New and a bit confused

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Ginny123 -> New and a bit confused (2/1/2010 12:29:02 PM)
Hello everyone/anyone who's reading this ! I'm new to this site and came here hoping to meet a few like minded people and maybe with a tiny hope that I might meet a compatible dominant female . I just had the most strange experience on here , I made contact with someone who I initially thought seemed amazing . She seemed very keen to meet me and she also had a domme friend who she said would be involved too ...nice or so I thought . Anyway after getting to know them both a bit better I found the chemistry ( sadly ) wasn't really there for me despite this Mistress being into very similar things to me . I messaged the other domme to ask her what she thought I ought to do and she said that chemistry between a Domme and a submissive was a bad thing and just confuses things . So to anyone out there who has any experience of this , is this really true ? As a sub should you be more concerned about service than chemistry ? Personally I feel that I could only be submissive to someone I do have a certain chemistry These dommes have told me that I'm very wrong about this and that if I am attracted to someone it is bound to cause problems . This is all new to me . I have only ever felt submissive to people I do feel attracted too in some way . Is this where I'm going wrong ? If I'm not supposed to feel attracted to my Domme ? Best wishes ginny ( confused )

Jeffff -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/1/2010 12:31:11 PM)
You should do what you feel is right. Is chemistry important in any other relationship you have? Don't make this harder or more special than it is. And welcome

sexyred1 -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/1/2010 12:36:44 PM)
Welcome. Don't listen to anyone but yourself. No one can tell you how to feel. I have to be attracted to a male Dom in order to feel submissive because for me, it is sexual. If someone is strictly service oriented, then perhaps it might not matter to them. Be true to your own desires and do not let anyone change what you want.

UniqueRaven -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/1/2010 12:42:21 PM)
Welcome, Ginny123! There are many threads on the boards about "inspired" submission that you might find interesting to read as you consider things. The "search" button in the upper right can help you, and here's a recent one that i thought of when i read your post: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2923999/mpage_1/tm.htm The questions that you ask are questions that many people ask, and not everyone agrees. My suggestion is to begin to decide what works best for you and your needs, and then meet up with Dommes whose needs compliment yours. Good luck to you. [:)]

Ginny123 -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/1/2010 1:05:02 PM)
Thanks for the welcome and comments , and the link to inspired submission very relevant and incisive . I feel a bit better about this now

heartcream -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/1/2010 2:21:59 PM)
Welcome! Have fun!

Freakgirl4 -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 2:03:05 AM)
[sm=welcome.gif]

choccywoc -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 5:57:57 AM)
Of course, you must do what you feel is right, but when someone is beating your ass off, perhaps chemistry won't mean quite so much.

Ginny123 -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 7:21:33 AM)
Why does it say I'm vanilla and how do I change that , I'm pretty sure thats not an accurate description of me ? Thanks for the other welcomes !

sunshinemiss -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 7:24:33 AM)
Were they pro dommes and looking for business? Vanilla Cone - it's about the number of posts. It changes as your numbers go up.

mnottertail -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 7:24:47 AM)
common question, click on the gold sigline in my post

Jeffff -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 7:26:40 AM)
That's Ron... he is helpful AND MODERATE!!!!!! Jeff (somewhat less helpful)

Ginny123 -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 8:25:16 AM)
Re sunshinemiss question ; they were both pro dommes , one said she was looking for a 24/7 live in . I wasn't asked for money initially but after about a week I did get asked if I could afford to rent somewhere for her to live , although to be fair when I said I didn't have much money she said it made no difference . The whole experience was completely strange , I initiated contact and within a few messages domme no 1 said she would take me on and with her domme friend begin my training . For about a week I was in a deeply rapturous state , but as we communicated I felt more and more doubts growing . I found her messages very basic and for me , ( maybe I'm quite naive here but I only joined Collar me about 12 days ago ) I felt considering I was going through such a hugely powerful emotionally charged situation the one or two sentences she grunted back at me wasn't enough . Plus , and I know this maybe shallow but as I got to see more photos I found her very unattractive , and this is when her Domme friend ( no 2.. ) said I needed to forget all about chemistry and told me it didn't matter .Even shallower and maybe completely paranoiically ( is that even a word ?) the images in the background showed their homes to be very basic maybe I'm a snob but I'm relatively successful in my career and I did wonder if they saw me as a possible meal ticket , I know this may sound bad , but I did have these doubts . Part of me still feels like going to see them and I do still wonder if I just missed out on an amazing experience whilst another part of me feels relieved . Ah well with all my issues I'll soon loose that Vanilla tag !

lizi -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/2/2010 8:59:16 AM)
I feel the same way as you do....for me submission is connected strongly with attraction. Some people will try to convince you of one thing or another but at the heart of BDSM is yourself and what you want from it. No matter if you are sub, slave, or whatever you go into things with your own wants/needs/desires and then proceed from that point. Especially if you are an s type, you have to be very clear with what you want so take a little time and figure it out, it'll come. I didn't know much when I started but I've become much more certain on what I want now. There was a regular poster on here some times ago who had a strictly service and nonsexual relationship with her Dom and she loved it. There are many people who only meet to play and sex is involved or not. Many of us want D/s within the context of a loving relationship including mind blowing sex. It's different for everyone. As Raven pointed out there are quite a few recent threads on this topic and also lots of old ones so you'll have plenty to think about if you feel like hunting them down. There is a search feature at the bottom of this page. Good luck with finding what you want. It takes a while sometimes but is totally worth it. Lurk about here on the forums and you'll find a lot to explore mentally, it helped me a lot when I started out to figure out what I wanted from this.

sirsholly -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/3/2010 1:56:40 AM)
quote: Part of me still feels like going to see them and I do still wonder if I just missed out on an amazing experience whilst another part of me feels relieved . when this is the case...i would always go with the part of you that feels the relief. [sm=welcomewave.gif]

ServeYourMaster1 -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/3/2010 12:36:27 PM)
You did what is right for you so dont doubt yourself. It sounds as if these "pro" Dommes had other goals in mind. Dont worry about a test saying that you are vanilla. You are what you are. Be patient and find the One who completes you.

seekingfdonly -> RE: New and a bit confused (2/3/2010 3:40:31 PM)
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