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Kana -> RE: punishment (1/29/2010 12:15:43 PM)
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Just a quick thought on this.
I actually just had a discussion on this recently so the thoughts are still somewhat fresh.
Part of my interaction with a slave is based on rules. If she disobeys, she gets consequences. I don't play games, there are no hidden tricks with me, it's all above board-when she screws up, she knows it. As part of the rules, as with life et al., there are consequences. Good decisions=good consequences. Bad decisions=bad consequences. This is simple stuff.
Now I don't personally prefer the word punishment, because that's not what I am really trying to do. If I want to hurt her, I don't need to wrap it up in any games or tricks, I just do-shit, that's part of what slaves are for.
No, what I am really trying to do is get her to modify her actions to act in accordance with my desires.So that's what the consequence is, not punishment but behavior modification.
Let it be noted here I don't give out casual consequences. I think them through, I consider and evaluate the situation, and when I decide it's based on sound reasoning that I am quite capable of justifying. She knows it, I know it, and it's talked through before the consequence is rendered (nice word that, eh?).
Things are straightforward until here, but now things get ethically tricky because this cuts in a large part to the heart of a bound relationship.
There are a slew of men out there wanting to be doms, the women who have served me over the years have chosen me because of who I am as a man, not as a dominant or because I can crack a bullwhip. Their decisions were largely based on my possessing in some small measure a smidgen of such basic character traits as integrity, responsibility, and reliability among others. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but rather to point out one small fact:
-Perhaps the most important thing a dominant can give a submissive/slave/whatever is consistency-
Structure is important, people.
Nobody likes operating in an environment where the ground rules shift all the time, especially when they are shifting on entirely random principle such as fickle winds or emotional appeals or good moods. Think about work experiences you have had where everyone waits with bated breath to see what mood the boss is in that day. It's a shitty way to run any operation, much less a relationship.
Setting that point aside, the more important issue is when I issue a proclamation, and fail to back it up with the declared action, I undercut my own integrity. If I continue performing my irregularity with regularity, sooner or later she's not going to be able to take anything I say with any degree of reliability. Thus, when I make a proclamation, I am duty bound, for the goodness of the bound relationship, to follow through in accordance with the consequences I had laid down.
(This could lead to a whole new rant re responsibility involved in the words we use, but that's another day)
Failure to do so may be perceived as "being nice,"-at least that is the way I thought I was acting when I was young and new-but it turns out that when I was 'being nice," I was actually taking the one action that would, and did, deeply damage the relationship. In failing to hold her accountable, I failed to live up to my end in my implied domination and threatened the cage of trust that I had been striving to build.
Therefore I am obligated to give her exactly what I threatened her with, and any failure to do so is, in essence, me failing her.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled madness...
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