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Jasmyn -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/26/2006 4:53:51 PM)
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I don't think there is any one thing that influenced me to become a mistress but if I look back I see the writing was on the wall sometime ago.
Mum and Dad were staunch Catholic and been the youngest of 14 (nine older brothers and four older sisters) and extremely independent I was in a position to rebel against what inequalities I thought I saw in my youth between 'the boys' and 'the girls'. Some stemming from the religious teachings and some from the patriachal family dynamic.
But even though Dad was the 'head' of the household so to speak Mum was definitely the world that we revolved around. She was strong, confident, at home mum, sometimes overbearing and lived for her family, did execptional volunteer work, but was a product of her times. I recall the story that she taught herself to drive when she had had at least 10 of us and didn't tell Dad until she had gained her licence for fear he would put a stop to her independence, as for their generation it was not becoming for 'a wife' to drive.
So in my pre-teens I began questioning why things were like they were and decided early on I would be an independent well rounded adult regardless of what was between my legs. In hindsight though I don't believe the preceived inequalities existed because of sinister or oppressive intentions, rather more out of necessity for controlling a clan the size of ours.
Hitting my teens I was fascinated by what I saw in my brothers' Forum magazines, those they kept hidden in their secret cupboard in the wall...lol not so secret after all. ;)
In my family (and Catholic schooling) sex and sexuality and sensuality were shunned, make-up, short skirts, accentuating curves etc, were not what chaste Catholic girls did. Not that it was every really stated to be that way, it just kind of was. So my sex education came via Forum mags and what I read and saw intrigued me no end. I didn't view sex as something 'dirty' or as a 'duty' or for marriage only and felt that between consenting adults sex was as natural as breathing. But there was no one in my family I could talk to about it so I kept my ideas to myself.
Unfortunately a virgin at 15 I was raped by an older guy and ended up pregnant, a son, whom I kept (and has just made me a grandmother :) , no one in my family knows how he was conceived and I readily let them think I was a promiscuous toerag rather than tell them about being raped. So for a longtime I renounced sex and sensuality for myself, as something I needed to be whole, left the Forum mags alone and seeked out the partriachal nirvana that seemed to hold value in my family's eyes.
Alas I spent a longtime trying to please men rather than myself and the few times I did take the lead with someone sexually it spooked them, reiterating to me I needed to remain sexually passive and life was all about his needs not mine.
Eventually in my late 20s I met a man who was as willing as I to get adventurous in the bedroom...oh my gawd was I in love! lol... but I struggled with fully taking control, not just of the bedroom, but the relationship as well...it went against all I was taught good Catholic girls did. After we broke up I'd come to terms with a lot of my past and growing no end as a person, as a woman, as a friend and decided the past was about everyone else...my future was about me...picked up a whip and never looked back.
All my siblings and extended family know what it is I am into and what I do in a professional sense and although not something they are all readily wanting to understand, they are fully supportive of my choice to live my life how I want to.
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