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When punishing are there times when u should let it go & at times should u punish out of principle?


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When punishing are there times when u should let it go ... - 1/31/2010 6:49:11 PM   
MasterK13


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		I ask this question because we all have a bad day where we cant get a task done no matter what because we simply have to much on our plate with work along with our personal lives and at times we have out bursts of anger because the stress of the day has gotten to us when a slave has such a day and snaps at you should you punish her/him or let it slide? I have also come to wander if when you find your self letting things slide to much should you punish a slave out of principle for even the smallest offense, punish her/him for every offense at once, or inform her/him that you will be more firm and strict when enforcing the rules?

< Message edited by MasterK13 -- 1/31/2010 7:01:21 PM >
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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 6:56:00 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I ask this question because we all have a bad day where we cant get a task done no matter what and at times we have out bursts of anger when a slave has such a day should you punish her/him or let it slide? I have also come to wander if when you find your self letting things slide to much should you punish a slave out of principle for even the smallest offense, punish her/him for every offense at once, or inform her/him that you will be more firm and strict when enforcing the rules?


Could you clarify the bolded portion please.

Who is having a hard time getting a task done, you or the slave?  By "out bursts of anger" do you mean loss of control on the dominant's part?

Thank you

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 7:00:38 PM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		My answer would be YES. But if the master lets it go there ought to also be an explanation why too.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 7:13:00 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Do you have a way that each person has HEALTHY outlets for their frustrations?

How would you feel if you were chastised for every little thing you did wrong when you were learning something?

When you snap because of frustrations, is the best course of action to punish or to talk it out?

Do you realize that punishment is the worst way to teach someone something?

Do you think that communication in a relationship is important?

What steps have you taken to make sure that you are being clear in your own communication style?  (I ask because your questions are rather ambiguous and difficult to understand - is this how you are in your relationship?)

Are there steps being taken to make sure that people are not overwhelmed with a to do list?

Have you created an environment in which the other person is able to let you know what is going on?  If yes, is that working?


Good luck,
sunshine



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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 7:19:05 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I ask this question because we all have a bad day where we cant get a task done no matter what because we simply have to much on our plate with work along with our personal lives and at times we have out bursts of anger because the stress of the day has gotten to us when a slave has such a day and snaps at you should you punish her/him or let it slide?


Everyone is different. Find what works for you. Personally, I'd talk to them, find out what's wrong. Go from there.

quote:

I have also come to wander if when you find your self letting things slide to much should you punish a slave out of principle for even the smallest offense, punish her/him for every offense at once, or inform her/him that you will be more firm and strict when enforcing the rules?


First, you STOP "letting things slide too much". That's your fault. Second, you make it crystal clear to them that they're to change their behaviour. Pronto. If they want to be with you, they'll change.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 7:43:26 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I ask this question because we all have a bad day where we cant get a task done no matter what because we simply have to much on our plate with work along with our personal lives and at times we have out bursts of anger because the stress of the day has gotten to us when a slave has such a day and snaps at you should you punish her/him or let it slide? I have also come to wander if when you find your self letting things slide to much should you punish a slave out of principle for even the smallest offense, punish her/him for every offense at once, or inform her/him that you will be more firm and strict when enforcing the rules?


The inconsistancy of that method would drive me nuts.

If it is a rare thing for her to not be able to get everything done then have an outburst that is a time when I can see punishment being discussed then waived.

If the s is letting tons of stuff slide then punishing for every single offense would be a bit overwhelming, why not try and find a schedule so things can get done? Is too much being asked or do they just need help being organized?

Not sure what you mean by punishing all at once, like waiting for once a month then walloping them for thirty days of screwing up?

Most of all I advocate talking to them and trying to find a solution before reprecussion.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 7:48:49 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		The first step is stop.  The second is communicate.  Absolutely NOTHING should be determined without understanding the situation thoroughly.  I have missed deadlines due to being sick, responsibilities with my home or the kids, etc.  I have also missed deadlines because I procrastinated, forgotten, or just plain didn't wanna.  These are two totally different sets of circumstances.  The third step is to THINK.  Get past your own emotion and feelings of being affronted and really look at the slave's situation and motivations.  Was this intentional?  Is it a repeat offense?  Does it really matter and affect you, her, the relationship, etc significantly and negatively?  What is going to best resolve the issue?  Were your expectations clear and reasonable?  How is the slave already responding to your disappointment?  The next step is to explain what you plan to do about the situation and why.  Discipline, punishment, absolution, etc should not come out of the clear blue sky.  She needs to understand your reasoning even if she doesn't agree with it.  The last is to do exactly as you say you will including any prices you put on future behavior.  If she can't count on you to do as you say, then she has no idea where the boundaries are or what your expectations of her really are.  Discipline and punishment need never occur in the heat of the moment or in an out of control frame of mind.  To my mind, that is simple abuse.  Reasoned and careful meted out consequences are far more effective in the long term and reduce the possibility of doing or saying something you will regret.

lovingpet

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 7:50:29 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		lol

The first step is don't take advice on when to punish from a submissive.

OP: You're the master.


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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 1/31/2010 8:37:17 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		to me there's discipline, correction and punishment and they are distinctly different things

each is used under different circumstances

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 12:45:49 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		One in control should have the capacity to adapt to varying circumstances, and the humility to apply compassion for certain circumstances. Rigidity and conceptuality can be thinking small.

