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fallpickens -> Been there...done that. Where do I go from here? (2/1/2010 6:58:15 PM)
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So I'm 27. I learned about BDSM when I was pretty young all because of the Internet. I had a computer and connection and just stumbled across a few sites with stories, pictures and the like and was drawn directly to it. I found myself on IRC, chatting with folks of all walks of life - the interactions sometimes fantastic, and sometimes strange and uncomfortable. I ventured offline for a while, making connections and engaging in somewhat risky behavior. Luckily, I've emerged unscathed and uninfected. The experiences stick with me, both good and bad.[color="#000000" size="3"][color="#000000" size="3"]
[color="#000000" size="3"]I've had a number of relationships in the past and have mostly been submissive. It feels normal to me, while being dominant feels like playing a role and is somewhat contrived. My current partner, who I love very much, doesn't have any personal consideration when it comes to roles in any sort of lifestyle. She just falls into the stereotypical submissive female role and it works for us. Well, sort of. It can be awkward trying to feel each other out because I think we're constantly shifting our position based on what we think the other wants. Sometimes, she'll take a more dominant role and really surprises me, but if I'm not responding, she'll become reserved, demure, and submissive. On the other hand, if I'm being dominant over her, at times she'll assert herself and take the reigns of our play while I become submissive. It can happen often and can be confusing, I'm sure, for both of us.
I feel like there would be more to the experience - a deeper bond if we would establish roles somehow.[color="#000000" size="3"]So what do we do? We can talk about it I suppose but we don't really just talk openly about things like it. I think my only option might be to feel it out through physical means. It feels strange to not let her in on the deal though.
So that's my reason for being on this board. I'm looking for a way to resolve some issues I have with my current relationship. I need help sorting out my experiences and filing them away for what they're worth. I'll be reading and talking to people when I can to soak up any advice.
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