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Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 6:04:40 AM

derangedmaniac

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I wasn't sure whether to put this in the "general BDSM" topic or not. But I was wondering how you Masters would cope with having a deaf slave- how would you order them around, if you didn't know ASL off the bat? Would their deafness be fair game when it comes to sensory deprivation play? I've heard some Masters say it could be used to their advantage. What do you all think? What would -you- do if you had a deaf slave?

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 7:43:50 AM

DarkSteven

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This is a thread hijack, I know... but I've read numerous spammer profiles that claim to be a deaf slavegirl. That's simply an out to preclude talking on the phone.

So, until you meet someone face to face - they may not actually be deaf.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 7:55:12 AM

Aileen1968

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What?

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:00:53 AM

petcerina

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i'm very good friends with a Dominant who is deaf. He's actually 90% deaf, so He gets a little excited when He can actually hear music rather than feel it if it is really loud. i'm also friends with another girl in real life who has a bad left ear, so i'm going to speak on what little knowledge being their friend has given me.

Those who are deaf (or hard of hearing), most likely can lip read. This means that as long as you are facing them, they can understand what you are saying. In order to get their attention, they can feel vibrations on surfaces. If she is sitting at a table for instance, you can tap on the table to get her to pay attention if her head is down and her hand is on the table. Most of them have trouble talking. i say most, because my friend who is 90% deaf, is kind of a modern day miracle. He can speak just fine having never really heard words. For safe words, it would be best to have something they can throw or drop, rather than speak.

It will take a great amount of patience and probably commitment to be with someone who is deaf. You would have to learn a different language. If not ASL, then a sort of body language, but i would think the rewards would be worth the pay off. You would understand her in a way no one else ever could. She would be connected to you through having to teach you how to live in her world, and you teaching her how to live in yours. i think the training would be long, but in the end, it would be incredible.

As for fakes, you may be able to rule out some of them by saying something casual as, "Have you heard the new (insert band name) song?" i have never doubted my friend who is deaf that He was telling the truth, but i still make that mistake from time to time. Maybe you could catch one in a lie? Although, if they have some hearing, but not all, they probably could hear it if they had it turned up enough and felt the vibrations along with the song.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:01:25 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

So, until you meet someone face to face - they may not actually be deaf.

On the flip side I have once met someone who didn't tell me he was deaf, I only found out when I met him in a pub, twas a rather strange experience.

OP I am not sure what you are after here, there would be different challenges presented sure but thats the case with most people, you would work around it and if appropriate incorporate it.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:25:00 AM

LoveDayStar

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Hey! I'm glad to catch a post about deaf slave. I do not think I wanted to be a slave, but I am deaf. I am sure there are ways to make communication work. I agreed that it takes patience and trust. To think myself to give myself completely to someone, especially while being in bondage, seems pretty scary to me, but once I get to know my partner and feel comfortable and trusting him that he would take care of me, and agreed upon the safeword, then I believe things can work out. Though I think the very tricky thing is having TWO deaf partners being in D/s relationship. Makes me wonder how they can tell the difference of being in pleasure or being in pain? Again, it is all about communication. Start slow and little by little, be open, honest and trust each other to respect the hard limit.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:38:05 AM

derangedmaniac

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I kind of just made this thread to open awareness about deaf slaves and how to communicate with them. I'm not sure how you read it as whether or not they were telling the truth about it? Haha. But yes, communication is vital. And no, the "deaf people lip read" thing is a bad stereotype. Fact is that 90% of deaf people cannot lip read.

(in reply to LoveDayStar)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:39:27 AM

janigrey

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Over on Kink.com
Lochai played with Rita Seagrave - who is deaf. They did a free piece on how to play with someone who is death. How to set up safe words, etc.

I would check it out and try to find the link...

jani

(in reply to LoveDayStar)

Post #: 8

RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:44:03 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: derangedmaniac

I kind of just made this thread to open awareness about deaf slaves and how to communicate with them. I'm not sure how you read it as whether or not they were telling the truth about it? Haha. But yes, communication is vital. And no, the "deaf people lip read" thing is a bad stereotype. Fact is that 90% of deaf people cannot lip read.

Where are you getting your stats from? I have met lots and lots and lots of deaf people due to some career choices and socially and all knew how to lip read.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:52:04 AM

LoveDayStar

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Well, it just depends on how they were raised. Yet even if they tried, sometimes they just couldn't talk. Deaf people will know how to lip-read one way or another. We're exposed to seeing people talking all the time, so we opt to figure out what they're saying. Lip-reading is NOT easy. Some may only understand some common phrase, some are lucky to be able to carry on a conversation. Everyone is different.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 8:53:41 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveDayStar

Well, it just depends on how they were raised. Yet even if they tried, sometimes they just couldn't talk. Deaf people will know how to lip-read one way or another. We're exposed to seeing people talking all the time, so we opt to figure out what they're saying. Lip-reading is NOT easy. Some may only understand some common phrase, some are lucky to be able to carry on a conversation. Everyone is different.

