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"Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 6:33:17 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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I have been mixing up lately on the Ask a Mistress Board. Many a poster probably knows the futility of such an enterprise. Being oppositional and cross examining does not win you friends, and mostly it leads to circular attacks back and forth.

Anyway, I've been tagged with being "bitter" and other maladjusted adjectives, and to dress this tree and make it brighter, some have referenced the quote in my profile:

"STRIFE IS BETTER THAN LONELINESS"

as evidence of mental imbalance.

For clarification purposes (in case anyone cares) I threw that up after reading Roger Rosenblatt's Rules for Aging, A Wry and Witty Guide to Life

Here is the passage in question.

I think what Roger Rosenblatt was getting at is that its better to be engaged and connected, than isolated and cut off. In the spirit of the book, and in homage to Irish Proverbs I threw it up on my profile, not really thinking it would become ammunition to make me into an asocial malcontent. (Kind of funny, I suppose.)

So, this is my clarification issued. If anyone wants to evaluate the merits of this proverb, please have at it.
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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 6:38:16 PM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline 		Quite the opposite on my little list of words to live by.  I'm a firm believer that being in no relationship is preferable to being in a consistently bad one.

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.


(in reply to cloudboy)
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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 6:40:22 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Out of context, it is a sad commentary on someone's life. In context not so much. But I don't believe that is what the author was saying. It was more about the lesser of two evils and which to choose. Hence his explanation of when a situation becomes so stressful that peace and quiet is all you can think about. The only comparable situation I can think of is someone who is responsible for several small children who are all ADD and are constantly yelling, screaming and getting into things they shouldn't. I have personally been tortured with moments like this, and honestly, solitary confinement with no people would have been a welcome relief.

But on the whole it is unhealthy to live a life filled with combat as the only means of connecting with others. Intellectual discourse is all fine and dandy, but when all you have to get on with people is constantly disagreeing with them and being argumentative, you aren't really assuaging your loniless, you are actually exacerbating it more, because you are pushing people away.

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 6:48:37 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		There was a horrible scientific experiment run maybe 30 years ago.  Some scientists didn't pay any attention to puppies at all, except to give them food and water.  The puppies died.  If you don't pet puppies, they die.  On the other hand, if you physically abuse puppies, they live, and grow up to be frightened or nasty-ass dogs.

So maybe mammals are hard-wired to prefer some contact, instead of no contact at all.

To speak to the rest of your post, cloudboy, I've gotten the impression at times that you might be message-board-stalking me, on the Ask A Mistress board, because you sometimes post right after I do, and what you say is intended as a direct refutation of what I have written, instead of a response to the OP, or a furtherance of conversation.  I don't know (or care) if that's really what is going on, but there are other posters who do care about such things, and if they get that vibe from you, too, I'm not surprised some of them are taking you to task for it.  I'm not taking a side here, please understand.  I am, however, saying that you have to expect reaction if you engage in intentionally confrontational behavior.

In any case, I thought your response to slavecatia was just wonderful.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 8:19:53 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Depends.

Some strife is unavoidable, if you mean a cross word every so often.  But not screaming fits every week, or physical violence.

Also, loneliness can mean anything to a sad evening alone to weeks of no human contact.

Neither one is good, but neither one is completely avoidable.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 8:25:29 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		>Quite the opposite on my little list of words to live by. I'm a firm believer that being in no relationship is preferable to being in a consistently bad one.<

Well, Roger B. does recommend against the extremes. There's a bit of tongue and cheek built into the whole proverb to begin with...

>In context not so much. But I don't believe that is what the author was saying. It was more about the lesser of two evils and which to choose. Hence his explanation of when a situation becomes so stressful that peace and quiet is all you can think about. The only comparable situation I can think of is someone who is responsible for several small children who are all ADD and are constantly yelling, screaming and getting into things they shouldn't. I have personally been tortured with moments like this, and honestly, solitary confinement with no people would have been a welcome relief.

But on the whole it is unhealthy to live a life filled with combat as the only means of connecting with others. Intellectual discourse is all fine and dandy, but when all you have to get on with people is constantly disagreeing with them and being argumentative, you aren't really assuaging your loniless, you are actually exacerbating it more, because you are pushing people away.<

Well, I would also say that strife covers more than combat. In order to feel or experience strife, you have to be invested in something or someone. I agree that one can chose between better and worse courses of action. Still, at one's root, better to care than be apathetic. Better to take a stand than sit idly by. Conversely, better to shut up rather than make things worse. (Not always easy to know the difference.)