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 4:15:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Punishment won't help them cope better with stress next time.
Finding out what happened and helping them problem solve plus find better coping mechanisms will.

Do you want to solve this or do you want to keep punishing every time the same situation comes up? Here we go for problem solving.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 6:42:22 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

lol

The first step is don't take advice on when to punish from a submissive.

OP: You're the master.



Whatever.
The best response I've seen so far on this board came from a submissive.
OP: You HAVE to be consistent and in control of your own emotions.
If you let something slide, tell her what you are doing and why.
Do not let things slide and then freak out one day over every little thing.
You could not train an animal that way, and you cannot train a human that way.
Read some books on child rearing and/or animal training.
They all say the same thing.
Consistency, and control of yourself are key.
A submissive is happiest whe s/he knows what is expected, what is expected is reasonable, there are reasonable consequences for not doing those things (barring extenuating circumstances), and the consequences are consistent.
Anger should not enter into the equation, although disappointment may. If you find you are angry, wait until you are in a calm state before discussing and/or reprimanding.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 7:02:33 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I ask this question because we all have a bad day where we cant get a task done no matter what because we simply have to much on our plate with work along with our personal lives and at times we have out bursts of anger because the stress of the day has gotten to us when a slave has such a day and snaps at you should you punish her/him or let it slide?

I'd comfort her and want to get to the bottom of why she's having such a bad day. I would also question myself as to how I didn't see it coming.
quote:


I have also come to wander if when you find your self letting things slide to much should you punish a slave out of principle for even the smallest offense, punish her/him for every offense at once, or inform her/him that you will be more firm and strict when enforcing the rules?


I've done the "letting things slide" and I know how hard it is to regain the momentum, but the focus is on YOU to do this, not them. You apologise, you promise to do better and you begin the hard task of regaining trust, respect and obedience. Depending on how far you've let things slide, this could be nigh impossible.

Don't punish/beat/discipline anyone else, EVER for your failures. That's not BDSM, D/s or anything else kink related, that's just common decency.

To be honest, these two questions smack of laziness.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 7:48:46 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i dont think there can be hard and fast rules for everyone in every situtation, just because its Ds doesnt mean that you should pull out some punishment for every discrepancy. but neither should you let it slide. if you let it slide the sub might well get the impression that youve either lost impetus, lost interest or are a bit of a pushover.

allowing for the fact that the sub has had a shitty day is a good thing, we are all human, but i think you should still talk to the sub and mention that you know their day has been shitty, that youve noticed certain things havent been done and that next time youd like them to approach you and talk to you about their shitty day and why things havent been done, rather than hoping to just get away with it.

that way they know youre taking notice of what theyre doing, you care that they have had a shitty day and you care that things havent been done to youre spec.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 7:49:14 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13
at times we have out bursts of anger because the stress of the day has gotten to us when a slave has such a day and snaps at you should you punish her/him or let it slide?
When those moments happen, Master sits me down, asks me what's going on. Which is neither letting it go or being punished, it's addressing the issue.

Personally, if I was with someone that punished me for being overwhelmed by life, I'd walk.

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 8:50:56 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Everything is a choice, even someones behavior on a "bad day". A leader/ruler/trainer must present a constant and stable environment in which the rules are obeyed . . . otherwise they aren't rules, they are whims.

However, the rules can allow for variations . . . like using different protocols in public or at home . . . or even allowing for "bad behavior" on Wednesdays.


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I give good thread.

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 8:54:00 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Everything is a choice, even someones behavior on a "bad day". A leader/ruler/trainer must present a constant and stable environment in which the rules are obeyed . . . otherwise they aren't rules, they are whims.

However, the rules can allow for variations . . . like using different protocols in public or at home . . . or even allowing for "bad behavior" on Wednesdays.


But...its only Monday. What should I do between now and Wednesday? Please, I need a mentor here.

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 8:57:36 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Everything is a choice, even someones behavior on a "bad day". A leader/ruler/trainer must present a constant and stable environment in which the rules are obeyed . . . otherwise they aren't rules, they are whims.

However, the rules can allow for variations . . . like using different protocols in public or at home . . . or even allowing for "bad behavior" on Wednesdays.


But...its only Monday. What should I do between now and Wednesday? Please, I need a mentor here.


ANd a mighty fine MEntor he is......

Babygirl Lushy lubs me some Daddy Kalon!

_____________________________

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 9:04:14 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
But...its only Monday. What should I do between now and Wednesday? Please, I need a mentor here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
ANd a mighty fine MEntor he is......

Babygirl Lushy lubs me some Daddy Kalon!

Love you too. Both of you are pretty feisty . . . you and the OP might benefit from something a friend of mine did. He periodically issued a “get out of jail free” card that his sub could cash in to avoid a punishment. I don’t recall if it was weekly or monthly. Perhaps we need a daily version?


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: When punishing are there times when u should let it... - 2/1/2010 9:14:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just a quick reply.

One of the silliest things that comes across in the 'punish because it didn't get done' is the person in authority not looking at the surrounding circumstances.  Did it not get done because of the situation or because of willful disobedience?  Was the task possible when considered with everything else?  Were the instructions clear with the priorities in place?  Is there an underlying factor that you are not looking at?  Will the punishment really change the behavior next time?

Also, I'm kind of curious about this "principle" that you're asking about.  In My opinion, if you have to prove that you're in charge, you're probably not.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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