to do so and not because brave Dom says so! It might be as one ventures into SM that the curious might discover they enjoy Pain. But remember.... not all food taste the same nor does pain. My thanks for your informative and well written reply. I will keep in mind what you've said.

NihilusZero -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 3:44:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists Some are small eaters some are big eaters, some are picky eaters and some will eat anything... but in the end.. they all will eat! This is just begging to become somebody's new sigline! [:D]

playfulotter -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 5:11:58 PM)
In my own personal experiences I think if one hasn't experienced pain for a while, and they are a masochist, it can be too intense and they have to ramp up slowly again to where they were once were before to be able to take that kind of pain again and also as years go by you take pain in different ways...it also for me depends a lot on my mood, the time of the month and many factors. [sm=bury.gif]

Huntertn -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/25/2010 5:12:54 PM)
teach someone to enjoy pain...not really, its born in you: either you have it , or you do not. You might have to learn to live with it; doesn't nessarly mean you actuall enjoy it.

allthatjaz -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 4:16:23 AM)
I am a masochist. I wasn't born a masochist and I spent a majority of my adult life fearing pain. Masochism and submission are not necessarily linked. There is a huge difference when it comes to a submissive enduring pain and a masochist getting a rush from pain. What started off as endurance (a sort of bet with myself) became a rush. There was no build up, no getting used to it because if there had been I would of just been learning to endure. Masochists use pain as a vessel to another place and I don't think we should confuse it with having high or low pain tolerances

ResidentSadist -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 5:26:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ItsAProcess … Do you believe it is possible to teach masochism to someone whom is not naturally a masochist. A fellow Master once said, “I never cared if she was bisexual”. His comment was made while his straight slave was eating pussy. Pavlovian conditioning can make anyone change their behavior. No one was ever born a masochist, their environment conditioned them, so can you.

HisEvelyn -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 6:34:19 AM)
Thank you to everyone so far for their candid replies on this topic. As the submissive in question here (hee!), I have been doing a lot of reading and learning in my budding submissive role to my Master. I've never really been one to be fascinated with pain or to consider it sexually before, and as my Master said, I have a fairly low pain tolerance. But during the course of my reading and learning, I have learned an entirely new viewpoint on masochism that has highly intrigued me. And I am pretty damn excited to try out some of those things! I think all the advice here is very good. Definitely will take it slow and steady. Truthfully, I don't even really know if I'm a natural masochist or not. It's something I never really considered or tried before, and shied away from mostly due to the social stigma about being 'weird' if you like that sort of thing. Oh, how my world has expanded in these last months! :)

Mercnbeth -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 8:22:12 AM)
this slave has no idea how it works for other masochists, natural vs. nurtured is not a debate she is prepared to engage in other than on a personal experiences level. every pain, every time, is not sexually stimulating/arousing. a migraine or a nerve tumor doesn't get this slave hot and bothered, on the edge of orgasm. the mental space of being used for His sadistic enjoyment does....skillfully applied crop, hand or other implement percussion to this slave's genitals/ass/breasts does. part of the enjoyment of it, from this slave's perspective IS the tears, hitting that threshold that results in the uncontrollable howling...the pain/pleasure pairing is very difficult to describe to someone who has spent their lives avoiding/finding absolutely no pleasure in every pain. this slave can't imagine WANTING to be wired in such a way because of all of the grief and self-loathing that had to be worked through, alone...but then, she can't imagine WANTING red hair when it isn't the color that comes out of your head, either, so go figure[:D].

ranja -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 8:34:33 AM)
For me sometimes there is confusion about whether it is pain at all... my Husband will sometimes drag the meat fork over my naked skin... sometimes He writes words and watches them come up red... the more pressure the harder the fork drags and the more readable the word will be obviously... but on some places of my body the less pressure He exerts the more excruciating it becomes...

HisEvelyn -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 8:37:29 AM)
I definitely don't expect myself to start seeking out pain on an everyday basis, no! :) The book I am reading, The Loving Dominant, did a very good job of explaining the difference between sensual pain and everyday pain. And I do very much love the idea of being my Master's good girl through a more sensually stimulating experience like spanking and such (he does have a bit of a liking for the crop). The idea that I would be pleasing him in yet another way is definitely high on my list! And viewing pain as a more sensual thing in the middle of a scene is a very intoxicating idea to me. To have the lines blur and experience something higher in sensation. It may not pan out in reality, but I'd definitely like to give it a solid attempt and see where the exploration takes us.

antipode -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 9:02:54 AM)
quote: the girl I'm currently holding under my palm is curious and wants to learn it, experience it, know it.. however, as stated above, she has a low pain tolerance and no experience with masochism. Masochism is a state of mind, not learned behaviour. Your question indicates that you don't have an understanding what masochism is, so I doubt you could teach someone else about it. Masochism, just to give you a tiny example, has nothing at all to do with pain.

antipode -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 9:07:24 AM)
quote: I've never really been one to be fascinated with pain or to consider it sexually before As I said, masochism has nothing at all to do with pain. You could do better, probably, than to learn from a master who is this inexperienced - note his comment "Generally the girls who wanted to do S&M play were already either experienced masochists or had the inclination". Since he has no understanding of what a masochistic personality is, I doubt he could assess that. Most of my girls wanting to "do S&M play" (emphasis on "play") weren't masochists at all. Masochists do not "play".

HisEvelyn -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 10:02:15 AM)
Could you elaborate on what a masochistic personality is then? I'd be very interested to have another viewpoint on such a topic. :) I'm here to learn, and therefore I would be grateful for your insight.

ItsAProcess -> RE: Masochism 101: For Dummies. (1/26/2010 10:14:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode quote: I've never really been one to be fascinated with pain or to consider it sexually before As I said, masochism has nothing at all to do with pain. You could do better, probably, than to learn from a master who is this inexperienced - note his comment "Generally the girls who wanted to do S&M play were already either experienced masochists or had the inclination". Since he has no understanding of what a masochistic personality is, I doubt he could assess that. Most of my girls wanting to "do S&M play" (emphasis on "play") weren't masochists at all. Masochists do not "play". -Yawn- Ignoring you. Your insulting tone and repetitious responses show you're not exactly the level-headed, open minded authority on the subject I was looking for. Like, say, others, who have already been greatly helpful and given me the direction I needed. From here, much study, much time processing, very little time acting, until I am comfortable with my knowledge. But you, man, wow. I wish you good luck, being old and bitter. Have a nice day! I wish you well.

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