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Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:20:38 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		I am still being trained and violated some rules today. Well basically all day, I seemed to be off today and was disrespectful and disobedient at times. My question is my Master has decided at the times I disobeyed and told me each time I disobeyed that the punishment would be allowing others to view me being spanked later on tonight via the web, no less I think I am up to 200 by now .... Do you think its fair?
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:22:46 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Far be it from me to pass judgment on whether a punishment is fair or not, in a relationship that you understand far better than I.

However, I will comment that if he counted 200 separate infractions, and you obviously think that something is unfair, there are problems.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:27:28 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for your post.... They were not 200 separate infractions. Rather we have a set amount... For example. I lied today which consist of 50 times, failing to address him correctly is 10 and forgetting to dress appropriately is 10 and so forth. I know I was wrong today and definitely can judge on my own if it is fair in my relationship was just trying to get the take on it from other subs/slaves. Just an off day for me but tomorrow will be a better day

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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:44:30 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not sure which part of the situation you want feedback on the fairness of. Being punished? Being punished for what you feel is simply an "off day"? Being punished on webcam? The 200?

I'm also not sure why it matters whether I think it's fair or not.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:48:00 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		I guess I look like a whinning cry baby.... sorry everyone

(in reply to lucylucy)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:51:33 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Is he okay with a situation where it seems more than likely that multiple daily infractions will need to be dealt with? If he enjoys dealing with these errors because it creates a moment of dynamic-exertion, then the issue seems okay in that respect.

Now, "is it fair" is an empty question. Is it something you feel is acceptable to you in the relationship you're in? Is it something you agreed to undergo?


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:56:11 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		He is fine with it. Our relationship is great. I am still training and learning and read on the internet that punishment should be immediate if able and we were able to today but he has decided to wait. Like I said just whinning I guess and feeling off today for no reason, just one of those days but I am fully prepared to take the punishment and know I was wrong today and feel remorseful.

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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:58:29 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Don't worry about the "whining crybaby" thing. I've been there.

I read your profile and get the impression you are very new to this and very unsure of yourself. I had to go through some whiny patches before I understood what NihilusZero says:

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


Now, "is it fair" is an empty question. Is it something you feel is acceptable to you in the relationship you're in? Is it something you agreed to undergo?


"Is it fair" doesn't matter because it doesn't mean anything without context. The context is what you and your partner have agreed upon. When I was very, very new to all this, my understanding of what I'd agreed to sometimes wasn't complete and I didn't realize that until something happened that forced me to realize that I didn't get it. Then my owner and I talked.

Good luck, and be patient with yourself while you learn how to please your partner and reconcile all that's confused inside yourself.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to NihilusZero)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:59:46 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for the encouraging words.

(in reply to lucylucy)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 8:59:48 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Exploratorynfun

He is fine with it. Our relationship is great. I am still training and learning and read on the internet that punishment should be immediate if able and we were able to today but he has decided to wait. Like I said just whinning I guess and feeling off today for no reason, just one of those days but I am fully prepared to take the punishment and know I was wrong today and feel remorseful.


You read on the internet that punishment should be immediate? You know, there are no rules to this, just the rules you make yourself. Also, 200 infractions? Girl, what on earth did you do?

I cannot even imagine having that many infractions.

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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:02:25 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		oh girl.... I was totally off today, its not 200 separate infractions. For example failure to address properly gets me 10 spankings using the hand, paddle etc. I chose to lie to Him today even tho He caught me lying and gave me the chance to be honest and I didn't knowing the consequences of 50 for lying so I continued to lie anyway. So like I said was a really off day for me... ugh

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:05:21 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yikes, I hope it all works out the way you want.

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:06:13 PM   
Exploratorynfun


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks appreciate it

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:13:07 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		As long as you are okay with the dynamics of your relationship, it doesn't matter what we think.  If I were doing that many things wrong in one day, I would stop and examine my motivations and find out why I could not or would not obey. 

