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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

All that said, I definitely see the point that a lot of people are making about taking a break. That's probably the best (and healthiest) plan, but I would still love to hear any other options anyone can think of.

You have had alternate opinions. Read my two posts to you. I can expand on this if you like.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Perhaps another alternative that you should be looking into is getting additional help in taking care of your mother. Do you have other family members? Even without being so young you would still need some breaks to aviod caregiver burnout.

I would say, get help, so you can have a life. 25 is too young to be putting your life on hold. You do deserve a break without guilt.

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

All that said, I definitely see the point that a lot of people are making about taking a break. That's probably the best (and healthiest) plan, but I would still love to hear any other options anyone can think of.

You have had alternate opinions. Read my two posts to you. I can expand on this if you like.

- LA

I'd love to hear more. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to miss your post. It was much more that I am having a low libido, where you hadn't had a drop in yours, so I sort of quick assumed that your advice wouldn't quite apply to me. But seeing that I don't know what I'm talking about sometimes (seriously), if you don't mind, I would definitely like to hear more.

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

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ORIGINAL: antipode

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or to be honest with the people I date about my current state?

Mourning, in the most general sense, can take a year or more. In my case, when I do not feel a desire to date, I don't, and when I do not feel a need for sex, I don't have any. What confuses me about your question is that you say you have a reduced libido, but you still want to (if I understand you right) date and have sex, while you are being honest about "your state".

But you never reveal what state that is. And I am not sure why you should feel compelled to declare yourself "on" or "off" the market. You've sustained a loss, you go with the flow, your body will tell you when you're next attracted to someone. You make it sound like there is some kind of requirement for you to date "while being honest". That would turn me right off, to be honest, partly because I do not understand your conflicting desires. There should be no conflict, you eat when you're hungry, not when it is 6pm, sort of thing.

I suppose I'm frustrated because I want to want to have sex. And it's not a one time traumatic event, it's been awhile now and it's possibly going to last for years. Without going into it - I don't really want to - my mom is in the hospital with a severely debilitating disease that could keep her unable to take care of herself for years. I'm putting my life on hold to take care of her, which I of course want to do, but I'm 25, and I can't help feeling like if I don't find a way to balance this and dating, I'm going to miss a huge chunk of my 20s. For instance, I just joined this site, and already I feel like I'm learning a ton about my sexuality. I want to take that stuff and run with it, you know?

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ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Since this is not really a one time catastrophic event, like you say, it becomes less a matter of how long to take some time off, than how to cope with this new development in your life, and how to have a satisfying sex life with the rest of your responsibilities.

In that way, it doesn't sound too different than what most people experience during their lives. When a new child is born, there is this major shift in life, and the old way of living as a childless couple is gone, and people find ways to have sex amidst the diapers and Playskool toys.

When my own mother took ill and died, there was a short period when taking care of her all but consumed my life. Sex disappeared from my radar for those months, and didn't surface again for a month or so later.

Job loss, job stress, sibling fights, etc....all things that cause us to have to adjust, either temporarily, or sometimes permanently.

In your case, it sounds like you are going to spend a few years as an adult caring for an ill parent, while still dating and finding time for romance and sex. I guess the only thing like advice I can give is don't expect your sex life to be like something out of Sex and The City, all hot romance and free wheeling squealing;

Often times we get convinced by advertisements and popular media that if we aren't having 5 screaming orgasms a day, we are somehow cheated. Fact is, what you are going through is more the norm than anything else.

I wish you well, and hope you have a loving circle to help you cope.

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This IS your life, try not to think of it as *life on pause*.