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Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out there? - 3/25/2006 7:42:06 AM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		To understand what I am about to say, my definition of a BDSM dating site would be just like any normal dating site such as match.com except its for people who are into BDSM.  (I am also talking about the Female Domme/male sub catagory).

The reason I ask this is so far to my knowledge after 5 years I have yet to really come across one.

To be honest if I where a male escort/prostitute or whatever you would like to call it I dont think I would be capable of advertizing my services on a dating or personals site without feeling like a piece of trash.  I am not saying this in deliberate bias, its just that regardless of anything this is simply how I would feel for reasons that are quite obvious.  However before people who are motivated by cash take offence, this would have to imply that I am saying all these BDSM peronals sites are actually dating and personals sites and you shouldnt be here which isnt the case.  This obviously brings us back to the original question at the top of this post which is 'Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out there?'.

As far as I know in the arenas of other sexualities such as Vanilla heterosexuality and homosexuality the 2 areas of dating and prostitution are totally seperate and there will be different separate sites and places dedicated to both of those specific areas.

Another thing that confuses me slightly is that apparently there is a huge demand for Pro Dommes.  If this is the case then why do business people come onto personals sites to make money?  Surely the demand for them would mean they wouldnt need to take those kind of measures?  For example among the Vanilla world there is quite likely to be 1 Vanilla man in exsistence to every 1 Vanilla woman.  In the BDSM world apparently there are 100 subs to every 1 Domme.  This would tell us that there is likely to be more demand for a Pro Domme than a Vanilla Prostitute.  If this is so then why is it that Pro Dommes and business people advertize on BDSM personals sites yet Vanilla Prostitutes tend not to advertize on Vanilla ones knowing the relative disparity in demand?  I would have thought Vanilla prostitutes more likely to do this in comparison knowing theres less demand for them hence would be more likely to need to take such measured to find clients.

So in other words what I am saying is simply that by the standards of these BDSM personals sites.  Vanilla prostitutes SHOULD be allowed to advertize on Vanilla dating sites such as Match.com.  If this is not the case then it questions the very existance of any BDSM personals matchmaking site if you where to define it as to being the same as a Vanilla Dating site like Match.com except for BDSM people.
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RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/26/2006 3:30:03 AM   
WomenOwner


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline 		Yes there are. Sadly though 99% of the members are not genuine. Therein lies the problem. It is not the website it is the members that are the fakers.

(in reply to McWhips)
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RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/26/2006 3:44:28 AM   
brandnew000


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline 		what are some of these sites?

(in reply to WomenOwner)
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RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/26/2006 5:51:05 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		To the best of my knowledge there are no "dating" sites as can be compared to match aimed at the bdsm venue.  most dating sites filter words like bdsm, slave ect because they do not want that kind of clientel.

However if you are very careful about how you word your profile you can write it so that people can read between the lines that you are talking about bdsm with words like alternative, creative, etc.

the pros exist because of the demand.  although i feel they should at a minimum be catagorized as is subs, dommes etc, there are many guys who do not want the realities of bdsm, or they are married, and these people create the demand.




_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to McWhips)
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RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/26/2006 4:10:50 PM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

To the best of my knowledge there are no "dating" sites as can be compared to match aimed at the bdsm venue.  most dating sites filter words like bdsm, slave ect because they do not want that kind of clientel.

However if you are very careful about how you word your profile you can write it so that people can read between the lines that you are talking about bdsm with words like alternative, creative, etc.

the pros exist because of the demand.  although i feel they should at a minimum be catagorized as is subs, dommes etc, there are many guys who do not want the realities of bdsm, or they are married, and these people create the demand.





     I see your point but I dont think it is quite that simple.  True maybe there are a proportion of people who do not want to realities of BDSM whatever that is supposed to mean.  But I suspect the vast majority of the Married guys are paying for a Pro due to the fact their wife is not interested, in this case I think its fairly likely they would have preffered to be married to a Dominant woman but unfortunatly arent so decide to pay for it.  As for the rest there are a large amount of sub guys out there who try to find a Dominant women for a relationship but cant so accept defeat and they chose to pay for it and theres a fair number of them. 
       To be honest if I had a job as a sex worker where I felt as though my clients where seeing me because they couldnt find a partner I would find it hard to sleep at night.  I would only feel comfortable in such a career if I knew my customers where making the choice to see me out of a real and healthy choice, not because they cant find a partner.

