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What to do now? - 2/2/2010 4:49:01 PM

brighton

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/2/2010
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Hello everyone, I am currenly trying a full time D/s relationship with my wife. She has been filling the Dominatn roll for several months now and keeps getting more and more in to it. I am kept in chasity most of the time, clean the house, do the shopping, and please my Mistress whenever she asks.

I want to try more new things for her, but since we are both new to this kind of thing I am not sure what to do next. I want to keep things fresh and exciting for her and to let her enjoy this type of relationship as much as possiable.

Any advise or ideas would be much appreciated.

Thanks

Post #: 1

RE: What to do now? - 2/2/2010 4:58:03 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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There are many things that can be done to keep this relationship fresh and exciting. Since she is defining herself as the leader in your relationship, it would help for you to find out what she enjoys. Ask her if there are any fantasies that she would like to explore. Offer to purchase some books on the basics of D/s lifestyles (a good book list is available in another thread). Find out if there are any areas in which she'd like to explore but is restraining from doing such due to lack of experience, if so, find some seminars/demos in your location covering those topics.

Most importantly, continue to keep your lines of communication open. The both of you seem to be doing well since she is becoming more and more involved.

Enjoy the exploration and have fun.

ETA: Don't forget to pamper your Mistress. Volunteer to run her a bath and set up the candles, the bath salts, and tend to her lovingly. Be sure to have the big, soft towel to gently dry her, and a nice robe for her to slip into. Afterward, have some body oils warmed up and give her a relaxing massage. Alternatively, offer to give her a pedicure (be sure to read up on how to do this before volunteering - it can be painful in the wrong hands!).

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 2/2/2010 5:02:19 PM >

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Post #: 2

RE: What to do now? - 2/2/2010 6:14:42 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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This is what can happen if you try to convert a 'nilla. Its only been a matter of months, and already you're finding out the hard way that while it may be fun and amusing for her, she's just not feelin' it like you do. She's humoring you because she presumably loves you and wants you to be happy. So that's very sweet of her. If she really is getting into it like you say, then I suggest asking her.

We here can suggest things up the yin- but we're strangers to her, so we don't know her preferences. There's no way for me to know if she might like something that I'd suggest, or if it would instead gross her out or piss her off.

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RE: What to do now? - 2/2/2010 6:18:56 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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From: Portland Metro, Oregon
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I didn't see where he said he converted her. For all we know it could have been her idea and she converted him and he's simply enjoying it. Even if he did convert her, if she is enjoying the role of dominant I think its nice that he wants to do more for HER to keep her enjoying the new dynamic.

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RE: What to do now? - 2/2/2010 8:15:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I'm going to be very honest with you. I never fully understand the concept of Dominants that run out of ideas. Kinky people, almost by nature, tend to be very creative folks. Heck, I can't walk into the grocery or the hardware store without thinking up new ideas for play.

If she (that's very important, btw) is looking for inspiration, there are a number of ways to go about that:

Reading - This can be either fiction or non fiction. If she's interested in learning more about play or dynamics, the non fiction is the way to go. Books such as "The Loving Dominant", "Screw The Roses (Send Me The Thorns)", and "The New Topping Book" all have informative, as well as creative sections. If she likes erotica to get her creative juices flowing, get her some books for that.

Socialization - Many Dominants get ideas just from talking with other Dominants. Is she interested in going to munches and/or play parties? There are a lot of folks who get inspired by other people. Talking with others or watching other people play can do this.

Education - Is she interested in learning something new? Why not look to groups in your area that offer demos? It might be something new that excites her that she will want to try.

Communication - Does she have an account here? This would be a good place for her to talk with other Dominant women who might be able to encourage her in new directions. Just take a look around the boards. A lot of us around here inspire each other all of the time, or we read an idea that we may want to try out for ourselves.

With all of that said, I'm going to redirect you to the comment I made earlier about if she is interested in more. If it's not what she really wants, none of the above is likely to get you very far.

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Post #: 5

RE: What to do now? - 2/2/2010 11:51:44 PM

GreedyTop

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Have I mentioned, lately, how much I adore you, LadyP?

(warmest regards and hugs to Mr P and clip)

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RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 12:04:36 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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As I adore you.

My best to you and yours.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 7

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 4:47:32 AM

MsMillgrove

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I think the poster's motivation in asking for suggestions was initiative. He was perhaps looking for ways to provide service to his wife/domme that would please her, without her having to ask him. Anticipatory service. I disagree about new dommes always being creative, some don't know what they might like because they haven't tried it.

