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Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/2/2010 7:57:29 AM

HisSweetElysium

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From a woman's perspective (or from a mans, as this could work both ways I think) if you are bisexual and in a D/s relationship, how does your bisexuality figure in? I don't think I am bi outright, more like heteroflexible. The relationships I have had with women in the past have been D/s free. If I am with a woman, it is as equals. I don't really have the desire to top a woman, and I definitely don't have the desire to be topped by one. It has come up in the past though, with Doms, and even my Master, about how that would work. Most assume that it would be Master and myself topping a female sub, or Master topping us both, or me subbing to a Domme.

This came up most recently working with a photographer I've been doing fetish modeling for. I mentioned wanting to involve another woman in an upcoming shoot, partly because I think the images would be nice, and partly so I can get some time on the other side of the camera. The photographer asked me a bunch of questions about what I'd be looking for in a fellow model, assuming a D/s dynamic, basically do I want to domme her or be dommed by her. Umm, neither.

This raised the larger question. I guess I'm just curious about how bisexuality/heteroflexible factors in to a hetero based D/s relationship. I like kissing and cuddling with women, they are beautiful and soft in a way men are not, but this isn't really a DEEP NEED in me, it's just nice sometimes and I'm open to it. Sort of like feta on my salad, I like it, but I don't NEED it.

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/2/2010 9:47:14 AM

LillyoftheVally

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I am bisexual, fully fledged 50/50. I have been in poly relationships where I was more sadistic top to the other woman and I have also been submissive to a woman. Its about the character and organic progression rather than assumption based on gender for me. Though I am not totally sure what you are asking here, thats just what I gleaned from your post :)

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/2/2010 9:52:15 AM

HisSweetElysium

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thank you for responding, I probably complicated my question too much. So it sounds like the D/s factor is present in bisexual relationships, but not determined by the persons sex, rather by the dynamic with them as an individual?

That makes sense to me :)

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/2/2010 5:55:03 PM

lovingpet

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That's how it would be for me. How I relate to someone arises rather organically for me and has little to do with gender. I tend to lean more toward topping women and being submissive toward men, but that isn't a hard and fast rule. For the most part, my response is going to be neutral in the first place. Most people just don't strike those chords in me in any way. If I enjoyed a relationship with another female, but there was no power dynamic involved, I would just treat it as an intimate friendship or a vanilla romantic relationship. My partner would probably view both of us as submissive to him, but she only by extension (if that makes any sense). He would not directly demand anything from her. On the other hand, if she were submissive to me, she would automatically be expected to adhere to what my partner required of her. I don't foresee a situation beyond causal play where a woman would be dominant over me, but then it would be as simple as one dominant abiding by the rules the owner set forth. If he doesn't want me marked or scarred, then she would refrain from doing so, just as he would if she had requirements for outside play for her submissive(s). That just seems common courtesy to me.

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/4/2010 6:13:41 PM

alittleevil

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium
From a woman's perspective (or from a mans, as this could work both ways I think) if you are bisexual and in a D/s relationship, how does your bisexuality figure in?

Hello,

It has worked out that i've been either submissive to or on roughly equal ground with the women i've been in relationships/bed with. I am slightly more sexually aggressive with women, but it isn't a D/s feeling, just happy horniness. If i perceive someone as dominant to me, their gender is irrelevant. I can't say what i'd do if someone felt submissive to me, cause i've simply never experienced that.

So, yes, IME, what you say later has been true for me too. :)

quote:

the D/s factor is present in bisexual relationships, but not determined by the persons sex, rather by the dynamic with them as an individual?

Best,
aj

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/4/2010 8:50:04 PM

BeMyProperty

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Not surprising or weird for her to ask which D/s role you'd want.

Anything is possible. Some people (of any gender) are sub to males, Dom to females. Others are Dom to males, sub to females. Or they could switch with one gender, or be vanilla with that gender (seeing them as friends/equals), or treat both genders the same way (sub to both, or Dom to both).

Of course it gets even more complicated because you might like only certain activities or relations with one gender. For example, wanting a live-in with romance and sex, versus just wanting to play at a party.

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/5/2010 9:16:27 PM

AcademyForSlaves

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Hi.

Sounds like you might LIKE women but aren't necessarily sexually attracted to them, and don't care one way or the other if they're involved in your BDSM interests. But maybe I read your post wrong. Either way, do only what you feel good about doing and are comfortable with. Period.

Hope this helps.

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/5/2010 9:32:35 PM

Healed

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(Submissive female here.)

I feel much the same; I am open to some kind of relationship with a woman, but I don't feel any desire for D/s with girls. If we're just talking about penises and vaginas I lean towards the vagina side, and I am constantly checking out females whereas I rarely find men's appearances compelling. Women's bodies are sexy and precious and adorable, and I just want to lick and cuddle them.

But since I have no desire to submit to or dominate a woman, I call myself heterosexual or heteroflexible because kink is way too precious for me to give up, and I can't really picture it entering into a relationship with another girl.

I've explained it to myself thusly: my vanilla side is a raging lesbian whereas my kinky side is fairly heterosexual.

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RE: Bisexuality, heteroflexibilty and submission - 2/6/2010 3:33:44 AM

sunshinemiss

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I fall in love with a person. I generally don't quibble about the gender. And then I'm with that person. I don't really mix and match any more. Makes my life wayyyyy simpler.

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