I think a good example to exemplify this point would be:    if it is true that the reason why male subs seek Pro Dommes is due to confidentiality, not wanting to be involved etc etc and every reason under the sun APART from they have no choice then why are these traits/reasons for paying for it so synonymous to such a massively large extent with male subs compared to every other catagory of person in the scene? Its almost implies that mainly male subs want detatchment and confidentiality etc which wouldnt make sense knowing that there could be no possible explanation for these traits to be so synonymous with only one catagory, an "anomily" if you will.

That paragraph which I hope you can understand as it draws interesting thought was dug up from something I posted a few months ago.  while I was looking for it I stumbled upon this guy who said:   Only problem was of course the fee. She knows guys will pay to be with her because there is little else they can do, so she charged lots. Not only that, she wanted me to buy an enema kit and a large butt plug for the next session!

< Message edited by McWhips -- 3/26/2006 4:16:25 PM >

(in reply to Real0ne)
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RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/26/2006 4:15:16 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		14th and Vine...but bring protection...

No, not comdoms...a Fricking body gaurd!
beats on-line shiat..and good luck!

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Real0ne)
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RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/27/2006 7:04:17 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips
I think a good example to exemplify this point would be:    if it is true that the reason why male subs seek Pro Dommes is due to confidentiality, not wanting to be involved etc etc and every reason under the sun APART from they have no choice then why are these traits/reasons for paying for it so synonymous to such a massively large extent with male subs compared to every other catagory of person in the scene? Its almost implies that mainly male subs want detatchment and confidentiality etc which wouldnt make sense knowing that there could be no possible explanation for these traits to be so synonymous with only one catagory, an "anomily" if you will.

That paragraph which I hope you can understand as it draws interesting thought was dug up from something I posted a few months ago.  while I was looking for it I stumbled upon this guy who said:   Only problem was of course the fee. She knows guys will pay to be with her because there is little else they can do, so she charged lots. Not only that, she wanted me to buy an enema kit and a large butt plug for the next session!


i think you pretty much answered your own question here.  it comes down to different strokes for different folks.  i havent seen that males are down trodden where a pro is the only domme they can get. well maybe some but certainly not as a whole.  its always a unamamously  mutual decision that works for both parties and provides "both" parties with what they are looking for.

there are thousands of dommes on here and other sites, i happen to be looking for someone very specific and that takes time.  the more specific the more time it takes.  those who are not quite so specific find partners very quickly.  i can understand your frustration if the pretty gurl you would like to be your domme turns out to be a pro, but thats the way it is. best is just to move on and keep looking.

It takes a lot of people to make a world and they have as much of a right to live in it with their way of life as you and i and the people next door.  i dont know what i can say more than that without being redundant.  maybe just live and let live.  look to the good things in life and the toward dommes that you are interested in rather than wasting your time thinking about the ones that depress you.


_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/27/2006 9:15:31 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Well, McWhips, I see that you are back to your old mantra of "Pros unfair"...  I am going to try to answer this from My persepective once and for all.
Because this is a BDSM oriented site, that immediately translates into kinky sex for the largest percentage of the males who join this site. Right or wrong, good or bad, this is a fact.  And many of the ladies here do not appreciate it.
If you go to a vanilla dating site, it is supposed to be just that.  I'm not saying that there might not be a similar large percentage of men who join those sites in the hopes of getting laid, obtaining some free phone sex, or getting a hot web cam session.  Been there, done that.  I have been on those sites, and I have found Myself in that position more than once.   It is disappointing, but not so much the norm. At least the men there attempt to be more discreet about their ultimate agenda.
On a site like collarme, alt or bondage, it is about a lifestyle that specifically targets a certain sexuality.  This sexuality is supposed to be a part of the lifestyle, but for many, like it or not, it  is the only focus.  Because of that, the males seem to view it as an easier way to hook-up.  When women are approached as strictly sexual objects over and over and over again, it becomes a bit distressing. 
I have just looked at your profile again.  I am sure this is not a profile you would ever think of putting up at a vanilla dating site. 
Ok, let's look at your profile here...
 
quote:


Im very physically fit, work out lots, am succesful, have a career as a musician.


I dont find any of my personality traits to be of a sub, Im assertive, confident and so on. Although sexually I am submissive and would like to find a Dominant sadistic women for freindship and play.

Im into most things and I am always appreciative to be let into a womans mind and know what makes her tick as a women and a Domme.

Ive noticed there are alot of extremely cheap Dommes on here looking for someone to give them money and also lots of Pro Domme's here plugging their business, I would like to make it clear that I am not interested in this remotly and if I do it will be when I have brain damage. 