For me, having a specific set of punishments would tell me that he expected me to fail.  For others, having a specific set of punishments is a comfort, because they know exactly what to expect.  Examine how you feel about it.  Are you resentful because you think he expects you to fail, or are you disobeying because you think the punishments aren't that bad (taken individually) and so it's no big deal.  I'm not saying these are the only options, just some things to consider.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:17:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Exploratorynfun

I am still being trained and violated some rules today. Well basically all day, I seemed to be off today and was disrespectful and disobedient at times. My question is my Master has decided at the times I disobeyed and told me each time I disobeyed that the punishment would be allowing others to view me being spanked later on tonight via the web, no less I think I am up to 200 by now .... Do you think its fair?


The concept of "fair" gets thrown out the window a lot in power dynamic because it is, by it's nature, inequal in power. All that I really can do is ask if you are comfortable with having your punishment put on the internet and if you and your master have considered the possible long-term ramifications of such. It's easy to record, after all, and such things could come back to haunt you.

Beyond that... I'm somewhat interested in how you managed to lie to your owner 50 times in one day, unless I read your post wrong.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:23:19 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Exploratorynfun

I didn't knowing the consequences of 50 for lying so I continued to lie anyway.


At your age, you should already know the consequences of lying, and I'm not talking about a paddling.  Lying is done for one or more of the following reasons:  self-protection (including trying to get out of trouble, lying to ourselves in order to sleep at night, to avoid embarrassment, to avoid conflict, etc.), to make yourself more important/interesting/whatever, greed, lazyness, etc.

What are the real consequences?  People start to not trust you, because your word is no good, and they cannot depend on you.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 1/31/2010 9:28:25 PM   
winterrose77


Posts: 114
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		Your Dom (and yourself) needs to know your body and how much punishment you can take without it crossing the line.  Different subs have different body types and different amounts of sensitivity and  from spanking to physical abuse.  If he's going to give you 200 light swats with a feather duster or his bare hand being gentle, sounds great!  But if he's planning on using a crop or flogger or anything else, you might need to use your safeword way earlier than you would like, or else be left with really bad injuries that overstep the lines of safe, sane, and consensual.

This is one of those circumstances in which associative rules can't necessarily be kept in place.  Sure, the general rule might be 10 lashes per infraction, but if that adds up to a lack of safety, some other kind of rule must be put in place to maintain the sanity of the relationship and still equal out to an adequate punishment.  For instance, if the infractions add up to more than 80 lashes, you get those 80 and then have to sleep tied, while kneeling upright, to a wall (which is highly uncomfortable and will leave you sore and sorry in the morning, but will ease off with enough stretching and general good self-care so that you can service your Master well later that night ;) ). 

Best of luck, and be sure that you always have open communication with your Dom.  There should really never be any questions of whether a punishment is fair or safe; make sure everything is taken care of beforehand and you can just trust in your Dom to always do what's best for you both.

Or, better yet, just be good and never get punished.  ;)  But that'd get boring, wouldn't it?

(in reply to Exploratorynfun)
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RE: Fair Punishment - 2/1/2010 4:29:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Have you agreed to having your naked pictures spread all over the net?
Because anybody who sees this can save the pictures and send them to any place they want. Including your mother's email. Or your boss.

Have you even met this twit in real life?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Fair Punishment - 2/1/2010 7:44:19 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Exploratorynfun

I am still being trained and violated some rules today. Well basically all day, I seemed to be off today and was disrespectful and disobedient at times. My question is my Master has decided at the times I disobeyed and told me each time I disobeyed that the punishment would be allowing others to view me being spanked later on tonight via the web, no less I think I am up to 200 by now .... Do you think its fair?
And did he set up a system to help avoid those infractions in the future? Or is he just punishing without providing tools for correction?

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Fair Punishment - 2/1/2010 8:41:51 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like the two of you have set up a brat/funishment dynamic, where he *wants* you to do things in order for him to find punishments for you. Some people really like that kind of play, and there's nothing wrong with it as long as both people are on the same page. I have a hard time believing you could truly forget about his expectations, or that you genuinely don't know that lying is wrong. If I were behaving that way, my Master would dump my ass - heck, I don't think even a vanilla guy or a submissive man would want someone who regularly lied to him and passive-aggressively "forgot" things that were important.

winterrose, I've had over 200 strokes in a lot of scenes (most notably double-caning). The tool doesn't so much matter, or the number of hits, as much as the force used, easing into it with a warmup vs. going all out, and other factors.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 2/1/2010 8:44:35 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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