When you first started out (Full Version)

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ForeverOwned -> When you first started out (1/31/2010 3:23:26 PM)

did you have a mentor or do did you just wing it and go with your instincts? Thanks.



MasterAramis -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 3:29:44 PM)

For me it was both. I did indeed have a Mentor who took me part of the way, then from there I developed my own philosophy and style that suited me.

Aramis



lovingpet -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 4:19:06 PM)

I've always been my own mentor in situations.  I read everything I could get my hands on, messed around in chatrooms and such.  I didn't venture into real time until I felt I had a pretty firm grasp on the reality of bdsm and power exchange relationships.  One thing I did was to keep far, far away from any kind of bdsm porn or erotica.  As any porn or erotica, it is a very plainly skewed perspective and not at all in line with my goals of understanding things in the here and now.

I did have one friend who was deep in "lifestyle" that initially introduced me to the whole thing and that I could run ideas by.  I wouldn't call her a mentor, but I did do a lot of learning and exploring both because of and with her.

I don't trust instincts too much.  I find that many of us no longer have the survivalist sensibilities we as a species once had.  I find my instincts get indelible impressions from emotions, past history, family, moral and social expectations and more.  All these things CAN be important, but the gut reaction really does have to be fully evaluated before determining if it is entirely accurate.  I am pretty good in flight or fight, but anything else gives me pause.

BDSM is like anything else.  Learning, impressions, and desires will be impacted by a myriad of sources.  I always hope to be open to the lessons that are before me.  Otherwise, I don't complain if they whack me square in the head when needed.

lovingpet



osf -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 6:03:58 PM)

i read some watched others some, but mostly it was a couple fucked up relationships and just maturing as a man, and a lot of introspection



RedMagic1 -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 6:11:30 PM)

Whenever I am seeing someone new, it feels to me as though I am starting all over again.  I have certain skills I didn't have five years ago, say, but skills seem less important than getting to know someone's mind and soul, and building a connection between her and me.

I've never had a BDSM mentor.  I've had many people, though, who have taught me to think, how to be responsible, how to be an adult.  To whatever extent I am "master" of anything, it is because of them.



windchymes -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 6:18:27 PM)

I guess you could say I had a couple of mentors, but I didn't think of them as such, and neither did they. It was more like just being friendly with a couple of male doms who introduced me to others and answered questions I had, gave me some pretty good advice. I eventually had a long-term occasional play relationship with one of them that drifted more to just friendship. He showed me a lot of the physical stuff with bondage, toys, whips, etc.

So, I guess they were "mentors"....and I did a lot of educating myself on my own, too.



LafayetteLady -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 6:31:19 PM)

FR-

With all due respect foreverowned, you seem to be doing research for a book or term paper of some sort with the types of questions you ask. Like you are trying to dissect what makes this "lifestyle" different than others.



sexyred1 -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 6:42:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

FR-

With all due respect foreverowned, you seem to be doing research for a book or term paper of some sort with the types of questions you ask. Like you are trying to dissect what makes this "lifestyle" different than others.


You noticed that, huh?



LafayetteLady -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:22:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

FR-

With all due respect foreverowned, you seem to be doing research for a book or term paper of some sort with the types of questions you ask. Like you are trying to dissect what makes this "lifestyle" different than others.


You noticed that, huh?


Of course I noticed, lol. What I failed to mention is that if she is indeed doing research for a book, any direct quote which she takes from here would cause her legal problems if she doesn't have a release.

In any case, because I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous, I won't answer any of her research style questions. If she is truly looking for comparisons to how others are living their relationships, then she has a bigger problem because each relationship is as unique as each individual living it, even if you mosey on over to the Gor folks, no two relationships are ever the same.



KatyLied -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:24:31 PM)

quote:

I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous


You are not the first to hold that opinion.



Level -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:31:13 PM)

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors. [;)]



LafayetteLady -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:32:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous


You are not the first to hold that opinion.



Yes, Katy, that was pointed out to me in mail on the other side. Nice to know though that I'm not the only one thinking that.



KatyLied -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:36:59 PM)

quote:

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.


I need a mentor to help me start 1,000 threads with little or no significance!



LafayetteLady -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:41:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.


I need a mentor to help me start 1,000 threads with little or no significance!



Aw hell, that should be easy!



Level -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:47:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.


I need a mentor to help me start 1,000 threads with little or no significance!



yeah, it takes practice!

Should a dom eat quiche?

My slave left me for the pizza boy; should I go beat my doormat?

Can a dom cry if he gets picked for a salad tossing contest in the pen?

I need a mentor too; those sucked [:D]



littlewonder -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:49:43 PM)

I think she's just another bored soul posting anything that comes off the top of her mind because well..any attention is better than none.



RedMagic1 -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:50:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous, I won't answer any of her research style questions.

I decided that it is irrelevant to me.  I try to structure my answers so people reading the thread might get something out of them.

Also, LL, it feels more like lack of ability to comprehend data to me -- not data collection.  Who knows for sure, though.  I don't let such questions keep me up at night.



LafayetteLady -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 7:57:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous, I won't answer any of her research style questions.

I decided that it is irrelevant to me.  I try to structure my answers so people reading the thread might get something out of them.

Also, LL, it feels more like lack of ability to comprehend data to me -- not data collection.  Who knows for sure, though.  I don't let such questions keep me up at night.



Trust me, it doesn't keep me up at night wondering.

Everyone certainly needs to do their own thing in response. If there was a question regarding an actual issue as opposed to asking how everyone met, how they live, what they do for "x, y and z" and the plethora of other "historical data" type questions, I would consider answering.



NihilusZero -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 8:21:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I think she's just another bored soul posting anything that comes off the top of her mind because well..any attention is better than none.

All of us are attention whores, then.

I've never heard of trolling with genuine, albeit short, personal questions...but conspiracy theories are tons of fun, I suppose.



NihilusZero -> RE: When you first started out (1/31/2010 8:23:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Trust me, it doesn't keep me up at night wondering.

Everyone certainly needs to do their own thing in response. If there was a question regarding an actual issue as opposed to asking how everyone met, how they live, what they do for "x, y and z" and the plethora of other "historical data" type questions, I would consider answering.

Perhaps you'd care to include that rule here so the plebes know how to adequately formulate the composition of their threads in order to attain more mature responses.




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