>To speak to the rest of your post, cloudboy, I've gotten the impression at times that you might be message-board-stalking me, on the Ask A Mistress board, because you sometimes post right after I do, and what you say is intended as a direct refutation of what I have written, instead of a response to the OP, or a furtherance of conversation. I don't know (or care) if that's really what is going on, but there are other posters who do care about such things, and if they get that vibe from you, too, I'm not surprised some of them are taking you to task for it. I'm not taking a side here, please understand. I am, however, saying that you have to expect reaction if you engage in intentionally confrontational behavior.<

Every poster has to stand up for his own record and body of work. I don't shy away from challenging others. I try to be fair-minded about it. Without question, though, I've taken issue with a few of your positions. But, nothing leaps to mind at the moment. We can't see eye to eye on everything...

I just find it humorous that one can "stalk" anyone on a CMMB. Its a public forum. Stalking happens when you track or follow people into private places where you do not belong and were not invited. Once you hear credible evidence that I'm standing outside someone's house or tailing them around town --- at that point -- please do pin me as a "stalker."

Keep in mind that rather than admit impeachment, many opponents just play dirty (personal attacks, smears, and innuendos.) -- That's never been your tack.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.



< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/31/2010 9:05:49 PM >

(in reply to TheHeretic)
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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 8:50:11 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
many opponents


Who do you oppose and why are you opposite of them?


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 9:10:03 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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That's a general term for someone on the opposite side of an issue. You and I could be opponents on "A" but be in agreement on "B."

Ideally opponents expand each others positions and find some sort of common ground.

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 1/31/2010 9:40:34 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

.............Well, I would also say that strife covers more than combat. In order to feel or experience strife, you have to be invested in something or someone.


Yes, strife covers more than combat, but it doesn't necessarily need "investment" to experience. Unless you consider everything and anything we do to be something we are "invested" in.

Main Entry: strife
Pronunciation: \ˈstrīf\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English strif, from Anglo-French estrif, estri, of Germanic origin; akin to Middle Dutch striden to fight, Old High German strītan to quarrel — more at stride
Date: 13th century
1 a : bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissension <political strife> b : an act of contention : fight, struggle
2 : exertion or contention for superiority
3 archaic : earnest endeavor

I don't see in there anything that indicates one must have some sort of investment in the issure for there to be stife. Further, no one is terribly "invested" in the posts on a message board, so it really wouldn't qualify as "strife" to your line of thinking.

Yes, there are quite a few posters (I am among them) who are very passionate about certain subjects. It doesn't mean we have any kind of investment in them, it simply means we have a strong opinion.

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/2/2010 5:03:33 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think investment is a given, especially using those definitions.

Would anyone bother having a bitter argument if they didn't care about the position they were taking?

Same with exertion and contention. If you didn't care about it, possibly quite passionately then you wouldn't spend the energy trying to win.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/2/2010 1:10:12 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Right, I'm just going to cop out here and say, "its complicated." You make valid points, no doubt.

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/2/2010 2:35:46 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I have been mixing up lately on the Ask a Mistress Board. Many a poster probably knows the futility of such an enterprise. Being oppositional and cross examining does not win you friends, and mostly it leads to circular attacks back and forth.



Because mixing is a horrible trait in any human being, it is intentionally causing controversy.


quote:



I think what Roger Rosenblatt was getting at is that its better to be engaged and connected, than isolated and cut off. In the spirit of the book, and in homage to Irish Proverbs I threw it up on my profile, not really thinking it would become ammunition to make me into an asocial malcontent. (Kind of funny, I suppose.)

So, this is my clarification issued. If anyone wants to evaluate the merits of this proverb, please have at it.


I don't think you are asocial but you do act a little sociopathic on the boards, anyways not really the point. I am the type of person who is lonely in a room full of people, I can't tolerate constant arguments I don't take well to it, yet it so often happens I would much rather be lonely and alone than with someone irritating me. I can turn myself off to an extent other people I can't.


_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/2/2010 4:16:35 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Two below par options.

I suppose anything is better than being alone - social animals that we are.

A war torn relationship is merely a notch above. Nothing to write home about.

You'd have to be wallowing in the bowels of pessimism to find solace in strife.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/2/2010 9:15:50 PM   
cloudboy


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One generally hopes that opposing points of view yield new view points and common ground.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/3/2010 1:24:09 PM   
KITTYLECTRO


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
I've been tagged with being "bitter" and other maladjusted adjectives...

Funny, some slags tried the same with me when their disgusting bigotry was called out. It wasn't worth a response, I just placed them on hide/ignore, as I did with everyone else who expressed the same bigoted sentiments.

I adore your posts, as you tend to be right on the money, but in my opinion you're wasting your time trying to reason with disgusting bigots. Just eliminate them from your consciousness, that's what the hide/block feature is for :)


_____________________________

Meow =^..^=
www.KittyLectro.com

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RE: "Strife is Better Than Loneliness" - 2/3/2010 1:33:18 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


One generally hopes that opposing points of view yield new view points and common ground.


If someone argues the sky is green no new points of view will be found the person arguing it will be seen as arguing for arguments sake, arguing something you passionately believe comes across far better.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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