Yeah I do know this, one girl I met was simply wonderful at it I remember being completely shocked. But my point was that the OP said that 90% of deaf people can't lip read which to me is a bit of a surreal statistic

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to LoveDayStar)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 9:04:23 AM

LoveDayStar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally
Yeah I do know this, one girl I met was simply wonderful at it I remember being completely shocked. But my point was that the OP said that 90% of deaf people can't lip read which to me is a bit of a surreal statistic

Yes, you're right that it couldn't be 90% of deaf people couldn't lip-read. I would probably say 40%, more or less. Cannot say for sure because I do not know every deaf person in USA. But keep in mind that most of them became deaf in later age, if not from birth or since babe.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 9:08:15 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveDayStar

Yes, you're right that it couldn't be 90% of deaf people couldn't lip-read. I would probably say 40%, more or less. Cannot say for sure because I do not know every deaf person in USA. But keep in mind that most of them became deaf in later age, if not from birth or since babe.

Indeed, and I am from the UK not really sure that makes any difference. My experience comes from working in a sensory deprivation department with social services and so I do know a fair amount on the topic, I am not trying to be rude I just find being educated about something I know about a little annoying.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to LoveDayStar)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 11:14:46 AM

derangedmaniac

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I am in a deaf education program at a university and am deaf myself, and I have always been told 90% by two experts on deaf studies. I may be incorrect on the percentage (or they would be, rather, and misinforming me) but I find it's a toss up on lip reading. I consider myself great with lipreading, however some people's lips I just can't manage! So it's really a toss-up. I think it might be "90% of deaf people can't lip read WELL"-- that would make more sense. I usually get bits and pieces.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 11:19:08 AM

LillyoftheVally

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If you mean lip reading to catch every word then I totally agree, but many if not most can bits and pieces

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 1:55:09 PM

CalifChick

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: derangedmaniac

...how would you order them around, if you didn't know ASL off the bat?

I don't know too many masters or dominants who "order them around"... and in this case, "them" is any slave or submissive. They tend to make their wishes known, but it's rarely if ever by barking orders. That really isn't much different than a non-kink relationship, is it?

quote:

Would their deafness be fair game when it comes to sensory deprivation play?

Can you explain what you mean? How can you deprive someone of a sense they don't have to begin with?

Cali

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 1:59:07 PM

derangedmaniac

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I'm not really sure myself. I just know I've talked to people who are like "cool, I can use that to my advantage!" I think it partially means, for example, they'd be stripped of their hearing aids/cochlear implants and wouldn't be able to hear period- and they would use that to their advantage in play. How that would be an advantage I'm not quite certain of- I am not experienced enough to know.

(in reply to CalifChick)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 2:11:03 PM

CalifChick

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Okay, I understand what you're saying. Alot of people play with the sub not being able to see, whether it's blindfold, facing away, or just closing their eyes (as I tend to do). But they can still hear what is happening. Take both away, and they won't know what's coming.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 18

RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 2:11:09 PM

LillyoftheVally

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Part of the sensory deprivation thing is that it is a strange disorientating experience, if a person was more used to being unable to hear then the disorientation aspect would be missing so I am not sure if it is an advantage

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

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RE: Having a deaf slave - 1/31/2010 2:18:24 PM

winterlight

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Ok,

I have been taught lip reading at a very young age and I can tell you from experience it isn't easy to do. Stand in front of a mirror and say pat, bat, mat. Can you tell the difference?
Would a deaf person be able to? I don't think so. That is my opinion.

Are deaf people expert lip readers i doubt that. Now if the person knew the english language and became deaf later i am sure it is easier for them.

Being able to read the lips of a person with a beard & mustache is very hard. Being able to lip read while the sun is in your face..again hard.

I don't know the statistics of how the deaf can lip read or anything else posed on here. I am not an expert.

My best advice is learn ASL (American Sign Language). It will take time but will be worth it. In the meantime to communicate with your sub/slave have hand signals or maybe you can learn some of the alphabet letters for fingerspelling and use that as a signal. S signed letter for stop.

I started learning ASL "I will use that term loosely" when I was in my 20's. As I have no one to practice with I am rusty. I didn't learn the syntax and grammar but I can pretty much be able to convey what i am saying. I did spent a lot of time with deaf friends but they had moved out of state long ago.

Don't be put off of having a deaf sub or slave. There are many ways to communicate via eyes, facial expressions, handsignals, signing, touch and anything else you can think of.

Above all whomever you have whether deaf, hard of hearing or hearing enjoy them. Enjoy each other!

< Message edited by winterlight -- 1/31/2010 2:19:55 PM >

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

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