For myself, if a sub had shown up with a scapel last year and said, "Mistress please cut me." I would have said, "you're kidding, right?" Because it sounded awful to me, I hate blood, I never saw anyone get cut and I couldn't imagine myself doing it. Having been to a demo where I saw how to do this in a safe manner, without a lot of hassle, I was stunned to discover not only can i do it, but I would want to do it.

The poster got some great suggestions for pamper ideas. I hope he returns to let us know, if he tried any of them, or perhaps respond to some of the posts.

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Post #: 8

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 4:55:17 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm going to be very honest with you. I never fully understand the concept of Dominants that run out of ideas. Kinky people, almost by nature, tend to be very creative folks. Heck, I can't walk into the grocery or the hardware store without thinking up new ideas for play.

Contrary to popular belief, not all kinky people are creative. Probably not as many as we think. probably not even most if I base myself on what I've observed.

The creative ones are rather vocal/public and those are the ones who stand out, but we shouldn't assume this of everyone. Some people might be defaulting back to one fantasy and would like to get out of that and explore something else but need ideas.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove
I think the poster's motivation in asking for suggestions was initiative. He was perhaps looking for ways to provide service to his wife/domme that would please her, without her having to ask him. Anticipatory service. I disagree about new dommes always being creative, some don't know what they might like because they haven't tried it.

On this this I concur fully. I think it is absolutely sweet that he came here looking for ideas to please her. If only more boys were this proactive. I hope he comes back to share results with us too!

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/3/2010 4:56:11 AM >

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RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 5:27:02 AM

subrob1967

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Do be careful how you make your suggestions, communication is the key here.

Remember, there's a fine line between making suggestions, and topping from the bottom.

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Post #: 10

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 5:48:16 AM

brighton

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline

Thank you all for your intrest and suggestions. To clear a few things up, i did not try and convert her into this role. We have tried this in the past and both enjoied it, but one of us (or both) would get burned out between work, famliy and social obligations and moving (we moved alot because of my job). We are now settled down and think we found a good balance that works for both of us.

Being creative is not one of my Wife's strong points and She will be the first to admit it. She has read a book or two and was a member of this site a few years ago. i showed Her my account that i created yesterday; She fixed some spelling errors (one of my weak points), and gave me some boundries and instructions for this site. i think She will have her own logon again soon. Joining this site to me was somthing i did for her, i know we will both get somthing out of it that will help our relationship.

Once again thanks for the posts and additional posts / ideas are welcome. i will give feedback once i try some of the ideas.

(in reply to subrob1967)

Post #: 11

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 5:54:40 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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Good luck brighton!

I didn't chime in much on the thread but I see you got good ideas. As for the hustle and bustle of everyday life, if you can swing it, try to get away for a weekend. I'm a big fan of log cabins in the mountains (that way no one can hear him scream ;-) I know it's not always possible because of myriad obligations though, but maybe you can arrange a little downtime/alone time. It will certainly help with the mood!

- LA

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Post #: 12

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 6:39:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If creativity isn't her strong point, an account here for here may bring forth some positive results. You never know what might flash across the screen that would interest her for a try it for yourself at home kind of way. Plus, it potentially gives her a chance to interact with those who write the things out in the first place, asking them questions directly about whatever they wrote. It happens all of the time.

On the subject of creativity, I guess it's My own make up that just naturally sees others that way. Ever watch rope enthusiasts? They come up with some of the most interesting designs.

Of course, it's like anything else. People who are good with numbers and have always been good at numbers tend to assume everyone else is too, because it has always come so easily to them. LOL.

Edited for early morning typos.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 2/3/2010 6:40:28 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 13

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 6:52:55 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If creativity isn't her strong point, an account here for here may bring forth some positive results. You never know what might flash across the screen that would interest her for a try it for yourself at home kind of way. Plus, it potentially gives her a chance to interact with those who write the things out in the first place, asking them questions directly about whatever they wrote. It happens all of the time.

Excellent suggestion.

quote:

On the subject of creativity, I guess it's My own make up that just naturally sees others that way. Ever watch rope enthusiasts? They come up with some of the most interesting designs.

That't the thing, the rope enthusiast absolutely wants to show of their creativity. They are usually very artisitic. I adore the Kinkabu and I've seen photos of rogue rope enthusiasts developing a whole new genre. Amazing! And how do they make their creativity thrive? Well often by "networking" with others. Very rare are the individuals that are creative in a vacuum.

That said, if you look through profile pictures here and profiles, I see very few that are creative, that distinguish themselves from the rest. There are the usual poses, the usual text. Resident Sadist is one of he most creative I've seen. He's brilliant for that. And there are definitely others, but definitely far from the majority. Many just emulate what they think this should be.

quote:

Of course, it's like anything else. People who are good with numbers and have always been good at numbers tend to assume everyone else is too, because it has always come so easily to them. LOL.

