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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:40:10 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
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Thank you, Elan.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:40:47 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Chill baby, it's cool, so you don't want to dance with me. I still think you're beautiful and turn away with a sigh and then see, across the smoke filled room, a woman who looks bored...she looks up, tosses her hair and looks down for a moment with a smile...she sees me turn toward her and she is clearly engaged now....for the moment...

Likely a very short moment. Telly never did a thing for me either.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:46:11 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

As to the notion of short replies, my experience is that what a dominant writes in a profile may or may not indicate their preferred style of interaction. Thus, though their profile may be lengthy and detailed, this doesn't necessarily mean the dominant wants an equivalently detailed response, particularly when it comes to introduction letters. Similarly, the dominant may or may not like expressing themselves in detail and may prefer certain mediums over others. There is a natural flow that occurs in conversations and when I'm not feeling this, I may try to invigorate it, but if it still isn't working, I let the conversation go. There's really not much you can do when the mutual connection isn't working.

It depends very much, it's really like at a party or in a bar or pub, somebody says hello and you say hello back, a conversation unfolds or it folds. Because somebody introduces himself to me, I don't feel the need to have a very deep conversation with that person, now if I find that person repulsive (and some CMails or profiles are the equivalent of really bad BO in real life) or I have encountered the person before or watched them interact with others in a way that just makes me put distance between us, I move on.
Sometimes you get the feeling you do get on, sometimes it doesn't happen. To be honest if somebody sends me an epic as an introduction letter, I switch off, I find that quite presumptuous to simply assume I want to know all about the person, a short note, possibly a bit more than just one line, combine it with a question or something that would get a conversation going works much better. Still no guarantee but again the numbers are off, much more guys than women.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:48:21 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
Chill baby, it's cool, so you don't want to dance with me. I still think you're beautiful and turn away with a sigh and then see, across the smoke filled room, a woman who looks bored...she looks up, tosses her hair and looks down for a moment with a smile...she sees me turn toward her and she is clearly engaged now....for the moment...

Seriously? If you're comparing this to the way it works on the internet, you are very much confused. Ask any of these women if they actually have a chance to get "bored" because nobody is approaching her.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:48:34 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Likely a very short moment. Telly never did a thing for me either.

Don't you like fiction?

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:49:02 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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Arturas,

I've been scanning your responses. There's a big difference between *appropriate* confidence and bravado. Note the emphasis on the word "appropriate". People see through false confidence pretty easily, though it may fly for a while. As for bravado, eh... I think this generally isn't received too well. Short version: I don't think you're impressing anyone here with your approach. When a woman asks you politely and explicitly not to do something and you knowingly do it again and laud it in front of her, the result doesn't tend to go in your favour.

E.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 8/17/2011 1:03:05 PM >

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 12:58:45 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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LadyConstanze,

quote:

...and some CMails or profiles are the equivalent of really bad BO in real life...

The "smell-o-vision" in your writing is rather effective and drives your point home very clearly.

quote:

To be honest if somebody sends me an epic as an introduction letter, I switch off, I find that quite presumptuous to simply assume I want to know all about the person, a short note, possibly a bit more than just one line, combine it with a question or something that would get a conversation going works much better.

I'm taking notes. This is advice I need to hear. Thank you.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 8/17/2011 1:03:53 PM >

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 1:24:03 PM

LadyConstanze

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I guess others might feel differently, but imagine if you would get a novel in your email from a perfect stranger, telling you everything, it is a bit much and I would assume that somebody who wants to give me all the details might feel the need to be micromanaged or be very needy. Both are definite turn offs. Again the equivalent of you walk up to somebody at a party and give her your life story - she might feel overwhelmed and make a hasty retreat.

What usually works is taking her up on a comment in her profile, her journals or something she said on the forums and just start a discussion around it, it's a lot less "pressure" than doing the whole "Oh I bow to you and let me tell you all about me..." stuff.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 1:24:13 PM

LaTigresse

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Using fast reply...

I think that what it really boils down to, and I may be wrong.....is that women, regardless of dominant/submissive/or middle of the equation like to be engaged as a human being first and foremost. With consideration for ALL she has to offer as a companion, not just her tits, ass, eyes, or kink.

I know that for SOME dominant women, the groveling worm thing MIGHT work.......and I now that for SOME s-type women the chest thumping cave man thing MIGHT work, but I don't think it is as high a percentage as most of those using those approaches would like to believe. Especially with the quality of human beings that happen to also be women, that those men seem to feel they deserve to have in their lives.

Here, where I work, we have a saying "shit in, shit out" that we use when a customer brings in shit files that they do not want to pay us to improve and we still have to do our best to produce an end product we are satisfied with. Ultimately, it often ends up just being shit.

I think that relationships are the same. You get out of it, exactly what you are willing to put into it. You put shit in, that is exactly what you will get........shit.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 69

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 4:02:11 PM

sunshinemiss

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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
littlewonder
for
I can't send a really good email to you
based on the loveliness
of my one eye
covered with hair.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 4:39:54 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
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I get them too. These long dawn out emails that I'm sure the authors think they have put a lot of thought into that leave me going: "OK, and....?".