...and let's change it now to be suitable for a vanilla dating site.  As follows:

"Im very physically fit, work out lots, am succesful, have a career as a musician.
I'm assertive and confident and I really enjoy sex.  I would love to get together for some friendship and hot romps in bed.
I'm into lots of things and I always enjoy getting into a woman's mind and learning what makes her tick.
I've noticed there are a lot of gals out there who are interested in receiving flowers, and being taken out to a nice dinner.  And I won't pay for the weekend away, because that is just taking advantage of the man.
I would like to make it clear that I am not interested in this remotly and if I do it will be when I have brain damage."

Do you see what I am trying to say here?  Would this profile get you any real interest on a vanilla dating site? Why is your profile acceptable for this site, but what I just translated not very good for a vanilla dating site?  Can you figure that out?

Your theme, on this site,  is about being sexually submissive and that you would never entertain the idea of paying anyone for this.  If you are approaching women strictly for play, and you admit you are not submissive in any way, except sexually, basically, to Me, you are saying, you are into kinky sex, but otherwise, the relationship is friendship, or playtime, or casual, at best.  The Domina you seem to be searching for is unlikely to be interested in that scenario.  No one likes to be approached as a hot body who can fulfill your kinky fantasies.  When this is all you are interested in, you either will be turned down or ignored, or you will get an offer from a Professional.  I am not even going to address the online Money Dommes and tribute seekers.  I probably feel the same way as you do about them.
As to feeling like a piece of trash if you were to advertise your services as a professional escort/prostitute, that statement doesn't even begin to wash with Me.  It is precisely because of profile ads like yours, that the Professional Dominas can and should advertise their availability on a site like collarme.  You offer nothing but a hot body. When you are ready to offer more, perhaps you will have more luck in attracting the lady you prefer.
You are, most certainly, not helping your case by continually coming onto these boards with the same old complaint.  What I basically see is a young man who closes his eyes and refuses to see what he is doing , learn from it, and make improvements or changes to his attitude.  
'Nuf said. 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 3/27/2006 9:18:52 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/27/2006 2:21:16 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		clap clap!  applauds the efforts of dusty gold.  is that like gold dust backwards?

i am not sure why pros would be interested in someone that is looking for sex since they never have sex with clients, but thats not my point, just an observation.

anyway seeing your profile brought something to mind here too.

being dominant in life and sexually submissive in the bedroom requires a female who is dominant in the bedroom and submissive in life.  

that is so rare that in the many years i have been in this maybe i have met 2 women that fit that profile. 

you almost need to be submissive all the way or dominant all the way.  what you want is so rare it may take 1/2 a lifetime to find. 

there are many sub women who like sex, but they are sub, and likewise many domme women who like sex but they are domme all the way.

like i said the more specific you are the more difficult it is to fiond someone.

me thinks you should consider finding a sassy sub gurl. someone who brags that they are hard to tame.  might be as close as you can get to what you want man.

anyway good luck
r1


_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/29/2006 1:11:44 PM   
McWhips


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		Heres a quote from a Female Dommmes profile that didnt take me long to find at all: 
 
"My Main Interests Are Sensual Domination, Tease and Denial and TPE (Total Power Exchange) And I Also Love Foot Worship, Oral Worship, Sensual Body Massage, Spanking, Flogging And Bondage Along With A Long List Of Many Other Interests"
 
Ok so now that youve read that bit I will find you the most overtly sexual part of my profile text and here it is:
 
"Although sexually I am submissive"
 

and I am not remotely surprised one bit that you have neglected, in my profile it also says 'Always apprecietive to be let into a womans mind and to know what makes her tick as a woman', Id like to see you pervert THAT into something like 'I am just here to fuck you up the shitter then you can fuck off' 
 
  
PS:  Being sexually submissive has no bearing at all on somoenes want to/ability to be in a loving relationship and love someone etc. (Pretty much if there is something else different about your sexuality like for example if you are gay, this doesnt necceserally mean that due to the fact you would be looking for a man as you are sexually attracted to them that you are ONLY interested in sex).

< Message edited by McWhips -- 3/29/2006 2:02:34 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Are there any real BDSM personal/dating sites out t... - 3/31/2006 8:54:53 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		alt.com is a paid site, (also standard membership free) and has professionals with profiles on there also, and wtf, some of those are standard members and don't pay there also, but yet alt doesn't offer all the bells and whistles available on this site the you feel free to whine on.....maybe you should think about joining alt???? Then come back and tell us what the difference is with here and a "weal twue" bdsm dating site.

edited for typos, although it's late and I'm sure some still remain....

< Message edited by kc692 -- 3/31/2006 8:56:10 PM >

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to McWhips)
Profile   Post #: 11
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