True. Though when I do leadership development and managerial training programmes, I put a lot of focus on creative thinking. I realised early on that most have the potential to be creative but a very small percentage tap into it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Post #: 14

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 8:16:51 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

That's the thing. Most people DO have the potential to be creative. They just don't think it's creative because somebody else did it before. Very seriously, most of the stuff that I do when I top, I learned from somebody else. All I did was add My own twist to it.

Anytime I teach someone a play skill, the whole purpose of doing so is for them to be able to run with what they've learned from Me and to make it their own. The point isn't to do it exactly like Me. They take whatever it is, add their own style to it, and viola!

The most rewarding thing that happens any time I do something in a group setting, is for someone to come back to Me after the class is over to tell Me that they took whatever they learned and did it at home. It was a new kind of play for them, they liked it, and had a blast doing it! THAT is the best part of teaching any part of anything that has to do with BDSM.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 15

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 8:26:41 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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That's fabulous LP and I have no doubt that you are a very creative woman :-) And yes, I believe that creativity is contagious. I've helped many unleash creative thinking and it is fulfilling for me too.

So I think we are finding a common ground here that while all kinky people are potentially creative, not all have reached their creative potential.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Post #: 16

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 9:23:25 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think you both need to check your perceptions of what makes a relationship femdom.

If you are feeling burnt out or out of ideas, that might stem from unrealistic expectations of what should be happening in your relationship.

At a minimum all that should be happening here is that she has the authority in the relationship.

Everything else will and should vary by couple and what's going on in the rest of your life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: brighton

Thank you all for your intrest and suggestions. To clear a few things up, i did not try and convert her into this role. We have tried this in the past and both enjoied it, but one of us (or both) would get burned out between work, famliy and social obligations and moving (we moved alot because of my job). We are now settled down and think we found a good balance that works for both of us.

Being creative is not one of my Wife's strong points and She will be the first to admit it. She has read a book or two and was a member of this site a few years ago. i showed Her my account that i created yesterday; She fixed some spelling errors (one of my weak points), and gave me some boundries and instructions for this site. i think She will have her own logon again soon. Joining this site to me was somthing i did for her, i know we will both get somthing out of it that will help our relationship.

Once again thanks for the posts and additional posts / ideas are welcome. i will give feedback once i try some of the ideas.

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RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 9:38:50 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
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From: NYC now!
Status: offline

For play ideas, I'd suggest getting in touch with your local community. I tend to be pretty creative, but that is MUCH more after seeing a demo or two on a subject.... it gets my ideas flowing about all the possibilities of that type of play. So that may be worthwhile to you both.

For pampering ideas, keep your eye out for all the things salons and speciality shops offer around you when driving or shopping. A LOT of these things can be done at home easily and are wonderful sweet from one's partner.

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Post #: 18

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 12:36:43 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
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There are several things you can do that can't possibly get you in trouble. Find out what her favorite meal is. Make it once a month. Find out what her favorite scent is. Body scrubs can easily be made by using either sugar or course salt (think kosher or epsom) depending on preference and oil in her favorite scent. (Look at ready made versions for consistency as they are pretty soaked with oil.) The same oil can be added to unscented bath gel (make 2 call one bath gel and the other bubble bath, if you can find mica add a pinch to the bubble bath, though it's all the same stuff, add a teaspoon of lotion to the bath gel if you can't find mica, to give each a distinctive look) and lotion to have a layering effect and great gift trio or give them to her one at a time to stretch it out. You can find fancy bottles and containers in most craft and dollar stores. If she uses a hand sanitizer gel, you can also make that.
1 c. aloe vera gel (found in any health food store)
1 t. rubbing alcohol (can also use 100 proof vodka)
2 t. glycerin (health food store)
8 drops favorite oil scent
You can get little travel size bottles and place one in each of her purses. Fill them as needed.

< Message edited by Ladynslave -- 2/3/2010 1:36:56 PM >

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Post #: 19

RE: What to do now? - 2/3/2010 2:09:32 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
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Oops, my bad. Apparently pure scented oil will make the sugar and salt scrubs too scented. You can find recipes here http://www.freebeautytips.org/body-scrubs.html. You can also find hundreds of thousands more recipes simply by googling homemade bath products. Make a recipe a week and keep her stocked on her favorites. Most ingredients you can find online or at your local health food store. Watch for allergies though. If she's allergic to avocados say, don't use avocado oil, use apricot oil instead.

< Message edited by Ladynslave -- 2/3/2010 2:21:26 PM >

_____________________________

Women and cats will do what they please. Men and dogs need to relax and get used to the idea.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to brighton)

Post #: 20

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