If all you have to say is that you think I'm hot and want into my pants, it really doesn't matter if you use 5 words to say it or 500, I still have nothing to say in reply other than "Thanks, it's sweet of you to say so." You have to give a girl something to work with, a question to answer, a joke to comment on, a philosophical position to agree or disagree with, a link to an interesting or funny website. Something. Anything.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 5:14:44 PM

LadyConstanze

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I agree, the poetic version of "drop your pants" just does not work, nor does "Here is a compliment, now I expect to be your BBF forever"

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 7:50:05 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

I get them too. These long dawn out emails that I'm sure the authors think they have put a lot of thought into that leave me going: "OK, and....?".

And a lot of these long drawn out emails, that maybe did have a lot of thought put into them initially, still end up being spam sent to gawd knows how many women without even a personal salutation... hence an "OK, and ...?" reaction from me as well.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 8:08:48 PM

cloudboy

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On the other hand, maybe Jonathan Franzen was looking to hook up.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/17/2011 11:52:22 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
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Joether,

Speaking for myself, and why I have drawn back from Collarme.com a bit, is that I get messages that demonstrate clearly the sender has made no effort to read my profile.

I will politely respond with few words.

I've received very sweet and kind letters, to which the only reply could be, was "Thank you."

Personally, I don't mind slaves/submissives approaching me through 'message' system. However, I really get turned off by the 'blow by blow' descriptions of their scenes, what previous mistresses/masters did, their penis sizes, etc. I would appreciate the fact that they read my profile, comment on areas of interest and or ask questions in which it is related to 'me' and what that person may have a common interest in--other than area of location. Unfortunately, many are sexually geared and I am more service geared. It is easy to find sex but, rare to find a service slave.

Just some thoughts.

Lady Hugs

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Post #: 75

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/18/2011 6:38:38 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Your smile tells me you don't really believe I mentioned "lecturing" a woman about anything, that's your word you threw out to perhaps...should I say it with a hopeful and inviting smile, yes... "engage me"?

The smiley was directed at ElanSubdued, not you - that's why his name is in front of it. As for lecturing, this:

quote:

...wrote you about himself and expressed interest in you and did a good job explaining why you two are good for each other but failed to ask a question...

would be a lecture.

I would appreciate it if you did not refer to me as 'beautiful woman'.

Ah, except asking a question is not a "lecture", it is a valid form of "engagement" in a forum, and surely you realize I'm not referring to any little smiley face you might have left somewhere? And, are you not a beautiful woman? But wait, if you can call me a "lecturer", which is false, and I am so justifiably hurt by it you understand, then why can I not call you 'beautiful'"? It is a fair exchange as long as I am big enough to take the loss, and of course I will being the gentleman I am.

But wait! It occurs to me that you started this conversation by actually lecturing me. Imagine that. Interesting. No. That's not quite the right word...oh well, there are other women...many others...who are beautiful inside and out!

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/18/2011 7:02:52 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
Chill baby, it's cool, so you don't want to dance with me. I still think you're beautiful and turn away with a sigh and then see, across the smoke filled room, a woman who looks bored...she looks up, tosses her hair and looks down for a moment with a smile...she sees me turn toward her and she is clearly engaged now....for the moment...

Seriously? If you're comparing this to the way it works on the internet, you are very much confused. Ask any of these women if they actually have a chance to get "bored" because nobody is approaching her.

Seriously, it does work the same way on the internet as it does in a smoke filled room. The age old rules of engagement do not change just because they are practiced on the internet. It is only the delivery that changes. The steps and objectives are all the same.

Perhaps it takes a man's perspective to gleam this from successful smoke filled room and internet engagements. But, wait, let's remember where I "am", a thread entitled "the Hypocritical Domme" ... so maybe engagements by submissive men take some approach that conflicts with the age old rules of engagement other men do not understand? Does that ... hmmm...perhaps I will not go there.

But yes, this is the hypocritical part isn't it? A "hypocritical" Domme wants a confident man to engage her actively with intelligent "conversation" over the internet via cmail or messages but does not wish to think of it as a standard desire to be engaged by a strong and confident man because this is not comfortable for her in her chosen role, thinking out loud here. That would normally be OK except you are dealing with submissive men and apparently few submissive men can deal with it and confidently thrust through and pierce that barrier you have built around yourselves both in smoke filled rooms and the internet.

Interesting.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/18/2011 7:28:29 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Art, let's get down to brass tacks. As a Dominant woman, I get far more interests in a month than you will in a given year. Even as just a top, I would leave you in the dust. I could walk into The Mark tomorrow and put you to shame.

Even as a straight chick, I get far more women than you would ever hope to acquire. The folks in your local community know you are foolish. They take your money at the door and laugh at you.

Didn't you know?

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 8/18/2011 7:29:13 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/18/2011 7:35:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

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He doesn't know, LP. Or at least pretends he doesn't!

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 8/18/2011 7:37:30 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Yes, yes. I should have patience for fools and such.

Thank you for reminding Me, Hib.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 80