RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that

RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (Full Version)

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daddysliloneds -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/5/2010 6:12:01 AM)
some people need therapy and some can shake themselves free of the 'victim' mind-set... if it's undermining your relationship then it can be an 'excuse' more than a 'problem' as well... just saying.

Kana -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/5/2010 6:33:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight has major fears about past experiences? With great care

domiguy -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/5/2010 6:40:44 PM)
I explain that I can help them work through all of their problems. I am, afterall, the World's Greatest Dom. You have been raped come to Domiguy. You have experienced abuse in your childhood, come to Domiguy. Thinning hair or unnatural gag reflex? Come to Domiguy. I can cure all of your ills. Why waste time and money on therapy when I can cure all of your pain? I know how woman think, what they need to mend and how to heal their scars. I am the sub whisperer.

Level -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 3:07:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder magic powers?? LOL

sunshinemiss -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 3:26:20 AM)
How do you handle a sub that has major fears about past experiences? Depends on whether the fear impacts upon your relationship. It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person This is not really a problem. Many people are "stuck" ... you might even say "stuck in their ways." and undermines your relationship? That's another issue. Depends on how it undermines the relationship - and how YOU are contributing to that. How do you help her handle her past? Say for example she was molested or raped? What is the best way to handle this in Your eyes? Ask her therapist. The fact that you are asking this in this way shows how very naive and uninformed you are. It is good to know what we don't know. However, while asking a bunch of strangers how to deal with... say.... diabetes... can give you some bits of information, especially from people who have dealt with it, IT DOES NOT REPLACE PROFESSIONAL HELP - for both of you. You would see a doctor about something that effects the physical body so profoundly and regularly, wouldn't you? This is no different. Let me repeat... PROFESSIONAL HELP... Good luck, sunshine

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 4:06:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight i am a sub. I just wanted to know if a Dom had the responsibility to help the sub/slave with anything besides be supportive. A partner has responsibility to be sensitive.

Level -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 4:10:10 AM)
I don't even think they have that, Lilly. It's good if they are, though.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 4:14:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I don't even think they have that, Lilly. It's good if they are, though. I think I probably over simplified, but there is never going to be a rule of thumb, how to act around someone. I was actually having a talk with someone yesterday he was saying how awful it was that his friend wasnt emotional enough about their parents death, that the person made jokes about it, and I tried to impress that different people need different things. Not all people who have been raped need therapy, not all people who have been raped want to talk about it. Dominants don't have to be anything, but a good partner is someone who takes into account the needs of the person they are with [:)]

Level -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 4:19:12 AM)
I agree, good post all around.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/6/2010 12:59:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight No, just wondered if a Dom had anything else to add to help his girl.. The idea or concept that because someone is "dominant" that they have special abilities not attributable to "vanilla" folk is dangerous really. A dominant is nothing more than a man who prefers his relationships to be a certain way. It doesn't mean he is smarter or more capable than the guy next door. So the first thing this hypothetical "dom" should do to help his "girl" is to take himself off that imaginary pedastal.

texangael -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/6/2010 12:59:47 PM)
quote: How do you help her handle her past? Two words: You don't.

Shekicromaster -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/6/2010 4:50:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight has major fears about past experiences? It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person and undermines your relationship? How do you help her handle her past? Say for example she was molested or raped? What is the best way to handle this in Your eyes? people are different individuals, you can note have a single solution that will work for a situation without taking all the different aspects and individual characteristics in consideration. Some people will deal more easilly with such issues than others, some tactics of dealing with it will work for one, not for the other Generally the dom should be able to understand what is going on and not be pushing when he feels that there is a serious issue there. Now more than that depends on his individual skills. However even a professional therapist will probabilly not work with his partner or family members but send them to a colleague. As a partner you have a specific connection, can even be a part of the problem, and certainly can not have the professional distance for that. It can also seriously undermine the relationship either by changing your role to something very different or by making the person attach too much of the feelings and problems to you or whatever.. But than again it is a case to case thing, you never know.

slavefinder30 -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/17/2010 4:27:00 PM)
You've been getting good advice. Take it. Get professional help.

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